Let Me Take Care of This Fishpond for You
Let’s tell the story of the Demon Lord.
The Overbearing Demon Lord, Nan Gongming, had dominated the martial world for several centuries. His career had gone from strength to strength, and his status had risen steadily. He had never once realized how incredibly tacky he was.
His first half of life could basically be summed up as follows:
His father was a Demon Lord, so he became a Demon Lord too.
His father was a Countryside CEO who said things like, “You little temptress, you’re driving me crazy,” “This is the empire I built for you,” and “I’ll give you my life,” to his mother every day, making her beam with delight and tremble with laughter. So Nan Gongming became a Countryside CEO as well, sincerely believing that all women would be happy to hear such things.
In a certain sense, he could be considered one of the earliest victims of Overbearing CEO fiction… probably.
Decades ago, Nan Gongming had once received the following evaluation from Jiang Xuesheng:
“This demon is harmless. There’s no need to kill him. But he’s a pure 250 and highly contagious, so don’t associate with him.”
In short, he was a pure, unadulterated idiot.
Among Nan Gongming’s businesses, he owned a few gambling houses, but he stayed away from prostitution and drugs. He also followed the famous “Three Don’t Kill” principle: he didn’t kill women, children, or only sons. Aside from his severe male chauvinism, he could practically be considered a moral paragon and a model of sound values among demonic cultivators—worthy of receiving a little red flower.
Of course, that didn’t mean he was a good person.
As the original novel’s male supporting character, the plot point Shu Fu found most objectionable was how his lovesickness made him lose his head. For the sake of the female protagonist, he would launch a world war, trigger a direct confrontation between the immortals and demons, and allow the final villain, Zhao Jiuge, to profit from the chaos while countless innocent spectators died for love.
In other words—
As long as this Countryside CEO stayed forever within his own tiny corner of the countryside and didn’t fall in love with the female protagonist, he was just a harmless, honest fool.
That was why, whenever Yaoguang Peak went out to purge demonic cultivators, they would usually take a detour rather than regard him as a target.
However, neither Jiang Xuesheng nor Liu Ruyi had expected to encounter Nan Gongming under such circumstances—or in such a manner.
Amid the endless sea of people, Nan Gongming spotted Liu Ruyi at first glance. She was wearing sunglasses and her hair was tied into twin buns, making her look like a ridiculous panda.
To conceal their identities, Jiang and Liu had both altered their appearances. Jiang Xuesheng still looked utterly ordinary, while Liu Ruyi remained radiant as ever. He had merely made himself look a few years younger, changing his aura from “dazzlingly beautiful” to “pure and charming” in order to hide his excessively striking appearance.
Who could have guessed that such a tiny adjustment would transform him into a perfect match for Nan Gongming’s tastes?
Who, indeed, could have imagined it?
Before long, Jiang Xuesheng and Liu Ruyi also noticed Nan Gongming’s deeply interested stare—otherwise known as the “Cringey Demon Lord’s Gaze.jpg.”
“Sir, what’s going on?”
Liu Ruyi had been blessed with beauty and, over the years, had captivated countless men. Yet this was the first time she had ever felt a chill run down her back.
“That man in black over there seems to have been staring at me…”
“…”
Jiang Xuesheng fell silent and carefully examined Liu Ruyi’s current appearance: huge sunglasses, panda hair, black robes, and only a pointed chin showing beneath it all. Although his skin was fair and his features delicate, it was impossible to tell that at the moment.
No matter how he looked at it, this was hardly an outfit that ought to attract anyone’s interest.
But after glancing around, Jiang Xuesheng had to admit that demonic cultivators truly did have unusual and unfathomable tastes.
And the demonic cultivator Liu Ruyi had noticed…
“He’s concealed his cultivation. Ruyi, can you see through him?”
“To be honest, I can’t. He’s probably about my equal, or perhaps slightly stronger.”
“Have more confidence. He’s about the same as you.”
Jiang Xuesheng pondered briefly before reaching a conclusion.
“A demonic cultivator at the early Nascent Soul stage with terrible taste could only be…”
“Sir, did you just say ‘terrible taste’?”
“Ah, I see. So it’s him. If it’s him, then that explains everything.”
“Sir? Sorry to interrupt, but can I change this extremely tasteless outfit?”
“No.”
Jiang Xuesheng gave him a kindly smile.
“At least wait until Fuer finds us.”
Nan Gongming merely stared at Liu Ruyi without harassing him. Since they couldn’t make any rash moves either, they had no choice but to take their seats beneath his ardent gaze.
At the same time, Demon Lord Ninglu, who had come with Nan Gongming, approached from the other side. Like him, she had changed her appearance to give herself plain features, and her expression held a distinct trace of impatience.
“Demon Lord Nan Gongming, what are you looking at? The auction is about to begin. There’s a healing elixir today, and I absolutely must get it. You have to support me.”
After suffering severe injuries during the battle in Wei City, when the Lone Radiance Sword had stabbed straight through her heart, Ninglu no longer had a harem or the strength of a Nascent Soul cultivator. All she could do was cling to Nan Gongming’s tacky, Countryside CEO-style golden thigh.
It was truly tacky, too—complete with the fresh, earthy scent of village turnips—and Ninglu felt more than a little stifled.
Of course, as an ambitious female demon who had dreams and aspirations, she had no intention of remaining subservient forever. She was constantly preparing to stab him in the back.
“…”
Nan Gongming’s 248th case of love at first sight had just been interrupted by her. Unhappy, he turned and shot her a razor-sharp look, his eyes once again unfolding into a pie chart: thirty percent coldness, thirty percent threat, and forty percent lofty contempt.
Again, that was merely his own interpretation.
From Ninglu’s perspective—from the so-called “ordinary bystander’s point of view”—Nan Gongming was stiffly squeezing and twitching his eyebrows, his expression hideous. He looked as though he were suffering from a facial spasm.
What a handsome man. What a shame he was a lunatic. It made him completely impossible to kiss.
Ninglu couldn’t help feeling regretful.
Nan Gongming wanted to strike up a conversation with Liu Ruyi. Seeing that Ninglu was still standing there shamelessly, he grew increasingly irritated and said coldly:
“Ninglu, how much would it cost to buy one night with you?”
“What?”
Ninglu’s expression changed. She looked as though she had suffered a tremendous insult.
“Demon Lord Nan Gongming, don’t forget. Even though I’ve fallen from power, you and I ought to be equals—”
“I have no interest in you.”
Nan Gongming interrupted her without the slightest courtesy.
“I mean, how much money would it take for you to attend the auction by yourself and stop coming over to bother me?”
Ninglu: “…”
At that moment, she found herself perfectly capable of biting him.
But when one lived in the countryside, one had to bow one’s head. In the end, Ninglu named a figure, then retreated far away and didn’t say another word.
Nan Gongming couldn’t be bothered with her. He continued to focus wholeheartedly on Liu Ruyi, savoring every movement “she” made. The more he looked, the more pleasing he found him.
Liu Ruyi: Don’t move. Don’t you dare move.jpg
He had long since grown accustomed to being admired by men. However, Nan Gongming was renowned throughout the cultivation world for his tackiness, and his cultivation was profound. He was no ordinary person.
It was said that the last person Nan Gongming had taken a liking to was a cat demon. To please her, he had specifically seized a lake—originally belonging to He Xiuwen—and converted it into a fishpond.
He Xiuwen: Fuck you, why?!
Liu Ruyi was highly skilled and fearless by nature, so she certainly wasn’t afraid to go head-to-head with Nan Gongming. What she did fear was him coming up with some wildly original method of pursuit—something so earth-shatteringly embarrassing that her toes would curl hard enough to claw out an entire Soaring Cloud City.
Unfortunately, life was full of things that went against one’s wishes. Whatever you feared was exactly what you got.
Before long, an attendant with a face like a bitter melon was dispatched by Nan Gongming to deliver a message:
“Miss… Iron-Eater—cough, cough! I mean, miss. My master says that no matter what you buy today, and no matter how high the final price, he will pay the bill. You needn’t worry about the cost. Just enjoy yourself and return home satisfied.”
Liu Ruyi: “…”
Liu Ruyi: “No, really, that won’t be necessary…”
Jiang Xuesheng: “Wonderful. She says she’d be delighted. Friend, please thank your master on our behalf.”
Liu Ruyi: “Sir?!”
“…”
The attendant did not look satisfied. He raised a hand to wipe his forehead, then turned to Jiang Xuesheng with a deeply troubled expression.
“My master also says that you must leave this young lady and never appear before him again. He does not want any other man beside the woman he has set his sights on.”
Jiang Xuesheng: “…”
Liu Ruyi: “Wonderful. I’ll get rid of him right away. Friend, please thank your master for me.”
Jiang Xuesheng: “Ruyi?!”
…
While master and disciple were busy stabbing each other in the back, Shu Fu and Wu Yao arrived fashionably late, reaching the entrance to the auction house one step behind them.
When they were stopped for inspection, they produced the tokens they had looted from the demonic cultivators. With their sunglasses concealing their identities, they successfully slipped past the guards and entered.
Along the way, Shu Fu had gone through nearly every single unmarried woman she knew, studying Wu Yao’s expression each time in an attempt to find some clue and deduce the identity of his “new girlfriend.”
What she had not expected was that Wu Yao’s cultivation—or perhaps his skill at keeping secrets—had improved tremendously over the past twenty years. In the face of questioning, he had revealed not the slightest flaw. His face was as taut as if he had just undergone a facelift; his eyes watched his nose, his nose watched his heart, and he did not show the faintest hint of anything.
With no other choice, Shu Fu temporarily restrained her gossiping instincts and focused her attention on the auction taking place before her.
The auction had just begun when they entered. The host, dressed up to look like a Christmas tree, was shouting at the top of his lungs:
“Everyone, take a good look! This is the scarf once used by the most beautiful person under heaven, the head of Xuanyu Palace, Fairy Lingbo! Our brothers lost an arm and seven ribs in order to seize it! The bright red marks on this scarf are the blood of our brothers!”
Shu Fu: “…”
—Wait a second. No matter how she looked at it, wasn’t that just an ordinary scarf of the sort middle-aged ladies wore for taking pictures at square-dancing events?
—And those so-called bloodstains were obviously just the scarf’s original pattern: bright red peonies on a purple background!
“This is merely the warm-up round for the auction,” Wu Yao explained. “He Xiuwen likes a lively atmosphere. Every time, he picks out a few worthless little trinkets, invents some flamboyant story about them, and makes everyone laugh to get the auction off to a good start.”
Shu Fu was just about to say, “So it’s all a joke,” when he continued:
“Of course, he also gets the chance to trick a few idiots into spending a fortune on his junk.”
Shu Fu: “…”
What a swindler! How could there be such a vicious profiteer in this world?
Fairy Lingbo’s reputation as a beauty was well known, and several people in the hall began competing to bid. In the end, the scarf was won by a female cultivator with a strikingly seductive appearance.
Shu Fu was just about to make a sarcastic remark when she suddenly felt a cool sensation against her lips, as though a snowflake had landed there.
She turned her head and discovered that, at some point, Jiang Xuesheng had silently appeared beside her. He pressed one finger to her lips.
“Shh. There’s a good show over there. Come with me, Fuer.”
“Sir!”
After all, they had just reunited following a long separation. Shu Fu happily called out to him in a low voice, “You’ve changed your face again. I almost didn’t recognize you. Could you make yourself look a little better next time? It would be easier on the eyes.”
Jiang Xuesheng was momentarily rendered speechless by her reply. He said nothing more, merely took her by the hand and led her around the crowd, barely suppressing his laughter as he pointed toward Liu Ruyi’s direction.
“That’s… Senior Brother Liu? Why is he wearing headphones? No, that’s not what I mean. Why does he have panda ears?”
“No, that doesn’t seem right either…”
Shu Fu was still carefully considering how best to phrase it when a sudden uproar erupted throughout the hall. Onstage, the demonic cultivator hosting the auction shouted:
“Everyone, take a look! The champion of the previous Violet Pole Immortal Assembly and the current peak master of the Jiuhua Sect, Perfected Chenbi Liu Xiao! The question of his—or rather, her—true gender has long been one of the great mysteries of the cultivation world! Recently, our undercover agent stationed outside Tianyan Sect reported that—”
“Liu Xiao is a woman!!!”
“Behold! This is the matching-lotus embroidered dudou worn next to her skin! It took us countless hardships to steal it while she was changing and bathing. The brother who stole her clothing was discovered by her and suffered severe injuries. After bringing the merchandise back, he unfortunately passed away!”
Jiang Xuesheng and Wu Yao, via telepathy: 【Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!】
Yet that was still not the end.
“Lord Chenbi” was also renowned as a beauty. Once again, numerous cultivators joined the bidding, men and women alike, and the battle was even fiercer than before.
Under the astonished, envious, and disdainful gazes of the crowd, the bitter-faced attendant beside Nan Gongming forced himself to raise his hand and bought the dudou for an utterly outrageous price.
…Honestly, judging from its rough workmanship and wildly free-spirited stitching, Shu Fu suspected that the host himself had sewn it.
Immediately afterward, they watched as the bitter-faced attendant scurried over, bowed respectfully, and presented the dudou to Liu Ruyi.
“Miss, my master noticed how emotional you became just now and guessed that you must be very fond of this dudou. He therefore bought it especially as a gift for you. Please accept it.”
Liu Ruyi: “??????”
