When Gu Zhao said these words, Zhu Qingyu felt quite panicked in her heart. She subconsciously looked around, worried that others might overhear.
Although someone who didn't know the inside story wouldn't be able to tell anything just from hearing these few sentences, Gu Zhao laying out such romantic affairs so openly in front of her still made her feel very embarrassed.
But it was only embarrassment, nothing more.
Half of what Gu Zhao said was right, and half was wrong.
When facing Gu Zhao, she was indeed deliberately downplaying the impact of that incident on their relationship, which was exactly as he said: pretending that nothing had ever happened.
Actually, to put it bluntly, what did it matter?
If she just treated him as an ex she had slept with, her psychological burden would be much smaller.
Besides, he couldn't even be considered her ex. They had never really dated, and they hadn't even truly slept together.
Or she could treat him as a casual fling she met by chance. After all, setting aside other factors, assuming she and Gu Zhao had met in modern times, flirting with a younger guy like Gu Zhao—who had the height, the looks, the abs, the size, and seemed very strong, not to mention being three years younger than her—wouldn't necessarily be a loss for her.
Thinking this way, her psychological burden lessened even more.
But when he said she still wanted to go back and be husband and wife with Zhang Shen, he was wrong.
Zhu Qingyu could come to terms with it herself, but she dared not imagine how Zhang Shen would react once he found out about this matter.
She wasn't that naive; there was no such thing as an airtight secret in this world. Zhang Shen would eventually find out.
She ultimately couldn't return to the Zhang family, but that didn't mean she had to follow Gu Zhao. The fact that he came over today to say all this showed that he still hadn't given up his designs on her.
She had once tried to dispel his intentions by angering him, but it hadn't worked.
Since that didn't work, she would try another method. If the hard approach failed, she would try the soft approach.
Taking advantage of the fact that he seemed to be seeking peace today, Zhu Qingyu followed his lead and replied:
"But, Shouming, other than pretending nothing happened, what else can I do? If you want me to follow you and eke out a living under your wife, that won't work either. I have met your mother, and I have met your grandmother. They are both noble ladies of fine character and gentle disposition, the most well-bred people I have ever met. But do you know what kind of lives the concubines in the Duke's estate lead? Do you want me to live like them?"
Gu Zhao was momentarily at a loss for words at Zhu Qingyu's questions and actually couldn't answer.
To avoid suspicion, he naturally wouldn't interact with his father's concubines. Let alone knowing what kind of lives they led, he didn't even know who they were.
In Gu Zhao's impression, the concubine who left the deepest mark on him was actually the once unbearably arrogant Noble Consort Gao.
A noble consort was naturally also a concubine, but the life Noble Consort Gao once led was such that she could even force the reigning Empress into a state of house arrest.
But such a thing definitely wouldn't happen in the Duke's estate. The Duke's estate was a place that emphasized rules, status, and position; it would never allow a concubine to live so arrogantly and domineeringly.
Seeing that Gu Zhao's attitude seemed to have softened, Zhu Qingyu doubled down. Both her tone and the content of her words were unbelievably soft:
"Shouming, everything about you is wonderful. Your character, looks, family background, and power are all top-notch. If I were of equal social standing with you, how could I not be moved? But it is precisely because your conditions are so excellent that I truly dare not be moved, much less dare to aim so high. Yes, my second cousin and I have no destiny to be husband and wife in the future, but I dare not even dream of having a husband-and-wife destiny with you. I beg you to have pity on me and not make me live the life of the concubines in your estate. I truly cannot survive that kind of life. Let what happened on the boat stay in the past, alright?"
The last time they discussed the topic of status, Gu Zhao had been able to offer a solution naturally. That was because having both a wife and concubines was a commonplace matter to him, almost like an abstract concept.
But when Zhu Qingyu made the abstract concrete, pinning it down to the actual group of people existing in the Duke's estate, Gu Zhao could no longer openly say the things he had said before.
Treating someone well—what exactly counted as treating them well?
All the way while delivering things for Zhu Qingyu, Gu Zhao kept pondering this question.
The things Zhu Qingyu prepared for Zhang Jingyan weren't much, just a small bundle.
Handing this bundle over to the Embroidered Uniform Guard, it went without saying that they would definitely open it and inspect everything before daring to send it in.
Since others would look at it anyway, Gu Zhao opened it without any burden on the way there.
A piece of clothing, a few bottles of medicine, and banknotes worth two hundred taels of silver—that was everything.
Obviously, the banknotes were a thank-you gift for the Embroidered Uniform Guard.
Gu Zhao didn't believe that she would spend two hundred taels of silver just to send in these few things. There had to be something special about this piece of clothing.
Unfolding the garment, it was just an ordinary cotton inner robe, with the left sleeve even half an inch shorter than the right, and the craftsmanship was truly somewhat rough.
Rough craftsmanship?
A family like the Zhangs couldn't possibly be unable to afford seamstresses, and seamstresses couldn't possibly make such a garment.
Gu Zhao's heart stirred, and he felt the stitches again.
Then there was only one possibility: this was a garment she had made with her own hands. She must have made clothes for Zhang Jingyan before and wanted to use this piece to convey the message that she had arrived in the capital.
It seemed that this young lady not only loved to fall asleep as soon as she read a book, but her needlework was also truly careless, having absolutely nothing in common with noble ladies from prominent families.
If I were of equal social standing with you, how could I not be moved?
The words she had said popped into his mind again just like that.
Even though he knew she was just speaking softly and compromising, he couldn't help but want to take this sentence seriously.
If she were of equal social standing with him, if she became his wedded wife, would she treat him as well as she treated Zhang Jingyan? Would she make clothes for him too?
Gu Zhao held the garment up, looked at it from left to right, and commented:
"So ugly."
But even though it was such an ugly piece of clothing, someone else had it, and he did not.
Someone else had a garment she made with her own hands, while all he had was her illusory "if" meant to placate him.
Expressionless, Gu Zhao folded the garment back to its original state and packed it into the bundle.
By the time he returned from delivering the clothes, it was nearly time for lunch. Gu Zhao didn't send word ahead and went directly to his mother's courtyard.
As soon as he entered, he saw a young woman leading a group of maids setting up lunch in the outer room.
Seeing him appear, the woman panicked a little and sped up the pace of setting the table.
Madam Gu had been in the side room writing a reply to a formal invitation. Hearing that Gu Zhao had arrived, she took the invitation and walked in, smiling:
"I have official business to discuss with you, and here you are."
She then instructed the woman setting the table:
"Concubine Jiang, you may step down first."
Gu Zhao's gaze followed Concubine Jiang, watching her hastily bow and hurriedly retreat outside to get out of the way.
She had said, I beg you to have pity on me and not make me live the life of the concubines in your estate.
Although it was only a glimpse, he now knew what she meant by eking out a living under his wife.
She was right. The method he had once taken for granted simply would not work.
