The gifts Chen Meirong brought were so numerous that they were practically piled into a small mountain.
She did this every year, yet every year she still managed to astonish the three members of the Yan family.
Chen Meirong waved to them. “Come, come over here.”
She took Yan Tongshu by the hand. “Tongshu, these were specially prepared for you by Old Qian—the very finest Four Treasures of the Study. This is a Xuan brush from Xuanzhou, this is Huizhou ink, and this is Huizhou paper. Let me tell you, this Xuan paper is excellent. The ink doesn’t bleed at all, and it dries quickly, too. It’s wonderful. And this inkstone is a She inkstone.”
Yan Tongshu accepted everything graciously. “Thank you, Auntie. And thank you, Boss Qian.”
“And there’s this, too. And this.” Chen Meirong released Yan Tongshu’s hand and pulled Yan Liangrong over instead. “Liangrong, Old Qian went out of his way to have this ordered for you six months in advance. Look at this jade—isn’t it special? It’s a pale lavender that doesn’t lose its color in the light, and it’s incredibly translucent. It’ll look gorgeous on your wrist.”
Then Chen Meirong pulled Yan Liangyu over. “And look at this. Your two brothers specially got these for you. Don’t say your mother plays favorites—your brothers practically ran their legs off finding these paintings for you. They’re all one-of-a-kind.”
Yan Liangyu took Chen Meirong’s hand and smiled sweetly. “Yes, yes, I know. Mother and my brothers dote on me most.”
Chen Meirong gave an affected little snort. “Good that you know it.”
Yan Liangyu sat down beside her. “Mother, our family prepared gifts for you and Uncle Qian, too. Everything inside was specially chosen by Big Brother. I guarantee you’ll love it all.”
Chen Meirong lightly thumped her. “See? Even you put more thought into my gifts than Tongshu did.”
Yan Liangyu laughed. “How could I not? Big Brother and I picked them out together. Two-thirds of everything in there is for you, and only the remaining third is for Uncle Qian and my two brothers.”
Chen Meirong was even more pleased. This time, she had the largest share of the return gifts.
She clasped Yan Liangyu’s hand and beamed. “I didn’t raise you for nothing.”
“Mew, mew~”
Perhaps sensing that there were gifts to be had, Yuanzi came trotting over and mewed at Chen Meirong, rubbing its round head against her. Chen Meirong instantly melted. She scooped Yuanzi into her arms. “No one gets left out—not even our Yuanzi.”
She took out a small gold lock and hung it around Yuanzi’s neck. “Look at that. Our little Yuanzi is dripping in wealth.”
Everyone burst out laughing.
After they had laughed themselves out, Yan Tongshu went to the front hall to entertain Zheng Chun and Boss Qian.
After all, in public, she was the only male heir of the Yan family. Women were expected to converse with women, while men discussed business with men. That was the way of things—and her unavoidable fate.
Sigh…
Yan Tongshu sat there in boredom.
She still felt that spending time with Yan Liangyu and Yan Liangrong was much more enjoyable.
“Oh no, oh no, the young master’s eyes are fighting again.” Pearl tugged at Jinbao. “Come on, let’s go to the kitchen and get him some sour plums to wake him up.”
Jinbao obediently nodded and followed Pearl to the kitchen.
It didn’t take long for them to find some. Pearl took advantage of delivering tea to place the sour plums in front of Yan Tongshu.
She listened to Boss Qian and Zheng Chun chatting, but their words went right over her head. It was no wonder the young master disliked talking with people like them—she didn’t like it either.
Once she had set down the sour plums, Pearl exchanged a glance with Yan Tongshu and turned to leave.
With nothing else to do, Pearl returned to the kitchen to sit by the fire with Jinbao and the others, roasting and eating beans.
Several young maids and boys gathered around, each chatting about whatever came to mind.
Linglong tugged at Pearl. “Sister Pearl, Mrs. Qian is so kind. She gave me so much lucky money.”
Back when Chen Meirong lived with the Yan family, Linglong had been one of the maids serving in her courtyard. Later, when Chen Meirong remarried, she had taken only her two personal maids with her, leaving girls like Linglong, who served in the outer courtyards, behind.
But Chen Meirong was a sentimental person. Every New Year, she would give these girls extra lucky money.
Pearl raised her eyebrows smugly. “If she gave you some, how could she possibly forget me? I’m the senior maid serving at the young master’s side.”
Linglong thought for a moment. “Sister Pearl, can I ask you something? Don’t get angry.”
Pearl replied, “Go ahead. It’s New Year’s. Why would I get angry and spoil my own mood?”
Linglong glanced around and lowered her voice. “The other day, I went home to visit my parents. On my way back, I overheard people from the rival of Qian’s Silk Shop—that Zhang family silk shop—gossiping over there. They said that Mrs. Qian had already married Boss Qian, yet the young master still called her ‘Auntie.’ They said it clearly meant he looked down on the Qian family. They even said the Qian family was bound to collapse sooner or later. It made me furious at the time, and I haven’t forgotten it since. Those malicious gossips are awful.”
Linglong asked Pearl, “Sister Pearl, why does the young master still call her Auntie?”
“You’re silly.” Pearl poked her between the eyebrows.
There were many things Pearl didn’t understand, but she had asked the young master and the young ladies about this matter before, so she naturally knew the answer.
Linglong pleaded as she grabbed Pearl’s arm. “Sister Pearl, please tell me.”
Pearl leaned closer and spoke quietly. “You really are silly. Our young master is an official, and the eldest Miss’s husband is an official, too. No matter how wealthy the Qian family is, they’re still merchants. In this world, which merchant family doesn’t rack its brains to support one of its sons in becoming an official, hoping he’ll make something of himself? When the young master calls Mrs. Qian ‘Auntie,’ it means he still acknowledges her and still recognizes their family ties. The Yan family is, in effect, Mrs. Qian’s maternal family. The Qian family and the Yan family are related by marriage. If the young master and the young ladies changed the way they addressed Mrs. Qian, it would create distance between them.”
In the past, the Qian family had lacked connections. Whenever they needed to grease the wheels of business, they had relied on offering gifts and bribes. The moment those payments stopped, their relationships vanished. Meanwhile, the powerful men they had been paying off only grew more demanding—not merely wanting a cut, but wanting a share of the Qian family’s entire business.
Could such relationships ever be as secure as being relatives by marriage?
Now, whenever the Qian family went out and announced that they were related by marriage to the prefect of Kaifeng, who would dare not give them some respect?
As long as the Qian family conducted its business properly and did not commit crimes, it would never again need to pay bribes simply to gain access to the right channels.
Back when the young master was still at Xianlin Academy, the Qian family had already faced far fewer extortions and petty fees because of this connection. Now that he had risen even higher, the benefits were greater still.
Linglong suddenly understood. “So that’s why.”
Pearl snorted. “No wonder those gossips can’t make their businesses grow. They’re just jealous because Qian’s Silk Shop is doing so well, so they try to find balance by running their mouths.”
Linglong nodded enthusiastically and handed Pearl a piece of roasted tofu skin. “Here, Sister Pearl. Have some.”
Pearl accepted it. Seeing the admiration in Linglong’s eyes, she became even more pleased with herself.
Hmph. After following the young master for all these years, she had finally become the knowledgeable and admired Sister Pearl.
That evening, Yan Tongshu, Yan Liangrong, and Yan Liangyu sat in their room eating hotpot.
A copper pot sat over the fire, the broth boiling and sending up clouds of steam.
Firecrackers sounded from outside every now and then.
The table was covered with slices of rabbit, beef, and marbled pork, along with all kinds of vegetables and fruit.
The three of them ate and chatted at the same time.
Yan Liangyu complained about how Chen Meirong had been dragging her into gossip every day lately, leaving her utterly exhausted. Yan Tongshu, however, immediately brightened.
Ever since taking office at the Kaifeng Prefecture, she had been so busy that she had not had time to exchange gossip with Chen Meirong. Chen Meirong, on the other hand, had to deliver fabrics to the relatives of numerous high-ranking officials, which meant she had access to all kinds of juicy rumors.
The moment Yan Tongshu heard Yan Liangyu bring them up, she eagerly begged her to tell her everything.
Yan Liangyu was utterly helpless. Why was Big Brother so perfectly matched with their mother when it came to gossip?
She thought for a moment, then named a few.
Yan Tongshu listened with great interest.
Goodness—the households of Bianjing truly each had their own share of drama.
Yan Liangyu said softly, “My mother told me that when she went to deliver cloth to the household of the Vice Minister of Revenue, she happened to see his wife scolding their legitimate daughter. The words were so vicious that my mother said she could hardly repeat them.”
Yan Tongshu asked curiously, “Why was she scolding her? Isn’t she her daughter too?”
Yan Liangyu shook her head. “My mother said the current wife of the Vice Minister of Revenue is his second wife. The mother of his eldest daughter died seven years ago. The Stepmother has always disliked the eldest Miss Wang, and even sent her to the countryside. The eldest Miss Wang was only brought back last year because of her engagement to the heir of the Count of Yuguo.
“My mother said the Stepmother didn’t seem like an easy person to get along with. And the younger brother who shares both parents with the eldest Miss Wang is lame in one leg. Everyone says the Stepmother was responsible.”
At this, Yan Tongshu and Yan Liangrong could not help sighing.
Yan Liangrong said, “What was the point? The current Lady Wang has no son of her own. In the future, the family fortune will still go to Young Master Wang. By turning things into such bitter enmity, what kind of life will she have once Young Master Wang grows up?
“Besides, seven years ago, the eldest Miss Wang and Young Master Wang were not even ten years old. If she had raised them properly, then no matter what they truly thought of her, they would at least have called her Mother in public and dutifully cared for her for the rest of her life.”
Yan Liangyu leaned closer and said, “Mother said there’s something suspicious going on.”
“Could it be that this Stepmother and Lord Wang had already…” Drawing on her years of experience with melodramatic television dramas, Yan Tongshu immediately voiced the question.
Yan Liangyu nodded. “Mother said Lord Wang treats the Stepmother’s daughter even better than he treats his own daughter and son. There must be something going on. And the Stepmother’s daughter is only three months younger than the eldest Miss Wang.
“The reason they were arguing so fiercely on the day Mother delivered the cloth was that the Stepmother had previously wanted her own daughter to marry the heir of the Count of Yuguo. Unexpectedly, the eldest Miss Wang suddenly got in touch with him, and the heir immediately set his heart on her. He insisted that he would marry no one else.
“The Stepmother believed that the eldest Miss Wang had deliberately sabotaged her daughter, so she punished the eldest Miss Wang by making her kneel in the ancestral hall. But I think the eldest Miss Wang was completely innocent. The engagement had originally been arranged by the eldest Miss Wang’s birth mother and the Countess of Yuguo. It had nothing to do with the Stepmother and her daughter. I simply never expected Lord Wang to be so biased that he would try to take advantage of the situation, recognize the Stepmother’s daughter as his legitimate daughter, and send the second Miss Wang into the Count of Yuguo’s household.”
“That’s incredibly bold.” Disdain filled Yan Liangrong’s eyes as she spoke of the Vice Minister of Revenue and the Stepmother. “They actually thought they could pull off such a substitution. If the Count of Yuguo discovered the truth after the wedding and submitted a memorial to His Majesty, the entire household of the Vice Minister of Revenue would be charged and imprisoned. It’s utterly absurd.”
Yan Tongshu nodded in agreement.
Never mind the Count of Yuguo submitting a memorial to His Majesty—even if he swallowed his anger and accepted the deception, if the eldest Miss Wang refused to accept it and went to Kaifeng Prefecture to beat the petition drum, the Vice Minister of Revenue still would not escape punishment.
Who knew what the Vice Minister of Revenue had been thinking? He had almost gone through with something so utterly unreliable.
The three of them chatted on. After Yan Liangyu finished, Yan Tongshu shared some stories about Kaifeng Prefecture, and then it was Yan Liangrong’s turn.
Yan Liangrong drank as she talked. “You already know my story. There’s nothing much to say. As the old saying goes, after hardship comes happiness. Your brother-in-law and Ke’er have become increasingly attached to me. Whenever they have free time, they follow me everywhere and refuse to leave my side. Sometimes I really wish he would take Ke’er out to play by himself for a while, so I could have a moment to catch my breath.”
“When the flowers bloom in spring, I’ll take Ke’er horseback riding in the countryside,” Yan Tongshu volunteered.
Yan Liangrong nodded with a faint smile.
The three of them chatted until they grew sleepy, and Yan Tongshu eventually fell asleep with her head on the table.
In a daze, she heard a noise. Rubbing her eyes, she went outside to take a look.
Yan Liangrong was standing in the courtyard, smashing bowl after bowl against the wall.
“Sister?” Yan Tongshu called instinctively.
Yan Liangrong’s face was cold, and there was a fierce edge in her eyes.
Yan Tongshu approached worriedly. “What’s wrong?”
“I refuse to accept this!” Yan Liangrong clenched both fists, her fingernails digging deeply into her palms. “I refuse to accept this cursed fate.”
She tried desperately to suppress herself, but her whole body trembled with agitation.
Her eyes bloodshot, Yan Liangrong asked Yan Tongshu, “Tongshu, tell me—what should I do? I’m happy now. My life is peaceful, harmonious, and beautiful. My husband is kind, warm, and affectionate. My son is filial, sensible, and eager to learn. My parents-in-law take the initiative to help me shoulder the household responsibilities.
“I’ve also been trying to become gentler, to stop forcing everyone else to follow the path I want them to take. From the outside, and in the eyes of the servants, everything is already wonderful. There’s nothing in this household that I need to worry about! Whenever they see a problem, they do everything they can to solve it for me! But I’m not satisfied!”
Yan Liangrong’s chest heaved violently. “I refuse to accept this!”
The ferocity in her eyes slowly faded, replaced by a searing clarity.
“I think I understand myself better now. I don’t want Zheng Chun to distinguish himself or achieve great success. What I want is for him to reach the heights with my support.
“It’s what I want—not what he wants. Yes, it’s me. I want it so badly I feel like I’m going mad. I don’t like this peaceful, warm, and beautiful life. It’s like a frog being boiled alive in warm water. Tongshu…”
Yan Liangrong suddenly seized Yan Tongshu’s hand. Her fingertips were cold, and her grip was forceful.
“I think I’ve gone mad. I’ve realized that I’m more frightening than Zheng Chun. I have burning desires and burgeoning ambition. I don’t want to live such a stable life. It’s too dull. Too warm and comfortable. The trivial peace of everyday life is like a stagnant pool, like a mirror so still that it reflects no ripples at all. If I stay here any longer…I feel as though I’ll suffocate to death.”
Yan Tongshu stared intently at Yan Liangrong.
At that moment, she understood something with profound clarity: her sister was suffering. Suffering terribly.
She was like a beast trapped inside a zoo. It had food and drink in abundance, comfortable clothing and shelter, and countless people who cared for it.
Yet it kept throwing itself against the walls, unable to find anywhere to go.
Yan Tongshu gently supported Yan Liangrong’s trembling shoulders. “Sister, you’re hurt. Let’s go back inside first.”
Yan Liangrong had only wanted to vent. Once she had released her emotions, she gradually calmed down. She nodded and followed Yan Tongshu indoors.
Yan Tongshu had the maid on duty bring over some ointment, then carefully applied it to her hands.
In a low voice, Yan Tongshu asked, “Sister, are you still going back to the Zheng household?”
This time, Yan Liangrong showed none of her former hesitation. Instead, she stubbornly asked, “If I move back here, will you be happy?”
Yan Tongshu nodded. “The Yan household will always be your home, no matter when it is. Whenever you come back, I’ll always be happy.”
Yan Liangrong said, “All right, then I’ll come back. I’ll bring Ke’er with me.”
“All right.”
After applying the ointment and coaxing Yan Liangrong to sleep, Yan Tongshu propped her chin on her hand and gazed out at the winter plum blossoms scattered beyond the window, unable to fall asleep.
Liangyu and Liangrong seemed to be trapped.
Trapped by the rules of the same society, trapped in the same helpless predicament from which there was no escape.
Trapped in a narrow little world.
Yan Tongshu could not help wondering: What if, when she crossed into this world, she had not become the original owner of the body—a fourteen-year-old girl disguised as a boy, the young top scholar? What would have happened then?
She would probably have been one of the Yan family’s daughters.
A daughter who knew a little medicine.
In that case, no matter how open-minded Lady Yan was, she would never have risked the lives of the entire family by letting her take the imperial examinations.
She would have been the second daughter, waiting to be married in the inner chambers.
She would choose a kind and considerate husband.
If she were lucky, perhaps she would become xx’s Divine Physician Princess Consort—or his wife. If she were unlucky, her husband would probably take a concubine, and with Lady Yan’s support, she would divorce him and become xx’s discarded wife.
Marriage and family would make up the entirety of her life’s concerns.
If she were even more unfortunate and crossed into the body of an elder sister from a poor family that valued sons over daughters, she might make a living by digging up medicinal herbs, growing them, qualifying as a physician, opening a clinic, treating patients, and earning a little money.
But in this era, female physicians held a lowly status and endured endless discrimination.
Strong-willed people generally possessed intense desires. Yan Liangrong was just such a person.
That was why she had fallen in love with Zheng Chun in the first place. He had potential, but he also needed help, and that happened to provide an outlet for her soul.
And Zheng Chun had fallen in love with Yan Liangrong precisely because his family was soft and yielding by nature. He was deeply attracted to Yan Liangrong’s decisiveness and strength.
They had found in each other exactly what they wanted most.
In truth, Zheng Chun really was talented. Yan Liangrong’s judgment had not been wrong. He was exceptionally skilled at writing examination answers. As long as it was an examination, he would generally achieve excellent results. He was even very good at tutoring others. Chen Meirong had said that after being tutored by Zheng Chun, the second son of the Qian family had improved by leaps and bounds and benefited greatly.
But Zheng Chun did not have the talent to serve as an official. He lacked keen political instincts and was not good at managing relationships in official circles.
If not for what had happened with Ying Li, if Yan Liangrong had not learned how Zheng Chun disparaged her in private, she might have supported him for the rest of his life. But now, she had begun to reflect on herself. She was forcing herself to change her nature, and this warm, happy life had all been built upon compromising and suppressing their true selves. That caused her pain.
When all was said and done, Yan Liangrong did not truly want to support her husband. She wanted something for herself. She had ambitions and desires. She wanted a life filled with upheaval, where one either became king or suffered defeat.
She was the one who truly needed a “virtuous husband and devoted father” to support her from behind the scenes.
But she had never been given that opportunity.
As Yan Liangyu had asked, other than being raised and sheltered, did she have any other path she could take?
Yan Tongshu sat by the window all night. She wanted to help both her elder and younger sisters, yet she had no idea what she could do.
The next day, as soon as Yan Liangrong returned home, she confronted Zheng Chun directly. She wanted a divorce.
Back then, she had remained silent because, deep down, she did not want to destroy a family.
She had been waiting for Zheng Chun to come to his senses. She had been waiting for Zheng Ke to turn back.
But now, she understood herself better. She knew herself better.
She knew more clearly what she wanted.
She wanted a dangerous life, one filled with desire and challenge.
This time, she was not seeking a divorce because of anything Zheng Chun had done. She was not seeking one because of anyone else.
She was doing it simply and purely for herself.
Zheng Chun sat dejectedly in his chair, his eyes red. “Haven’t I behaved well these past few days?”
Yan Liangrong pressed her lips together, but in the end decided to make everything clear. “Zheng Chun, I should have explained this to you sooner. But I couldn’t bring myself to say it.”
“Is it still because of Ying Li?” A glimmer of hope lit up Zheng Chun’s eyes. “If it’s because of Ying Li, she’ll be married in a couple of days.”
Yan Liangrong shook her head. Her eyes were clearer than they had been in a long time. “I’m going to start from the beginning. Will you listen until I’m finished before you say anything?”
Zheng Chun had no choice. He could only nod.
Yan Liangrong’s voice was calm. “I took on Lady Qing’s case. I held the files of the two people in my hands and analyzed their pasts bit by bit. I met with Lady Qing face-to-face and listened to her talk about what had happened between her and Chen Sizhen. They had once shared genuine affection.
“For example, Lady Qing once went to a gambling den to borrow money for Chen Sizhen. The thugs there beat her until her face was swollen and bruised, and she was on the verge of death. Chen Sizhen held her in his arms and wept. He truly felt distressed for her. At that moment, Chen Sizhen sincerely swore to Lady Qing that he would study hard, rise above his circumstances, and give her a good life in the future.
“But his disdain for her, his love of wealth and hatred of poverty, and his selfishness were also real. I know that nothing happened between you and Ying Li. I know you regarded her as someone who understood you. I had even prepared myself to forgive you. In fact, these past few days, we have all been changing. I became more composed, gentler. You became more attentive to the family and more devoted to caring for the children. Even your parents became more considerate toward me.
“But do you know what? Whenever I look at you these days, I don’t see you. I see Chen Sizhen. You have desires, just as he did, but you are equally afraid to face them. You want to climb to a higher position just as he did, yet you also pride yourself on being above worldly ambition. Every moment, I find myself wondering whether one day you’ll become just like Chen Sizhen—your face twisted, screaming as you point at me and say, ‘You forced me into this. It’s all because of you, you madwoman.’”
Zheng Chun’s pupils contracted sharply.
This was a direction he had never considered, an angle he had never once examined.
Yan Liangrong paused. “Yes. The way you described me to Ying Li was terrifying, overbearing, and obsessive. Terrible—truly terrible. It was just like the way other people saw Lady Qing through Chen Sizhen’s eyes: vulgar, crude, unreasonable, quarrelsome, and jealous.
“No.” Zheng Chun struggled to deny it. “My wife, I was talking nonsense. I love you as you truly are.”
Yan Liangrong smiled faintly. “As it happens, I love myself as I truly am too.”
Zheng Chun stared at her in helpless confusion. He realized that he could no longer understand what Yan Liangrong was saying at all.
She had suddenly become so unfamiliar, so calm—calm to the point of seeming almost cold.
Yan Liangrong’s voice was gentle but firm. “These past few days, I’ve been reflecting on myself. I’ve been trying to correct my flaws, just as you’ve been trying to correct yours. We’ve all been making an effort. We’ve all been compromising, trying to manage this family better. But I’ve realized that I don’t like any of it.
“I forced myself to become someone else—to become a gentle, considerate, magnanimous, dignified, mild-mannered, virtuous wife. That isn’t me. It goes against my true nature, the nature that belongs to me. And you, after changing your own faults, are no longer yourself either. You’re no longer the person I fell in love with.”
Yan Liangrong paused, then continued, “I don’t know whether you can understand this. I like myself. I like the woman who seems frighteningly strong-willed in other people’s eyes. I like the stubborn, headstrong woman who is full of ambition and desire, who loves to compete and fight for what she wants. That is the person I like being.
“The so-called ‘warmth’ created by mutual compromise is nothing more than a double loss after both people suppress their true natures. I can’t stand it.”
Zheng Chun could not understand her.
He asked, “So you don’t love me anymore, do you?”
“I’ve tried,” Yan Liangrong said, looking him straight in the eye. “I really tried my hardest. If it weren’t for Ying Li, perhaps we could have gone on living as we had before, each of us remaining true to ourselves for the rest of our lives. But Ying Li tore away the false facade, allowing me to glimpse the bloody truth beneath it. I had no choice but to face the real me—and the real you.”
