Xu Feng’s watch could indeed access the internet, but it had to be operated with his hands. Qin Zhen wasn’t close enough to him to feel comfortable searching for where any grand tombs might be.
Once you lost all privacy, going online just wasn’t fun anymore.
She stopped using it, but didn’t leave. Instead, she squeezed onto the hospital bed and watched the two humans browse the forums.
The exchange of information was important no matter the era. After discovering that Country A had developed light-screen watches, the government had quickly gathered personnel to begin research and development. However, because of the lack of population and basic infrastructure, only a small number of bases and special forces teams could communicate remotely at present.
The center of communication was a forum newly established after the apocalypse. All the flashy features had been removed. At a glance, almost every post consisted of survival reports from the various bases and summaries of different missions.
The pinned post at the very top was about the people from Country A. Below it, IDs bearing the names of various squads left comments. The content was nothing more than reports of where they had encountered those people, how many had been injured, and how many had died. Someone had even compiled and compared all the information, reaching the conclusion that the people from Country A had changed direction over the past half month and seemed to be converging on the northern bases.
This meant they had found a lead on whatever they were looking for.
Xu Feng said, “They’re probably coming after you.”
Fu Qi nodded. “I’m very charming.”
In the past, Xu Feng would have immediately spat out a single “Screw you.” But they had been friends for many years, and after Fu Qi had made a trip to the gates of hell, Xu Feng had begun to treasure this ridiculous friendship a little more. His tolerance for Fu Qi had consequently increased.
Then a gunshot rang out from outside. Qin Zhen asked what had happened.
Fu Qi glanced outside and replied, “They didn’t make it. Made a scene at the hospital, so they were shot.”
Qin Zhen jumped, then nodded sheepishly. She said that making a scene at the hospital was indeed wrong, and even wanted to find a copy of the new criminal code to study carefully, just in case she accidentally broke the law someday.
Xu Feng felt numb inside.
There were many critically injured patients at the treatment center. Medical conditions were limited, and many medicines were in short supply. Most of them could only rely on their own immune systems to tough it out.
The medical staff did everything they could. Those who could be saved were saved. Those who couldn’t be saved died on the spot, transformed into zombies, lunged at the staff, and were then shot dead.
And this was called “making a scene at the hospital”?
Fu Qi was still spouting nonsense. “Under the new laws, going back on your word is also punishable by death. Sweetie, since you agreed to join the team, you have to keep your promise. From now on, you need to follow orders…”
Qin Zhen said, “Then just shoot, shoot me…”
Xu Feng couldn’t listen anymore. “Get lost, get lost, both of you get lost.”
Fu Qi had something wrong with his brain, and the powder-coated girl wasn’t exactly normal either. She had probably spent too much time around Fu Qi and been infected by his craziness.
There were many people in the base, but the area around the treatment center was dangerous and therefore quite empty. Apart from the occasional patrol, they saw no one else on the way back.
When the subject of expanding the squad came up again, Qin Zhen said that Fu Qi was utterly underhanded. He was already using devious tricks to set traps for her, and if she really became one of his team members, he would only scheme against her even more viciously. Therefore, the agreement they had made earlier no longer counted. Whether she would join his squad had to be reconsidered.
Fu Qi said, “You failed to avoid the trap. That’s your problem. You can’t always be lazy and refuse to use your brain.”
“Don’t always make me u-use my brain!” The zombie pointed at her own head. “It’s r-rusted. It itches. It feels awful!”
Fu Qi said, “If your brain itches, that means you’re about to become smarter.”
“If I become smarter, I’ll u-unify all the zombies and humans. I’ll make the zombies do the hard labor, and make the humans invent, invent things for me.”
After saying this, the zombie reached back and slapped Fu Qi across the face. “You didn’t deny it. So you really do still plan to t-trick me in the future!”
Fu Qi: “...Weren’t you the one who said you wouldn’t use your brain?”
How had that triggered an unexpected function?
Still, there was no denying that when this brain wasn’t in use, it was practically nonexistent. But once it started working, it was surprisingly clever.
“Nice words don’t work!”
The zombie had developed some sense. She said she would first assess the condition of Fu Qi’s squad before deciding whether to join. Until she made her decision, she would be in a probationary period. During that time, the captain’s performance would be very important.
To win over his prospective new team member, Captain Fu Qi traded some biscuits he had filched from Xu Feng for a new handheld fan on the way back. The zombie was delighted.
Over the next few days, Fu Qi took Qin Zhen to the hospital during the day to mooch food, drinks, and internet access from Xu Feng. At night, they returned to Fan Xu’s place so that Qin Zhen could undergo desensitization therapy.
The therapy had produced only slight results. Qin Zhen still didn’t dare face Fan Xu and his brother alone.
Because of the “side effects of her medicine,” the Fan brothers treated her with particular consideration. The more considerate they were, the more frightened Qin Zhen became. After several days, Fan Xu had already noticed her evasiveness and nervousness and was extremely puzzled.
Fan Kong wasn’t familiar with Qin Zhen and didn’t find it puzzling. He simply thought she was a strange person.
Early that morning, the little brother, who felt that the big shot had been distancing herself from him, came to Qin Zhen to bond with her. He invited her to watch a movie together that evening—the second installment of the tomb-raiding film she had watched last time.
The movie date they had been planning for ages was finally happening. Qin Zhen had no way to avoid it. She secretly glanced at Fan Kong, who was shaving a peach-wood sword beside her, and screamed inwardly.
Inviting a zombie to watch a movie with a Taoist priest about fighting zombies?
If she hadn’t known from the beginning that the little brother’s brain was even worse than hers, Qin Zhen would have thought he had already seen through her identity and was deliberately threatening her!
Qin Zhen appealed to Fu Qi for help with her eyes.
Unfortunately, Fu Qi had told her many times that feudal superstition was harmful. This was something she had to overcome. Unless it was absolutely necessary, Fu Qi wouldn’t help her, even if Qin Zhen got angry.
Qin Zhen had no choice. After stiffly enduring it for half a day, she forced herself to say, “It’s not a-authentic. I’m not watching it.”
“How is it not authentic?” Fan Xu asked, completely baffled. “I watched it when it first came out. It sticks very closely to the original work, and the reviews were great.”
Qin Zhen: “…”
She couldn’t exactly say it was because they had vilified zombies, could she?
She was desperately trying to make her smooth brain come up with an excuse when Fan Kong suddenly spoke from beside her.
“It’s definitely not authentic.”
After several days of contact, Qin Zhen felt that compared to the talkative Fan Xu, Fan Kong was somewhat aloof and taciturn. He was completely different from the chuuni Taoist priest she had first met, who had raised a peach-wood sword and shouted, “Demon!”
But she didn’t dare question him. She didn’t even dare mention Fan Kong’s name.
Now that he had picked up her words, she was so frightened that she didn’t dare let even a strand of hair move.
She heard Fan Kong say, “In our traditional culture, things that come out of tombs are either ghosts or zombies. One floats around, and the other hops around. What were those weird creatures in the movie? They looked bizarre and showed no respect for tradition at all!”
“And the way they used glutinous rice—was that supposed to be right? What about the yellow talismans? They cut the yellow talismans out entirely! Don’t even get me started on the peach-wood sword and the Eight Trigrams mirror. What kind of nonsense was that? It wasn’t authentic at all!”
Fan Kong became so emotional that his local accent was about to come out.
“It made me furious just watching it. I don’t want to watch that one. Find something from the eighties or nineties. The zombies in those movies were the real deal…”
“Where are we supposed to find those now? We should be grateful to have anything to watch.” Fan Xu grabbed Fan Kong and made him calm down. “Besides, you’re talking about those old-school zombie movies. They were set in the Qing dynasty. We’re watching a tomb-raiding movie now. The era is much older. They’re not the same thing…”
Fan Kong furrowed his brows and was about to say something else, but the chatterbox robbed him of the chance to speak.
“Besides, times are changing. Going from jiangshi to zongzi and then to zombies—that’s progress too. Whether they’re alive or dead, nobody should cling to old ways forever… Sister Night, Brother Fu, don’t you agree?”
Qin Zhen had already turned to stone the moment the word “jiangshi” leaped from Fan Kong’s mouth. When she heard the rest, she was so moved that she wanted to applaud Fan Kong and claim him as family on the spot.
Only the fear of Taoist priests ingrained in every jiangshi’s bones stopped her.
When she was called upon, she didn’t dare reveal what she was really thinking, nor did she dare bring up the issue of what was or wasn’t authentic. She merely nodded vaguely and said, “Mm…”
Fu Qi was different. He was purely there to watch the show. After putting on an affected frown and pretending to think for a moment, he said, “Going by that logic, jiangshi are the lowest level. No wonder they’re the only ones who have to hop around.”
Qin Zhen: “…”
Was this how you treated a jiangshi you wanted to recruit?
Fine. She’d remember this grudge.
With a single sentence, Fu Qi had divided the three species of living dead into a hierarchy, leaving the young Taoist priest who had grown up in a temple completely bewildered.
Fan Xu didn’t have a Taoist priest’s certificate and had no particular reverence for ancient jiangshi culture. He clapped his hands together and concluded, “So jiangshi are the lowest level and have to hop around. Zongzi are the evolved version and don’t need to hop. Zombies actively eat people and infect humans, so they’re the highest level!”
Fu Qi said, “Makes sense.”
The two of them had reached a seemingly logical but utterly nonsensical pseudo-scientific conclusion. The two defenders of ancient jiangshi culture, held back by one person’s stutter and the other’s poor speaking skills, were powerless to refute them and fell into a deep silence.
To prevent the conflict from escalating, Fan Xu eventually picked out a feel-good comedy for everyone to watch.
Jiangshi didn’t hold grudges. The moment the movie started, Qin Zhen forgot the slander from earlier, as well as the fact that Fu Qi still owed her a beating. She sat next to him and watched with great enjoyment. Even after the movie ended, she was still reluctant to leave the story behind.
Just as everyone was in high spirits, Fan Kong suddenly declared loudly from the side, “I don’t care about anything else. If a dead person comes back to life in a tomb, they’re a jiangshi, and jiangshi are supposed to hop!”
Qin Zhen shot to her feet with a clang, taking the stool down with her!
Fu Qi reacted quickly. Before she could start hopping, he seized both her hands and forcibly pressed her back into her seat.
One had to admit, her reflexes were frighteningly sharp.
After dragging Qin Zhen back, Fu Qi put an arm around her shoulders and held her down firmly. He explained to the two brothers, “She can’t listen to anything related to jiangshi…”
The moment Fan Xu heard that, he assumed Qin Zhen was frightened. He hurriedly dragged his deranged little brother away.
After a while, Fan Xu even came over in secret to explain, “My grandfather acted in movies when he was young. He played a jiangshi, and after he came home, he talked to us about that stuff every day. My brother probably just heard too much of it when he was little… Please don’t take it personally. He’s just a bit chuuni. He’s actually a good kid.”
Aside from the sentence “Jiangshi are supposed to hop,” Qin Zhen could no longer take in anything else. She sat there blankly, utterly unresponsive. It was Fu Qi who sent Fan Xu away.
When Fu Qi returned after closing the door, he saw the jiangshi sitting there with tears welling in her eyes and immediately knew that something terrible had happened.
Sure enough, in the next second, Qin Zhen said mournfully, “Sweetie, my s-soles are itchy. I think I’m d-devolving. I keep wanting to h-hop a few times… I’m not the Z-Zombie Queen anymore.”
Fu Qi replied solemnly, “First of all, you’ve never been a Zombie Queen. Second, if the soles of your feet itch, scratch them. Why overthink it?”
Qin Zhen didn’t even have the energy to argue with him. She sat there looking miserable for a while, then kicked off her shoes and tugged off her socks. After staring at her bruised feet as though facing a formidable enemy, she turned around and pleaded pitifully, “Sweetie, could you h-help me scratch them?”
“…” Fu Qi closed his eyes and said, “Sweetie is asleep.”
Qin Zhen turned back around and stared at her feet, wiggling her toes. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t bring herself to scratch them.
After a pause, she spoke again. “Captain, could you help me s-scratch them?”
Fu Qi: “…”
What goes around comes around. In the end, he had received his punishment after all.
