The corners of Cui Yunchu’s eyes were red as she stared at his face for several breaths. Then she broke free of his hold, burrowed into the blankets, and pulled them over her head.
“A Chu.” Shen Xiabai tugged at the quilt.
Cui Yunchu edged farther in and wrapped herself up even more tightly.
Each time Shen Xiabai pulled at it, she turned onto her side and wound the blanket around herself another layer.
“Go back first,” Cui Yunchu said sullenly.
“A Chu.” The smell of alcohol on him was strong, and his voice was low. “I’m not leaving. There are some things I want to ask you.”
“Go back first.”
Shen Xiabai simply took off his shoes and climbed onto the bed, pulling her—and the blanket wrapped around her—into his arms. “I’m not leaving. I want to hear you say it yourself.”
“Go back to the Shen residence.” Cui Yunchu seemed to know only that one sentence, utterly ignoring everything Shen Xiabai said.
The desire for revenge was obvious. Shen Xiabai knew she was angry over the way he had pushed her away before.
He tightened his arms, squeezing Cui Yunchu until she yelped, “Are you trying to kill me?”
Shen Xiabai turned her over, pinned her shoulders down, and made her face him. Cui Yunchu was stubborn; she refused to look at him. When he held her head in place, she simply shut her eyes.
She kept her mouth tightly closed, afraid that someone might bite her.
Shen Xiabai’s voice was hoarse. “A Chu, why do you hate me?”
Her lashes trembled violently, yet she kept her eyes shut and said nothing.
Shen Xiabai pushed her upright and cornered her against the headboard, boxing her in before him. “A Chu, I want to hear you say it yourself.”
“You believed what that palace maid said, didn’t you? Why come looking for me and ask now?”
Shen Xiabai gazed at her for a long while before saying, “But I want to know what I can do to make it up to you. I still want to love you.”
He did not deny that he had believed the palace maid’s words. But over the past few days, he had not been thinking about giving up. He had been thinking about how he should love her.
“A Chu, hearing those things truly disappointed me.” He gently caressed her cheek, the rims of his eyes reddening.
Yet his pride and bottom line had retreated again and again.
Cui Yunchu stared at him, her eyes wide and the corners red as large tears rolled down her cheeks.
Shen Xiabai moved forward on his knees, forcing her farther into the corner. “A Chu, I went to Prime Minister Cui again and again. I yielded time after time because I wanted to marry you, but he refused.”
“I gave you my whole heart, yet you always answered vaguely. Then Cui Yunli returned, and you said you liked me.” The corners of Shen Xiabai’s eyes were just as red. “A Chu, how could you expect me not to grow suspicious?”
He pressed his forehead to hers, his voice hoarse. “Do you know how long I’ve tormented myself these past few days, tossing and turning night after night?”
“You’ve always been heartless. Back then, you pretended to be affectionate with me, stole my heart, and used me to eliminate the Gu scion. I was willing to let you do it, but…” Shen Xiabai gripped her chin, forcing her to raise her head and meet his eyes.
“Afterward, you turned your back on me without the slightest mercy. So what about this time? You said you liked me, but was it also for the sake of Cui Yunli’s position? Now that the Cui family has gotten what it wanted, are the kisses and intimacy we shared all those days also going to vanish without a trace?”
Was she planning to cast him aside now that she had achieved her goal?
He lowered his head, his gaze fixed on Cui Yunchu’s slightly bitten red lips. A warm tear seemed to fall between them. “Why? Tell me why.”
“I was useful to you. You shouldn’t have treated me this way. When it comes to someone you intend to use, you should hide your true intentions and give yourself to the part completely—even if it’s an act, you should see it through to the end.”
“I may still be useful to you, A Chu. You shouldn’t turn your back on me without mercy.”
Whether it was that beast from the Gu family or Cui Yunli’s position, he had never regretted any of his decisions. What pained and saddened him was that Cui Yunchu had abandoned him so decisively, without leaving herself even the slightest way back.
She had cast him aside with astonishing ease.
You can use me however you like. I’ll pave the road for you every step of the way. Just don’t wish for my death.
Cui Yunchu bit her lip hard, tears falling without pause.
Shen Xiabai gently wiped away her tears, then rested his head against her shoulder.
Silence descended over the room. For a time, neither of them spoke.
Shen Xiabai’s tender lips brushed her cheek and ear from time to time. “A Chu, let’s get married. You can stay at the Shen residence every day and throw your weight around. Leave everything else to me.”
Cui Yunchu pressed her lips into a straight line and gave a derisive laugh. “You really do think you have an ironclad life. In the current situation, the emperor and that old bastard Cui are both watching you like hawks. There are thorns everywhere ahead, and behind you is me—a woman who schemes against you and has repeatedly tried to put you in danger. Who gave you such courage and confidence? Are you truly not afraid of dying?”
Shen Xiabai said, “A Chu, I’ve said all I have to say. If you still want me dead, then you’re simply cold-hearted and blind. I have no regrets and nothing to be ashamed of.”
Cui Yunchu looked at him, her expression half tearful and half amused. “Really?”
“A Chu, do you have me in your heart?” Shen Xiabai’s expression was earnest as he stroked her cheek. “When you said you liked me in the carriage that day, did you mean it?”
Had the closeness they shared afterward also been genuine, rather than a method of helping Cui Yunli and keeping Shen Xiabai under control?
Cui Yunchu looked at him steadily and said, “I treat Grandmother well, and I treat Yunfeng well, because they treat me well. The old bastard I mention every day is my father.”
“In my mind, there are only people who treat me well and people who don’t. Blood ties have nothing to do with it. The way you treat me cannot be compared to a brother I haven’t seen in years.”
The affection behind her confession of love had been genuine, even if she had been drunk when she said it.
To Cui Yunchu, the people who mattered most were those who treated her well. If one day she needed to, she would not hesitate to scheme against Cui Yunli for Shen Xiabai’s sake. In her heart, Cui Yunli was not important enough for her to scheme against someone who had risked his life to treat her well.
Shen Xiabai, I stopped hating you a long time ago.
It was probably because he had been deceived and used by her too many times, and because her endless nonsense and wavering had hurt him, that he kept asking for reassurance.
She had repeatedly sought confirmation of his feelings, and now he wanted confirmation of hers.
Shen Xiabai’s gaze deepened. Suddenly, he pressed the back of her head down and crushed his lips against hers, his kiss frantic and urgent.
Cui Yunchu hooked her arms around his neck and returned his passion. Her response, however, was shy and restrained, far less fierce than his.
“A Chu, say it to me. Please?”
Cui Yunchu said, “I like you.”
“Who treats you well?”
“You.”
“Who am I?”
Cui Yunchu lifted a brow and smiled. “You’re my Lover. You’re the one in my heart.”
The two of them kissed passionately, utterly unconcerned about the two people standing guard outside for the night.
Shen Xiabai pulled away from her lips and stared intently into her eyes. Cui Yunchu said, “Relax. There’s absolutely no ulterior motive.”
“Then do you still want money?”
“That, I still do.” Cui Yunchu released him and leaned against his chest. “Can you give me a few fish from your courtyard?”
“The ones with all the colors.”
Shen Xiabai’s face stiffened, and he fell silent at once.
“I’ll give you money for them, all right? How much do you want?” If necessary, he would start embezzling and taking bribes tomorrow.
Cui Yunchu’s brows drew together. “What do you mean? You can’t bear to give them to me?”
“How could that be? I’d be willing to give you anything.”
Cui Yunchu shoved him away. “I’m not the silly little Cui Yunfeng. Don’t try to fool me with empty promises.”
Shen Xiabai wanted to hold her again, but she wouldn’t let him.
“……”
She really did turn on a dime when it came to liking someone.
