Duan Yan had heard from the clerks at the yamen office that Sir Ma, the registrar, was in rather poor health. His rank was roughly the same as Tax Officer Qin’s: one oversaw the tax affairs of the town yamen, while the other handled its documents and correspondence.
Now that he was bedridden, the work that ought to have been his had all fallen onto Tax Officer Qin’s shoulders. The month’s end was busy enough already; doing the work of two men alone, Tax Officer Qin was truly run off his feet from dawn to dusk.
The proper officials of the yamen all had more work than they could finish during the autumn months. Tax Officer Qin had a kindly face and was easy to speak with, so he felt even less comfortable assigning additional work to his colleagues. Seeing that Duan Yan, though unofficial staff, worked briskly and efficiently—and was far more dependable than Third Son Qian, the toll collector under him—he often called Duan Yan over to lend a hand.
Duan Yan had beaten Third Son Qian some time before. Too ashamed to make a public fuss about it, Third Son Qian claimed that he was looking after his sick husband at the farmstead, when in fact he was simply nursing his own injuries. He had scarcely shown his face in town since.
Tax Officer Qin knew nothing of this. He only assumed Third Son Qian was deliberately making excuses to spite him over the quarrel at the checkpoint last time, when Tax Officer Qin had not taken his side. Thus, at the very time when he was busiest, the man who was ordinarily the most eager to curry favor had instead failed to appear and offer his help.
Tax Officer Qin was rather annoyed as well. If Third Son Qian would not come, he refused to summon him. Recently, he had instead grown much closer to Duan Yan.
It was Tax Officer Qin who had told Duan Yan that Registrar Ma was ill. Quite a few people of standing at the yamen had gone to pay him a visit. Though Duan Yan had never even met Registrar Ma before, he thought that if he wished to establish himself firmly at the yamen in the future, it would be best to observe such social courtesies properly.
A visit while someone was ill would earn a measure of goodwill for the future.
So he had Gou San'er prepare a box of gifts, and went with Tax Officer Qin to the Ma residence.
He had originally thought that, after seeing the man, if it seemed appropriate, he might ask Song Fengsui to make a visit as well. But when he got there, he learned that Registrar Ma had what people nowadays called a “dirty disease”; his body had long since begun to fail him.
It seemed he had only a few days left to live, which was why so many people had come to call on him.
Naturally, the matter of this filthy illness was being kept from the public. They gave it a much nicer name, calling it a weakness caused by overwork. Duan Yan discreetly asked around and learned that Registrar Ma spent every day enjoying himself in one pleasure house or another, sleeping overnight here or there. He was an old libertine—was it any wonder that he had worn himself out day and night?
Many people knew the truth, but for the sake of appearances, none would say it aloud.
Duan Yan found it thoroughly ill-omened. Never mind that the disease was now beyond the reach of medicine—even if it could still be cured, he would not have wished Song Fengsui to come anywhere near it.
Once he had done all that propriety required, he was ready to leave. But seeing that he had arrived with Tax Officer Qin, the Ma family also kept him for dinner. Duan Yan could not politely refuse, and so he had no choice but to eat alongside Tax Officer Qin before departing.
After leaving the Ma residence that afternoon, Duan Yan made a round of the shop, and by then it was already rather late. A strong wind had risen, and the sky had darkened. Fearing rain, he immediately mounted his horse and headed back to the farmstead.
As soon as he arrived, before he even had the chance to ask, one of the people below him came to report that Song Fengsui had not come to the farmstead that day. He had gone into the mountains with the village party gathering medicinal herbs.
Duan Yan had been in and out of the yamen frequently of late, so of course he knew about the collection of medicinal herbs from farming households. He had simply not expected that the village of Liu had been assigned this task today, nor that Song Fengsui had gone into the mountains.
Seeing that it was already getting late, he asked at once, “Has he come back yet?”
“Doesn’t seem like anyone from the herb-gathering party has returned to the village.”
The tenant answered that the farmstead’s gatekeepers could see people coming and going from the village. Not only had they not seen Song Fengsui, they had not seen a single woman or ge’er returning from the mountains.
Duan Yan’s brow tightened. Dark clouds hung low overhead, and muffled thunder was already rolling in the distance. Why had they not returned? What if they were caught in the rain in the mountains? He had been into those mountains himself; he knew the forests around Yan Town were no place to trifle with.
Without another word, he grabbed a bamboo rain hat and a straw rain cape, then headed straight for the Song family home.
The wind blew fiercely across the field ridges, and calls of “It’s going to rain!” drifted again and again from the fields.
Duan Yan strode quickly toward the Song house. From a considerable distance away, he caught sight of the Song family’s thatched cottage, and saw figures coming down one after another along the narrow mountain path.
At the sight, he let out a slight breath of relief, but did not slow his pace as he went to meet them.
“Madam Xu, m-my stomach hurts. I’m going home first. I’ll bring the herbs over to the village head in a while—”
Seeing the tall man striding toward their group, several timid women and ge’er sensed that something was wrong. Trying to avoid notice, they attempted to slip away.
“Who gave you permission to go home after gathering herbs? You are to hand them over to the village head before you disperse. Even if your stomach hurts so badly you shit yourself, you are not going anywhere!”
Duan Yan had only seen the group arguing from afar and did not yet know what had happened. His eyes swept over them, but he could not spot Song Fengsui. Before he could reach the group and ask their leader what was going on, several women and ge’er, apparently too frightened to run away, hurried toward him instead, crying out all at once:
“Brother Duan, Doctor Song got separated from us!”
“We looked everywhere, but we couldn’t find him. We’re worried sick!”
“It’s about to rain. We hurried back to get help and send people up the mountain to look for him! Your legs are quick—please, hurry and take people to find him!”
They all knew Duan Yan could be frightening, and they were afraid. They had wanted to sneak away, but could not, so they could only rush over and tell him first.
Their voices overlapped in a noisy jumble. At first Duan Yan could not make out what they were saying, but seeing their frantic expressions, he knew something had happened.
His brows drew sharply together. “One at a time!”
Madam Xu stepped forward then and explained the matter properly.
When Duan Yan heard that Song Fengsui was still in the mountains, he barked, “You left him alone and came back on your own?”
“No, no. We wanted to come back quickly to notify everyone, so we could bring the village hunters and men with quicker feet to help. Fog rose in the mountains, and thunder started outside. We couldn’t find him, so we had no choice but to come back and think of another way.”
The more they explained, the more alarming it became. When Duan Yan heard that fog had risen in the mountains as well, his back went cold at once.
Though he was both anxious and furious, he knew this was not the time for anger. He forcibly suppressed his emotions and questioned them closely. “Which route did you take up the mountain? Which peak did you go to? In what area did you get separated from him? Tell me every detail, clearly.”
“We went to the outer mountains, the sunny side of Roundhead Mountain. He was on the same team as Mr. Xiao.”
At this point, the younger ge’er and girls from Mr. Xiao’s group were so intimidated by Duan Yan’s terrifying manner that they feared his anger might fall upon them. At once, they pushed Zeng Jingui forward.
“Gui was the last one to see Doctor Song before he disappeared!”
Gui, who had been shrinking into the crowd, felt his heart lurch when he heard himself named. He silently cursed those little sluts. After all the kindness he had shown them in the past, they had sold him out at a time like this.
Seeing that the person the villagers referred to had still not stepped forward or spoken after so long, Duan Yan roared, “Who is it? At a time like this, you are still dawdling?”
Zeng Jingui shuddered. The people around him moved aside, and though he was unwilling to come out, he was exposed all the same.
He met Duan Yan’s icy, murderous gaze, and his legs began to tremble. The smugness he had shown after causing Song Fengsui trouble was nowhere to be seen. Though he was terrified, he still knew that he absolutely could not tell anyone about this.
“He… he was gathering wild greens with our group over by Toadstone. I asked him to pair up with me, but he wouldn’t… so I… I just left him alone.”
As he spoke, Zeng Jingui suddenly burst into tears. “I didn’t know he’d get lost! What’s that got to do with me?”
Seeing Zeng Jingui frightened into tears, several older wives and husbands from the village hurried to speak on his behalf.
“Brother Duan, Zeng really didn’t know something like this would happen. If he had known, he certainly wouldn’t have let him gather wild greens alone.”
Duan Yan’s expression darkened, and he said in a low voice, “If anything happens to him, no one will get off lightly!”
With that, he pointed to Madam Xu and ordered her to inform the village headman and have him gather people to search the mountain at once. Then he pointed to Mr. Xiao and told someone to go to the estate to find Manager Lü.
Once he had finished giving his orders, he said nothing more. He turned and strode into the mountains, his steps swift as flying.
Everyone in the village had been thoroughly frightened by Duan Yan and immediately went to deliver the messages, not daring to delay in the slightest.
After roughly the time it took to burn a stick of incense, raindrops began to fall over the village. Duan Yan had already entered the mountain forest. Though night had not yet fully fallen, the woods were black in every direction, and it was already difficult to see clearly.
He himself had not yet been drenched. He could only hear the rustling of rain above him as it struck the dense, shadowy canopy. He knew that it had begun to rain.
The deeper he went into the mountains, the darker it became. The wind tore at the trees with the force of landslides and roiling seas, making the heart tremble. The cries of wild beasts, coming from places unknown, were even more terrifying.
Following the directions he had been given, Duan Yan found a massive rock shaped like a toad. His clothes were already somewhat damp from the rain. He lit a torch and began searching while shouting Song Fengsui’s name.
Duan Yan had undergone frequent training and knew better than most how dangerous a mountain forest could be when night fell and rain began to pour.
It was precisely because he knew how dangerous it was that his heart was so tense. Even if Song Fengsui had, by some miracle, yet to encounter any real danger, an environment like this would be enough to frighten anyone senseless.
“Song Fengsui!”
Duan Yan shouted until his voice broke. He held the torch in one hand and a long saber in the other, hacking indiscriminately at the grasses, vines, and shrubs blocking his path.
When he received no response for a long while, the force behind his swings grew heavier and heavier.
With one slash, he severed a vine as thick as a man’s arm. His blade struck an old camphor tree beside him, and as he withdrew it, he noticed a crossed mark cut into one corner of the trunk.
He immediately reached out and touched it. The exposed bark was still fresh and green, proof that the mark had been made only recently.
Duan Yan’s eyes lit up at once, and he hurried after the mark.
Clinging to this single thread of hope, he pressed forward quickly. Yet the farther he went, the more wrong things seemed. The marks were leading him deeper and deeper into the forest—completely in the opposite direction from Toadstone.
The rain grew heavier. Water gathered in the trees before crashing down in large drops, striking his body like hail.
Wind, rain, and thunder blended together, swallowing Duan Yan’s calls so completely that they could not carry through the forest. The torch, too, was becoming harder and harder to keep alight. It was nothing more than firewood tied together and set ablaze, unlike a proper torch wrapped in oil-soaked cloth.
“Song Fengsui!”
Just as the torch went out, Duan Yan gave an almost hysterical shout.
But the wind and rain weakened his cry, and it did not travel far.
He wiped away the rainwater that had slid from his straw hat onto his face. Just as he was preparing to search on in the darkness, he suddenly heard a faint voice beside him.
“…Duan Yan.”
Duan Yan stopped dead. He practically pricked up his ears.
“Is that you, Duan Yan? I’m over here…”
Certain that he had not imagined it, Duan Yan dashed toward the sound.
Sure enough, beside a luxuriant thicket, he caught sight of a familiar figure crouched on the ground, illuminated by a faint glimmer of light.
In that instant, Duan Yan felt as though the self who had already died had been granted life once more. Without giving it a thought, he rushed forward and pulled Song Fengsui into his arms.
The warmth of his body and the solid beat of his heart finally convinced Song Fengsui, emerging from that boundless darkness, that he was not suffering from hypothermia or blood loss, nor was this some final hallucination before death. Duan Yan had truly come!
His eyes grew hot. In that moment, the tension gripping both body and mind finally released, and all his strength left him. He went limp in Duan Yan’s arms.
The two of them held each other tightly for a long while before Duan Yan finally regained some composure and hurried to comfort him.
“Don’t be afraid. It’s all right now. I’m here.”
“Are you hurt? Why were you sitting here?”
Song Fengsui rested against Duan Yan’s shoulder. His chin was somewhat pricked by the rain cape Duan Yan was wearing, but he did not want to move.
“I slipped on the moss a couple of times after it started raining. It wasn’t anything serious. But just now, something that looked like a ferret badger darted past and stabbed my leg. The pain made my foot give way, and I fell. After I got back up, I didn’t have the strength to go on. It was so dark all around me, and the rain was so heavy, so I stopped here.”
“Thank goodness you came. Otherwise, I really wouldn’t have known what to do.”
Getting lost in this mountain forest today had been even more terrifying than the journey during his exile.
Hearing this, Duan Yan felt as though his heart had been seized and squeezed.
But he knew this was no place for a long conversation. He gently stroked Song Fengsui twice before slowly setting him down. He removed his straw hat and put it on Song Fengsui’s head, then untied his own rain cape and draped it over him as well.
“We need to find somewhere to shelter from the rain first. It’s very dangerous to stay out in the mountains for long in weather like this.”
Song Fengsui gave a soft acknowledgment. Without waiting for Duan Yan to ask, he raised his arms, ready for Duan Yan to carry him on his back.
“I remember there’s a cave past Toadstone where we can shelter from the rain. We’ll go there first, then find a way back once the rain eases.”
Duan Yan spoke as he carried him onward.
The forest was so dark that one could not see a hand before one’s face. They could only rely on the light from a single fire starter.
It was not a particularly long journey, yet it took them a full quarter of an hour to complete.
Fortunately, they reached the cave. Inside lay some dry firewood, probably left there by mountain hunters for exactly this sort of rainy day.
Duan Yan built a fire. At last, in the thick darkness, they had a bright, steady light.
Only then could they see that Song Fengsui’s small face was smeared with mud and moss, making him look like a little spotted cat. His clothes were filthy as well.
Duan Yan took out the handkerchief he carried and gently wiped the mud from Song Fengsui’s cheek. Song Fengsui hissed softly, and Duan Yan realized that his skin had been scraped as well, likely when he fell.
His brows drew tightly together, and he could not help blaming himself.
“If I hadn’t lingered so long in town today and had returned to the estate earlier, you wouldn’t have had to suffer so much in the mountains. Thank goodness you’re brave—and calm when trouble comes. If it had been someone else, even without encountering venomous snakes or wild beasts, they might have been frightened into stumbling straight into some mountain ravine or pit.”
“Who said I wasn’t afraid? I just know that being afraid wouldn’t do me any good.” Song Fengsui let out a soft laugh. “You can’t exactly be blamed for losing track of me. Everyone has their own troubles. If I followed your logic, the only way to keep an eye on me would be to tie me to your waistband.”
Faced with Song Fengsui’s teasing, Duan Yan did not smile. Instead, he was silent for a moment before saying quietly as he withdrew the handkerchief, “If I could, I’d want to do that.”
Song Fengsui could not help looking at Duan Yan. He rarely heard anyone say such things.
He opened his mouth, seemingly wanting to say something, but in the end, he remained silent.
The cave fell quiet for a moment before Duan Yan’s voice sounded again.
“That day, you asked me why. I didn’t answer you then, but now I have a definite answer.”
Song Fengsui’s heartbeat seemed to skip.
Duan Yan continued, “Perhaps this isn’t the right time to say it, but now that I have an answer, I still want to tell you. If you want to know now, I’ll tell you. If you don’t want to hear it, then I’ll keep silent.”
Song Fengsui looked into Duan Yan’s eyes. Of course, he knew what Duan Yan was about to say.
If your heart feels the same as mine, then naturally it would be a wonderful thing—something to make everyone happy. But if it didn’t… Song Fengsui had always been confident, and he had been sure of himself in many matters. Only when it came to feelings did he know that this was an age-old problem for which there could be no absolute certainty.
In the past, when he was with Duan Yan, he had felt perfectly at ease. He had even hoped to receive Duan Yan’s answer soon. Yet now that the moment had truly arrived, panic suddenly seized him, and he found himself somewhat afraid to hear it.
Seeing him fall silent, Duan Yan’s heart cooled a little. He more or less understood what Song Fengsui meant.
So he did not press him further. Instead, he used tending the fire as an excuse to change the subject. “The sound of the rain outside seems to be…”
“I want to know, Duan Yan.”
“What exactly am I to you? What do I mean to you in your heart?”
Duan Yan froze for a moment, then his expression became utterly serious once more.
His Adam’s apple bobbed. “I never regarded you as a younger brother. I care about you, I worry about you, I’m afraid you’ll be wronged and afraid you’ll be hurt—all because I like you!”
“I like you. Even knowing that you are free and should not be bound or influenced by anyone or anything into changing what you truly feel, I still selfishly don’t want you to like anyone else.”
“When you asked me, I already had some idea of the answer, but I couldn’t bring myself to say it. I was afraid I might be wrong. I was afraid I still didn’t understand my own heart clearly enough. Until today—”
Duan Yan looked into Song Fengsui’s eyes. “When I couldn’t find you in the mountains, the terror in my heart became harder to bear than death itself. That was when I knew there could be no clearer answer than this.”
Song Fengsui’s heart trembled. Duan Yan’s heated gaze felt as though it might burn him.
“You… How can you be so foolish?”
His cheeks flushed. “You’ve never even died before. Don’t go saying things like that.”
Duan Yan’s brows drew tight, and he insisted seriously, “What if I have?”
Song Fengsui assumed he was referring to the time Duan Yan had been poisoned.
He did not dwell on it. Having heard Duan Yan’s confession and received the answer he had wanted, his heart was already so full of joy that he felt as though he might float away.
After baring his heart to Song Fengsui, Duan Yan was once again overcome by the absurdity of his own thoughts. How had he come to feel this way about Song Fengsui?
That thought lingered for only a moment before scattering without a trace. Because now, Duan Yan felt that everything about Song Fengsui was worthy of anyone’s affection. To have been allowed to like him, even for a single lifetime, made the journey worthwhile.
Then Song Fengsui stepped closer and placed his hand in Duan Yan’s palm.
“No matter whether you have or not, I believe in your feelings.”
Song Fengsui leaned against the chest of the man who seemed to have turned into a wooden statue.
“Because I feel the same way.”
Duan Yan felt dizzy. In truth, when he had confessed his feelings to Song Fengsui, he had never imagined whether Song Fengsui would accept them. He had simply promised that once he had figured out why, he would tell him.
He had not considered what had prompted Song Fengsui to ask why. So… so that meant he had not misunderstood anything before. Song Fengsui really did feel the same way?
His Adam’s apple bobbed again. Though he was still somewhat stunned, he was exceptionally sharp when it mattered most. Afraid that Song Fengsui might change his mind, he hurriedly reached out and pulled him into his arms.
“Can I ask when you first started feeling this way?”
Song Fengsui blinked, puzzled as to why Duan Yan had suddenly thought to ask that.
Still, he considered it carefully before answering, “I suppose it should have been… though I can’t really say for sure. It’s not as though a bell rings at the exact moment your heart begins to stir, specifically to remind you, ‘At this very moment, you have officially fallen for this person!’”
“I did want to tell you, but how could I possibly sort it all out?”
Duan Yan was briefly at a loss for words, though he felt that Song Fengsui’s reasoning was not entirely without merit.
Still, he always felt there had been some discrepancy between them. Somehow, their paths had diverged in one place, only to converge at the same destination in the end.
But he had no inclination to examine it closely. Looking down at the person in his arms, Duan Yan felt an indescribable tenderness and affection. Yet the embarrassment on his face was impossible to conceal.
After all, he had never been in a relationship before. Now that he suddenly had one, even though the two of them were already very familiar with each other, the sudden change in their relationship had happened entirely outside his expectations. It would take some time to adjust.
Duan Yan remained quiet for a long while, wondering whether he ought to say something that sounded like a promise at a moment like this.
He cleared his throat softly. “I’ll treat you well from now on.”
Song Fengsui lifted his head with a smile and glanced at him. “Mm.”
They stared at each other for quite some time.
Unable to bear it any longer, Song Fengsui asked, “That’s all?”
Duan Yan hurriedly added, “Then tell me what you want. You can make any request, and I’ll definitely fulfill it.”
Song Fengsui gave Duan Yan a light shove. How could there be such a clueless man in the world?
