Siyu had known since childhood that her mother was not her birth mother.
Her birth mother was the late Consort Zhuang.
Her mother had never hidden this from her; in fact, she often spoke of her birth mother.
Every time Siyu saw the radiant smile on her mother's face when she spoke of her birth mother, she would wonder: what kind of person was her birth mother, to be remembered so fondly for so many years?
But if you asked how much she missed her birth mother, the truth was, not overwhelmingly so. She had received so much love that the regret of her birth mother not being by her side was largely filled.
Siyu believed she must be the happiest child in the palace.
The princes, of course, had it tougher. Their education was always much stricter than that of the princesses. Although palace rules stated that princes must begin daily studies from the age of five, Siyu knew that her brothers and younger brothers were all tutored by their own mothers from the age of two or three, already immersed in the arduous sea of learning.
Among the princesses, take the Eldest Princess, for example. She had been enfeoffed as the Princess of Yong'an since childhood and even had her own fiefdom. But the Empress placed high hopes on her; every day she had to study her lessons, learn the qin, and practice archery. It was truly hard work.
Then there was the Second Princess, who always seemed burdened with worries. Siyu rarely saw her laugh heartily.
But she was different. Her mother never had high demands of her. A phrase her mother often said was: "You are fortunate to be a princess of a powerful nation. You can do most of the things that the vast majority of women in this world cannot. I ask nothing of you, only that you do as you wish and find joy in what you do."
Siyu understood the meaning behind her mother's words.
Her mother had told her many stories, some set in fictional dynasties, where women were often at the mercy of fate. Even princesses could suffer tragic destinies due to weak nations and foolish emperors.
She was different. The Zhao Kingdom was powerful, with myriad states paying tribute. It would only be a matter of her setting her sights on a prince from another kingdom and having him brought to her; there was no possibility of her being sent away for a political marriage. Her father, the Emperor, though he valued the princes more, would never mistreat the princesses. In fact, because princesses did not have to inherit the great enterprise of the state, they were indulged and treated even more favorably.
She truly was fortunate, Siyu thought.
This fortune was not just because of her status as a princess, but also because she had a very, very good mother.
Siyu couldn't quite articulate what made her mother better than the other consorts, but she simply felt that her mother was different from all the other ladies in the palace—no, from all the women in this world.
What Siyu felt most deeply was her mother's attitude towards the Emperor.
No one was not in awe of the Emperor. Even the Crown Prince brother was full of reverence and caution when facing their father.
Naturally, her mother was also in awe of the Emperor, but Siyu felt that her mother's awe was like an ant's fear of a colossal creature, like a person's fear of life and death itself.
What her mother feared was the power in the Emperor's hands, not the Emperor himself.
Siyu remembered once asking her mother about this in confusion. At that time, a look of nostalgia and confidence, never seen before, appeared on her mother's face. Then her mother asked in return: "Do you know Marx?"
Siyu was bewildered.
Who was Marx? A foreigner? Siyu knew of foreigners; there were foreign craftsmen in the palace, and their names were all very strange.
Her mother asked again: "Do you know communism?"
Siyu was even more confused.
What kind of 'ism'? And what was an 'ism' anyway?
Her mother continued: "Do you know the Five-Starred Red Flag?"
This Siyu knew: "The flag with stars on it?"
Her mother smiled without answering.
Siyu, unable to figure it out and unwilling to give up, pestered her mother for a long time. Finally, her mother said: "Perhaps there exists a world like this: a place without distinctions between nobles, commoners, and slaves, where everyone is equal. Regardless of gender, everyone can achieve merit, establish careers, realize their own value, and do what they wish to do."
"How could such a world possibly exist?" Siyu blurted out.
"Why couldn't it?" her mother retorted.
Have you actually seen such a world? Such a question surfaced in Siyu's mind, but she did not voice it.
She had a premonition that asking such a question would sadden her mother.
Siyu's mouth hung open. She didn't rush to refute, but after thinking for a long time, she said, "When the Great Way prevails, the world belongs to all?"
She hesitated, adding: "But that's just a beautiful ideal." People were born into distinctions of nobility and baseness. If everyone were equal, how would nobles like them find their place? Moreover, since ancient times, only men studied and achieved merit; women managed the household and raised children. How could women achieve merit and establish careers?
Siyu couldn't understand, yet she faintly felt that the world her mother described was beautiful.
Her mother said: "Then do you think, if such a world truly existed, you would still fear your father?"
Siyu fell silent.
If it were really as her mother said, with everyone equal, and her father no longer the most revered person under heaven, no longer arbitrarily holding power over life and death, then naturally he wouldn't be so terrifying.
But such thoughts were too radical. Siyu didn't dare to dwell on them further.
Siyu voluntarily forgot this conversation. Young as she was, she knew such talk was better not spread abroad.
Yet perhaps without even realizing it herself, this dialogue had a profound impact on her soul.
As she grew older, Siyu's troubles also began to multiply.
Changchun Palace was the place most beloved by the children in the palace. Every one of Siyu's siblings had enjoyed a happy childhood there, and Siyu got along very well with all of them.
Before, she was the youngest in the palace. Everyone yielded to her and loved to tease her. But after the Fourth Prince was born, things changed—she could tease the Fourth Prince now.
The Fourth Prince's mother was Consort Ye Qiong, the Consort of Jing. Consort Ye also often visited Changchun Palace, but Siyu's mother was not particularly warm towards her. Consort Ye never seemed angered by this. Siyu vaguely sensed a hint of ingratiation in Consort Ye's attitude towards her mother.
As a junior, it wasn't her place to inquire into the affairs of adults. Naturally, Siyu was biased towards her own mother, so she was only close to Consort Xian Nie, Concubine Li, and others, maintaining a neutral distance from Consort Ye.
However, this subtle ingratiation from Consort Ye gradually faded as the Fourth Prince grew older.
Consort Ye visited Changchun Palace less and less frequently, and the Fourth Prince also stopped coming as often.
Several times, Siyu clearly saw the Fourth Prince on the palace path outside Changchun Palace. Just as she was about to greet him, he would spot her, turn around, and run away.
Siyu was troubled. She shared this trouble with the Eldest Princess, but the Eldest Princess advised her, "Have less contact with the Fourth Prince."
Siyu was stunned. She had never expected to hear such words from the Eldest Princess, who always valued harmony and affection among siblings the most.
She wanted to ask more, but the Second Princess stopped her.
Second Princess privately told her: "Since Fourth Imperial Brother entered the court, he has often vied for supremacy with the Crown Prince."
Imperial princes enter the court at fourteen. In the short span of a year since Fourth Prince entered the court, he had already shown discord with the Crown Prince on four occasions.
It was then that Siyu understood that Concubine Ye's previous distance had been an early sign.
Siyu knew very well her mother's respect for the Empress, her care for Eldest Princess and the Crown Prince. Her mother and Concubine Ye, she and Fourth Imperial Brother, were destined to drift apart.
The following several years were the most oppressive of Siyu's life.
First, barbarian enemies invaded the southern border. Eldest Princess led the Red-Tassel Guard's female generals to the southern front to meet the enemy. Though they bravely defeated the invaders, Eldest Princess herself was injured and bedridden for half a year before she could walk again.
Later, Second Princess got married, but just three days later, Concubine An in the palace passed away. Second Princess was heartbroken. A month later, news of a pregnancy came, but Second Princess's condition was too poor, and the child was not carried to term.
Soon after, Eldest Imperial Brother took a wife, and Crown Prince Brother also became engaged to a Crown Princess.
Of course, these were actually happy events. At least the little niece brought Siyu much joy. The Crown Princess was also her familiar Anshu.
Anshu lived in the palace for two years, residing in the Changchun Palace. Siyu kept her company every day, and their relationship grew closer and closer.
At the same time, the relationship between Crown Prince Brother and Fourth Imperial Brother grew increasingly tense and hostile.
Siyu once asked her mother: "Why doesn't Father Emperor mediate their relationship?"
Her mother replied: "Your father also needs to test the Crown Prince's capabilities."
Siyu had heard of a southern custom called "gu-raising," which involved placing various insects together to fight until only one survived.
She felt her father's method was no different from "gu-raising."
A chill ran through Siyu's entire body.
In Siyu's view, Fourth Imperial Brother contending with Crown Prince Brother was a foolish choice. Crown Prince Brother was intelligent and benevolent, and the legitimate heir of the imperial family. That Father Emperor had long ago established him as Crown Prince showed his intentions clearly. Given that, why contend with Crown Prince Brother?
Wouldn't it be better to be a carefree prince, like Eldest Imperial Brother or Third Imperial Brother?
And Concubine Ye, why didn't she advise Fourth Imperial Brother?
During that time, the atmosphere in the palace was very tense. All inspections in Changchun Palace became stricter. Her mother even sent Aunt Yanhe and Xiao Li to the Eastern Palace to oversee Crown Prince Brother's food, clothing, and other matters.
Her mother's supervision of her also became unprecedentedly strict. She and Anshu couldn't even leave the gates of Changchun Palace.
For three whole months, Father Emperor and Crown Prince Brother did not visit Changchun Palace—a situation Siyu had never experienced before.
Three months later, she was finally allowed to go out. But then she learned that Fourth Imperial Brother had been demoted to a commoner and confined to the Southern Mountain Retreat, while Concubine Ye had "suddenly caught a chill and passed away."
In the heat of summer, Concubine Ye caught a chill?
Siyu watched her mother stand under the osmanthus tree in the courtyard for a very, very long time.
She quietly walked over and heard her mother murmuring, "I wonder if you would regret your initial choice, knowing this outcome?"
Siyu guessed the "you" in her mother's words referred to Concubine Ye.
She silently wiped the tears from the corner of her eye and leaned against her mother's back.
The princesses of Siyu's generation seemed to marry rather late.
Eldest Princess, needless to say, finally had Jiang Huai become her consort when she was twenty-three.
Second Princess also didn't marry until she was twenty.
When Siyu was eighteen, her mother secretly asked if she had anyone in mind.
Siyu shook her head frantically. She had only two hobbies in life: delicious food and gossip.
The former was probably inherited from her birth mother, the latter influenced by her adoptive mother.
Marriage? After hearing so many stories from her mother, ordinary men simply couldn't catch her eye.
Fortunately, she was a princess, with a mother who doted on her, a father who couldn't defy her mother, a future emperor who was her fond older brother, and a future empress who was her cousin.
If she didn't marry, no one would dare comment.
But when fate arrives, no one can stop it.
It was an utterly ordinary day. Siyu took her fourth and fifth younger sisters out of the palace to see the world. It coincided with the parade of new imperial examination graduates. Sitting by the window on the second floor of the capital's largest restaurant, Baiwei Tower, Siyu's eyes immediately fell on the most handsome man in the parade.
Later, she investigated and found the man's name was Cheng Ke, the new Tanhua (Third Place Graduate), originally from Yuzhou.
Yuzhou? Siyu knew that was her birth mother's hometown. Her name "Siyu" originated from there.
Siyu's interest in Cheng Ke grew even greater. But having heard so many of her mother's stories, she worried Cheng Ke might also be a social climber, or that he might have had a sweetheart back home but yielded to her princess status.
So Siyu first sent people to Yuzhou to investigate Cheng Ke thoroughly, checking all his family connections and social dealings, confirming he had no childhood sweethearts, close female friends, fiancées, or unattainable loves.
Then, borrowing from storybook plots, she disguised herself as a man, pretending to be a young eunuch following Third Imperial Brother to observe Cheng Ke's character up close.
People in the palace could hardly bear to watch her antics, but her father, thinking she finally had a chance to marry after finding someone she liked, didn't stop her. Instead, he had everyone help.
After accidentally revealing her female identity once, Siyu then claimed she was a young lady from a princely household, a cousin of Third Prince.
Cheng Ke believed it.
As they spent more time together, Siyu increasingly sensed Cheng Ke's growing affection for her.
But Siyu still didn't dare confirm Cheng Ke's sincerity. Her mother noticed her dilemma and spoke to her father.
The next day, her father summoned Cheng Ke to the palace, saying he intended to arrange a marriage between Cheng Ke and a palace princess.
Siyu didn't expect Cheng Ke to refuse so firmly. Even when her father promised "you may still serve as an official after wedding the princess," Cheng Ke remained unmoved.
Her father asked if Cheng Ke already had someone in mind.
Cheng Ke answered "yes," but refused to give the lady's name, fearing it might damage her reputation.
Only when her father mentioned her false identity did Cheng Ke finally admit it.
Behind a screen wall, Siyu's face flushed crimson with shyness. Turning, she saw her mother's eyes filled with smiles.
Feeling awkward, she acted coquettishly, tugging at her mother's sleeve.
She heard her mother say: "Didn't you always want to go out when you were little? After you marry, go see Yuzhou."
Siyu was stunned, then her eyes welled up with tears.
Her birth mother's greatest regret in life was being unable to return to her hometown.
By letting her go to Yuzhou, her mother was allowing her to see her birth mother's homeland in her stead.
But Siyu very much wanted to ask her mother: What about your hometown?
Not the external Qi family, but your true hometown, that free and equal hometown.
Siyu ultimately did not ask.
Just like in the past, she didn't want to sadden her mother.
