Fortunately, A Chu had always stayed by his side.
He had said “I’m sorry” to her countless times, and Cui Yunchu had answered him each time, “It’s all right.”
If they were to be together, then those misunderstandings were a road they had inevitably needed to travel. She had never regretted it.
“Zilan’s marriage can’t be delayed any longer. If we wait, he may well end up as someone else’s bride,” Cui Yunchu urged him.
“You and Zilan…”
“He is my nephew, my elder brother’s son,” Shen Xiabai said in a low voice after a brief silence.
The elder brother in his memories had doted on him no less than he did on Shen Zilan. Some bonds transcended blood.
Cui Yunchu tugged at his arm. “Do you feel guilty?”
“Your father gave him to your mother to raise. That means he and that woman clearly didn’t care much about your elder brother—or perhaps they even despised him. Your mother raised him as her own son. Even after learning his true identity, she never drove him away. She had already done everything anyone could have asked of her.”
Dowager Shen had never even considered harming him. What happened afterward had been his own choice.
So, kindhearted people rarely met with good endings. If Dowager Shen had not been ruthless enough, she and Shen Xiabai might have been the most pitiful and tragic ones of all.
As far as Cui Yunchu was concerned, the fact that she had not strangled that child or set the Shen residence ablaze after learning the truth was already an act of extraordinary mercy on her part.
Shen Xiabai embraced Cui Yunchu and rested his chin on top of her head. For a long time, he said nothing.
Other than when his father had died, he had never been so dispirited.
It was as though years of perseverance had suddenly turned to ashes, leaving him both pitiful and ridiculous.
“Lord Shen, I need you, and the entire Shen family needs you. Given the current situation, there isn’t much time for you to wallow. You must pull yourself together quickly and hold up the sky over the Shen family.”
Cui Yunchu patted his back.
Shen Xiabai tugged at the corner of his mouth. “Why does that sound like you’re coaxing a child?”
“Just a few days ago, in bed, you were calling me Mother.”
Shen Xiabai’s face stiffened. He raised two fingers and pinched Cui Yunchu’s upper and lower lips together. “Little mouth, be quiet.”
Cui Yunchu giggled through his fingers. “Whose milk you drink determines whose word you obey, and you call her Mother. You’re the one who said that.”
“When did I say that? You forced me to say it.”
“You’re a grown man, seven feet tall. If you hadn’t wanted to, how could I have forced you?”
“…”
It had only been because she had deliberately aroused him. Faced with such novel sensations, both visual and auditory, who wouldn’t want to give them a try?
“You threatened me. Every time, you have to overpower me in the end.”
“…”
Cui Yunchu began tugging at his clothes in confusion. “Stop, stop talking. If you keep going, we’ll end up sparring again.”
“Madam wants to spar?”
Cui Yunchu pushed him toward the door. “Who said anything about sparring? You’ve been shut up in this room for three days. Go and see Mother quickly. Zilan’s marriage still needs her approval.”
Shen Xiabai suddenly fell silent.
Cui Yunchu said, “Lord Shen, the law may be impartial, but when there is a vast disparity in power, the law serves only those with authority and influence. Mother was brave. You should thank her.”
As a woman, Cui Yunchu understood Dowager Shen completely—and even admired her.
“Go on,” Cui Yunchu urged.
Shen Xiabai stood there for a while before finally walking out of the courtyard.
Dowager Shen’s courtyard was so quiet that one could hear a pin drop, as though even the wind had stopped. Not a single maid or servant was in sight.
Shen Xiabai slowly entered and stood in the courtyard for a long time, until the old servant attending Dowager Shen came out.
“Second Master,” she said, looking at Shen Xiabai in surprise, her eyes reddening. “You’ve come.”
Shen Xiabai gave a faint nod. After a moment’s hesitation, he stepped inside.
Dowager Shen sat blankly beside the bed, gazing out at the scenery beyond the window. Several large bundles sat beside her, stuffed full.
Shen Xiabai’s gaze swept over them, and his brow creased slightly.
At last, Dowager Shen turned around and stared at him. After a long while, she forced a smile. “You’ve grown thinner these past few days.”
Shen Xiabai lowered his eyes without saying a word.
Dowager Shen smiled, though her eyes glistened with tears. “The situation is tense these days. Don’t spend too much of your energy on family affairs. You must also be careful of the hidden dangers and open attacks in the political world. I know you’ve been clever since childhood, but you must never let your guard down. After all, you still have Yunchu to protect.”
“Oh, and Mother has packed up many valuable things. Later, have someone come and carry them away. Give them all to Yunchu.”
Shen Xiabai glanced in the direction she indicated, then slowly asked, “Mother, you’re packing your things. Where are you planning to go?”
“Back to Jiangnan, perhaps. Or to some quiet temple farther away, where I can spend my remaining years in peace. I’ve had enough of the capital.”
Shen Xiabai felt a dull ache in his heart.
He still said nothing, only gazing at Dowager Shen.
The woman before him slowly overlapped with the woman from years ago. That year, after his father and elder brother had died, the entire Shen residence had seemed to collapse. It was she who had held him in her arms and comforted him.
She had told him not to be afraid—that everything was all right because Mother was there.
Dowager Shen slowly rose and walked over to him. Through her tear-blurred vision, she reached out and touched his chest.
“Does it still hurt? Have you been bleeding at night? Did you apply medicine?”
“You suspected me, so you could have asked me directly. Why did you put on such a performance? That knife was so sharp—how painful must it have been when it pierced you? You’ve never known how to take care of yourself. You’re young now, but in ten or eight years, you’ll be left with a body full of old injuries, and you’ll be the one to suffer.”
Tears streamed down Dowager Shen’s face. “I’m your mother, not a prisoner in your jail. If you wanted to investigate me, why go to such lengths?”
Shen Xiabai took a step back. Then, with a sudden sweep of his robe, he dropped heavily to his knees and struck his forehead against the floor with great force.
“What are you doing? Get up quickly. You’ll tear open your wound and suffer again.”
But Shen Xiabai refused to rise. Dowager Shen crouched down and held him, weeping so hard she could barely breathe.
“Xiabai, I’m sorry. Your mother has wronged you.”
Shen Xiabai’s eyes were bloodshot, but when he opened his mouth, he did not know what to say.
Only after a long while did he manage, “Zilan has feelings for the Chen family’s daughter. Mother needs to step forward and arrange this.”
“Let Yunchu go. She is the mistress of the Shen family now,” Dowager Shen said as she released Shen Xiabai. “She is a good girl—clever and sensible. Treat her well.”
“Mother, you raised Zilan yourself. How can you not be there for his wedding?”
Dowager Shen shook her head, tears flowing without end. “Xiabai, I’ll be content as long as you don’t hate me.”
She had known that the child she raised with her own hands would never inherit that man’s rotten nature.
“Mother doesn’t want to make things difficult for you. That is why I’ve chosen to leave on my own. You are now an important official at court, a man of great power. You absolutely cannot give others anything to use against you.”
As a son, it was impossible for him to have no resentment whatsoever.
There was no way to make everyone happy.
“You oversee the Office of Prudent Punishments. I don’t know how many eyes are watching you. And I am a murderer. No matter whether you act against me or not, you will be in the wrong.”
If he reported her, people would surely criticize him: How could he be trusted when he could be so heartless toward the mother who had raised him? And besides, she had done it all so that the two of them could survive.
If they covered it up and let the matter die, the people watching him would dig it up sooner or later and use it against them. After all, she had hired someone to commit murder—an undeniable violation of the law.
As for those in official circles, how many of them were truly just and honorable? Most would probably take that bastard’s side.
