Most of the time, when Zhu Qingyu felt truly miserable, sleep could cure any ailment, and food could dispel a thousand sorrows.
She had always lived a rather rough-and-tumble life; as long as she could eat her fill or get a solid, restful sleep to restore her energy, the melancholy and emptiness triggered by her surroundings would vanish without a trace.
So this little bit of gloom brought on by a winter overcast day was nothing at all—there were plenty of ways to handle it.
There was nothing to eat on the road, so Zhu Qingyu wrapped herself in a blanket and decided to get some good sleep.
The plan sounded fine, but perhaps because the farther north they traveled, the colder it got—despite this being such a perfect chance to slack off and nap, with no work or school to worry about—Zhu Qingyu lay there for a while, tossing and turning. That hollow feeling in her heart only grew stronger, so obvious that even when she tried to pretend it wasn’t there, it boldly provoked her, keeping her from falling asleep.
What’s going on!
This isn’t right!
Am I sick or something?!
Zhu Qingyu felt her own pulse, ready to diagnose herself.
The pulse was sluggish and faint, as thin and sharp as a blade.
Zhu Qingyu was puzzled. She was in a bit of a bad mood now—people were emotional creatures, and most of the time everyone carried some emotion, which was normal. But why had her mood become so intense?
Just as she was thinking this, Gu Zhao’s voice sounded outside the carriage:
“Qingyu, the medicine is ready. Do you want to drink it now?”
Zhu Qingyu sat up abruptly, about to answer, when she noticed her pulse suddenly become smooth and flowing, like a stream blocked by a reef finally breaking through and rushing forward joyfully.
Not only had her pulse changed, but the moment she heard Gu Zhao’s voice, she felt something fill the hollow space in her heart.
Just hearing his voice, and she couldn’t help but feel happy?
What’s going on!
What exactly am I so happy about?
This is bad, this is bad, this is really bad!
Zhu Qingyu was shocked. She couldn’t understand how Gu Zhao could have such a huge influence over her emotions.
When had this started?
Hadn’t she made it clear to herself that he was nothing more than a younger brother to admire from afar, not to touch? She had been somewhat tempted by his good looks before, but that was all.
Good looks were common, but life was precious only once. For her own safety, keeping her distance from him to protect her life and peace of mind was what mattered.
She had thought it through so clearly—getting close to him was a deadly move. So why was her heart still so reckless and irrational, daring to stir such fatal feelings?
Could it be that she had fallen for Gu Zhao?
Too scary, too scary, too scary!
Zhu Qingyu was terrified by the thoughts in her own mind, so frightened that she didn’t even dare to speak to Gu Zhao.
Gu Zhao, thinking she had fallen asleep, called out again:
“Qingyu, do you want to get up first, drink the medicine, and then sleep?”
Whether it was true or not, she just had to test it.
Zhu Qingyu pushed open the carriage window and looked at him.
Outside the window, Gu Zhao was riding alongside on horseback, one hand holding the reins and the other carrying a food box.
When he saw Zhu Qingyu, Gu Zhao immediately smiled and handed the box to her:
“The carriage is bumpy, and I was afraid you’d have trouble using a bowl, so I put it in a medicine jar. It might look a bit odd, and it’s a little heavy. When you drink it, be careful not to choke.”
The weather was so gray and gloomy, typical of winter in the north. The trees along the road had all shed their leaves, leaving only bare trunks.
But maybe because she was now sensitive and focused on this matter, the moment Gu Zhao smiled, Zhu Qingyu felt as though the sky had brightened.
This is bad. She was truly done for.
He was about to marry, and to such a good match at that.
If she let her feelings run wild like this without restraint, staying entangled with Gu Zhao and ruining his marriage to First Miss Wen, then the Empress Dowager or the Eldest Grand Princess alone could have her killed with a single word.
Before, she hadn’t noticed it herself. As long as she didn’t respond, Gu Zhao, acting alone, couldn’t really do anything to her.
But if she kept spending day and night with him like this, given how clever he was, he would figure it out sooner or later.
When that happened, Zhu Qingyu dared not imagine how reckless he might become.
He could go mad for love. With his family background, no matter how crazy he got, as long as he turned back, his wealth, honor, and bright future would still be waiting for him.
But she couldn’t go mad with him. She had no backing, only weaknesses.
The Empress Dowager might have used her before, perhaps sparing her for now because of Gu Zhao’s madness, but moving against the Zhang family would take just a single word.
She could no longer stay so close to Gu Zhao. Zhu Qingyu, you’ve let yourself indulge for too long—it’s time to rein in before it’s too late.
Zhu Qingyu reached out to take the food box, suppressed the pain in her throat, and said to Gu Zhao:
“Could you please trouble yourself to call Aunt Zhuyue from the back for me?”
Her sudden politeness made Gu Zhao feel something was off, but he didn’t think much of it. He took a packet of candy from his pocket and offered it to her:
“Here, have some when you drink the medicine.”
Zhu Qingyu didn’t take it. She shook her head:
“I don’t need candy. Please call Aunt Zhuyue for me.”
Gu Zhao noticed she had asked twice and assumed she might be dealing with some personal female matter, so he quickly said:
“Alright, don’t talk so much, or your throat will hurt again. Wait here, I’ll go get her.”
When the master didn’t need service, servants like Aunt Zhuyue, who held a certain status, didn’t have to walk on their own. They would usually sit in the baggage carts at the rear.
Just now, while Zhu Qingyu was sleeping, Aunt Zhuyue had checked on her and then retreated to the baggage cart not far behind, just a few carriages away.
As soon as she heard Gu Zhao calling, Aunt Zhuyue hurried over on foot, jumped onto the carriage, and asked:
“Doctor Zhu, you called for me?”
Zhu Qingyu kept the carriage window open, ensuring Gu Zhao could hear, and said to Aunt Zhuyue:
“Please trouble yourself, ma’am, to fetch my luggage from Vice Minister Gu. All my luggage. I have some medicine with him, too—please collect it all at once. The medicine is for three doses a day, and there are a few more doses left.”
Since Gu Zhao had remembered to bring her medicine and candy, he surely had her luggage with him too. If he hadn’t handed it over before, it was likely just an excuse to talk to her.
Aunt Zhuyue looked toward Gu Zhao:
“Please lead the way, Vice Minister Gu.”
Gu Zhao was flustered:
“Leave the things with me first. It’s inconvenient to fetch them on the road.”
Because of the eldest daughter of the household, Aunt Zhuyue found Vice Minister Gu especially annoying today and promptly undercut him:
“It’s easy to fetch. Rest assured, sir, I can handle it.”
Having spoken a few too many words just now, and with her throat not fully healed, Zhu Qingyu could already feel pain, like sand scraping against flesh, making even speech ache down to her very being.
But short pain was better than long pain. Zhu Qingyu endured the pain and said to Gu Zhao:
“Please hand everything over to Aunt Zhuyue. Vice Minister Gu, we should keep our affairs clearly separate.”
Not just the luggage—for the rest of the day, Zhu Qingyu avoided Gu Zhao entirely.
At noon, when the convoy stopped for a meal, Aunt Zhuyue specially set up a small table by the roadside so Zhu Qingyu could eat properly instead of having to manage in the carriage.
Zhu Qingyu was eating when she saw Gu Zhao heading her way. She quickly finished the rice in her bowl, then got into the carriage on her own, leaving Gu Zhao, who had already walked halfway over, standing there.
That night at the inn, Zhu Qingyu had just washed up and was about to sleep when Gu Zhao knocked on her door again.
She opened the door and, without waiting for him to make an excuse, steeled herself and said directly:
"Vice Minister Gu, do you still think of me as the commoner I once was, someone you could tease and flout as you pleased? I am now a court official as well. Could you show me some respect?"
