"Ouch! Madam Meng! Let go of this old servant!"
"Hurry... Xiuyun, Xiuli, pull Madam Meng away! Ah... ah..."
The two maids rushed to intervene, but they dared not use too much force on Lu Meng, so it took them a while to pry her off.
Lu Meng clung to the old nanny with all four limbs, biting and discreetly jabbing her with elbows and knees, making the old woman howl in pain.
In her mind, Lu Meng cheered triumphantly—how did geese sound again?
"Deserved! Deserved! Deserved!"
It wasn’t that Lu Meng was cruel. According to the plot, the ridiculously potent aphrodisiac currently coursing through her veins had been slipped into a cup of tea served by this very nanny.
As the saying went, "What’s taken from the people should be used for the people"... or something like that?
Whatever. Lu Meng’s mind was a scrambled mess from the drug’s effects.
But she clung to one truth: since Nanny Wu had drugged her, Nanny Wu would be her antidote.
Her chest burned, her throat was parched, and she silently prayed this ancient aphrodisiac wouldn’t leave any irreversible side effects. Then, with another grunt, she sank her teeth into the nanny’s shoulder.
"Ah—ah—!"
Nanny Wu, a former palace servant bestowed with the surname Wu by Prince Jian'an, was his wet nurse and now the head housekeeper of Prince Jian'an's Mansion.
Having spent her life bullying others and bending rules, she had never suffered such physical torment before. Now, she writhed on the floor like a caterpillar, screeching for help.
"Someone! Help! Save me—!"
Her cries were shrill, but the people outside had been dismissed by her own orders. Only two guards remained at the door, and they absolutely would not dare enter this room.
After all, the woman currently biting and thrashing was Madam Meng—Prince Jian'an’s newly wedded wife, just brought into the mansion with great ceremony, her wedding night yet to begin.
Eventually, Xiuyun and Xiuli mustered all their strength to pull Lu Meng off Nanny Wu. Lu Meng’s jaw ached from biting, and after sweating profusely, the drug’s effects seemed to wane. She finally retracted her fangs and allowed herself to be pulled up.
"Nanny, nanny..."
Xiuyun steadied Lu Meng while Xiuli rushed to help Nanny Wu. But Lu Meng, still seemingly dazed, broke free and lunged at the nanny again, arms outstretched as if to grab her.
Her flushed cheeks and slightly parted lips, framed by the crimson wedding gown, made her look like an innocent angel. Yet her words, to Nanny Wu, were pure demonic whispers.
"So hot... so hot... let me hold you... give me water..."
Before Nanny Wu could even stand, she scrambled back in terror, shrieking, "Prepare a bath! Take Madam Meng to bathe at once!"
And so, Lu Meng was "restrained" and escorted to the bath, just as she had hoped.
As she sank into the cool water, her senses finally cleared.
Her first thought? TV dramas were full of lies.
All that nonsense about aphrodisiacs requiring a man to "cure" the burning desire, all those scenes of characters losing control—utter nonsense.
Here she was, having ingested the most potent aphrodisiac in cliché romance novels, and she’d solved it with nothing but an old nanny and a bucket of water.
Her second thought, however, was gloom.
Dreadful, dreadful gloom.
She’d read countless time-travel novels and watched plenty of shows, but she never imagined she’d actually become one of those unlucky souls—knocked over by a kid on a skateboard, hitting her head on the curb, and waking up in another world.
Proof that anything with wheels was a deadly hazard.
Thanks to her modern knowledge and extensive novel-reading experience, she didn’t panic, thinking this was some hidden-camera prank show.
Besides, the moment she arrived, she’d been sitting alone in the bridal chamber, her head veiled. She’d discreetly nibbled the dangling ornaments of her phoenix crown under the veil.
Real gold. Solid gold.
No film set would splurge on actual gold props, not even for a blockbuster.
And now, she was Zhangsun Lumeng—the female lead of a notorious, tear-jerking, melodramatic romance novel. The kind where the heroine endured kidney theft, heartbreak, miscarriages, and still ended up loving the male lead.
She’d pieced this together from Nanny Wu’s words after serving her the spiked tea.
She’d read this book years ago. In her time, it was infamous among fans of tragic romance, with its most notorious lines sparking heated debates and hundreds of forum posts cursing the author.
And what’s a tragic romance without a vile nanny?
Nanny Wu’s infamy in this novel rivaled that of the needle-wielding Nanny Rong from Princess Pearl.
When Lu Meng was still disoriented, Nanny Wu had sneered, "Prince Jian'an's Mansion has many rules, unlike the Vice Minister’s household where ranks are disregarded. As the head steward, I must teach Madam Meng the proper way to serve, lest she displease His Highness later."
Lu Meng’s mind had buzzed, then snapped.
Something inside her—perhaps her dignity—had shattered.
If only she’d arrived a little earlier, before the original host drank the aphrodisiac.
And why, of all books, did it have to be this one?
Why couldn’t she have been any other character? Even the side characters got happy endings!
The heroine of this story spent her life groveling for the male lead’s affection, only to be rewarded with a coffin. She suffered abuse from everyone—even stray dogs—in a plot so full of clichés it could give readers aneurysms.
Splashing water on her face, Lu Meng sighed. The road ahead was bleak.
"Madam Meng," a maid’s voice called from outside—likely one of the two who’d pulled her off Nanny Wu earlier.
"Are you finished bathing? Do you need assistance dressing?" A pause. "The banquet is ending soon. His Highness will arrive shortly."
Feeling the drug’s effects had faded and the water turning cold, Lu Meng responded.
She hadn’t memorized this novel, even though the heroine’s name shared syllables with hers.
Nor did she know much about actual ancient customs.
Biting Nanny Wu had been a desperate move to avoid the cliché first-night scene where the drugged heroine throws herself at the male lead.
Now, she’d play it by ear.
Let the maids re-dress her in the full wedding attire, then sit obediently on the bed, waiting for Prince Jian'an to arrive for their wedding night—
Yeah, right.
Lu Meng remembered the original plot where Zhangsun Lumeng had endured the effects of the drug until the male lead arrived, only to lose control and pounce on the slightly intoxicated protagonist. As a result, on the very first day of their marriage, she was branded as a scheming and promiscuous woman.
This marked the beginning of over a decade of physical and emotional torment in the story, lasting until the male lead ascended the throne and posthumously honored Zhangsun Lumeng as Empress Huichun.
Lu Meng couldn’t recall whether there were any concubines afterward. Back when she had read the novel, she had stopped after the female lead’s death, leaving dozens of chapters unread.
But given the author’s penchant for melodrama—having already employed every trope short of amnesia—it was practically guaranteed that the male lead would seek a replacement.
Lu Meng pulled the red bridal veil back over her head and stared at the drooping pearls of her phoenix crown, which she had bitten flat in her nervousness. She racked her brain, trying to recall more of the novel’s plot, only to realize she could remember just a few key points.
It had been so many years since she’d read it. Being transmigrated into this moment felt downright unfair.
Before Lu Meng could piece together more of the crucial plot, she heard a maid outside the door softly greet, "Your Highness."
Her entire body stiffened, and she hastily straightened her posture.
The door opened, and a man entered with unhurried steps. From beneath her veil, Lu Meng could only see a pair of pristine white boots.
Her mind twitched with an absurd thought—His feet aren’t that big. Looks like a size 42.
The man then walked to the table, picked up a white jade ruyi scepter, and gently lifted Lu Meng’s veil with it.
According to the clichés of melodramatic plots and TV dramas, this was the moment when the female lead would slowly raise her head, her dazed eyes captivated by the male lead’s godlike beauty and domineering aura, falling in love at first sight.
Thus would begin the cycle of I love you, you don’t love me, you still don’t love me, so I’ll kill myself.
Lu Meng decisively ducked her head, slumping her shoulders to appear as small, helpless, and pitiable as possible—like a sickly little chick trying to tuck its head into its own chest.
If I don’t look up, the plot can’t infect me.
The male lead standing before her was named Wu Linxuan… or something like that—Lu Meng couldn’t remember the exact name. In any case, he wasn’t known for his pleasant temperament. The novel described his appearance as that of an immortal descended to earth, but Lu Meng was convinced that beneath that celestial facade lurked a top-tier scoundrel.
All she hoped was that he’d find her unappealing and leave quickly.
Wu Linxuan looked down at his newly wedded Meng Furen, whose head was practically bowed to the ground. His slender fingers idly traced the carvings on the jade ruyi, inexplicably in a good mood.
Perhaps it was because, during the banquet earlier, his dear fourth brother—who had failed to secure an alliance by marrying the Vice Minister of Revenue’s second daughter—had worn a face as dark as storm clouds all evening, much to Wu Linxuan’s amusement.
Or perhaps it was…
He extended the ruyi once more, this time slipping past the phoenix crown’s beaded curtain to gently hook it under the chin of this woman who refused to look at him, tilting her face upward.
Wu Linxuan had a fondness for weeping beauties—but… she wasn’t crying?
Lu Meng’s skin crawled. What kind of pose is this?!
Still, she obediently followed the lift of the ruyi, slowly raising her head. However, her eyes remained stubbornly downcast, her expression blank—because Lu Meng had no idea what expression would be appropriate here.
Wu Linxuan studied her face, his eyes narrowing slightly. Now he understood why his fourth brother had been so visibly displeased tonight.
That brother of his was a slave to beauty. Even without the advantage of securing the Vice Minister of Revenue’s support, this delicate and lovely woman would have been exactly to his taste.
What a shame.
Wu Linxuan smirked inwardly.
"Why won’t you look at me?" he asked, his tone surprisingly light. Anyone familiar with him would recognize this as a sign of his unusually good mood tonight.
When Wu Linxuan was pleased, he could be quite amiable.
But Lu Meng wasn’t paying attention to the male lead’s magnetic, crackling voice. She was too busy fighting the overwhelming urge to sneeze.
As everyone knew, sneezes were impossible to suppress—much like coughs, poverty, and love.
She had been fine when her head was lowered, but now that she was looking up, the flickering candlelight on the table struck her directly.
Where there was light, there were sneezes. And those two red candles, thicker than king oyster mushrooms, were clearly of poor quality, steadily emitting thin trails of black smoke.
The room reeked of melted wax. Lu Meng couldn’t hold back any longer. She turned her head and—
"Ah-choo!"
The sneeze was explosive, so satisfying that tears sprang to her eyes.
Then, through the trembling curtain of her phoenix crown’s beads, she lifted her teary gaze to Wu Linxuan.
Big bro, why are you still here? Don’t tell me you actually plan to consummate this marriage?
Tsk… but damn, look at him.
All those standard male lead descriptors—eyebrows like distant mountains, eyes like scattered stars, a nose like a suspended gall, a face carved by blades—weren’t entirely exaggerated.
Lu Meng studied Wu Linxuan through her tears, thinking, Especially those legs… You’d spend all night trying to find the end of them, huh?
Well, consummation might not be so bad. Is this the underworld’s way of assigning partners? If you die single, do they just hand you a 2D husband?
"Heh…" Wu Linxuan’s lips curved as he took in the sight of the beauty before him—her eyes reddened, glistening with unshed tears. An indescribable preference of his was being satisfied.
His mood improved further. His phoenix eyes crinkled slightly, the ends tapering into a lethally charming hook.
The sight of this tearful beauty—startled like a timid deer by his laughter—immediately bowing her head again pleased him. Her cowardly demeanor aligned perfectly with the reports he had received.
The Vice Minister of Revenue favored concubines over his lawful wife, and this Meng Furen of his had lived a difficult life in that household—timid, fearful, and skilled at nothing but crying.
Keeping someone like this by his side would save him a great deal of trouble.
Seeing that he had frightened her, Wu Linxuan set down the ruyi. He poured himself a cup of wine from the table and brought it to his lips.
This was the ceremonial héjǐn wine, but he had no intention of sharing it with this woman he planned to treat as little more than a decorative vase.
After finishing the wine, his gaze fell on the slender, fragile-looking column of her neck—so delicate it seemed it could be snapped with one hand.
"Now that you are my Meng Furen," he said, "you may freely use the gold and silver in this mansion. I can guarantee you a lifetime of luxury and ease—so long as you obey and never covet what isn’t yours."
Lu Meng’s head shot up so fast that her neck let out an audible crack. Her phoenix crown’s ornaments swayed wildly as she stared at the male lead’s handsome face, now seeing him in a new, celestial light. Overwhelmed, fresh tears spilled down her cheeks.
Gold and silver, free for the taking…
A lifetime of luxury and ease…
Could such a heavenly deal truly exist?
