“Your second elder sister stood outside the residence for several hours today. When you go back, spend some time talking with her. She’s lost quite a bit of weight lately.”
Shi Yuanping leaned against the carriage, his gaze fixed on Shi Huai’s face. He remained silent for a long while before finally speaking.
Shi Huai thought of the way Shi Youlan had stood on the steps, waving at him.
Her lotus-colored beizi had fluttered in the wind. Tears clung to her face, and the tip of her nose was red.
“How is Madam?” he asked.
Shi Yuanping pulled a folded sheet of paper from his sleeve and handed it to him. “Read it yourself. Steward Zhao sent this over this afternoon.”
Shi Huai unfolded the paper. It was covered from top to bottom in densely packed writing.
After Madam Liu had been confined to Qingzhi Courtyard, she had smashed things and cursed people every day at first. She had destroyed seven or eight tea sets and torn every painting from the walls.
Later, she gradually quieted down.
Every day, she would sit in the Buddhist hall for most of the day without speaking to or seeing anyone.
After Shi Lingyi returned, she went to Qingzhi Courtyard to see her three times. Each time, she exchanged a few words with Madam Liu through the door before leaving, her expression looking worse than before.
The final line on the paper read:
“Today, Eldest Young Lady went to Qingzhi Courtyard and spoke with Madam for nearly half an hour. Her voice was too low to make out, but when she came out of Qingzhi Courtyard, Eldest Young Lady’s eyes were red.”
Shi Huai folded the paper and tucked it back into his sleeve. Then he looked up at Shi Yuanping.
“What do you think Eldest Sister is planning?”
Shi Yuanping did not answer directly. He straightened from beside the carriage and adjusted his collar.
“No matter what she’s planning, don’t involve yourself. Focus on preparing for your own affairs. The Ministry of Personnel’s selection is still more than half a year away, but you need to start cultivating the necessary connections now. By the time you return from your travels, everything must be arranged properly.”
Shi Huai understood what he meant.
Shi Yuanping had spent so many years building his influence in court that his network of connections had long since spread far and wide.
All Shi Huai had to do was proceed step by step. Whatever belonged to him would not be taken from him.
“Second Uncle, there’s something I’ve wanted to ask you for a long time.”
Shi Huai straightened from beside the carriage and stood face-to-face with Shi Yuanping.
Looking at the unusual depth in Shi Huai’s eyes, Shi Yuanping’s heart gave a faint jolt.
“Go ahead.”
“Where is my birth mother now?”
Shi Yuanping’s fingers clenched hard around the edge of his sleeve, his knuckles turning bluish-white.
He looked at Shi Huai’s calm face. His lips moved several times before he finally spoke, his voice slightly hoarse.
“Why are you asking about this?”
“She’s my mother. Isn’t it only natural that I ask where she is?”
Shi Yuanping was silent for a moment before answering.
“She left. The day you were taken away was the day she left. I’ve searched for her for more than a decade, but I’ve never found her.”
His voice was very low, as though each word had been forced out from the depths of his throat.
Shi Huai watched him and did not press any further.
He knew Shi Yuanping was not lying. He also knew how much effort Shi Yuanping had spent over the years searching for that woman.
But some things could not be found simply because one had devoted enough effort to them. In this world, there were too many people who could never be found, and too many roads that could never be retraced.
“Second Uncle, I’ll head back first. Second Elder Sister is still waiting at home.”
With that, Shi Huai turned and walked toward the carriage.
Shi Yuanping remained where he was, watching Shi Huai’s figure disappear behind the carriage. The wind whipped at the hem of his robe, yet he felt no cold.
He could not explain what he was feeling.
It was as if the stone that had been lodged in his chest for years had finally been removed. And yet, after it was gone, it had left behind an even larger hollow.
Empty. So empty that nothing could fill it.
Shi Huai leaned against the carriage wall and closed his eyes. The scent of wine clung to his crimson robe, mingling with the sandalwood fragrance inside the carriage and filling the cramped space.
Qinghe sat across from him. “Young Master, you looked so handsome today.”
Shi Huai opened his eyes and glanced at her. “You’ve been saying that for thirteen years. Aren’t you tired of it?”
“Not at all. I could say it for the rest of my life and never grow tired of it.”
Qinghe’s voice was muffled, thick with tears.
Shi Huai said nothing. He reached out and gently patted the top of her head twice.
The touch was light, just like the way she had patted him when he was a child.
Qinghe’s tears spilled over at once. She hurriedly wiped them away with the back of her hand, her voice breaking as she spoke.
“This servant is just happy. Young Master, you placed third in the palace examination. This servant is so happy I could cry.”
“Then cry. There’s only the two of us in this carriage. Once you’re done, wipe your face clean and don’t let anyone see.”
Qinghe nodded vigorously. She buried her face in her knees, her shoulders trembling as she sobbed without making a sound.
When the carriage stopped outside the gates of the Marquis of Yongning’s residence, Shi Huai noticed someone crouching beside one of the stone lions.
The lotus-colored beizi looked particularly plain in the deepening dusk, while the white jade hairpin in her hair gleamed with a warm, lustrous light beneath the lanterns.
Hearing the sound of the carriage, Shi Youlan raised her head and stood up. Her legs had gone numb from crouching, and she staggered, catching herself against the stone lion before she could fall.
“Second Elder Sister, why are you crouching out here? It’s cold outside. Aren’t you afraid of freezing?”
Shi Huai jumped down from the carriage and walked over to her. He reached out and straightened the white jade hairpin that had gone crooked in her hair.
Shi Youlan tilted her head back to look at him. Her eyes were red, as was the tip of her nose. She looked utterly pitiful.
“I wanted to be the first to see you come back, so I waited here. I’ve been waiting for so long that my legs went numb.”
Seeing her stubborn expression, the corners of Shi Huai’s lips lifted faintly.
“Then why didn’t you have someone go inside and tell them? I would have come in when I arrived. What was the point of crouching outside the gate?”
“I wanted to be the first to see you.”
Shi Youlan repeated herself, her voice muffled and childish, stubborn as a little girl’s.
Shi Huai said nothing more. He reached out, took hold of her arm, and helped her away from the stone lion, leading her through the main gate.
“You placed third in the palace examination. Our family hasn’t had such a joyous occasion in many years.”
Shi Youlan’s steps were still unsteady.
“If Grandmother were still here, she would be so happy to see you like this today.”
Shi Huai’s footsteps faltered.
He remembered the words Grandmother had spoken while clutching his hand before she died. He remembered the tears and guilt surging in those cloudy old eyes.
“Grandmother can see us from Heaven. She doesn’t have to be here in person.”
Shi Youlan nodded vigorously. She wiped the tears from her face with the back of her hand, drew a deep breath, and tried her best not to look so disheveled.
As they crossed the garden, the moon emerged from behind the clouds and spilled a layer of silver-white light across the ground.
The ropes of the swing in the garden glimmered faintly beneath the moonlight.
Shi Youlan suddenly stopped. She released Shi Huai’s arm, walked over to the swing, and reached out to touch one of its smooth ropes.
“Little Brother, do you remember when Grandmother had this swing made for you?”
“I do. It was not long after I moved into Shou’an Hall. Grandmother said it wasn’t good for me to spend all day cooped up in my room, so she had a swing built in the garden for me to use whenever I wanted.”
Shi Youlan’s fingers slowly tightened around the hemp rope.
“I was young and foolish back then. I followed Mother in looking down on you. Whenever I saw you, I would roll my eyes and call you…”
“You don’t call me that anymore, do you?”
