You Want It All, I've Got It All
If someone had peeked through the bedroom door of Jiang Xuesheng and Shu Fu that night, they would have seen the room lit up bright as day, with the thin, silky brocade quilt on the bed heaped high and shifting nonstop, looking for all the world like the classic scene of "red waves rippling beneath the covers".
But tucked under that brocade quilt, Shu Fu was sprawled on the bed, fully focused and brimming with excitement, staring intently at her luminous watch...
No, wait, she was flipping through the Illustrated Catalog of Famous Cats of the Cultivation Realm.
Even though she thought Jiang Xuesheng had gone completely crazy, it didn't matter if he was crazy or not, or how crazy he got. Free cat-related material handed right to her? There was no way she was going to turn that down.
She hadn't expected much at first, but once she started reading, she was genuinely taken aback.
It wasn't that the cats of the cultivation realm were too bizarre. After all, no matter how much they varied, they were still cats at heart—all with cat heads and cat faces, every bit the spitting image of cat breeds from the real world.
What really surprised her was the names they had given these cats.
Take the most popular long-haired cats, for example. They were all fluffy bundles of fur, the small ones light enough to cradle in the palm of your hand, and the biggest ones standing roughly half a person tall, with every coat color imaginable. In the real world, these would be Maine Coons, Norwegian Forest Cats, Chinchillas, and Linqing Lion Cats, and so on.
Among them, the ones with striking sapphire-blue eyes, soft pink noses, and a distinct eight-shaped patch of color on their faces, looking especially delicate and sweet, were the world-famous Ragdoll cats. More specifically, in the real world, these cats are clearly and straightforwardly categorized as "blue bicolor Ragdolls" or "seal bicolor Ragdolls".
But in the cultivation realm, the way people named cats was nothing short of grandiloquent.
A Ragdoll with a perfectly centered white face, so strikingly beautiful its eyes seemed to hold tender affection, was called "Jade Pool Fairy".
A large Maine Coon, with a majestic appearance but a gentle, friendly temperament, was named "Compassionate Venerable".
If a cat had pure white fur as spotless as Xie Fangnian's, they were named according to their size, with titles like "Merman Weeping Pearls", "Lotus Emerging from Water", "Clear Glow Reflecting Snow", and "Bright Moon Over the Horizon".
As for short-haired cats, there were even more creative naming variations.
Stocky, round-faced, plump cats that looked like British Shorthairs or chubby local orange cats got names like "Mount Tai Pressing Down" and "Thousand-Cat Weight Drop".
Sleek, muscular cats with rock-solid bodies, looking like personal trainers among felines, were dubbed "Swordsman's Journey" and "General's Command".
Cats with tabby patterns were called "Tiger's Roar Rises With the Wind". Those with leopard spots were named "Leopard in the Clouds". Cats with a brilliant full coat of golden fur were called "Robes of Gold Clad the Body". Sleek, glossy all-black cats went by "Journey in Embroidered Clothes at Night". And cats with four snow-white paws could be named "Stepping Through Snow to Seek Plum Blossoms", or "Colored Cloud Covering Snow"—the "colored" part was variable, because cats in the cultivation realm came in every color imaginable, not just dark cloud black, but yellow cloud, red cloud, even green cloud.
Eye colors had their own elaborate naming conventions too. Blue eyes were "Vast Sea Under Clear Sky", green eyes were "Jade Beauty", yellow-brown eyes were "Light Shining Over the Earth", and odd-eyed cats got an even more imposing title: "One Thought Divides Immortal and Demon".
Even the most ordinary local farm cats from the real world got to have awe-inspiring, powerful names here.
What's more, if a single cat has multiple distinct traits, the cultivation world will string all these features together to make a full name, resulting in monikers like "Vast Sea Clear Sky Clouded Leopard General Treading Snow in Search of Plum Blossoms" or "Brilliance Shakes the Earth Compassionate Venerable Tiger's Roar Rises with the Wind". Every cat gets its own one-of-a-kind title, each sounding like its own little story, either romantic, delightfully bizarre (?), or full of wonder.
All in all, it boils down to one simple sentence —
The cultivation world is absolutely badass!
Or rather, the people who come up with names for the feline creatures in the cultivation world are unbelievably, insanely creative!
"This Illustrated Guide to Named Cats is said to be compiled by the founding ancestor of White Deer Mountain, and outsiders are rarely allowed to borrow it," Jiang Xuesheng said, not a little proud as he watched Shu Fu read the book with rapt attention. "Now that Qin Huan is in charge, and I've always had a good relationship with them, I managed to borrow this for a look. Of course, I specifically told them not to lend it to Yuandu."
Shu Fu: "……"
Dude, the two of you are really, really bored.
A man remains a boy at heart no matter how old he gets, even if he isn't a mere mortal — isn't that exactly the line that fits this situation perfectly?
So the next morning, when Shu Fu woke up from her sleep, it came as no surprise that Jiang Xuesheng, who had been sleeping across from her the night before, was gone.
In his place was a ragdoll cat... no, wait, a "Jade Pool Fairy", curled up into a fluffy ball right on her chest, taking up every inch of space in her embrace.
The little female panda cub that Shu Fu had been holding in her arms earlier had been unceremoniously kicked away by the ragdoll cat at some point. Now it could only pitifully cling to her thigh, already plotting to go tattle to its big brother later.
Panda: Wronged little one sucking on its paw.jpg
"……"
Shu Fu was left speechless by the thousand-year-old man's childish antics. She could only reach out and ruffle the top of Jiang Xuesheng's cat head. "Sir, it's time to wake up."
Jiang Xuesheng nudged his cat head closer, his tongue giving her earlobe a quick, soft lick, his voice muffled and groggy with sleep. "Mmm."
Shu Fu: "…… Seriously, have you no sense of shame at all?"
Jiang Xuesheng lifted a paw to wash his face. "What difference does it make if I have shame or not? Either way, my face is always perfectly handsome."
Shu Fu: "……"
……
That day, when they went to visit Xie Fangnian as usual, they found he had still taken his cat form. There was a small low table placed on his bed, and on it sat a bowl of iced sour plum soup served in a fine white porcelain bowl. Glistening, transparent shards of ice bobbed up from the deep purple syrup, looking so refreshing and pleasing to the eye.
Over the past days, Shu Fu had learned from Feng Jinyu that Xie Fangnian was running low on spiritual power. He couldn't maintain his human form for long stretches, and he didn't want to reveal his true Skinny Chirper form, worrying that he would only make people feel sorry for him or fuss over him unnecessarily. So he came up with this clever workaround: taking cat form, which let him save spiritual energy without looking weak in front of others.
Compared to that, Jiang Xuesheng's whole series of silly antics was just him being a total tease.
Even so, when Shu Fu saw Xie Fangnian lapping at his sour plum soup in tiny, delicate sips, his big tail swaying back and forth like a fluffy reed in the breeze, a flicker of doubt crossed her mind.
— Is he really not doing this on purpose, just to mess with everyone?
"……"
Xie Fangnian slowly finished his sour plum soup. He lifted his head just in time to catch sight of Shu Fu standing at the doorway, and Jiang Xuesheng perched triumphantly on her shoulder, his pointy little cat ears twitching nonstop, looking every bit like a favored evil consort revelling in her power.
Xie Fangnian: "……"
That's quite the impressive act you're pulling there, and you even added so many extra dramatic little details to it.
But he did not fear this in the slightest. After all, "the first person to compare a beauty to a flower is a genius, the second a mediocrity, and the third a fool." He had already claimed the top spot as the first one to turn a beauty into a cat, so no matter how hard Jiang Xuesheng tried to catch up, he could never outdo him when it came to sheer impact.
So what if someone could turn into a cat? So what if they were stunningly beautiful?
If you looked closely, all that was there was a face with a figure-eight marking, a slightly larger build than his, and longer, more slender limbs.
If he felt like it, he could change not just his size and fur color, but even turn his pupils one yellow and one blue, one blue and one green, one red and one purple... When it came to aesthetic taste and creativity, Xie Fangnian was confident he was far above Lord Yinglong.
To be honest, Xie Fangnian never really understood why young girls were so fond of cats.
But no matter the reason, every time he managed to get one over on Jiang Xuesheng, he felt a surge of pure joy, as if he had traveled back to his youthful days.
Jiang Xuesheng did not rise to the competition at all. Instead, he said gently, "Yuandu, the sun is lovely today. Would you like to go out for a walk? The disciples from White Deer Mountain have already arrived. If nothing unexpected comes up, we plan to head back to Nine Huazong soon, to transplant the thousand-year-old spirit tree to Tianxu Peak."
"Tianxu? I thought that was supposed to go to Yaoguang Peak?"
"The sect leader is far more skilled at growing flowers and trees than I am."
Jiang Xuesheng smiled, and the rest of his sentence stayed unspoken in his heart. After all, he was the one who discovered the Fate-Bonding Flower.
Xie Fangnian pondered for a moment and decided it was a fine idea. He had long planned to transplant the phoenix flower somewhere else to cultivate it, as a future physical body for himself.
Seeing that he had no objections, Jiang Xuesheng let out a soft laugh, then turned to Shu Fu and said, "Fuer, take him out to wander around. The atmosphere on Qianqiu Peak is completely new now, it's well worth seeing."
Shu Fu did not think much of it, only surprised by how agreeable Jiang Xuesheng was being. She called Feng Jinyu over, and each of them carried a little cat. They walked along a mountain path lined with blooming flowers, and arrived once again at the now deserted Fengyi Gate, which had been fully transformed into a zoo.
Then, the first thing her eyes fell on was —
Cats.
For some reason, the courtyard right at the entrance of Fengyi Gate was filled to the brim with all kinds of cats.
The Illustrated Guide to Famous Cats she had flipped through together with Jiang Xuesheng the night before had come to life right in front of her, vivid and full of life.
Bai Tian and Handan had arrived earlier than them. Handan was rolling around happily in the sea of flowers and cats, to the point that it was almost impossible to tell her apart from the cats themselves.
Shu Fu stared in shock, "Sir, what is all this..."
"Fuer, you didn't know this, did you?" Jiang Xuesheng proudly flicked his tail — a gesture that reminded him of his dragon form. "Inside White Deer Mountain, disciples are divided into the Twelve Divisions and Seventy-Two Gates based on what kind of spirit beasts they are good at taming. One of these divisions is the Cat Division. Cats, tigers, lions, and leopards all fall under it. I thought you might like them, so I had them move here first."
Qin Huan was overseeing the whole scene with his spirit beasts Little Fang (a Bi Fang) and Little Snow (a snow leopard). When he saw them arrive, he came over to greet them enthusiastically.
"What do you think? The spirit beasts from White Deer Mountain may not be huge in number, but every single one of them was raised with great care. I'd say they don't lose to any other spirit beasts under the sky. Next, we plan to move the Dog Division over too. Along with all kinds of spirit hounds, there will also be some wolves, foxes, and the like."
"..."
Shu Fu closed her eyes and took a deep breath of the air thick with the scent of flowers and cats — don't ask, just accept that all cats in the cultivation immortal realm smell wonderful — then opened her eyes reluctantly and said earnestly, "Sect Leader Qin, have you ever thought about opening a cat cafe right here?"
Qin Huan asked, "A 'cat cafe'?"
Shu Fu pointed at Handan. "It's a place specially made to serve guests like her, and we can empty their purses to cover the relocation and development funds for White Deer Mountain. There's no Lingxiao City here, so we don't have to worry about them coming to siphon off all our profits."
"That sounds absolutely perfect!"
Qin Huan clapped his hands together to seal the deal with her, and the two of them immediately started discussing the details of their new business venture.
"..."
Xie Fangnian stared darkly at the wide variety of cats in all shapes and forms around them, baring a pair of sharp little fangs as he spoke. "Tan Hua, is all of this part of your scheme too?"
Jiang Xuesheng shifted back into human form and squinted in satisfaction. "Of course it is. Did you think I would fall for your trick? If I turned into a cat alone just to follow your lead, that would just be copying you, falling right into your trap, and that would put me far behind. But if I bring a whole crowd of cats here, you lose your unique advantage, and you'll just blend in and become one of the ordinary mass of cats."
"I know you only care for her with the affection of a parent. But no matter what, I want to be the most noticeable one in Fuer's eyes."
Xie Fangnian: "... Is that so? Well, while you've been obsessing over this silly little competition, your little Fuer seems to be having the time of her life playing with the iron-eating panda. Look, the iron-eating panda just lifted her up again."
Jiang Xuesheng: "There's no need to worry. Right after we set up the Cat Division and the Dog Division, I'll get Sect Leader Qin to add the 'Bear Division' to the organization too. Under the Bear Division, there will be a 'Black and White Panda Sect' whose disciples come from the region of Sichuan. Rumor has it every single one of them gets assigned an iron-eating panda the moment they are born."
Xie Fangnian: "There's no way that's possible?!"
