Brother Feng, no!
In Shu Fu's eyes, if one sentence had to sum up what Jiang Xuesheng remembered about the Five Phoenixes, it would always be that familiar old line —
"Not a single normal bird among the bunch."
A crooked top makes a crooked bottom. Like ancestors, like descendants.
Liu Jinghong, Young Lord Honghu, may not be as obsessed with cross-dressing as Liu Ruyi, but he is undeniably a beauty-obsessed dapper boy who every soul would greet as a sister.
He not only carries a jade comb with him at all times, carefully brushing his long hair every half hour, but also has a keen interest in jewelry and cosmetics. He often makes his own hair ornaments from gemstones, mixes rouge and face powder from fresh flowers, and enthusiastically recommends his creations to all his friends to try.
Shi Chunyu, Young Lord Qingluan, is a natural curious puppy, doted on so thoroughly by his parents that he has no clue how high the sky or thick the earth is. When a whim seizes him, he would dare yank the whiskers off a dragon, as if the word "death" never even crossed his mind.
Liu Jinghong has a gentle temperament, speaking softly to everyone — except around Shi Chunyu, where he can never keep his temper in check, slamming his fists on the table every other minute, like Lin Daiyu suddenly transformed into Black Whirlwind.
Even so, Shi Chunyu would only tilt his chubby little head up and look at him with a wide-eyed, innocent gaze, pure and blameless:
"Brother Liu, why are you angry?"
To Shu Fu, Shi Chunyu, that Little Azure Chick, is just like the dazed, confused cat in the meme "woman yelling at cat.jpg".
As for Zhong Bukui, Young Lord Bukui... ugh, it's better not to even talk about him.
Besides them, the Yuanchu clan is aloof and reclusive, rarely interacting with other bird clans, and never attends Lord Yinglong's group lectures. They carry themselves with the noble pride of the old saying, "not perching on anything but the wutong tree, not eating anything but the fruit of the bamboo, not drinking anything but the sweetest spring water."
Unlike the residents of Lingxiao City, the Yuanchu clan a thousand years ago, despite their proud, independent ways, never abused their power to bully others, and governed their territory perfectly and in good order, so Lord Yinglong was more than happy to leave them to their own devices.
But precisely because of this, the Yuanchu kept their distance from the Dragon clan and the rest of the Five Phoenixes, maintaining a high degree of autonomy — which may well have planted the seeds for later upheaval.
As for the last "Phoenix Lord"...
It was after meeting him that Shu Fu corrected his impression of the Five Phoenixes.
— Turns out, there actually was one normal bird among them.
The Phoenix Lord's given name is Feng Yuandu.
As the old poem goes, "The spring breeze never blows past the Jade Pass", and Feng Yuandu, this man... this bird, was probably born with the mission of "saving all living beings as his own responsibility".
Shu Fu first met him at a gathering of the Five Phoenixes.
Back then, Zhong Bukui had just been given a brutal beating by Lord Yinglong, suspended upside down from a tree with his legs tied up with an immortal-binding rope. Shi Chunyu was cuddling two plump rabbits playing house, chattering nonstop as he weaved a sweeping, tragic romance for the pair. Liu Jinghong had picked a basket of exotic flowers and herbs from nowhere, his deft, slender fingers moving nimbly as he picked out the prettiest blooms to string into fresh, cute little bracelets.
As for Lord Yinglong, he sat under the shade of a tree holding a guqin, gently and carefully tuning its strings while taking full advantage of his natural gift of gab to unleash a storm of verbal attacks on Zhong Bukui.
It was at this exact moment that Feng Yuandu, the Phoenix Young Lord, appeared.
To be precise, he had only just finished his cultivation, stepping out of his formation to show himself.
In other words, when Lord Yinglong and the other Five Phoenixes were cultivating, Feng Yuandu was cultivating. When they stopped to rest, play, and pick fights with each other, he was still cultivating.
Feng Yuandu's meticulous, uncompromising character was obvious to see right there.
As the head of the Five Phoenixes, the Phoenix Young Lord was naturally handsome, with sharp, bright brows and eyes that could make passersby fall in love at first sight by the cartload.
But his good looks were nothing out of the ordinary. Unlike the other male birds who fussed over their appearances, he never dyed his hair, never permed it, never wore makeup. Bare-faced, completely free of the trivial vanity of preening and posturing, he relied entirely on his natural good looks to get by. The result was a look that lacked any distinct flair, making him little more than an average handsome guy in the cultivation world.
Shu Fu couldn't help but feel a little disappointed the moment he saw him.
Feng Yuandu was strikingly handsome in the most conventional way, and dressed just as plainly and by the rules. From head to toe he was clad in unadorned, unbroken bright red, looking for all the world like a groomsman on his wedding day, or the lucky, jovial God of Wealth — except his face had nothing jovial about it.
His lips were pressed into a thin, straight line, their color as pale and dull as his expression, nothing like the bright cherry-red lips the Liu family birds had. His brows were furrowed tight, the deep lines between them carved into his skin like wood, as if they had never once relaxed in his entire life.
To exaggerate a little, even a face carved from wood would have more human warmth than his.
And his personality? Even more unremarkable, conventional... no, conventional wasn't the right word — strictly, rigidly by the book, that was the only way to put it.
"..."
The second Feng Yuandu appeared, he stood in the middle of the courtyard and swept his gaze over the scene. His handsome face turned dark as the bottom of a pot, so dark he looked like a crow that had gained sentience.
Judging by his expression, he looked half a second away from grabbing every single one of these colorful chickens in the yard, squeezing them all to death, then drawing his sword to kill himself, so they could all be tossed into a pot to boil together, bringing peace to the world once and for all.
"Zhong Bukui!"
Feng Yuandu clenched his fists, waging a fierce internal battle between his reason and his rage, and decided to start scolding the weakest one first, "What did you do this time to end up hanging from a tree?"
"Don't ask, Brother Long is still furious," Shi Chunyu said, looking up from his rabbits with a clear, crisp voice, "He snuck open the furnace when Brother Long was forging artifacts, let a cold draft blow in, and turned all the new artifacts Brother Long spent ages working on into a pile of coke. Brother Long has been obsessed with artifact refining lately, he put so much work into those."
"..."
Feng Yuandu pinched the bridge of his nose, and sharply pressed on, "And you? Shi Chunyu, what are you doing?"
"Me?" Shi Chunyu pointed at himself, confused. "Brother Feng, can't you see? I'm playing with the jade rabbits from Qiongzhi. I'm telling them stories, they all love it, and say I'm a little genius."
"............"
Feng Yuandu took a deep breath, folded his hands, and slowly kneaded his fists that had gone stiff with rage, "I'm not blind, I can see that. I'm asking you, why are you here playing with rabbits?"
"Oh! That's what you meant!" Shi Chunyu said, brightening up as the penny dropped, and explained cheerfully, "My dad said since I don't understand any of the serious stuff anyway, I might as well play with the newborn baby bunnies, get along well with them, and that counts as making a contribution to our clan."
"Th-the rabbits are newborn, and how old are you?!" Feng Yuandu snapped, his face red with fury, "What a disgrace! If word of this gets out, people will say the Qingluan clan raises their children with no discipline, that their young lord is good for nothing..."
Shi Chunyu twiddled his fingers shyly, "But... I never go out, so even if people laugh at me, I won't hear it."
Feng Yuandu: "..."
"Phoenix Lord, calm down," Liu Jinghong said quickly, stepping in to smooth things over when he saw the Phoenix was about to blow a fuse from anger, and handed over a bracelet woven from jasmine blossoms, "Don't bother with them. Look, I just wove these, they're all made of top-tier spiritual plants. I was going to give one to each of us, don't you think they're pretty?"
Feng Yuandu's jaw was tight, and he glared at Liu Jinghong with a look of exasperation that could cut steel. One sharp glare was all it took to make Liu Jinghong sheepishly yank his hands back. "Phoenix Lord, I..."
"The Crimson Core Jasmine blooms once every three years, and only for three days at a time. It's a top-tier ingredient for medicinal concoctions."
Feng Yuandu stared fixedly at the jasmine ball in Liu Jinghong's hand, his eyes bloodshot, and the words practically oozed out from between his gritted teeth one by one. "Young Lord Honghu, you wouldn't dare try to tell me you wove that flower into a bracelet just because it 'looks pretty', would you?"
"..."
Liu Jinghong averted his gaze guiltily, let out a couple of forced, awkward chuckles, and silently hid the bracelet he'd made "just for its looks" behind his back.
Feng Yuandu swayed on the spot, one hand flying to his forehead like he was about to keel over any second.
Just to pour oil on the fire, Lord Yinglong stepped forward right at that moment. Casually, he flipped Liu Jinghong's hand over, plucked the flower ball between his fingers, and smiled lazily.
"Let me have a look. This does look rather nice, actually. Jinghong, make me one later too. Use the Snow White Dark Peony, the one that only blooms for a single night every five years."
"............"
Feng Yuandu turned his head slowly, stiff as a board, and stared at Lord Yinglong with a gaze that bordered on outright hostility. "Dragon Lord, are you going to join in this nonsense too?"
"What nonsense? Those spirit plants were grown by Jinghong. He can use them however he wants, why do you have to nitpick over it?" Lord Yinglong waved his hand dismissively, curling his lip. "Zhong Bukui has been picking up bad habits, so it's fine to teach him a lesson. But Chunyu and Jinghong are both training seriously, their cultivation levels are more than decent. One's just a little bit silly, and the other... well, a little fancy. Those are just personal hobbies, no harm done."
"Nonsense, how can this do no harm?" Feng Yuandu's face darkened with anger. "Dragon Lord, I'll admit that all these years you've overseen the affairs of the demon clan meticulously and smoothly, not a single mistake made. Shi Chunyu excels at artifact forging, and Liu Jinghong is a master of music. They both have their own strengths, they're not useless layabouts."
"But," he stressed, his tone heavy, "as descendants of the dragon and phoenix, shouldn't we at least maintain a proper bearing that matches our status?"
Lord Yinglong blinked. "Huh? Is that really necessary?"
Feng Yuandu: "Of course it is!"
Every single feather on his body was trembling so hard he looked like he was about to puff up into a plump fluffy little bird. He pointed a finger emphatically. "Look at Shi Chunyu, he still doesn't understand the first thing about social etiquette, acts like a little toddler, he can't even be brought out in public. Then look at Liu Jinghong, all he cares about is primping and preening, he reeks of face powder like some boudoir lady. And you, Lord Yinglong, you're so casual and irreverent, you don't have a single shred of the dignity a Dragon Emperor should have, you even curse—"
Lord Yinglong: "Damn your old man, you're gonna police that too? Wait, why the hell can't a dragon curse? Are you looking down on dragons???"
Feng Yuandu fumed. "See? There you go again. My father is your cousin uncle, how dare you speak such vulgar insults about an elder?"
Lord Yinglong tried to explain, exasperated. "No, little cousin, I wasn't insulting your dad. I was insulting you. In curses like that, your dad isn't actually your dad, your mom isn't actually your mom, they're just these totally made-up, meaningless figures—"
Feng Yuandu refused to accept his explanation. "Enough, stop calling me your cousin. You're disrespectful to elders and your speech is crude, I don't have a brother like you. I truly don't understand why my father sings your praises all the time?"
Shu Fu: "..."
Alright, now she finally got the whole picture.
Jiang Xuesheng was the child of a dragon-phoenix... er, a dragon-phoenix hybrid. After his parents both ascended to the immortal realm, he took the throne as the Dragon Emperor. As for the head of the Phoenix Clan, that position went to Feng Yuandu's father, who was Jiang Xuesheng's cousin uncle.
It went without saying that Jiang Xuesheng, that clever, sharp, lucky-looking little White Dragon who ran the demon realm so smoothly after he took power, was the absolute favorite of all the elders, the classic "other people's kid" everyone held up as an example.
And of course, Feng Yuandu, who also carried the blood of the Phoenix clan and was supposed to be his equal, just couldn't stand that. On top of that, Feng Yuandu was rigid and conservative, while Lord Yinglong was free-spirited and unruly. The dragon and the phoenix were exact opposites in personality, so it was no wonder they never got along.
From that point on, Feng Yuandu kept popping up again and again in Jiang Xuesheng's memories. They'd bicker every three days, have a full-blown fight every five days. It was always Feng Yuandu picking a fight unilaterally, Lord Yinglong firing back, and then they'd go at it nonstop.
Just like Shu Fu had guessed, Feng Yuandu competed with Lord Yinglong at everything. Starting from cultivation levels, martial arts skills, and spells, they moved on to arithmetic, literature, astronomy, geography, and the arts of chess, calligraphy, and painting. You could say they compared absolutely everything except for looks.
And he lost every single time.
Lord Yinglong sighed. "Alas, my foolish little brother."
Feng Yuandu: "..."
Shu Fu: "..."
Man, that cousin of yours is really something else.
Then one day, the little cousin came up with a brilliant new idea. He challenged Lord Yinglong to an artifact forging competition. Each of them would craft a magical artifact, seal it inside a secret realm, and then see which one the cultivators that entered the realm liked more.
Lord Yinglong agreed gleefully on the spot, announcing he'd forge an unparalleled divine sword that would be better than any sword Feng Yuandu had ever owned. Feng Yuandu was a sword cultivator, so to crush his pride, Lord Yinglong was naturally going to go straight for the field Feng Yuandu knew best.
Not to be outdone, Feng Yuandu shot right back that he was going to craft a guqin, and it would be more exquisite than any guqin Lord Yinglong had ever made for himself.
"......???"
Shu Fu's temple twitched, and she suddenly had a terrible premonition.
The scene shifted right after that, and her bad feeling turned out to be 100% true.
"Great, it's finally done."
Inside the sealed chamber, Feng Yuandu collapsed exhausted by the side of the furnace. His flushed face was covered in sweat, but his eyes were shining with a level of excitement no one had ever seen before.
"Eighty-one tries total, after eighty failures, I finally forged the guqin I'm most satisfied with. This time, even Lord Yinglong will have to admit I beat him."
He stroked the qin's body with infinite, tender affection, and whispered softly.
"From now on, I'll name you 'Poyue'. I've wove a wisp of my own spiritual sense into you, to help you awaken your sentience early. You will definitely not lose to Lord Yinglong's 'Guguang'."
"Poyue, Poyue. You and Guguang together... who could ever pick over you?"
"..."
"............"
".................."
Click.
In the dead silence, Shu Fu felt her ears ringing, and she could have sworn she heard the exact sound of her own jaw dislocating.
A bead of cold sweat trickled down her temple, pooled into a heavy drop at her jawline, and then fell with a plop right onto the back of her hand.
Hua Jiejie noticed something was off about her, and asked confusedly. "What's wrong? Is there something wrong with this illusion?"
"I..."
Shu Fu was sweating buckets, rubbing her hands that had swung sledgehammers, plucked cotton, and played Twinkle Twinkle Little Star on a guqin. For the first time in her life, she couldn't help but shiver.
"...I think the gossip I was eating just landed right on my own head."
"Is it too late for me to apologize to Brother Feng right now?"
