Are You Even Capable?
“...Sir, are you even capable?”
A quarter of an hour later, Shu Fu found herself pinned beneath Jiang Xuesheng’s embrace on the bed. After much careful consideration, this was the first thing she said, in a tone of profound sorrow.
She had imagined every possible outcome, but never this: below the neck, certain things had indeed happened that Jinjiang would never allow to be written about—but things had not yet progressed to the point where they couldn’t be posted even on the paid site.
Before transmigrating, she had at least been a healthy adult woman who freely browsed the uncensored internet. She had absolutely no faith in men’s so-called “abstinence.”
Abstinence, my foot. It was all just foreplay for getting horny!
“Once you get a taste, you can’t stop.” “Cool and aloof before others, pounding away until dawn in private”—she had seen this trope a thousand times!
What was more, Jiang Xuesheng was a dragon.
Folklore said, “Dragons are lustful and mate with anything,” and “Whenever they encounter a female, they must couple.” Countless fantasy and cultivation novels had let their imaginations run wild with that premise, producing endless... content that might get this story targeted if described in detail.
She truly couldn’t understand it. Such a lovely night, such a beautiful scene—the finest inn in Qiwushan, with a mattress so soft it might as well have been memory foam. Such a perfect opportunity—Jiang Xuesheng was jealous over a cat, for heaven’s sake. And after such a... kiss. (Three hundred words omitted.)
And yet he could still hold himself back instead of making a move?!
What possible explanation could there be, other than that he couldn’t perform???
—As it turned out, there was one.
“What did you think I was going to do? Don’t worry. Whether I’m capable or not, I wouldn’t do it here.”
With one hand propping up his temple, Jiang Xuesheng reclined beside her in a graceful pose like a sleeping Buddha statue. The corners of his eyes tilted upward as he looked at her with an amused, half-smiling expression.
At this moment, he had shed his usual flowing robes and wide sleeves, wearing only a plain white inner robe. Its collar hung slightly loose, exposing a sliver of skin even paler than the fabric. He looked especially lean and delicate, like a tall, elegant stalk of green bamboo.
His eyes were half-lidded as he explained at an unhurried pace, “This place is full of all sorts, and it is Fengyi Sect territory. Who knows whether there are hidden mechanisms or traps? What if, at the height of passion, a great mouth suddenly opened in the bed and swallowed us both? What then?”
Though that was what he said, his hand was anything but well-behaved. Shu Fu yelped and drove her knee into him. “And this isn’t passion?”
“Of course not.”
Jiang Xuesheng answered with perfect confidence. “If I were truly carried away, would I settle for something so hasty? Fuer, you underestimate me.”
As he spoke, he leaned closer, lowering his face toward hers. Stars seemed to glimmer in his smiling eyes.
“Still, now that you mention it, I do feel there’s something to regret...”
Shu Fu: “...”
Thunk!!!
Without warning, she threw her head back with all the force she could muster and smashed her forehead squarely into Jiang Xuesheng’s.
Jiang Xuesheng: “...?!”
Clearly, Jiang Xuesheng was not as effortlessly composed as his bold talk suggested, because he hadn’t managed to dodge the blow.
“Never mind whether I underestimated you. In any case, you’ve definitely underestimated me.”
Shu Fu seized the advantage. Both hands followed at once, gripping Jiang Xuesheng’s shoulders—which were even thinner than she had imagined. After all, he was only a delicate flower right now. She used the momentum to flip him onto the bed, then spun around, bent down, and lowered her head in one smooth sequence. Maintaining their reversed top-and-bottom position, she bit the tip of his nose as though venting her frustration, then captured his lips.
Jiang Xuesheng: “…”
It actually hurt quite a bit, but it probably wouldn’t do to cry out.
Besides, Shu Fu’s posture was terribly clumsy. It was a little like CPR, as though she might pound his chest with an iron-palm strike the next moment...
Better not mention that, either.
It was everyone’s first time; neither of them had any experience. This sort of thing was all about trial and error. With enough practice, they would naturally get the hang of it.
In any case, he had to give Shu Fu—and himself—a chance to practice.
He had heard that his mother had gotten everything done on the very first night she and his father became a couple. His father had initially refused, but she had been far too assertive. Perhaps, deep down, he took after the phoenix clan more.
Those pair of roasted wings on his back had not grown there for nothing, after all.
Jiang Xuesheng sighed inwardly and wrapped an arm around Shu Fu’s waist, slowly sinking into her “CPR.”
At least for this moment, he could empty his mind...
Bang!!!!!
—But he failed to empty it.
Jiang Xuesheng: “...Hiss!”
Shu Fu: “Ow, I’m sorry! Sir, did I bite your tongue?! Open your mouth—let me take a look. It’s not bitten off, is it—?”
“...It’s fine.”
Jiang Xuesheng pressed a hand to his lips as he sat up, then grabbed Shu Fu and whisked her behind him. Without blinking, he stared fixedly at the sight before them.
“...Just as I expected.”
Shu Fu: “...Sir, are you all right? Your tongue’s so swollen—you must have been bitten pretty badly.”
“...”
Jiang Xuesheng did not answer. Without drawing attention to it, he switched to voice transmission instead: 【Fuer, keep away from that thing. It is highly venomous.】
Speak of the devil, and the devil appeared. A huge hole abruptly burst open in the floor of the guest room, and from it protruded a terrifying, cavernous maw.
It was a... gigantic snake’s head of strange and grotesque shape.
The snake’s head was positioned directly opposite the bed. Its mouth bristled with sharp fangs, its round yellow eyes wide open and gleaming with ferocity—perfectly suited to the role it was playing at that moment:
—the ultimate third wheel.
At the same time, clamor rose from downstairs and next door, where other cultivators were shouting:
“What’s going on?!”
“A snake demon—it’s a snake demon! A snake demon suddenly barged in and is wreaking havoc throughout the inn!”
“Fellow Daoist Qin just struck it with his sword. The snake demon thrashed about in pain, and its head smashed through the ceiling!”
“Is anyone staying in that guest room on the second floor? Let’s hope they’re all right...”
Shu Fu: “...”
They were indeed all right. Jiang Xuesheng’s tongue, however, was not doing so well.
The snake head had arrived at the worst possible moment. Whatever mood they had had vanished into thin air. The two promptly dressed, adding a layer of illusion magic to resume their guise as the married couple Shu Daqiang and Feng Xueyan.
【It’s a hook snake.】
Jiang Xuesheng explained via voice transmission, 【They generally dwell in bodies of water. Their tails are hooked, allowing them to snag living creatures from the shore and drag them underwater to feed. They are exceedingly ferocious demonic beasts.】
“Bodies of water?”
Shu Fu asked skeptically, “This whole area is mountainous. At most, there are mountain streams and brooks. Where could such a huge snake have come from?”
【I don’t know either. But that gives us one more reason to suspect the Fengyi Sect.】
As they spoke, the two hurried down the stairs and joined the others in the ground-floor hall.
Qin Huan, Bai Tian, and Handan were all there. Bai Tian had erected a high wall with an earth-element spell; Qin Huan gripped his sword as he stabbed at the snake’s body; and Handan... stood off to one side, holding a short-legged little white cat as she watched the fight.
“...”
Shu Fu gazed at the white cat in heartfelt dismay and transmitted, 【Elder Xie, you’ve fallen from grace.】
【No. I have merely attained enlightenment.】
Xie Fangnian replied with perfect composure, 【Since you young ladies are so fond of this form, I may as well make use of it. You can serve as my means of transport in Qin Huan’s stead. He is not a delicate man—rough and clumsy. Sometimes he rubs against me uncomfortably.】
Shu Fu: No, I think you’ve just enjoyed being petted so much that you’ve opened the door to a whole new world.
Xie Fangnian countered, 【By the way, what happened to Master Tanhua’s mouth?】
And you have the nerve to ask!
Wasn’t it all because of you?
Why did you have to turn into a cat?!
Shu Fu: 【...If I said he burned it eating spicy crayfish, would you believe me?】
After a brief moment of thought, Xie Fangnian slowly replied, 【If you said a crayfish pinched him with its claws, I might believe it.】
Jiang Xuesheng joined their private exchange with unruffled calm: 【Ah, though I rarely indulge my appetite... today, let us stew this snake and cat together in one pot, and have ourselves a meal of “Dragon-Tiger Fight.”】
The three exchanged these thoughts in no more than an instant.
The hook-tailed snake seemed to have been enraged. Its long tail swept through the hall, smashing every table and chair into splinters before shattering the earthen wall Bai Tian had raised.
Bai Tian’s cultivation had not advanced as quickly as Shu Fu’s, and he was only at the Foundation Establishment stage. Naturally, he could not match this Golden Core-stage serpent in a direct clash. But after all they had been through, Young Master Bai was no longer the inexperienced man he had once been.
When his defense was broken, he did not panic. Instead, he immediately turned to the crowd and said, “Everyone! Please leave the inn at once and lure the snake demon outside!”
Several Golden Core cultivators among the crowd immediately challenged him loudly.
“If the lot of us attack together, dealing with this snake demon won’t be difficult. Why should we retreat?”
“Exactly! A snake demon with such cultivation must have plenty of valuable materials on it. Are you trying to keep them all for yourself?”
“You’re only at Foundation Establishment, still wet behind the ears, and you think you can order us around?”
“No, I’m only worried about damaging the inn,” Bai Tian explained calmly. “The proprietor does not have an easy life. We are merely staying here for one night; we shouldn’t cause others any more trouble than necessary.”
“Ha, so that’s it.”
Qin Huan laughed heartily at this, then lifted a hand and patted Bai Tian on the shoulder. “Fellow Daoist Bai is a man of courage and righteousness. Even if no one else lends a hand, I certainly will.”
“Ah? No, not at all. I’m really nothing special. I was only imitating something a friend of mine once said...”
Bai Tian blushed at his praise and was just about to wave it off when Qin Huan swept out the door like a gust of wind, flinging out a scroll with a casual flick of his wrist.
“Little Fang, come!”
No sooner had the young man spoken than a clear, piercing cry rang out in midair. A blaze of dazzling fire lit up the night sky, and then—
From the unfurled scroll emerged a great bird resembling a crane, its entire body wreathed in flames. It spread its wings, raised its neck to the heavens, and let out a shrill call.
“Sen—”
Shu Fu nearly cried out, but Jiang Xuesheng held her firmly in place. “Stay calm, Fuer. Look carefully at that bird’s legs.”
“...Its legs?”
“It only has one leg. It isn’t a phoenix, but a *bifang*—a bird of the avian clans.”
By now, Jiang Xuesheng had recovered his ability to speak. He gazed into the distance, hesitation coloring his voice. “Bifang were originally under the phoenix clan’s command. Even if White Deer Mountain has any, there would only be two or three at most. They aren’t some cheap creature everyone can keep. For this disciple to have formed a contract with a bifang, he must hold considerable status within the sect. Yet I’ve never seen him before...”
Xie Fangnian said coolly, [None of that matters. I just didn’t expect him to name a bifang “Little Fang.”]
Jiang Xuesheng smiled. “So what? I think it suits her rather well.”
Before he had even finished speaking, Qin Huan tossed out another scroll and summoned a snow leopard. “Little Snow, come lend a paw too!”
Jiang Xuesheng: “...”
Xie Fangnian: [Yes. Very fitting.]
Tension crackled between the man and the cat. Drawn by the bird’s cry, the hook snake struggled for a moment before finally wrenching its head free from the ceiling. It laboriously turned its body around and slowly slithered toward the inn’s exit.
Of course, at a critical moment like this, there had to be some useless idiot trying to ruin everything.
“Demon snake, don’t run! Today, I of the Danhuang Sect shall—”
*Bang!*
Shu Fu sprang forward, lifting her door-panel-sized greatsword one-handedly, and smacked the fool square in the face with it.
“Danhuang Sect? Sounds pretty tasty. Get lost. Don’t get in the way.”
The cultivator was sent reeling backward by the blow and landed hard on his backside. He was just about to fly into a rage when the hook snake’s long tail swept toward him at the sound, the sharp barb at its tip skimming dangerously close to his feet.
“...?!”
It was an extremely close call. If Shu Fu had not flattened his face with that strike, he would have been considerably shorter by now.
...Then again, neither outcome sounded particularly great.
Some of the other cultivators still refused to learn their lesson and tried to rush forward for the glory. “There’s no need to go outside. I’ll kill this snake right—”
*Bang!*
Handan stood on the other side of the doorway, holding a budding lotus in her hand. She wielded the blossom like a massive hammer and knocked him flat with a single swing.
The sweet-looking young girl planted one hand on her hip and pointed the lotus at the crowd. “No one is allowed to mess up A-Tian’s plan!”
Shu Fu: “...”
—I knew it. Just like Yaoguang Peak, there isn’t a single truly naïve, sweet, soft little girl on Yuheng Peak.
That was fine. She would not need to reveal her own strength. She could leave the scene to the youngsters and let them perform to their hearts’ content.
Next, Shu Fu could only watch helplessly as the “cute little girl,” lotus in hand, bolted out of the inn in three quick strides and called to Bai Tian and Qin Huan, who were keeping the hooksnake pinned down outside:
“A-Tian, I’m coming to help! Good thing you lured the snake demon out here—now I can use my magical artifact. Master always told me that when you’re away from home, you can’t just go around setting other people’s houses on fire.”
Handan raised the lotus high. Spiritual light flowed across its petals as they slowly blossomed, revealing a dazzling cluster of golden flame within.
It was a magical artifact personally devised by Master Bailian, called the “Firecloud Cannon.” Shu Fu, however, had another name for it—
“Firecloud Cannon—blast him!”
With a thunderous boom, the spiritual power gathered in the heart of the lotus erupted like lightning cleaving the sky. In a single instant, it blew the hooksnake’s enormous head to pieces, setting off a brilliant firework in the night.
—An Italian cannon. Terrifying beyond belief.
