The Doctor Recommended Cutting It Out for a Permanent Cure
As the saying goes, a family should stick together.
Miss Zhong was delicate and soft, so Shu Fu flattened her features with a single punch. Her nose was crooked and her eyes were askew, while her “beauty” had been beaten into a swamp. Song Yayan had sharply defined features and a high nose bridge, so he received even more lavish treatment: a greatsword to the face, followed by another strike to the chest.
Unfortunately, his nose had already been reshaped several times with various spells. It was delicate work, and his nose could not withstand such tremendous pressure. It fractured into countless pieces on the spot, sending nosebleed and some other unidentified liquid cascading down like the waters of the Milky Way, tracing an elegant arc through the air.
Since the scene was rather disgusting, the details will be omitted.
In short, by the time the greatsword and Song Yayan parted ways, his handsome and refined appearance had transformed into something straight out of a horror movie.
There was not much room atop the tree. After being sent flying by the sword, Song Yayan soared into the distance like a kite with its string cut, apparently about to plunge from the treetop.
“Brother Yayan!”
At the critical moment, Zhong Yingcui rose into the air on her sword and barely caught her lover, but she was unable to withstand the lingering force of the blow.
The two clung to each other as they spun and tumbled through the air with their eyes shut, becoming a genuine “rolling couple.”
Clap, clap, clap, clap, clap.
Jiang Xuesheng applauded expressionlessly. “Nice catch.”
His eyes, however, seemed to be saying, “You’re already dead.”
“Oh? Isn’t that Young Master Song?”
Behind the wooden door that had been flung wide open, Shu Fu emerged at a leisurely pace, dragging a greatsword in each hand across the floor with a grating screech. Her posture made her look exactly like a serial killer dragging a pair of chainsaws.
“Look at you, standing right outside the door without saying a word. I thought you were here to steal the kill. I may have hit a little hard—my apologies.”
The corners of Shu Fu’s lips lifted slightly. The cold, stern features of “Shu Daqiang” were like an ice river beginning to thaw, blooming into a warm, gentle smile capable of captivating countless young ladies.
“Young Master Song, as the heir of a great sect, you should understand the principle of accepting defeat gracefully. You wouldn’t happen to be trying to take my spirit pet from me, would you?”
Jiang Xuesheng continued applauding. “As expected of my husband—truly handsome, dashing, and peerlessly skilled!”
“Shut up.”
Xie Fangnian poked his head out from behind Shu Fu’s shoulder and lowered his voice threateningly. “Keep putting on that ridiculous act, and I’ll throw up all over your faces.”
“…”
Jiang Xuesheng closed his mouth with unusual good sense. That threat was simply too terrifying—a thousand points of damage to the enemy at the cost of eighty thousand points to himself.
After Shu Fu sent Song Yayan and Zhong Yingcui flying with a single sword strike, they spun through the air in a full seven-and-a-half somersaults before finally stabilizing themselves. Upon hearing this, both of them were shocked and furious.
“Are you saying that the spirit beast in the treehouse… has already been subdued by you?”
That was Song Yayan.
“How dare you say that! You thief, give me back my spirit pet!”
That was Zhong Yingcui.
“Isn’t it impossible to use flying swords on this tree? Young Master Song, Miss Zhong, how did the two of you manage it?”
That was Qin Huan, who had arrived a step behind them and immediately exposed the crucial point.
Song Yayan and Zhong Yingcui: “…”
Qin Huan did not seem to mind their silence. He continued, “Besides that, there is another matter I would like Young Master Song to explain.”
“Along the way, I have indeed seen countless spirit pets in this secret realm. It seems the Fengyi Sect is truly rich and powerful. Even the centuries-old foundation of White Deer Mountain pales in comparison. It is quite embarrassing, really.”
For some reason, there was not the slightest trace of a smile in Qin Huan’s usually bright, laughing eyes. The boyish spirit in them had been joined by a solemnity that seemed entirely out of place.
“However, the physical condition of these spirit pets seems rather strange. To my eyes, it looks very much as though they have been afflicted by illness or poisoned. I wonder if Young Master Song might…”
“Absolutely impossible.”
Song Yayan had thought he had acted discreetly, never imagining that he would encounter an expert here. His heart gave a violent jolt, but he reacted with remarkable speed and immediately changed the subject.
“Perhaps you have misunderstood the unique environment of this secret realm. More importantly, Fellow Daoist Shu, have you truly subdued the spirit beast in the treehouse?”
He knew perfectly well that although the fat bird was dull-witted, its head was as hard as a stone in a cesspit. It was impervious to both persuasion and coercion, devoted wholeheartedly to the Phoenix clan, and unwilling to form a contract with anyone.
If he had not been holding a “hostage,” even Song Yayan himself would not have been confident that he could tame it.
As for Shu Daqiang, an obscure nobody and a crude sword cultivator who relied on brute strength—where could she possibly have acquired such ability?
However, Shu Fu seemed to have seen straight through his thoughts. With a casual turn of her hand, she produced a snow-white ball of fluff as if by magic.
“Take a look. What do you think this is?”
The Fat Cheep, once as tall as two people, had now become a palm-sized white puff. It lay peacefully in Shu Fu’s hand, its breathing calm and steady, as though it had finally found a long-lost sense of security.
“…”
Song Yayan’s expression darkened, though he forced himself to remain calm. “You certainly have impressive abilities, Fellow Daoist.”
At the same time, he secretly slipped a hand into his sleeve and crushed a pill identical to Zhong Yingcui’s, attempting to activate the curse poison inside the Fat Cheep.
Naturally, it was completely useless.
By this point, even Song Yayan, with all his lack of judgment, could tell that this supposedly “obscure nobody” named Shu Daqiang was no ordinary person.
If he wanted to step on her to climb higher, he would have to watch his footing at every moment and proceed with extreme caution. One careless move, and he might step on his own balls.
Song Yayan’s actual skill was mediocre, but when it came to hypocrisy and theatrics, he was first-rate. Seeing that the situation was unfavorable, he immediately changed his attitude.
“Fellow Daoist Shu is indeed superior. I admit my inferiority. Yingcui is spoiled and willful. If she has offended you in any way, I ask that you be magnanimous and not take it to heart.”
Zhong Yingcui stomped her foot. “Brother Yayan! She was the one bullying me! Why are you apologizing to her?”
“Yingcui, be good.”
Song Yayan coaxed her in a gentle voice. “They were only a few spirit pets. Nothing special. I’ll replace them for you later. Fellow Daoist Shu is our senior, so he must have had his reasons for disciplining you.”
At these words, Shu Fu found herself gaining a bit of respect for this outwardly polished “dashing young master.”
She had seen plenty of scum and human garbage, but a piece of trash this pragmatic and shameless—someone who, after being slapped on the left cheek, would obediently offer up the right—was truly a fighting chicken among garbage. He was worth dealing with for a few more rounds.
Since her opponent was being obedient and sensible, Shu Fu saw no need to kick him while he was down. She nodded solemnly.
“Quite right. Miss Zhong mistreated her spirit pets, so when I saw injustice, I took it upon myself to intervene.”
“I want nothing from her. You may choose any one of the three great sects—the Nine Splendors Sect, the Tianyan Sect, or the Xuanyu Palace—and I will send the spirit beasts there to be fostered for a month. After that, the spirit beasts can decide for themselves whether they wish to return to Miss Zhong’s side. With the three great sects acting as guarantors, surely even the heir of the sect can trust that arrangement?”
Song Yayan: “…”
This was awkward.
Zhong Yingcui was his girlfriend. How could he not know what she was like?
Forget a month—even if they were separated from her for only one minute, every spirit beast would run away without a trace.
Song Yayan had always known about Zhong Yingcui’s hobby of abusing spirit beasts. In his eyes, however, it was merely a young lady’s spoiled, willful behavior—harmless, and even somewhat adorable.
Compared with his fiancée, what were a few spirit pets, anyway?
Just a beast, that was all.
Fortunately, Fengyi Sect had no shortage of anything—least of all beasts.
So long as “she” was around, spirit beasts were like moths flying into a flame, forever hurling themselves into her trap.
Thus, Song Yayan swallowed the tooth and blood that had fallen into his throat, rolled his Adam’s apple, and forced his dislocated features into a smile.
“Daoist Shu is most considerate. Yingcui is indeed young and headstrong; she needs to cultivate her character. I’ll thank you on her behalf.”
The corners of Shu Fu’s eyes curved. “Think nothing of it.”
“…”
Of all those present, Jiang Xuesheng was the most surprised by how Shu Fu had raised her sword high, then lowered it with such restraint against Song Yayan.
He had long since guessed the source of the Gu poison. When Shu Fu suddenly lashed out, he knew she must have obtained conclusive evidence and finally lost patience with Fengyi Sect’s conduct.
But—
With Shu Fu’s temper, how could she possibly stop after striking only once?
She hadn’t smashed the brains of those two into tofu pudding and boiled their marrow down into soup. Jiang Xuesheng was beginning to suspect that she had been possessed.
Shu Fu’s telepathic explanation was brief and to the point:
【You don’t throw stones at a rat when you might break the vase. We’ll talk once we’re out.】
The saying meant, roughly, “I want to punch him into a puddle of meat, but I’m afraid of dirtying the flowers and plants by the roadside.”
In Shu Fu’s case, there was an additional clause:
So I’m going to drag him onto the concrete and beat him there.
The “rat” was naturally Fengyi Sect. But what about the “vase”?
…
Once everyone had left the secret realm, the expressions on Sect Master Song and his wife, as well as those of the entire Fengyi Sect, were ugly enough to be recorded in the annals of painting.
They looked like old cucumbers battered by frost, crawling with mud-colored toads.
Fengyi Sect had gone to great lengths to organize this autumn hunt. Half of it was meant to win people’s favor, while the other half was intended to build up Song Yayan’s reputation and let him shine before everyone.
Although Song Yayan’s cultivation was only at the Foundation Establishment stage—nothing remarkable among the younger generation—if he managed to subdue a Golden Core spirit beast, he would immediately establish himself as a “genius beast tamer.” From then on, he would be able to hold his head high when socializing with the various sects.
Who could have guessed that Shu Daqiang would appear out of nowhere and steal the prize without even breaking a sweat, snatching away the spirit beast they had so carefully prepared?
Speaking of which, who exactly was Shu Daqiang?!
Was there really such a person in the cultivation world???
Shu Fu: Thanks for asking. There is now.
And she was feeling quite pleased with herself. She was considering turning the name into an alternate account.
Poor Sect Master Song had gone to great lengths to arrange a grand celebration banquet for his son in advance. The rare delicacies, immortal wine, and fine spirits were all laid out, and he had even prepared the speech for the occasion.
After Shu Fu muddled everything up, they still had to invite the guests and still had to eat the meal. The only difference was that every member of the Song family looked as though they were mourning a parent, forcing smiles onto their faces. They ate the lavish feast as if they were chewing desiccant.
Judging by their eyes, they seemed eager to serve Shu Fu a bowl brimming with arsenic—without adding a single grain of rice.
Then again, Fengyi Sect might have been useless at everything else, but when it came to the art of shameless endurance, they were truly peerless.
After being attacked right in the face, Sect Master Song was somehow still able to swallow his pride and invite all the guests to “stay at our humble abode for a night and enjoy the scenery of Qixu Mountain.”
Of course, whether Shu Fu would be able to leave afterward with every limb still attached was another matter entirely.
Shu Fu accepted Fengyi Sect’s invitation without hesitation.
But as soon as night fell, she and Jiang Xuesheng left two straw effigies in their guest room, concealed their auras, and quietly slipped into Song Yayan’s residence.
There, on the wall surrounding Young Master Song’s courtyard, they unexpectedly ran into Xie Fangnian, Qin Huan, Bai Tian, and Handan.
As an aside, all three boys had obtained their concealment talismans through Xie Fangnian’s generous sponsorship. If he hadn’t taken the initiative to greet them, even Shu Fu wouldn’t have noticed them.
Although he was only a little kitty, he looked more like a kindergarten teacher taking a group of children on an outing.
Shu Fu: “...Could it be that we’re not here to investigate, but have all arranged a nighttime camping trip together?”
Xie Fangnian ignored her teasing and said calmly, “You know why I’m here.”
Qin Huan was blunt as ever. “You know why I’m here too... What? You don’t? Actually, it’s nothing. I’m just worried about those spirit beasts. I’m afraid Fengyi Sect might mistreat them.”
Bai Tian said, “Qin Daoist is my brother, so naturally I have to stand with him through thick and thin. We’ve only known each other for two days, but can’t people become sworn brothers at first sight? If people can fall in love at first sight, why can’t they swear brotherhood at first sight?”
Handan asked, “Do you think there’ll be more cats to pet in the Young Master’s house?”
“…”
Shu Fu sighed.
“Come on, then. Let’s go on our little outing together.”
…
While keeping watch on Song Yayan, Shu Fu released Fat Cheep, Xie Anzhi, and created a four-person group chat in her mind: Fat Cheep, Jiang Xuesheng, Xie Fangnian, and herself.
Of them, she might have been the only human.
Shu Fu had already heard the story of Xie Anzhi and the Phoenix princess once in the tree house inside the secret realm. After listening to it, she had broken Song Yayan’s nose with a single smack. Later, she had given Jiang Xuesheng a simplified version of the tale, allowing him to share in the same utterly infuriating, mind-blowing experience.
Now, they could finally gather together and curse someone as a group.
Once upon a time, Xie Anzhi had loyally protected his mistress, risking his life to escort Feng Jinyu, the Phoenix clan’s young princess, out of the Demon Realm.
And yet—
And yet, the world was full of fucking “and yets.”
The two little birds had terrible luck. Before they could enjoy even a single peaceful day or make a single proper friend, they encountered Song Yayan, who happened to be traveling outside the sect.
Feng Jinyu was a descendant of the Phoenix clan. Though she was covered in dust and worn down by sorrow, immersed day after day in grief over the deaths of her family and friends, she still possessed a beauty beyond compare.
Song Yayan was an ambitious pheasant—the future number-one phoenix husband in the cultivation world—and he never let any opportunity to escape the chicken coop pass him by. With one glance, he recognized her as the “benefactor” who could change his fate.
Naturally, he took Feng Jinyu in and began pursuing her with great enthusiasm.
Song Yayan and Zhong Yingcui had been childhood sweethearts, growing up together in perfect harmony. Their families had long since arranged a marriage between them, so why had they never announced it publicly?
The answer was simple: because he was pursuing the little princess.
Even more astonishing was that Zhong Yingcui knew about the entire affair.
She knew, and she allowed it to continue. Her boyfriend was tricking another woman out of her money to spend on her, and in the end he would still marry her. What was there not to like?
【At first, the princess and I both believed that Song Yayan was a gentle and considerate man. Although his family... was far beneath the Phoenix clan in status, as long as the princess was happy, I would have sincerely wished them well.】
Xie Anzhi spoke with complete sincerity.
【The Phoenix Lord is very particular about bloodlines, but Mother said that this was never what the ancestors of the Phoenix clan intended. They believed that dragons and phoenixes merely possessed somewhat greater innate talents. There was no need for them to think themselves superior or cut themselves off from mortals... So long as the descendants of the Phoenix clan were happy and safe, that was all they wanted.】
“…”
Jiang Xuesheng remained silent for a long while. When he spoke again, there was a trace of bitter amusement in his voice.
【Indeed. Leaving everyone else aside, Yuandu is exactly that kind of person.】
He spoke of his younger cousin slowly and solemnly, with a seriousness he had never shown before. If Feng Yuandu had heard him, he would have been moved to tears.
He was strict with himself, dared to take responsibility for his actions, and believed he bore the weighty responsibility of the world on his shoulders. He had never slacked off in the slightest, yet he never thought more highly of himself than he ought to. His heir had inherited only his outward form, and had consequently fallen far short of him.
Xie Anzhi said dejectedly, “What a pity. Mother’s summoning failed.”
“Wait.”
Just then, Shu Fu’s pupils suddenly contracted. She raised a hand and made a signal—a ghostly black shadow flitted across the courtyard, its furtive movements unmistakable. It was none other than Song Yayan!
The entire group immediately perked up. Even Bai Tian and Handan, who had been nodding off moments earlier, suddenly seemed to have been injected with chicken blood. They rubbed their hands together and began today’s grand tailing operation.
Song Yayan was nothing more than a country bumpkin, so naturally he could not see through the concealment talismans used by Jiang Xuesheng and Xie Fangnian. Completely unaware that a whole string of people had attached themselves to his trail, he dragged the excursion party along with him, winding through terrace upon terrace and pavilion upon pavilion, past jade-paved paths and ornately carved railings, through a small grove planted with precious timber and a pond filled with lotuses and koi, until they finally arrived at a cavern in the rear mountains of the Fengyi Sect.
The cavern was exceedingly deep. It was dark within, and the path twisted and turned over uneven ground, with no telling how many traps lay hidden along the way.
Before entering, Shu Fu had specifically ordered Bai Tian and Handan, whose hands and feet were not sufficiently careful, to guard the entrance. Then she held her breath and focused her mind, placing each toe down more lightly than the paw pads of a short-legged cat, terrified of making the slightest sound.
However, she soon realized that all her caution had been unnecessary.
For the cavern was filled with every kind of “sound.”
The mournful cries of birds, the howls of beasts, pained whimpers and moans, along with the sounds of claws scratching and bodies slamming against the rock walls…
“……”
Two people, one dragon, a cat, and a Fat Cheep silently exchanged glances in the darkness. The fury in one another’s eyes was plain to see.
Some of it burned hot and fierce; some was cold and still.
But they had one thing in common: a clear thread of murderous intent.
No words were necessary. There could be no doubt.
After the Fengyi Sect captured spirit beasts, before sending them into secret realms or delivering them to the various sects and schools, this cavern served as a “re-education center” where they used parasitic poisons to break and tame them.
Spirit beasts that refused to submit would remain imprisoned here until the day they died.
Deep within the lightless cavern, they heard Song Yayan speak, one word at a time, in a gentle and refined voice:
“Ah, Jinyu. Why must you keep making trouble with me? You know I truly love you.”
“How could I not love you? For your sake, I renovated every inch of the Fengyi Sect. Every blade of grass, every tree, every brick and tile—I changed them all to resemble the places in your memories. I even changed the name of the immortal mountain and the sect, all to ease your homesickness.”
“Qixiu Mountain, the Fengyi Sect—this is your home. Why won’t you settle down here with me? Why must you insist on leaving?”
“Jinyu, I know I was born of humble origins and have achieved little. It’s only natural that you look down on me. But as long as you continue to bleed yourself to lure spirit beasts, the Fengyi Sect can grow stronger and more prosperous…”
“Abuse? Parasitic poison? Nothing of the sort. Those monsters are simply ferocious and difficult to tame, so they require strict discipline. Jinyu, you’re overthinking things.”
“That’s right, I kept you in the dark and never told you I was betrothed. That was my fault. But the commands of one’s parents and the words of the matchmaker—how could I possibly defy them? Even if I marry Yingcui, my heart will still belong only to you. If two people truly love one another for a long time, why should they care about a title?”
……
The stone prison was pitch-black and utterly silent. Song Yayan continued his one-man performance, talking on and on until spittle flew, now pleading softly, now berating Feng Jinyu furiously for being “ambitious beyond his station and cold-hearted,” and for “making trouble with me over a pack of beasts.”
His ability to change faces was worthy of an Oscar. The entire cultivation world owed him a little golden statue.
To his impassioned performance and tearful speech, the person in the stone prison responded with a single soft yet resolute word:
“Get lost.”
“You—you’re telling me to get lost?”
Song Yayan’s expression changed abruptly. His skin, thick as a city wall, twitched slightly. For the first time, he revealed anger at having lost control of the situation.
“Jinyu, this is your fault. When you had no family left and nowhere else to go, it was the Song family that risked taking you in and providing you with food, clothing, and everything you needed. And I loved you with all my heart, holding nothing back. How can you be so heartless? Do you think shedding a little phoenix blood is enough to repay all the love I’ve shown you?”
“At the very least, you owe the Song family a child. Then we can part on good terms…”
He stopped there.
Not because his conscience had awakened, or because he had realized how vile every word he uttered was, or that each breath he took polluted the air.
Rather, he suddenly felt an intense, unbearable pain shoot straight into his head. Like a dam bursting, it swept away his words, thoughts, and reason in an instant, leaving them utterly shattered.
“……”
Stiff with terror, he lowered his head and looked toward the source of the pain.
In the darkness where one ought not to have been able to see one’s own hand, a sinister glint of cold light flashed, like the reflection off the blade of an executioner’s axe.
It was a zither string.
The string had wrapped itself around Song Yayan’s unmentionable parts. The instant he uttered the word “child,” it suddenly tightened, severing his unmentionable appendage at the root. Blood sprayed out like a fountain.
“Ah… ah…”
Song Yayan opened his mouth uselessly, but could only suck in ragged breaths, unable to make a sound.
“Ahhh… ahhhhhhh…!!!”
“You were far too polite to him, Sister.”
A woman’s clear laughter came from behind him. Her voice was as pleasant as heavenly music, bright and lilting with the softness unique to a young girl. Yet to Song Yayan, it was no different from a thunderclap.
Who… who was she…?
Who in the world was this woman?!
How had a complete stranger found this place—and then, with a single move, confiscated his instrument of mischief?!
“You should curse him like this—”
The woman smiled sweetly, her lovely face blooming like a flower, but her words were as sharp as the zither string between her fingers. Every syllable cut him to pieces.
“What the fuck are you talking about, you bastard?”
“Oh, sorry. You don’t even have a dick anymore, so of course you can’t have any balls either.”
“Congratulations on wiping out the whole family. Best of luck—let’s have chicken for dinner tonight.”
