Love Letters on Love Flowers—Anyone Who Reads Them Will Cringe
“So this is… the Flower Children Temple?”
While everyone chatted among themselves, they had already arrived near the Flower Children Temple in Wei City.
Shu Fu had originally intended to head straight for Yao City and see what Ling Fengqing was up to. But Ling Fengqing was no pushover like that bunch of useless drunkards from the Qi family. He had eyes and ears everywhere and influence that reached far and wide. If they acted rashly and alerted him, they would only lose more than they gained.
After the four of them discussed the matter—strictly speaking, only Shu Fu and one snake, Jiang Xuesheng, had actually taken part—they decided to visit Wei City’s Flower Children Temple first and make further plans afterward.
Wu Yao had been grabbed by the tail and spun around violently dozens of times by Si Fei. He was now exhausted in both body and spirit, with no strength left to fight back or even argue. His entire body had become a limp strand of scallion-green waterweed, drooping listlessly over the boy’s arm.
“Jiang Tan, you little brat, and you too, little girl… Remember this…”
“Yes, yes, we’ll remember. ‘On such-and-such a day, I asked Third Senior Brother to swing the Lich King around for fun.’ How’s that?”
“…You’d better remember!”
“Just as Wei Tianjiao had said, the Flower Children Temple was bustling with incense and overflowing with worshippers. Its popularity was far beyond that of an ordinary temple.
It was already late in the day. Twilight lay heavy over the land, yet worshippers coming to pray at the temple still arrived in an endless stream. Every one of them was in high spirits, whispering excitedly from time to time:
“Little sister, what have you come to the Flower Children Temple to pray for?”
“My cat hasn’t been eating much lately. It breaks my heart, and I’m afraid he’ll waste away, so I had no choice but to come and pray to the Flower Children. What about you, sister?”
“Me? I’m asking the Flower Children to bless my husband and make him… well, this and that…”
“Oh, you naughty girl! You’re actually bringing something like that to the Flower Children? The Flower Children is still only a child!”
“But he’s a boy too. I’m sure he understands…”
Shu Fu: “…”
Wu Yao: “…”
Wu Yao had finally recovered a little of his energy, but when he heard the bold, gleeful banter of the women beside him, his old face flushed red. He stuffed his head back into Si Fei’s sleeve and shut himself away from the world.
“This Flower Children sure has quite an extensive range of services.”
As a healthy, modern adult in both body and mind, Shu Fu remained perfectly composed. She let the chatter go in one ear and out the other, focusing instead on observing her surroundings.
Several cultivators from the Wei family stood guard outside the temple. After Shu Fu and Si Fei presented the tokens of the Jiuhua Sect, they entered the grounds smoothly along with the crowd.
As the largest temple in the Wei City area, and a sacred site where countless commoners prostrated themselves and prayed for blessings, the Flower Children Temple was magnificent beyond compare. Its vermilion pillars were exquisitely carved, its painted rafters and soaring roofs were richly decorated, and its walls were covered with a series of masterfully painted murals. Every inch of it was splendid and luxurious; it was no less magnificent than the palace of a mortal emperor.
Wei City had always valued simplicity. Only when building the Flower Children Temple or celebrating the Flower Festival did the people abandon their usual restraint and indulge in such extravagant displays—as though these were the most important occasions of their lives.
And the reason for it all was merely an absurd legend:
“If the land uses Jinkela fertilizer, wheat yields eighteen thousand per mu.”
Shu Fu thought to herself that this was simply ridiculous.
In the center of the courtyard before the main hall stood a gigantic flowering tree with luxuriant branches and leaves. The tree was covered in strange, unfamiliar blossoms of every color—red, yellow, green, purple, and white. From a distance, the shifting radiance made it look as though someone had diluted a rainbow and painted it across the branches. It was nothing short of a legendary Mary Sue tree.
Up close, one could see that every flower shimmered with light, its colors constantly changing. It was clearly no ordinary plant of the mortal realm. With the lightest tap of a fingertip, the petals would unfold on their own, revealing lines of glowing text:
“I, Zhang Tieniu, wish to marry Wang Erniu, grow old with her, and be her willing ox, laboring for her without complaint forever…”
So this Mary Sue tree was basically an upgraded confession wall for the cultivation world?!!
Too much. I can’t compete with this.jpg
It was the first time Shu Fu and Si Fei had ever seen such a contraption. They reached up and poked at the branches, opening one dazzling flower after another to examine them.
Every flower bore a signature. Though the names themselves were of little practical value, they offered some information about the temple’s worshippers.
There were ardent confessions from people whose feelings were one-sided, shy and timid words from awkward first loves, agonized pleas from those who had loved and lost, and flowers with twin blossoms symbolizing mutual affection. Some recorded the sweet words exchanged between lovers as they poured out their feelings to each other.
Beside the tree stood a small wooden plaque bearing the words “Love Flowers.” It seemed that each flower could record one person’s love for another.
In this land, famous for producing flowers that brought people together, it was only natural that other extraordinary specialties would emerge as well.
During this process, Wu Yao—the thousand-year-old single wyrm and Lich King—was repeatedly subjected to emotional blows. Hanging limply from Si Fei’s arm, he swayed precariously.
“You two little brats, what are you looking at? What’s so interesting about this? It’s all the same tired clichés, over and over again. Nothing but cringe-worthy nonsense…”
Jiang Xuesheng said leisurely, “Wu Yao, are you secretly wishing that someone would say some of these sweet nothings to you, so the two of you could have a good cringe together? The more unattainable something is, the more determined one becomes to belittle it. Your personality is really rather easy to read.”
Wu Yao flew into an embarrassed rage. “So what if I am? Don’t act like you have anyone!”
“Heh.”
Jiang Xuesheng gave a noncommittal little laugh. He poked the upper half of his body out from Shu Fu’s sleeve, brought his head close to one of the Love Flowers, and deliberately read the words on it in a theatrically lilting voice:
“‘I wish that, from now on, I could gaze at the moonlight with you every night, leaning against each other until dawn. I wish that, from now on, I could wake up face-to-face with you every morning, opening my eyes to see your beautiful face. I wish to spend every day and night with you, remaining by your side morning and evening.’… Fu’er, what do you think?”
“Stop wishing. Isn’t that more or less how things are already?”
That level of saccharine romance was far too low for Shu Fu to react to. Her face remained expressionless.
“After all, I often meditate through the night until I fall asleep. When I wake up, I see your face. Haven’t the thousand-odd days and nights on Yaoguang Peak all been like that?”
Si Fei raised his hand to interject. “Me too. I can testify that Master, Junior Sister, and I spend our days like that.”
Jiang Xuesheng turned to Wu Yao. “See? I really do have someone like that by my side. Of course, I’m not talking about Si Fei.”
Si Fei: “???”
Wu Yao: “You call that counting?!”
Utterly unconvinced, he immediately lifted his snake head in indignation and nudged open another Love Flower with his forehead.
“Jiang Tan, the only reason you can swagger around like this is that the little girl indulges you and is willing to play along with your pointless antics. If only she were willing to play along with me too…”
Before he could finish, a line of peach-red characters slowly floated before his eyes, like the seductive lips of a woman:
“‘I offer myself to you as your bedmate, my dear Xiao. Let us journey together to Wushan and delight in the pleasures of passion, enjoying the bliss of fish and water. Let us tumble together day and night, turning and twisting in one another’s arms…’”
“…………………”
Wu Yao said nothing. He bit the flower off in one gulp, chewed it hastily a couple of times, then threw back his head and swallowed the entire blossom almost without chewing.
"This—this love poem flower is utterly absurd. It's not even worth reading."
He tried his hardest to keep his tone steady, but a strange tremor still slipped into the end of his words. "You all wait here, this sovereign will... will pick another one."
"......"
Shu Fu, who had already caught every line written on the flower by leaning over his head, honestly struck a knife into the wound. "Sorry, Lich King. I truly can't go along with such bold, unbridled words."
"......Which woman on earth wrote such wanton lines on a flower!!!"
Jiang Xuesheng: "Pfft."
"Jiang Tan, what are you laughing at?! You just drew a more elegant line, does that make you a refined person yourself? As soon as I swap for another flower..."
Wu Yao thought that no matter how lively the folk customs in Wei City were, there couldn't be too many women this bold and unrestrained. He held his breath, closed his eyes, and nudged open another flower with his snout.
As the petals unfurled slowly, the human and the two snakes all craned their necks to lean in, only Si Fei was still confused, having no idea what their earlier argument was about. "The joy of cloud and rain? The bliss of fish and water? Fish swimming in the water, morning clouds over evening rain—those all sound like very happy things. What's the problem here?"
Jiang Xuesheng: "It's not all that strange, just the common instinct of all beasts. But the look on Wu Yao's face when he talks about it is always exceptionally funny."
Wu Yao: "Why must this sovereign be laughed at by you?! Just you wait, this time this sovereign will definitely..."
Then his voice cut off abruptly.
Shu Fu leaned in for a closer look, and saw the words written on the flower:
"A-Ning treats me with a love as deep as the sea, how could I ever fail to live up to such a beautiful lady's devotion? I shall compose a poem to express my humble feelings: A pair of mandarin ducks intertwine their necks to play in the water, two phoenixes press their heads together to thread through the blossoms. Her willow waist softens in the thick spring breeze, her cherry lips part in faint gasps. Her starry eyes blur, fine beads of sweat slide down her scented jade skin......"
"........................"
Wu Yao didn't say a word. He silently opened his snake jaws as wide as he could, trying to bite the whole flower off and swallow it to destroy all evidence.
But just before he did, he caught the signature at the end of this shameless, lewd verse, and his snake pupils shrank to a thin line.
".........Xiao Hanyi?"
"What?"
Shu Fu was busy holding back her laughter, and froze when she heard that name. "I feel like I've heard that name somewhere before."
"Of course you have, and it was from Wu Yao's own mouth."
For some reason, Jiang Xuesheng, who had been acting all playful a second ago, suddenly lowered his voice. His upper coiled around Shu Fu's finger, and he raised his tail to flick Wu Yao on the top of his head.
"Lich King, snap out of it! This is not the time for you to dwell on old memories. That disaster Xiao Hanyi has shown up, the women of Wei City are definitely going to suffer. They are all waiting for you to save them."
Shu Fu and Si Fei exchanged a glance, both of them a little confused about why Jiang Xuesheng said that.
Shu Fu was the first to piece it together. "Right, 'Xiao' is the clan surname of the Heavenly Fox Tribe of Qingqiu. A year ago, the former Heavenly Demon King abdicated, and his second daughter Xiao Tieyi took the throne. Xiao Tieyi, Xiao Hanyi... the Heavenly Fox of Qingqiu... oh."
Jiang Xuesheng glanced at her with a teasing smirk. "You remember now? That's right. Xiao Hanyi is the eldest son of the previous Heavenly Demon King, the biological older brother of the current Demon King, a notorious playboy who roams the world and leaves a trail of broken hearts everywhere. He is the most useless good-for-nothing in the entire Heavenly Fox Tribe."
A playboy.
A male fox who flirts with everyone but never commits.
The number of women he has chased could line up three full circles around Yaoguang Peak.
And more importantly, he was the very man who stole Wu Yao's second Dao companion away.
In other words—Xiao Hanyi is the man who put the green, green hat of cuckoldry on the Lich King's head!
Holy hell, this is a deep, deep grudge of a sea of green that stretches as far as the Hulunbuir grasslands!!!
"Judging by how steamy these lines are, the Dao companion Wu Yao once held so carefully in his palms has long since been tossed to some forgotten corner by Xiao Hanyi. Given how quickly Xiao Hanyi gets tired of new lovers and abandons the old ones, it's surprising he's stayed with her this long. I really thought he'd changed his ways."
Jiang Xuesheng commented coldly. Though his earlier jokes with Wu Yao were half playful, this remark was full of unmasked sarcasm.
"A-Ning, A-Ning... what a sweet 'A-Ning'. I think I can guess exactly who that is. Rumor says Xiao Hanyi was too much of a heartless scoundrel, and finally got himself into trouble two years ago. He was hunted down by more than a dozen of his ex-lovers working together, then kicked out of the clan by his own little sister. He had no choice but to seek shelter among the demonic cultivators. Looks like those rumors weren't even exaggerating him."
Shu Fu: "......"
What a ridiculously stupid reason to turn to the path of demonic cultivation. That male fox Xiao Hanyi is even more of a shameless hussy than Ellie from *Home with Kids*.
As for that "A-Ning", Shu Fu had a pretty good idea of who she was too.
Since Jiang Xuesheng mentioned demonic cultivators, paired with this over-the-top, steamy writing style, if her guess was right, that woman must be the fifth-ranked of the Seven Great Demons, Demon Lord Ninglu.
No one knows Demon Lord Ninglu's real name. She is best known for her dual-cultivation charm arts, which are somewhat similar to Wu Yao's techniques, but she is nowhere near as loyal and devoted as him. Legend says she has three thousand male pets under her command—humans, demons, ghosts, spirits, every kind you can imagine. She indulges herself in pleasure every single night, enjoying the most stunning beauties in the world, living a life even more lavish than the gods.
Looks like the one who practically threw herself into Xiao Hanyi's arms wasn't Demon Lord Ninglu at all. That flirtatious male fox was the one who threw himself at her.
As for leaving their real names on these love poem flowers, it's probably just a silly, arrogant little trick the two of them (and yes, calling them a pair of dogs is technically accurate, since foxes are part of the canine family) use to tease the righteous cultivators for fun.
After all, no decent righteous cultivator would ever be bored enough to flip through this weird "love confession wall".
But come to think of it...
"We just flipped through a random love confession wall and found the smutty little notebook of a Demon Lord and her lover. What kind of absurd luck is that?"
Faced with this intelligence she had stumbled upon without even trying, Shu Fu leaned back in astonishment, completely dumbfounded.
Meanwhile, the three men beside her all had completely different reactions.
Wu Yao: "......This sovereign is going to kill him! This time, this sovereign will definitely take that scoundrel's life!!!"
Jiang Xuesheng: "Fu'er, prepare more Qingxin Pills. Demon Lord Ninglu and Xiao Hanyi aren't that hard to deal with, but anywhere they appear, even a single drop of rain could be laced with an aphrodisiac. If you get hit by it, it'll be a real hassle to dispel."
Si Fei: "Senior sister, what's a smutty little notebook?"
Shu Fu: "Uh......"
Si Fei: "Master, what's an aphrodisiac?"
Jiang Xuesheng: "Um......"
Time to play dumb.jpg
