When Wen Zhuo first arrived at the grand mansion of the Wen family, he was only two years old.
At least during this period, his memory was a blank. So, the reason why Lin Yingniang remarried Wen Yingjing was entirely based on the account of a gentleman who had once taught his biological father.
He said that after Wen Qimin passed away prematurely, Lin Yingniang was heart - broken and wanted to follow him in death. However, with a newborn infant in her arms, she finally managed to hang on.
Unfortunately, in such a world, it was extremely difficult for a woman without a husband to safeguard her family property.
At first, there were just some petty thieves with sticky fingers. They climbed over the wall at night and stole a few valuable items. Even when Lin Yingniang heard the commotion, she could only shrink in the house, shivering with fear.
Seeing that she was completely defenseless, these petty thieves became even bolder. Their theft gradually turned into robbery. Before long, what little property Wen Qimin had left was looted clean.
Lin Yingniang once swallowed her pride and went to the Wen family clan for help. But Wen Yingjing, the clan leader, said that since she was a widow, she was no longer part of the Wen family, and the clan couldn't help her. However, if she was willing to hand over the child, the Wen family could raise it on her behalf.
Lin Yingniang couldn't bear to part with the young Wen Zhuo, so she had to return dejectedly.
After that, there was nothing left to steal from Wen Qimin's house, and all that remained was Lin Yingniang, a stunningly beautiful widow.
So, there were often hooligans who deliberately banged on the door, making lewd remarks and molesting her. No matter how much she cursed or threw stones out, it was all in vain. Instead, it only brought more excessive humiliation.
Gradually, the villagers began to gossip. They said that this woman was promiscuous. As soon as her husband died, she was surrounded by men. As the saying goes, a fly won't bite an egg without a crack, so she must be immoral herself!
Lin Yingniang couldn't defend herself. During those days, even when she went out to fetch water or buy meat at the market, she could feel the strange looks and pointing fingers of the villagers.
Lin Yingniang finally realized that a widow simply couldn't survive alone. She had to find a reliance and get married.
So, she accepted the second condition put forward by Wen Yingjing. Nominally, she became his concubine in exchange for the protection of the Wen family.
Sure enough, from the day she stepped into the Wen family mansion, all the rumors suddenly stopped, and the hooligans disappeared. She seemed to have become the virtuous and chaste widow she used to be again.
Wen Zhuo didn't know what kind of agreement they had made at that time, or if Wen Yingjing had deceived Lin Yingniang. Anyway, since he had memories, he and his mother had lived in the side courtyard, separated from the main courtyard by a high wall.
The food, clothing, and daily necessities here were not as good as those in the main residence, but they were still adequate.
Wen Yingjing often came to visit. At first, he still asked about their well - being with an elder's tone. But as time passed, he gradually became less and less restrained.
When Wen Zhuo was a little over three years old, Wen Xu was born. Wen Yingjing said that the side room was too small and it was inconvenient for Lin Yingniang to take care of the infant, so he sent Wen Zhuo to the servants' quarters.
It was supposed to be a temporary stay, but Wen Zhuo ended up living there until he was thirteen.
The climate in Mianzhou was humid. The servants' quarters were dark and gloomy, with a constant damp smell. The wood was rotten, showing jagged scars, and the bed would creak and groan every time he turned over.
Wen Zhuo didn't dare to turn over at night because as soon as the bed made a sound, it would wake up the other servants. If they were distracted from their work the next day, they would surely be scolded by the master, and then they would take their anger out on him indirectly.
Around the time when he was seven and Wen Xu was four, Wen Yingjing often went to Lin Yingniang's place, which made the mistress in the main residence quite unhappy.
To avenge his mother, Wen Ze would come to the side courtyard and kick Wen Xu without asking for the reason. Wen Xu would be kicked to the ground. Then he would get up, pat the footprints on his clothes, and even grin at Wen Ze: "Elder brother, don't kick me. Go and kick that bastard. I heard him scolding the people in the main residence again secretly."
Wen Ze would let out a sneering laugh, look at him contemptuously with his eyes, and then suddenly poke a finger at his forehead, making him stagger back a few steps. Then he would mercifully say: "Fine. Anyway, you are all bastards from the same lot."
Wen Xu was so scared that his heart skipped a beat. While following Wen Ze obsequiously, he blushed and argued hoarsely: "I'm not from the same lot as him. I was born in the Wen family. I'm one of the family with elder brother and father!"
"Go and call out that bastard who was scolding."
"I'll go right away!"
Wen Xu really looked down on this shabby and gloomy servants' quarters from the bottom of his heart. But every time he came in and heard the servants respectfully call him "Young Master", he would feel a sense of superiority. This was the only place where he could get such a feeling.
"Where is Wen Zhuo? Elder brother is calling you out!" Wen Xu's voice was shrill.
Wen Zhuo really wanted to run away, but where could he run in this house? He tightened his grip on the yellowed picture album in his hand. In the short interval between the first and the second call, he took a deep breath and then pretended to be calm as he opened the door.
He knew exactly what was waiting for him, but he still couldn't help having a glimmer of hope. Maybe they were in a good mood today, or maybe they would spare him just for someone's sake.
But it never happened. Every single time, it never happened.
When he fell to the ground, covering his stomach and trembling in pain, Wen Xu jumped up and clapped his hands beside him: "Well done, well done. He should be taught a lesson. Who asked him to scold the main residence!"
Wen Zhuo struggled to turn his face and stared at Wen Xu, who was three years younger than him. Wen Xu seemed even more excited than Wen Ze, but his expression was extremely stiff, as if he was being forced to play a game that he had to enjoy.
At least when he was four, Wen Xu didn't know how to hide the uneasiness when lying.
Wen Zhuo could see it clearly, and so could Wen Ze. But Wen Ze just liked to watch the two sons of the charming woman fight each other. He didn't care about the truth at all.
Wen Zhuo curled up his body and shrank back, gritting his teeth and whispering in a low voice: "I didn't scold."
Then Wen Xu immediately screamed in panic: "He did scold! I heard him scolding! Elder brother, he is lying to you!"
Wen Ze sneered as he bent down, grabbed Wen Zhuo by the collar and pulled him up, and then slapped him across the face: "I say you scolded, so you scolded. Why don't you learn your lesson after so many times? Is your head full of weeds?"
Wen Zhuo closed his eyes and let himself curl into a ball, only hoping that they would leave after they had had enough of beating him.
He had thought more than once that he and Wen Xu were born of the same mother. Why did Wen Xu seem to loathe him even more than Wen Yingjing and Wen Ze?
Later, he stopped thinking about it because even the one who gave birth to him disappointed him greatly.
Every time he was beaten by Wen Ze, there would always be bruises on his body and face. When he was four or five years old, he didn't know many rules yet. All he knew was that he wanted to find his mother. Wiping his tears, he staggered on his little legs to the back room, pushed the door open without permission, and stretched out his arms towards Lin Yingniang, craving for comfort.
"Mother..."
He called out in fear and grievance. He was sure she could hear him, but she was holding the sleeping Wen Xu in her arms and gently rocking him.
She didn't dare to look at his face or meet his aggrieved eyes. She just buried her head deeply and said in a voice as soft as mist: "... Why did you come here? Your younger brother just fell asleep. He'll start crying again in a while."
"Mother, elder brother beat me. It hurts..."
Wen Zhuo shuffled forward two more steps. Standing on tiptoe, he tried hard to reach for her sleeve with his little finger. Then he laboriously rolled up his own sleeve, revealing the blue and purple bruises underneath. He hoped that even with her head down, she would catch a glimpse of the wounds on his arm, then put Wen Xu aside and hug him into her arms to comfort him.
All he needed was to stay in that warm and soft embrace for a little while, and he would feel much better.
But Lin Yingniang just quickly raised her sleeve to wipe the corner of her eye. Sniffling softly, she turned away, with her back to him. Trying to calm herself, she said, "Be good, Zhuo'er. Go back first. Mother still has something to do here. I'll come to see you later."
"Mother..."
Wen Zhuo was not willing to give up. He called out to that back very softly again. This time, he didn't get any response at all.
He stood there stupidly. The candlelight danced on his scarred arms. By the time his arms ached from holding them up, Lin Yingniang still hadn't turned around.
So he gradually lowered his hands. He waited stupidly for a while longer, then hung his head. There were still unshed tears hanging on his long eyelashes. He limped across the threshold, and his small figure disappeared behind the curtain.
Fortunately, after each beating, the servants would be more lenient towards him. Even if he couldn't help groaning in pain at night, they wouldn't scold him.
Occasionally, Lin Yingniang would quietly get out of bed in the dead of night, loosen the sleeping Wen Xu in her arms, and tiptoe silently to the servants' quarters under the moonlight. She would stand in the yard and take a distant look.
She didn't dare to get closer because of her status. It wasn't proper for her to break into the servants' quarters full of men late at night.
Sometimes, through the window paper, Wen Zhuo would catch a glimpse of that figure. Whenever this happened, he would always climb out of bed excitedly, stagger out despite the pain in his body. But what awaited him was often Lin Yingniang's fleeing back.
He was abandoned by her in the moonlight, covered with a layer of cold frost.
Later, Wen Zhuo gradually understood that as long as he didn't get close and didn't expect that unreachable embrace, she might stay a little longer.
So he began to pretend to be asleep.
Through the crack, he watched her standing in the yard, covering her face with a handkerchief, her shoulders trembling slightly. Her frail body was like a reed grass that could easily break in the wind.
Then she gently placed a handful of dried dates on the window ledge and left silently.
Only then did Wen Zhuo quietly climb up. He held those still-warm dates in his palm and hugged them tightly, as if there was still something to look forward to in life.
He thought that maybe when Wen Xu grew a little older and didn't need to be held by mother anymore, she could come to see him openly.
He had read the story of Kong Rong yielding the pears in the picture album, which said that the older ones should yield to the younger ones. He had never thought of seizing anything and was willing to let Wen Xu get mother's love first. He thought he could wait.
But he forgot that as Wen Xu grew up, he also got older. His long - cherished hope was gradually worn away day after day.
Liangping County is traversed by Wangtian Gully. The water flow slows down here, and the people in the county get their drinking water from the gully.
But every winter, there are always more than ten days when it's extremely cold, and a thin layer of ice forms on the surface of the gully. When people need water, they have to break the ice and then lower buckets to scoop it up.
Wen Zhuo couldn't just sit around and do nothing. When he reached a certain age, he had to work.
It was freezing cold, and there were few warm clothes. No one wanted to do the hard job of fetching water. The malicious servants were good at reading Wen Xu's intentions and pushed this task onto Wen Zhuo.
One day, Wen Xu led a group of five - or six - year - old Wen family children and blocked Wen Zhuo by the gully.
With his hands behind his back, imitating Wen Ze's usual domineering manner, he looked at Wen Zhuo with a smile and said, "You go down and try if the ice is thick enough for the young masters to skate on."
Wen Zhuo stared at him quietly, neither speaking nor moving.
The ice wasn't thick enough. He had seen someone smash the ice with a bucket five times, and the ice surface had broken.
Wen Xu clearly didn't want to skate on the ice. He was clearly doing it on purpose.
"Go! Why don't you go?"
"Didn't you hear me telling you to go down?"
"Let me tell you, if you don't go down today, you won't get any dinner!"
Those children joined in the commotion and reached out to push and shove Wen Zhuo. Knowing the danger, Wen Zhuo fought back with all his might. But he was outnumbered. In the panic, he tightly grabbed the arm of a child beside him, and he himself was pushed down by a brute force.
Both of them crashed onto the ice. Wen Xu quickly lay on the edge of the gully and peeked.
Maybe Wen Zhuo was too thin, or maybe luck was on his side. The ice surface under him made a harsh cracking sound but just barely held him up.
But the child beside him wasn't so lucky. He broke through the ice layer and fell into the gully with a "plop". He only had time to stretch his neck and shout "Help" before being instantly swept under the ice by the current and disappearing without a trace.
The icy river water splashed all over Wen Zhuo. He watched helplessly as the bright - colored cotton - padded jacket flashed by under the transparent ice layer and quickly swept downstream.
There was a dark water pit beside him. The broken ice tumbled and stirred, hitting his hands and feet from below, freezing his fingertips numb.
The fear of impending death wrapped around him. The ice under him was still creaking, as if it would shatter and wash him away the next moment.
He didn't dare to move at all. He was so scared that he was completely stunned. All he could hear were the shrill screams of the children on the shore as they scattered and ran away.
He saw Wen Xu's instantly pale face, the panicked look, and the frustration and irritability that welled up under the panic.
"Come back! Who said you could run?"
Wen Xu stamped his feet hard and then burst into tears. He had never experienced such a thing and didn't know what to do for a moment.
His only thought at the moment was to keep anyone from knowing, so that he wouldn't have to take responsibility.
A bold idea popped into his head. So he bent down, picked up a stone, and threw it hard in Wen Zhuo's direction.
Unfortunately, he was young and didn't have much strength, and the stone he picked up wasn't heavy enough. Wen Zhuo watched helplessly as the stone hit the ice, bounced twice, and then slid away into the distance.
After throwing seven or eight stones without success, Wen Xu was completely at a loss. Finally, he buried his head and ran away at full speed.
Children can't keep secrets. After running home, it didn't take long for the adults to notice something was wrong. As the sky was getting dark, a group of people came to the gully with torches and pulled the frozen - stiff Wen Zhuo up from the ice. But they fished in the ice hole all night and still couldn't find the child.
Everyone knew clearly that the child must be dead.
Wen Zhuo's clothes were soaked through with ice - cold water and had been frozen in the cold wind for a long time. When he got back, he developed a chill and had a high fever that wouldn't go away.
It was the first time since he could remember that Lin Yingniang held him tightly in her arms, even though he was already seven years old and past the age of needing to be held.
Warm tears dripped on his face, but he was so cold that he couldn't feel the warmth.
He also couldn't feel the softness and tenderness of this embrace, as if those were just his wild fantasies from childhood.
On the verge of falling asleep, he even couldn't help thinking that maybe if he died, he could return to his mother's body, after all, he came from her.
It's just that this time, he never wanted to be born again.
The local gentry are always people of virtue and talent, always ready to do good deeds. Wen Yingjing has a good reputation among both the common people and the clan.
Perhaps to maintain his image as a kind person, Wen Yingjing eventually invited a doctor for Wen Zhuo.
Ten days later, Wen Zhuo finally recovered, but he developed a chronic illness from then on. Whenever it rained or the weather was damp and cold, his whole body would ache. Fortunately, the cold days in Mianzhou were not many.
Wen Yingjing specifically found him and warned seriously, "If you dare to go out and talk nonsense, slandering the reputation of the young master, be careful of your worthless life!"
Wen Zhuo responded in a low voice.
This time, because Wen Xu failed to accomplish the task and only caused trouble, he was scolded by Wen Ze.
But he didn't learn from this experience. Instead, he thought it was because he hadn't been secretive enough that he had angered his father and elder brother.
So, in order to please Wen Ze, he came up with more tricky ways to torture Wen Zhuo, just to catch Wen Ze's fleeting approval.
Wen Ze would pat his face and say with a smile, "You're quite smart, kid."
After getting the praise, Wen Xu was as excited as a little lapdog with its tail up for the whole day, as if he had more face in this family.
He knew that as long as Wen Ze was happy, and if he got a little bit of care from Wen Yingjing that day, Wen Ze wouldn't pick on him.
The 15th day of the seventh lunar month was an important day for the Wen family to worship their ancestors.
All the male descendants and the principal wives of each branch of the clan would go to the ancestral hall. Under the presidence of the elders, they would thank the ancestors for their protection throughout the year.
In such a formal and solemn occasion, Lin Yingniang and Wen Zhuo had never been included.
Wen Zhuo was squatting in the corner of the yard, scrubbing the linen clothes. Suddenly, Wen Xu rushed in with a fierce look on his face. He kicked over the water basin, put his hands on his hips and questioned, "What are you still standing there for? Haven't you been told that all the male descendants of the Wen family are going to worship the ancestors?"
Wen Zhuo looked at Wen Xu coldly and didn't answer.
Wen Xu spat and muttered angrily, "Bah! I don't know which busy - body said this year that you're the son of Wen Qimin and should be considered a member of the Wen family, and should go to worship the ancestors. What do you think you are? You're not worthy of entering a place like the ancestral hall!"
After muttering, he shouted impatiently, "Hurry up! Otherwise, mother will be scolded by the eldest aunt for being unruly. It's all your fault!"
Thinking of Lin Yingniang and the bunch of dried jujubes on the windowsill, Wen Zhuo finally lowered his eyes, wiped his hands randomly on his clothes, got up and followed Wen Xu to the ancestral hall.
Firecrackers had already been set off outside the ancestral hall. The red pieces of paper were scattered all over the ground. There were black scorch marks from the firecrackers on the ground, and the air was filled with the smell of burning gunpowder, making people cough.
The door of the ancestral hall was wide open. There were faint Sanskrit chants coming from inside, praying for the blessings of the ancestors with the power of the gods.
Wen Xu urged him and gave him a push. He withdrew his gaze from the ground and stepped into the ancestral hall.
Of course, this was a scam.
He wasn't led to the back hall to worship the ancestral tablets, but turned from the door into the side corridor and headed towards a remote wing - room.
He sensed something was wrong and turned to run, but it was already too late. Wen Ze blocked him in the corridor. He slowly took a puff from his tobacco pipe, grinned, showing a row of yellowed teeth.
"Little bastard, how dare you! Don't you know your own status? How dare you break into the Wen family's ancestral hall privately!"
Wen Zhuo stared angrily at Wen Xu. Wen Xu covered his lips, snickered and winked, looking like he was watching a good show.
Wen Ze knocked the tobacco out of his pipe slowly and said, "If this matter gets to my mother's ears, your cowardly mother will probably have to kneel in the courtyard for two hours, and you'll have to be tied to the pillar in the ancestral hall and whipped twenty times."
As he said, his small, shifty eyes sized Wen Zhuo up and down, and lingered on his extremely handsome face for a long time. "But the young master pities you. I'll give you a choice. If you obediently accept the punishment, the young master will punish you right here and make sure my mother and father won't know. How about it?"
Wen Zhuo was trembling all over, biting his lips. He looked back and saw that Wen Xu had blocked his way back tightly.
In fact, Wen Ze wouldn't really let him choose. Wen Ze was more than ten years older than him and was at the peak of his strength. He easily pushed Wen Zhuo down on the blue bricks in the corridor. As soon as Wen Zhuo opened his mouth to call for help, Wen Ze stretched out his hand and covered his mouth tightly.
He struggled desperately, but no matter how hard he kicked and thrashed, he couldn't break free. The back of his head rubbed against the rough blue bricks, causing a sharp pain. While holding him down tightly, Wen Ze scolded, "Are you really a man? Why do you look so much like your mother? Tell me, are you a woman hiding your identity from the young master?"
Wen Zhuo's eyes were blood - red as he stared at him fiercely.
"Come here and pull his pants down to see!" Wen Ze shouted at Wen Xu.
Wen Xu trotted over obediently, reached out to grab Wen Zhuo's leg, but was kicked hard in the chest by Wen Zhuo and staggered backwards and fell to the ground.
"Ouch!" He cried out in pain.
Wen Ze cursed, "Useless thing!"
He pressed his knee firmly against Wen Zhuo's stomach and finally freed one hand. But when he looked, he was extremely disappointed.
"Damn it! He's really a man."
But the disappointment passed quickly, and he quickly developed other interests. He nodded at Wen Xu, "Come here and block his mouth!"
Wen Xu didn't dare to delay and quickly got up to replace him. Wen Ze took a few hard puffs from his tobacco pipe, and the tobacco bowl was burning red. He grinned hideously and pressed the tobacco bowl against Wen Zhuo's legs.
The scream didn't come from Wen Zhuo, but from Wen Xu.
He didn't have enough strength, and Wen Zhuo bit his hand. Blood instantly spurted out from the tooth marks, and a piece of flesh was almost torn off.
Wen Xu's ghost - like wailing sound spread into the Juxian Hall, shattering the solemn Sanskrit chants.
"Damn it, you useless thing!"
Disturbing the ancestor - worshiping ceremony was a big deal. Wen Ze panicked, picked up his tobacco pipe and ran towards the depths of the corridor, leaving Wen Xu crying as if the sky was falling apart and Wen Zhuo who was almost unconscious.
Wen Zhuo stared straight at the beams. There was a carving of a roc on the golden bricks. The roc spread its wings but couldn't fly out of the corridor.
He supported himself on the gilded corridor pillar, barely holding up his tottering body, and shuffled towards the door of the ancestral hall. His blood had already soaked through his trouser legs and dripped drop by drop through the gaps in the trouser cuffs onto the smooth blue bricks and the scorched ground.
He held on with all his might, his face pale as he dragged himself back to the side courtyard and begged Lin Yingniang for help one last time.
He pleaded desperately, "I'm in so much pain. Save me, save me..."
When Lin Yingniang saw his appearance, the needle - work box in her arms fell to the ground with a "clank". The needles and threads scattered everywhere. She trembled as she covered him with a piece of coarse cloth, covering the hideous wounds, and murmured, "Zhuo'er, it's gone. It's gone like this..."
Wen Zhuo looked down at his own blood seeping through the coarse cloth bit by bit. The tears he had held back all the way suddenly couldn't stop flowing.
From then on, he began to subconsciously resist women. Women were as light as fog and as thin as paper, and had suffered a lot in their lives. They couldn't save him.
The turning point came at the end of that year.
Originally, it was Wen Xu's turn to go to the private school to study, but that useless fellow only wanted to idle around, catch birds and steal chickens. So he secretly gave the opportunity to Wen Zhuo and ordered Wen Zhuo to go and deal with the teacher.
Unexpectedly, that teacher had once taught Wen Qimin and always lamented that Wen Qimin didn't continue to take the imperial examinations. Now, seeing that Wen Zhuo vaguely resembled Wen Qimin between his eyebrows and was extremely perceptive, the teacher immediately developed great expectations for him.
The teacher allowed him to enter the private school for free, often kept him in the study, and imparted all his knowledge to him. He also gave him the courtesy name 'Wanshan', which meant being as calm as a mountain, not arrogant or impatient, and finally being polished into a useful person and standing tall independently.
When Wen Zhuo was thirteen years old, the teacher passed away suddenly, leaving him only a room full of books.
Without the teacher's care, there was no one to support his studies anymore. As he grew older, his facial features became more and more stunning, and his situation in the Wen family became increasingly awkward.
Finally, one evening, Lin Yingniang held a heavy package in her hands, her fingertips trembling violently. She stuffed the package into Wen Zhuo's hands with such force that it was almost like a push. She sobbed and said, "Go, just go! The farther you go, the better. Never come back again!"
Wen Zhuo took the package, which felt cold to the touch. He didn't say goodbye. He just silently turned around and walked out step by step.
"Zhuo'er—"
He heard Lin Yingniang call him again, with a sob in her voice.
Wen Zhuo paused for a moment but finally didn't look back. The thin moonlight fell, breaking the last bit of attachment on the dusty sand road.
There were only two paths in front of Wen Zhuo: wander the world, spend all his money, and turn into loess, or rely on what he had learned in the past five years to take the imperial examinations and carve out a way to survive.
So he imitated the teacher's handwriting and issued a certification document for himself, proving that he had a clean family background and was not from a low - ranking household.
Fortunately, the verification in Mianzhou was not very strict, and no one noticed the anomaly. He successfully passed the county and prefectural examinations and became a talented scholar.
According to the laws of the Great Qian Dynasty, all students could receive a stipend from the county or prefecture. Just when his money was running out, he found a place to settle down.
As the cold and heat came and went, and the spring and autumn passed by, he actually fought his way through all obstacles and reached the Golden Palace.
On the day of the final imperial examination, Emperor Shunyuan was sitting upright on the dragon throne. Seeing that Wen Zhuo had clear and bright eyebrows and a magnificent writing style, the emperor was greatly pleased.
The emperor's voice was gentle as he asked where Wen Zhuo's ancestral home was and if he had any relatives at home.
He lowered his eyes, was silent for a long time, and still said, "I have a mother."
