She did not care that he had betrayed her, nor that he had forgotten every promise he had once made. She only hoped that the child she had begged the Bodhisattva for, after countless prayers, could live a peaceful life.
But he refused to let that happen. He had even poisoned Shen Xiabai’s food.
Every detail of the past, every incident she brought up, made him grit his teeth in hatred.
“I knew very well that if he returned safely, there would be no place in the Shen family for you and me, or for our son.”
“So I went to Old Madam Cui. She once owed me a favor, and I used it to force her to repay that debt. I begged her desperately and obtained your father’s itinerary from her, then had assassins intercept him on the way.”
“Old Madam Cui was a good person. She pitied us, mother and son. That was the only reason we were able to survive.”
“I raised your elder brother for so many years and had long since come to regard him as my own. Whatever happened between the adults, it should never have been blamed on him. I feel guilty toward him. I am the one who wronged him.”
That was why, all these years, she had devoted herself to Shen Zilan and doted on him. Apart from the Shen family fortune, there was nothing she could not give him.
She had already grown terrified of the years when her life had been held in someone else’s hands.
Even her extremely sharp-tongued mother-in-law had said before her death that the late Master Shen had been blinded by greed.
How could a woman older than him, a woman who had once been married and had borne a child, bewitch his heart so completely that he was willing to kill his own legitimate son and the wife he had married in his youth?
Later, his mother had regretted it as well. She said she should never have forced the two of them apart. If she had not, perhaps what followed would never have happened.
But there were no “ifs” in this world. Compared with his relationship with that woman, the love he had once shared with his wife was as light as a feather.
Shen Xiabai sat there in a daze, his eyes vacant. It was as though his ears and mind had temporarily ceased to function.
“Xiabai, a girl raised by Old Madam Cui could never be a bad person. Your mother does not want you to miss her. If you hate me, you can expose me before the court and avenge him. Your mother will accept whatever punishment comes without complaint.”
Even now, she still believed that man deserved to die. But there were laws in this world, and murder was punishable by death. That was only right and proper.
“Mother said he wanted to kill me?” Shen Xiabai’s voice was hollow.
“I saw it with my own eyes.”
Shen Xiabai slowly closed his eyes. His throat felt so tight that he could not utter a single word.
Dowager Shen said, “I kept it from you all this time because I did not want you to know that both your father and mother were such ugly, despicable people.”
His mother, the woman who had depended on him and whom he had depended on in turn, was actually a murderer. How was he supposed to bear it?
Crash—
A heavy object suddenly struck the ground outside the door. Dowager Shen and Shen Xiabai turned around at the same time, only to see Shen Zilan standing motionless in the doorway, his face filled with shock.
He stared blankly at Dowager Shen, unable to believe what he had heard.
“Grandmother.” His voice was so strained that he could barely speak.
“Zilan.” Dowager Shen quickly rose and took two steps toward him, but Shen Zilan immediately retreated. Then he turned abruptly and fled into the night.
“Zilan!” Dowager Shen hurried after him.
Only Shen Xiabai remained in the room. He sat cross-legged, his eyes fixed blankly on some distant point, until another figure appeared in the doorway.
He slowly raised his head and looked at the woman standing there. Relief surged through his chest like a landslide.
He stared at her, and tears suddenly slipped from his eyes.
“A Chu, I’m sorry.” His voice was unbearably hoarse.
Cui Yunchu walked in and stopped beside the bed. She bent down and wrapped her arms around his waist.
“I’m sorry.”
Shen Xiabai returned her embrace, repeating those three words over and over beside her ear.
A misunderstanding had nearly cost her life, Cui Yunchu thought.
But if she were given the choice again, she would still choose this path. Compared with the confused, empty life she had led in her previous existence, this life had been far more meaningful.
So she blamed no one.
“Why are you apologizing?” Cui Yunchu gently lifted her head and cupped his face in one hand. “Lord Shen should be grateful instead—grateful that you remained steadfast back then, and that you did not let a misunderstanding keep you apart, leaving you both to regret it for the rest of your lives.”
Shen Xiabai nodded. “A Chu is right. I should… be grateful to myself.”
He ought to be endlessly grateful that he had remained firm in his choice.
“A Chu.”
Cui Yunchu leaned against him, carefully avoiding his wound.
“I’m here. I’ll stay with you.”
She stroked his back. “If this was all part of a scheme, why did you really let yourself get hurt?”
“If I hadn’t been injured, how could Mother have let down her guard and revealed the truth? And you—didn’t you return to the Cui family to make a desperate stand? Why didn’t you leave?”
“Because I believed in you.”
Her Lord Shen could never truly have abandoned her to attend the ritual, only to be suddenly attacked by assassins afterward. With the slightest bit of thought, she had been able to see through the twists and turns of the matter.
The two of them held each other until the dead of night, never once letting go.
In the end, Cui Yunchu simply lay down beside him fully clothed and faced him. Although they rarely spoke, the silence between them was not uncomfortable.
The next day, Shen Xiabai moved back to the main residence from Dowager Shen’s courtyard.
Dowager Shen did not appear, and neither did Shen Zilan.
Cui Yunchu took meticulous care of Shen Xiabai, never leaving his side.
Shen Xiabai spoke very little. Only when he faced Cui Yunchu did he manage to summon a smile, his gaze following her every movement.
No one mentioned the matter again, as though it had never happened. Several days passed before Yu Feng came to report that Prince An had sent word: once Shen Xiabai had recovered, he was to return to court as soon as possible.
Shen Xiabai paid no attention and remained at home for several more days.
“I sent someone to the Ministry of Personnel to look for Shen Zilan, but he refused to see me,” Cui Yunchu said.
Shen Xiabai acknowledged this with a quiet sound. “I’ll go see him tomorrow.”
“As for his marriage to Miss Chen, settle it as soon as possible.”
Shen Xiabai nodded slightly. He had the same intention.
Cui Yunchu stole several glances at him. Shen Xiabai smiled helplessly.
“What does my wife wish to say?”
“You won’t expose Mother, will you?”
Shen Xiabai fell silent at once.
“Actually, I think what Mother did was very brave. If it had been another woman, she might not have dared to do it. She protected her child, and she protected herself. She ought to be regarded as a role model among women.”
“I admire her very much.”
Shen Xiabai said, “My wife needn’t try to frighten me with such words. I certainly don’t have the courage to do that.”
“…”
That was not what she meant at all.
He made her sound like some terrifying shrew.
Hiring assassins cost money. Why not simply poison him directly? It would save time, effort, and trouble.
“What I mean is that, from a woman’s point of view, Mother was a heroine who refused to be outdone by any man. Even a woman as gentle as she was had been driven to the point of killing someone. That shows just how difficult her life must have been back then.”
Shen Xiabai fell silent again.
He was merely trapped by the beautiful image of his father preserved in his sparse childhood memories. It was as if his faith had suddenly collapsed, and he needed some time to recover.
