Fu Qi looked at the zombie “dead” on the carpet, poked her shoulder, and asked with a laugh, “You’re watching a perfectly respectable movie. Why are you sneaking around like that?”
Qin Zhen was indeed watching a perfectly respectable movie—a foreign romance. It was only an ordinary kissing scene, but after her reaction, she had made it look like some kind of adults-only film.
“Still too open-minded for you to handle?” Fu Qi poked at Qin Zhen, who was sprawled motionless across the sofa. “Are you some old zombie from the Qing dynasty, some Little Feudalist?”
Little Feudalist sprang up and punched him. Her hair was a tangled mess, and her face was both embarrassed and furious as she said with righteous indignation, “You modern zombies are far too promiscuous!”
Fu Qi snickered. “You’re not promiscuous? Then who was it that told someone on the forum to think about how they were going to get into bed with a human when they asked whether zombies should date humans?”
Qin Zhen had been exposed. Her expression was a mix of shame and anger. After staring blankly for a few seconds, she grabbed the throw pillow beside her and whacked Fu Qi over the head.
Back at the supermarket, she had already decided that she absolutely had to hit either Qin Zhen or Fu Qi today. Well, now she had hit both of them.
After beating Fu Qi, she cast aside her shame, sat down on the sofa in a bold and carefree manner, and turned the projector back on.
Sure enough, the intimate scene only lasted a little while. After that, the movie returned to its ordinary plot.
Qin Zhen had initially been a little constrained, but as the story progressed, she slowly became engrossed. Before long, she was watching with rapt attention.
Fu Qi leaned back beside her and watched along.
He discovered that Qin Zhen wasn’t picky about television at all. She could watch classic domestic and foreign romances, mystery adventures, rural slice-of-life stories, and melodramatic love tragedies. Even movies with atrocious logic and acting as stiff as a zombie’s could hold her spellbound. Her standards were shockingly low.
Not only did she watch everything, she also loved posting bullet comments. Whenever she worked the night shift at the internet café, she would lean toward the computer screen, completely focused, unwilling to miss a single comment on any scene. Sometimes Fu Qi would fall asleep beside her, and she wouldn’t even notice.
She was the same way when browsing the forums. As long as it was a post, she had to go in and leave a comment, all in the name of “reviewing important clan affairs.” Day after day, she kept herself terribly busy.
How could she be so cute?
Fu Qi looked at Qin Zhen, whose eyes were fixed brightly on the projection screen, and kept feeling an urge to reach out and pinch her cheeks.
Just as he was giving in to the impulse, he saw her eyes grow moist. She bashfully lowered her head and reached for the candy in her pocket.
Fu Qi glanced up and saw the leads on the giant screen kissing once again. This time, they even fell directly onto the bed, wrapped up in a passionate, heated embrace.
He looked back at Qin Zhen. She was peeling the candy wrapper while blushing, sneaking glances at the screen.
Fu Qi was once again overwhelmed by her cuteness. He leaned over with a teasing smile and asked, “Are you going to start frantically running off to get water next?”
Qin Zhen: “…”
Looking at the eyes brimming with amusement in front of her, all her embarrassment vanished. She grabbed the throw pillow and started hitting him again.
Some people were lacking water or wood in their elemental makeup. Fu Qi was lacking beatings.
Two beatings a day kept both zombies and humans happy.
Qin Zhen really liked the little villa. There was a giant screen for watching movies, someone came by regularly to clean, and apart from her and Fu Qi, hardly anyone ever disturbed them.
On the very first day after moving in, she became so engrossed in watching movies that she couldn’t bear to leave the screening room, so she took the night off from the internet café.
The next day, she was too lazy to go out and look for work during the day. Then, when she was supposed to work the night shift, Fu Qi needed her help with something, so she took another night off.
After enjoying herself at the villa for three or four days, she received a message from the internet café owner informing her that she had been fired. Qin Zhen was instantly stunned.
Once she recovered from the shock, she stormed off to Fu Qi to settle the score, accusing him of luring her into degeneracy.
At first, Fu Qi had said that moving house involved so many things and was so exhausting that she ought to reward herself by taking the first day off and getting some proper rest. Qin Zhen had found that reasonable and gone along with it, taking the day off.
The next day, Fu Qi asked her to help organize the refrigerator. She took advantage of the excuse and slacked off for another night.
The same thing happened over the following days. Sometimes it rained, and Fu Qi would say it was inconvenient to go out, or that buying an umbrella would cost money, and so on. He always had some excuse to coax Qin Zhen into taking it easy.
“It’s all your fault! You went out of your way to tempt me, distract me, and lead me astray! You stopped me from becoming a millionaire!” Qin Zhen grabbed Fu Qi by the collar and scolded him furiously. “You’re an evil zombie with a heart as vicious as a human’s, even though you haven’t completely lost your humanity! You’re exactly like a human!”
Fu Qi was forced to look down at her. He raised both hands in surrender and said calmly, “First, with inflation, being a millionaire doesn’t count as being rich anymore. Second, when you say I’m just like a human, are you insulting me or complimenting me?”
“I’ll beat you to death, and then you’ll know!”
After losing two jobs in quick succession, Qin Zhen had gone from an independent and self-reliant paragon of the zombie race to an unemployed wandering zombie. Her mental state was on the verge of collapse!
She was going to beat that good-for-nothing Fu Qi to death!
As Fu Qi watched her charge over in a fury, ready to hit him, he thought that zombies were truly difficult to deal with once they went mad.
But a zombie going insane and trying to kill a fellow member of her kind simply because she had lost a less-than-impressive job—however he looked at it, she seemed more cute than frightening.
Unfortunately, Fu Qi wasn’t a real zombie after all. Even though he was using a special disguise drug developed by his department, he was still human at heart, which meant he could feel pain.
A few more of those merciless iron-fisted punches from Qin Zhen might genuinely cost him his life.
Fu Qi leaned backward to dodge her fist, caught her by the wrist, and lowered his head with a smile. “It’s fine. We’ll find you another job—one better than working at the internet café.”
“You think jobs are trash lying by the roadside, waiting for anyone to pick them up?” Qin Zhen said, even more dejectedly.
Fu Qi looked at the sorrowful expression on her pale, blue-gray face, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t stop smiling.
After moving into the villa, Qin Zhen had stopped wearing her artificial skin because there were no humans around. She openly displayed her true complexion. Only Fu Qi kept his human appearance, using the excuse that he had to deal with the cleaning lady who came by every day.
The zombie was so easy to fool that she not only never suspected a thing, she even praised him for being so thoughtful.
The more Fu Qi looked at her sorrowful little face, the itchier his heart felt. He curled his index finger and lightly brushed it against her cheek.
The instant he let go, Qin Zhen was free. Her fist shot up and landed on his face in the blink of an eye.
Fu Qi dodged quickly, but it still grazed him. His cheekbone burned with pain.
He thought Qin Zhen was going to keep hitting him, but she sat there sadly for a while. Then she stood up, slipped on her slippers, and turned to leave.
It was the first time Qin Zhen had left the screening room since moving into the villa.
“Where are you going?” Fu Qi called from behind her.
Qin Zhen turned around, her face full of anger and resentment. “Where am I going? I’m going to work and make money!”
The statement nearly made Fu Qi laugh himself breathless.
Under the zombie’s murderous glare, he reluctantly suppressed his laughter, caught her hand, and smacked it against his own body a few times. “No more working. Let’s go eat from the government trough instead, all right?”
Qin Zhen’s eyes widened. In disbelief, she asked, “You’re taking me to turn myself in?”
Fu Qi: “…”
You have a little too much self-awareness.
"Then go by yourself! Don't drag me into this!" Qin Zhen waved her hands repeatedly, her expression full of retreat. "I only bought a fake ID, I never did any other bad things! I'm a good zombie, I don't want to go to jail... Last time a boy pretended to be lost on the roadside to scam money, I even gave him twenty bucks!"
Fu Qi had always thought her weird train of thought was endearingly cute. He wanted to ask her, since she knew that guy was a scammer, why did she still give him money?
After a quick thought, he guessed she was probably feeling a little guilty, or was worried that what if that boy really was lost.
She had always been this cute, even long before Fu Qi appeared in front of her, back when he was observing her from the shadows, he already thought so.
Fu Qi looked at her with gentle eyes and said, "Can't we just apply to be civil servants? Other zombies can do it, so can you."
Qin Zhen was stunned. She sized Fu Qi up from head to toe and said, "Are you crazy! Do you have any idea how few civil service openings there are?"
The slots were already extremely limited, with tens of thousands of competitors fighting for each single opening. On top of that, all the other applicants had spotless family backgrounds. In their case, just the political review alone would get them stuck...
Besides, if you counted the hundreds of years of history of the zombie clan, there had never been a single zombie who became a civil servant before. As of now, there were only over thirty clan members scattered all over the country, and Fu Qi was the first and only one who ever made it.
The odds were that slim, how could being a civil servant be something you could just get on a whim?
Qin Zhen decided to ignore Fu Qi. She stuck on her simulated human skin and was about to head out to work, but Fu Qi pulled her back.
Fu Qi smiled and said, "We're not competing with ordinary people for those openings. We're applying for a special department."
Qin Zhen looked confused. "A special department? What does that do?"
"It's related to national homeland security," Fu Qi explained. Afraid she wouldn't get it, he gave her a detailed example. "For certain reasons, a lot of zombies have woken up across our country. But what about other countries? Isn't it possible that vampires and mummies from abroad have woken up too?"
Every country handled these special species in their own way. It wasn't that they were scared other countries would wipe them all out, but the real concern was that those countries might weaponize these non-human species or use them as leverage in diplomatic negotiations.
The special law enforcement department had been taking relatively gentle measures like latent observation towards most members of the zombie clan, and even had intentions to recruit them, largely out of that very concern.
Qin Zhen had never thought about things from that angle before. She froze for a second, then squatted down on the ground, propping up her chin to think carefully.
Fu Qi's eyes crinkled into a smile. He squatted down right next to her, stretched out a finger and poked her cool cheek, asking, "Do you have to squat on the floor to think things through?"
Just like a Little Mushroom.
The Little Mushroom had her train of thought interrupted. She glared up at him, pushed Fu Qi so hard that he plopped down on the ground, and pointed at his nose saying, "Bother me one more time and see what happens!"
Fu Qi raised his hands in surrender. "Sorry, Little Qi won't do it again."
Only then did Qin Zhen pull her hand back. She frowned and thought seriously for more than ten minutes, then huffed twice and said, "Humans are super capable, they don't need us zombies to help at all..."
After saying that, she wouldn't listen to any more of Fu Qi's explanations. She marched out the door energetically to look for a job, and Fu Qi couldn't stop her no matter what.
Unfortunately, jobs were hard to find. Companies and enterprises required academic diplomas, small restaurants preferred to hire their own family members, even supermarket cashier positions asked for prior work experience, and the internet cafe didn't need any more staff... Qin Zhen even offered to take a pay cut, but no one wanted to hire her.
After two tiring days, she didn't land a single job. She was completely dejected.
Qin Zhen was fuming! She hated that she wasn't firm enough. She knew perfectly well Fu Qi was that evil little zombie, but she still fell for his persuasion, and lost two great job opportunities because of it!
This must be heaven's punishment for her lack of resolve.
Qin Zhen learned her lesson well. She made up her mind to lower her sights and restart her long-term career plan.
That day, under Fu Qi's watch, she walked out the door again with a look of tragic determination.
Fu Qi watched her figure fade into the distance, shook his head with a soft laugh, and went back inside to catch up on his sleep like usual.
The annoying thing about living as a human was that you had to sleep and eat. Eating wasn't much of a problem. The fridge was full of snacks, fruits and vegetables that their aunt restocked regularly. Qin Zhen had a greedy mouth, she ate them all the time, and sometimes she even scrimped and saved to order takeout, so it wasn't weird for Fu Qi to eat those things too.
But the sleeping part was a bit tricky to deal with, especially back in the days when he and Qin Zhen were crammed together in that tiny attic. Now they had enough rooms, and after they split into separate bedrooms, Fu Qi could finally get his full, proper rest.
But this time, he had barely fallen asleep when he was woken up.
He walked out to see two elderly people surrounding Qin Zhen, chattering nonstop. The two of them were talking over each other, their voices loud and their speech so fast that Fu Qi couldn't make out what was going on until he got closer.
The gist of it was that the two elders had been in charge of collecting all the cardboard boxes in this villa complex for ages. Today Qin Zhen picked some up, and the old folks were upset, so they dragged her back to complain.
After figuring out the whole story, Fu Qi's mouth twitched. "This is the new career you were talking about?"
He knew some zombies without valid IDs or diplomas could only make a living by scamming money or begging. He never imagined that after he had given Qin Zhen money to live on, and brought her to stay in this villa, she would still go out to pick up trash for cash.
What an independent, self-sufficient little zombie!
That independent and self-sufficient little zombie was now cowering like a quail, head hung low, not daring to say a word. Fu Qi felt both speechless and amused looking at her.
He was just about to tease Qin Zhen, saying that she probably couldn't even afford to support him by collecting scrap, when one of the elders spoke in a shrill voice. "This girl lives in a villa, yet she still fights old people for scrap? Where's your sense of decency? All that schooling went to waste, didn't it!"
Those words were pretty harsh, but the elderly were used to frugality, collecting cardboard to sell for pocket change was a normal thing, and no one could really fault them for that.
But just as the old lady was speaking, she rudely shoved Qin Zhen.
Qin Zhen didn't dare resist. She got pushed and staggered two steps toward the flower bed, her head still hanging low.
She had already been as tolerant as she could be, but the old lady wouldn't let it go. She raised her hand to push Qin Zhen a second time, and right as her hand was about to touch Qin Zhen, an arm shot out and blocked her.
Fu Qi stepped between the elders and Qin Zhen. First he took Qin Zhen's hand and pulled her to his side, then rubbed his hands gently over the arm that had been pushed. After that, he half-embraced her and patted her back softly to soothe her.
Then Fu Qi turned to face the two elders. His usual smile faded, his expression turned a little cold, and he said in a low, stern voice, "Is it decent to lay your hands on people unprovoked? Or is throwing your weight around just because you're old what you call good manners?"
He was tall and built strongly, standing there like a solid wall. Now that his face was cold and hard, he looked very intimidating, almost scary.
Completely the opposite of Qin Zhen's meek look, anyone could tell at a glance that he was not the kind of person you could mess with.
The two elders, shrouded in his tall shadow, flinched a little. But then they stuck their necks out and said, "What? You think you're gonna hit us?!"
They were gearing up to throw a tantrum!
"No no no, he won't hit anyone!" Qin Zhen knew exactly how fierce old people throwing tantrums could be. She dropped her quail act immediately, hugged Fu Qi's arm tightly in a panic, and looked up at him anxiously saying, "We can't hit them..."
What she actually meant by "can't hit" was "can't eat them".
Fu Qi pressed his lips together, looked at her with a dim, unfathomable gaze for a moment, then shifted his eyes from her face to the two elders.
The two elders felt their hearts turn uneasy under his stare. They mumbled a few words, then dragged their cardboard boxes and left.
After they were far away, Qin Zhen still wouldn't let go of Fu Qi's arm. She whispered, "We can't hit them, and we definitely can't eat them. They're way too old, they wouldn't taste good at all!"
Fu Qi glanced at her and said, "Then I'll go eat their kids instead."
Qin Zhen hurriedly cut in, "Kids are still wet behind the ears, they reek of milk and pee—they taste even worse!"
Fu Qi opened his mouth to retort, but Qin Zhen rushed to speak first in a panic, "Young men are no good either, they never bathe, they're so filthy that eating one will make your breath stink. Young women are absolutely off-limits too, they slather on cosmetics all the time, you know what cosmetics are? They're toxic! They're kryptonite for zombies!"
Fu Qi had been in a foul mood earlier, but her silly rambling made it impossible for him to keep a straight face. "So that means no one is edible at all?"
Having been seen through, Qin Zhen simply clung tighter to his arm and admitted openly, "That's right! Eating people is against the law, you'll get hunted down and wiped out!"
"Fine, fine, I won't eat people. You can let go of me now."
"No way!" Qin Zhen knew he had a bad track record, and didn't trust him one bit, refusing to loosen her grip.
Fu Qi looked at her, her eyes full of unwavering determination as if she'd rather die than let go. He had no choice but to drag her along into the house with him still hanging on his arm.
The two of them sat down on the sofa together. Fu Qi drank a couple of sips of water to calm himself down, then said, "We live in a peaceful era now, with advanced technology, there's no threat to basic survival anymore. But people are under huge financial pressure, most of them are so short-tempered that even the tiniest little friction can blow up into a full-on fight... You're such an easy target to bully, what are you going to do in the future?"
He didn't even want to think about all the times she'd been picked on before. Just from what he'd seen that day, she'd already been shoved around twice. What about all the times he wasn't there to see it? This little zombie was so naive and silly, anyone could walk all over her.
"I'm just being nice to humans on purpose," Qin Zhen said, not missing the chance to lecture him, "And you have to be nice to them too! Humans are super scary, if you piss them off, they really will destroy you!"
Fu Qi was speechless for a moment. He couldn't tell if he should feel happy or annoyed at that.
After a long quiet pause, he heaved a deep sigh. "That settles it. You have to become a civil servant."
If she worked as a civil servant, she'd be a legally registered zombie, no longer having to live in constant fear and let people push her around. As an official of the special law enforcement department, no one would dare to bully her arbitrarily.
"Like I don't want that?" Qin Zhen was still hugging his arm, pressing her cheek against it as she mumbled, "The civil service exam is impossibly hard. Just getting all the fake documents you need costs hundreds of thousands, where am I supposed to get that kind of money... Even if I had the money, it's useless, Little Luo is gone now."
Fu Qi thought to himself, she's still hung up on those fake IDs of hers...
He looked down at Qin Zhen hanging off his arm, then lifted her chin up with his other hand to make her look at him. "What if I can make you a legitimate civil servant? Would you be willing to date me then?"
Qin Zhen blinked in confusion, then shook her head. "No way! You still eat people, that's against the law!"
"Fu Qi said, "I won't do that ever again. From now on I'll follow every rule and regulation, and be a good zombie just like you."
Qin Zhen's eyes went wide with surprise, she was clearly wavering, and Fu Qi added, "And money won't be a problem either."
"It's... it's not about the money!" Qin Zhen blurted out. Well, actually money was a pretty big deal too, she just hadn't thought of it a second ago.
Fu Qi quickly played along. "Oh right, forget I mentioned the money then."
"Wait no!" Qin Zhen immediately panicked, tugging at his arm. "The money counts! Our relationship absolutely has to come with money!"
Fu Qi bit back a laugh and sighed playfully, "Alright then, I'll work real hard to earn all the money you need."
Qin Zhen nodded vigorously.
Halfway through nodding, she suddenly froze, realizing she'd been tricked. She pounced on Fu Qi, pummeling him with a flurry of fists until he obediently apologized and promised he'd never scheme to tease her again.
Fu Qi, sore from the beating, sat back up and leaned close to Qin Zhen, asking, "So that means you agree to date me?"
Qin Zhen didn't believe for a second that this newly unearthed zombie could actually pull off getting her a civil service job. But she really liked Fu Qi. He could be a real pain sometimes, but every day she spent with him was fun. Even if the civil servant thing never panned out, she still wanted to give dating a try with another zombie like him. The only problem was that agreeing so easily would make her look like she had no pride at all.
She didn't say a word, and Fu Qi took her silence for hesitation. He studied her expression for a second and guessed, "You're still overthinking it? You'll have financial security, a stable job, a guaranteed future, and I'm not bad looking... What else are you worried about? My body?"
Fu Qi furrowed his brows as he said that.
The second he mentioned his body, Qin Zhen suddenly remembered the makeout scene from a movie she'd watched a few days ago. Her face burned up, and she darted sneaky little glances at Fu Qi's body.
Fu Qi noticed, and a smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth. "Oh, so that's what you're worried about. Fine then, c'mere, let me let you inspect the goods first..."
He reached for the buttons of his shirt to take it off.
Qin Zhen yelped in shock, shoving him away before covering her face and flopping face down on the sofa.
Fu Qi's hands froze on his shirt buttons, he laughed so hard he could barely stop.
The consequence of teasing Qin Zhen was another round of beatings. After she was done hitting him, Qin Zhen huffed over to grab her phone to browse for job postings. Fu Qi, aching all over from the pummeling, stretched his limbs out as he contacted headquarters.
They'd already fully mapped out the entire zombie clan, it was time to launch the official recruitment and integration plan. And it was finally time for him to have a proper, open relationship.
"This is urgent," he told the special law enforcement department.
Zombie Diary: Working Life Chapter 5
If I can become a legitimate civil servant, they can even give little me a pile of money and a super hot boyfriend with a great body, and little me would totally say yes! [sad face][sad face]
