Come Take a Look at My Glow-in-the-Dark Watch
As the saying goes: matching outfits aren’t scary—the ugly one is the embarrassed one.
But who could have imagined that, after Shu Fu and Jiang Xuesheng had drifted off for several months, they would run into Xie Fangnian on a narrow road in the Eastern Continent—not in matching clothes, but in matching disguises?
Only, one of them had disguised themselves by changing sex, while the other had changed species.
Over the past few months, Jiang Xuesheng and Shu Fu had been constantly on the road. Their itinerary could be briefly summarized as follows:
The Mystic Jade Palace of the Eastern Sea—the merfolk settlement beneath the sea—the Jade Hare Resort of Qiongzhi—the Mount Qiwutong.
In short, they had visited every last remnant of the Dragon Clan that had endured for a thousand years.
Unfortunately, Lingbo, the master of the Mystic Jade Palace, was in seclusion, so Shu Fu missed the chance to meet her. Instead, she was welcomed by a bevy of breathtakingly beautiful elder sisters.
Shu Fu lingered at the Mystic Jade Palace for more than a month, like a country bumpkin visiting the Grand View Garden for the first time. Everywhere she looked were swaying blooms in a riot of color and fragrance—so many ethereal beauties that even the One Hundred and Twenty Beauties of Jinling could not have accounted for them all. Her body and soul were profoundly healed.
During that time, Jiang Xuesheng forged her a new heavy sword of black iron, meant to replace the Moon-Soul Zither, which had become worn out in both body and spirit.
Just as expected, the Moon-Soul Zither threw another tantrum, perhaps having realized it was facing the prospect of unemployment.
In the homelands of the merfolk and the jade hares, Shu Fu received equally warm welcomes. She even had the good fortune to visit Si Fei’s parents and two elder sisters, as well as Zhao Yun’s eighteen older brothers.
It was said that Si Fei’s mother, Siming, had fallen in love with a human man in her youth. Her father had been suspicious by nature and refused to believe that her lover’s feelings were sincere, so, swept up in passion, she eloped with him for love.
But the happy days did not last. Her lover’s relatives could not accept his relationship with a mermaid and regarded Siming as some kind of monstrous calamity. Not only did they forcibly break the couple apart, they even intended to imprison her, stew her into a pot of life-extending fish soup, and sell it on the black market for a handsome price.
They were ruthless, but Siming was no soft-hearted little mermaid either. The moment she learned of it, she dragged her lover back to the sea in the middle of the night, pressed a dagger to his throat, and said:
“Think it over. Will you marry into my clan and cut all ties with those people who want to kill me, or shall I throw you into the sea to feed the fish?”
Her lover: “?”
Naturally, he chose to marry into her family.
Even though his family opposed them, even though Siming threatened to throw him to the fish whenever they disagreed, he remained wholeheartedly devoted to her, faithful until their hair turned white.
Shu Fu was moved to tears. What a touching love story! So this was the fierce spirit of the sea’s women?
…
Later, word came that the Fengyi Sect’s autumn hunting assembly was about to begin. Shu Fu thus accompanied Jiang Xuesheng to Mount Qiwutong, where they changed their appearances and blended into the bustling crowd.
It was just that their method of “blending in” was a little unusual.
According to Jiang Xuesheng, the Fengyi Sect’s name was suspicious, and its rise to prominence had been equally strange.
First of all—
One generation ago, they had not been called the Fengyi Sect at all. They had gone by names like the Iron Fist Gang or the Proud Sword Sect—names so tacky and generic that Jiang Xuesheng had never given them a second glance.
Naturally, this mountain had not originally been called Mount Qiwutong, either. It was said to have been named Thousand Autumn Peak, with a valley known as Myriad Ages Valley—names that practically guaranteed it would never become popular.
After the current sect master took office, for reasons unknown, he changed both the sect’s name and the name of the place. From then on, it was as though the sect had truly been blessed with the aura of dragons and phoenixes: it flourished by leaps and bounds, growing stronger and more prosperous by the day.
Of course, Jiang Xuesheng knew nothing about this sect, nor could its members possibly possess any so-called dragon-and-phoenix aura.
In truth, he had visited the former home of the phoenix clan—the real “Mount Qiwu”—as soon as he awakened.
Three thousand years later, Mount Qiwu had long been abandoned. It seemed to have suffered a wildfire as well, leaving behind a barren wasteland where not a blade of grass grew. Not even a single phoenix feather remained.
When the Fengyi Sect first rose to prominence, Jiang Xuesheng had heard its name and assumed it was merely a group of glory-seekers trying to ride the coattails of dragons and phoenixes. He had laughed it off and paid it no mind.
But in recent years, as the Fengyi Sect’s reputation continued to grow, doubts had gradually taken root in his mind. He began to suspect there might be another reason behind it all.
After visiting several old friends in the Eastern Province, everything he had seen, heard, and sensed only deepened his suspicions.
That was why, much as they had once infiltrated Qingcheng to investigate Big Yellow, Jiang Xuesheng and Shu Fu had altered their appearances—and, incidentally, their genders—this time, donning disguises convincing enough to pass for real people as they entered the autumn hunt as participants.
They had not expected, however, to run into an old acquaintance the moment they arrived.
Even more strangely, Jiang Xuesheng saw at once that Xie Fangnian had not merely attached his consciousness to the white cat. He had truly “become a cat.”
In other words, this cat was now his actual body.
Shu Fu: 【Then… then doesn’t that mean he isn’t wearing any clothes right now?】
Oh my god. That was so hot!
Jiang Xuesheng teased: 【What are you thinking about? When Ruyi turns into a bird, he isn’t wearing clothes either. You’ve even ridden him.】
Shu Fu: “…”
True enough.
For some reason, the moment she thought of that tragic, overworked 996 office-drone senior brother, it stopped seeming sexy at all.
Probably because she still had a conscience—and it still hurt.
Sexy or not, though, for Shu Fu, petting cats was an instinct engraved into her DNA—especially a fluffy, adorable little kitten with such a soft, delicate body. At that moment, the urge raging within her was no less intense than Handan’s.
Thus, to everyone else, the sight was that of a tall, handsome young man with gleaming eyes, staring fixedly at the little white cat perched on Qin Huan’s shoulder as though he wanted to swallow it whole.
Xie Fangnian: “…”
—Though he had no idea what she was thinking, he had an ominous feeling about it.
Before he could stop Qin Huan, however, the latter had already cupped his hands in greeting. “I am Qin Huan of White Deer Mountain. You two fellow cultivators carry yourselves with extraordinary grace. May I ask which immortal mountain you hail from?”
Shu Fu immediately seized the opening. Clearing her throat with an air of great seriousness, she said in a deep voice, “This is my… my wife, Feng Xueyan, a disciple of the Mysterious Jade Palace. I am Shu Daqiang, merely an insignificant nobody. It is only by some good fortune that I have won my wife’s favor—not worth mentioning.”
The Mysterious Jade Palace was a useful brick—wherever it was needed, you could always move it there.
Besides, the moon-dragon of the Eastern Sea was descended from the dragon clan. Strictly speaking, it was not entirely a fabrication.
But…
How should I put this? Although they had been together for some time now, and had met no shortage of relatives and friends, calling Jiang Xuesheng “my wife” in public still felt rather embarrassing.
“...”
Even Xie Fangnian was left speechless by their shamelessness. A perfectly good cat actually snorted like a horse.
He asked through voice transmission: 【Using false names is one thing, but why take the surname Feng?】
Jiang Xuesheng answered candidly: 【To lure the phoenix from its nest. If there truly are members of the phoenix clan here, they may pay special attention upon hearing the surname Feng. And you? Why are you so concerned about my alias?】
Xie Fangnian: 【I am not concerned. It is only that... the styles of the names you two chose are worlds apart. Master Tanhua is so learned and talented—could he not have given his disciple a better name?】
Jiang Xuesheng: 【Disciple? What disciple? Elder Xie, I suggest you choose your words more carefully and address her as “Madam Jiang.” Besides, you seem far too concerned with someone else’s Dao companion.】
【But I distinctly heard that you are now “Madam Shu”...】
Xie Fangnian was about to retort when Shu Fu, thoroughly fed up with them, suddenly shot out a hand like lightning and seized the little white cat by the chin.
Then, unhurriedly and with practiced skill, she... began to scratch it.
Xie Fangnian: 【Wait, what are you—】
The rest of his words were drowned out by a string of instinctive purrs.
The pleasure radiating from beneath his chin went straight to his nervous system, surging higher and higher like the tide, instantly numbing Xie Fangnian’s hard-won ability to speak.
Few could resist the temptation of petting a cat, and few cats could remain clear-headed beneath the bliss of having their chin scratched.
Shu Fu: What a lovely cat. It would be even better if there weren’t a person inside it.
She gleefully scratched to her heart’s content. Just as she was about to move on to its chest and belly, she suddenly remembered that “this cat was still a person in the end.” Turning her head, she met Madam Shu’s aggrieved gaze—the gaze of someone plotting to murder her husband tonight. After weighing the two, she could only reluctantly withdraw her hand.
“Fellow cultivator, your cat... is quite adorable.”
With an awkward smile, she made conversation with Qin Huan, then went around to sit on the other side of the wine table, motioning for Jiang Xuesheng to sit beside her.
The moment the two were seated, Bai Tian and Handan crowded over from either side, craning their necks curiously.
Handan said, “Brother Shu Daqiang, you’re so handsome! You and your wife are truly a match made in heaven. I’m so jealous.”
Bai Tian said, “This... Madam Shu, you remind me very much of a friend of mine. Might you know Perfected Chenbi? He is the master of Yaoguang Peak in the Jiuhua Sect, and Master Tanhua’s disciple.”
Jiang Xuesheng: “...”
—Oh, I know him all too well. He probably wants to cut me into a thousand pieces right now.
Naturally, he did not tell the truth. Instead, he lowered his long lashes and shook his head in a delicate, frail manner, as though any more vigorous movement might leave him unable to catch his breath.
“My apologies, little brother.”
Shu Fu added at just the right moment, “My wife is in poor health and cannot speak much.”
—My ass.
She was only worried that Jiang Xuesheng would be unable to stop herself from snapping after three sentences, letting all that sarcasm and ill temper spill out until her true nature was exposed within minutes.
Back then, Shu Fu’s offhand remark had turned out to be prophetic: Jiang Xuesheng really had become her delicate little wife.
Besides Bai Tian and Handan, several other cultivators were also eager to make the acquaintance of this talented, beautiful pair of Daoist partners.
But Jiang Xuesheng clung to Shu Fu like a dodder vine, looking pitiful and fragile as she stayed glued to her side. Meanwhile, Shu Fu fussed over “her” constantly—pouring tea, serving food, picking out dishes—attending to her every need so thoroughly that no third party had any chance to intrude.
Xie Fangnian: “...”
If cats could roll their eyes, his pair of blue eyes would have rolled right out of their sockets by now.
Unable to strike up a conversation, everyone sighed regretfully before turning their attention back to the Fengyi Sect and the Autumn Hunt Convention.
One person praised, “Who knows what secret art the Fengyi Sect possesses? Every Autumn Hunt, their secret realm produces countless rare treasures and exotic beasts—enough to dazzle the eye. These days, any beast-taming cultivator who hears of it longs to visit. Even White Deer Mountain, with its far more ancient heritage, has declined by comparison.”
Another asked in puzzlement, “But where do they find all these strange beasts? Or could it be that the secret realm itself holds some other mystery...?”
Someone else began explaining, “You may not know this, fellow Daoist. The Fengyi Sect was originally an obscure little sect. They only came into possession of the secret realm and began holding the annual Autumn Hunt after changing their name to ‘Fengyi Sect.’ If you ask me, they must have received help from some powerful benefactor.”
Others were still gossiping. “I heard the young sect master of the Fengyi Sect is about to form a Daoist partnership? Which family’s young lady is it? Ah, what a pity—I was wondering whether I might introduce my own daughter to him.”
“...”
Shu Fu listened for a while, only to find that there was far more idle chatter than useful information. Clearly, these people knew nothing of the Fengyi Sect’s true circumstances; they had merely come along to follow the crowd and pick up whatever benefits they could.
If she wanted to learn anything useful, she would have to wait until the Autumn Hunt began.
With that thought, she exchanged a glance with Jiang Xuesheng, then turned apologetically to Qin Huan. “Fellow Daoist Qin, my wife isn’t feeling well. I’ll take her back to our room to rest first. If you do not mind, we can set out together tomorrow and head up the mountain to pay a visit to the Fengyi Sect.”
Naturally, Qin Huan agreed. As she watched the two leave arm in arm and head upstairs, she turned to the white cat and sighed, “Look, Little Bai—Fellow Daoist Shu is truly a first-rate husband. And he likes cats, too. That shows how gentle and attentive he is, no less so than those of us at White Deer Mountain. If only all cultivators in the world were like that, wouldn’t that be wonderful?”
“...”
Remembering the humiliation of having his chin scratched earlier, Xie Fangnian curled himself into a snowy ball on the spot, burying his little cat head in his soft, fluffy tail. He refused to make another sound.
...
Meanwhile, Shu Fu, who had only just fully enjoyed the pleasures of petting a cat, was not having such a good time herself.
The moment the two entered their guest room, Jiang Xuesheng cast a restriction over the door with a backhanded gesture. She removed her veil, revealing a face of breathtaking beauty, and slowly approached Shu Fu.
“Fu’er, you seemed to be having quite a good time with Elder Xie just now.”
“Y-yes, I was.”
Shu Fu unconsciously took a step back, a little short of breath as she replied, “Sir, don’t overthink it. I was only petting the cat. Think about it—you were a white snake once, and I petted you too.”
“That was different. I was merely inhabiting the white snake; the snake itself was not me.”
Jiang Xuesheng calmly corrected her. “Don’t you think it’s rather inappropriate to be so handsy with another man?”
Shu Fu protested indignantly, “I—I’ve already tried my best to restrain myself. I didn’t even touch the cat’s belly or its little bell. What more do you want from me?”
—No one could resist a kitten! No one!
—Not even Shu Daqiang!
Jiang Xuesheng gave a meaningful “Oh.” “I see. The cat’s belly, and the cat’s… So you had designs on those as well. Fu’er, you certainly have quite the imagination.”
Shu Fu slapped the table. “It’s the cat I have designs on, not a person! Why don’t you turn into a cat? I’ll pet you right back!”
“...Turn into a cat? That is quite an unusual request.”
By then, Jiang Xuesheng had already moved close in front of her. After a brief pause, he shook his head. “Never mind. I’m not like Xie Fangnian—I have no desire to be treated as your pet. If you insist on getting handsy, you should at least regard me as your ‘Dao companion.’”
Shu Fu blinked. “Then... I pet you like this?”
True to her word, she reached out and gave Jiang Xuesheng’s fake pectorals a slap. “But, Sir, your chest is fake, just like Senior Brother’s. It smells like silicone the moment I touch it—I can’t get worked up over that.”
“That’s true.”
Jiang Xuesheng nodded good-naturedly. “If you’re going to touch me, I should indeed change my appearance first.”
Before his words had even faded, he dispelled the illusion cast over them both. His figure suddenly grew taller, and his delicate, captivating features returned to their original form.
Before Shu Fu could react, he had already stepped in close. Catching her wrist, he gave it a gentle push backward, and her unguarded back met the wall.
“Fu’er, I kept thinking I should give you time to adjust, so I have always treated you with courtesy.”
“But it seems that if I wait too long, someone else—or perhaps some other demon beast—may beat me to it.”
His warm breath brushed her ear, like a summer wind rushing toward her face, carrying the heat filtered through sunlight and kindling a blaze deep in her heart.
Jiang Xuesheng’s handsome face was close enough to touch. At that moment, he truly lived up to his name: like a handful of cool snow in midsummer, making one instinctively want to draw nearer.
“W-wait, wait a second!”
With nowhere left to retreat, Shu Fu could only crane her neck back desperately and force out one last protest. “Big brother, big brother, big brother—have mercy, okay? Pick another place! Don’t pin me against the wall and kiss me! Don’t pin me against the wall and kiss me! Don’t you think this is way too cliché—”
She never got to finish the rest.
