Lin Zhilan didn't urge her. After a long pause, Han Mei finally spoke slowly: “I’m afraid I won’t run well, and it’ll be a waste of money.”
Lin Zhilan suddenly understood.
The psychologist Freud once proposed a concept called moral masochism.
Simply put, some people are willing to suffer in order to gain a sense of moral superiority.
Many parents are like this, and Wang Xiuzhi was clearly one of them.
Wang Xiuzhi had once bought a nice piece of fabric to make clothes for her child, telling her to treasure it—that was fine. But she had to add, “In my whole life, I’ve never worn clothes this expensive.”
Naturally, Han Mei felt guilty.
Wang Xiuzhi didn’t do this on purpose; it was a habit formed in hard times, with an underlying reason rooted in moral masochism.
It was a form of low-key soliciting (seeking validation through complaint) — a way to attack her children by making them feel guilty, thereby manipulating and controlling them.
Clearly, it worked.
No matter how disobedient or argumentative Han Mei and Liang Ping were, whenever Wang Xiuzhi called them to work in the fields, neither child would refuse.
Because they understood that their parents worked very hard.
Wang Xiuzhi might have thought this was a good thing, but in this situation, the obedience born from guilt was simply due to an overwhelming psychological burden.
Over time, children raised in an atmosphere of guilt-based education grow up afraid to be happy.
Even if they achieve something later in life and earn money, they develop a sense of unworthiness.
They think they don’t deserve happiness or enjoyment, because subconsciously, they feel it would be a betrayal of their parents.
Han Mei’s mother had bought her these shoes, and her father came to the playground every day after work to practice with her.
Liang Ping had even envied her.
But Han Mei didn’t actually want any of this.
It felt like carrying a debt, a heavy weight in her heart.
She was afraid that if she didn’t run well, she would waste the money and her father’s effort.
Even more frightening was the thought of her mother’s anticipated words if she failed.
Lin Zhilan patted her on the shoulder. “Today, you’re going to run hard—not for your parents, but for yourself, understand?”
Han Mei looked up at her. “For me, to get into the sports school?”
“Yes.”
Han Mei bit her lip, her eyes showing stubbornness and confusion. “But why didn’t you persuade Jiang Chengzhou? He doesn’t want to go to the sports school either.”
Lin Zhilan was taken aback.
So the conversation at home with Jiang Chengzhou at noon had probably been overheard by this girl.
She sighed, took Han Mei’s hand, and led her to sit down on the steps nearby.
“I don’t know if you’ll understand what I’m about to say,” Lin Zhilan said seriously. “Let me ask you first: what kind of person do you want to become in the future?”
Han Mei swallowed. She didn’t know.
Lin Zhilan brushed her bangs aside. “It’s okay if you don’t know. What kind of person do you think you will become?”
The first person Han Mei thought of was her mother.
Their hometown was poor, and girls married early.
Girls Han Mei’s age often already talked about marriage.
In the village, everyone envied her for having a father who was a leader in the military, thinking she would marry well.
Han Mei didn’t know what the future held.
Maybe when she reached the right age and failed to get into high school, her mother would introduce her to a soldier. Then she’d marry, have kids, and repeat her mother’s life.
Han Mei suddenly shuddered. She didn’t want that. She was afraid.
Lin Zhilan pointed toward Jiang Chengzhou across the way. “He’s about the same age as you, but his grandparents left him a house in the capital, and his grandfather also saved him some money. Even if he never does anything, he could coast through life.”
Lin Zhilan’s brows furrowed slightly. “Han Mei, do you have any of this?”
Han Mei was silent. She shook her head.
Lin Zhilan continued, “Setting aside those external material conditions—Jiang Chengzhou has decent grades and a clear goal now. Do you?”
Han Mei’s head drooped lower.
“Lift your head.” Lin Zhilan gently raised her chin. “But you have a talent for sprinting. Maybe your performance today can change your fate.”
“When you have nothing, complaining to the heavens is useless, and blaming others is even more pointless. For now, you have to seize whatever you have. Once you get out of here, you’ll see how small the world you know really is.”
“Only when you have enough will you have choices. Understand?” Lin Zhilan looked at her.
Han Mei’s opportunities were too few.
Lin Zhilan didn’t mean to hurt her, but the truth was the truth.
Jiang Chengzhou could casually say, “It doesn’t matter if I lose,” and Han Mei could say the same.
But the cost for the two of them was completely different.
Just like Jiang Chengzhou had said earlier—this was just a competition.
For Han Mei, however, it was a chance.
Han Mei’s eyes reddened. Lin Zhilan smiled and patted her head. “What are you crying about? How much did those shoes cost?”
“Nine yuan and eighty cents… plus five ration coupons for industrial goods.”
“A lot, isn’t it?”
Han Mei nodded.
Lin Zhilan said, “I asked around—the sports school provides room and board for free and covers tuition. They even give a monthly allowance of five yuan. If you get selected for provincial team training, it increases to ten yuan a month.”
Actually, Lin Zhilan hadn’t asked around; she’d heard it from Gao Zhiqiang that morning.
Han Mei’s eyes lit up. Five yuan was already a fortune to her.
Ten yuan…
That could buy the shoes on her feet and still leave twenty cents to spare.
“Still want to get into the sports school?” Lin Zhilan asked.
Han Mei nodded firmly.
Lin Zhilan gave a wry smile. If she’d mentioned the sports school benefits earlier, she could have saved all that talking.
“The race is about to start. Go prepare. Remember—run not for your parents, not for these shoes, but for yourself.”
Han Mei stood up, took a couple of steps, then turned back. “What if I don’t perform well, and the sports school doesn’t take me?”
Lin Zhilan was startled for a moment, then laughed. “There are three hundred and sixty trades, and each has its master. If this path doesn’t work, find another. You can’t box yourself in.”
“Can I find another way?”
Han Mei asked, but she didn’t wait for Lin Zhilan’s answer. She walked straight to the starting line to prepare.
Han Mei herself knew—finding another way would be very hard.
Commander Han and Wang Xiuzhi sat in the stands the whole time, not joining the students in the crowd.
They also saw Lin Zhilan go to Han Mei.
Wang Xiuzhi let out a sigh of relief.
Commander Han asked, “What’s wrong?”
Wang Xiuzhi stared toward them. “Doctor Lin stepped in. It’s definitely settled now.”
Commander Han looked at his wife in surprise.
He had no idea where her certainty came from.
But how could he know? Wang Xiuzhi had been around the military district long enough to hear many of Lin Zhilan’s stories.
At heart, Wang Xiuzhi was traditional, with deep-rooted respect for authority.
Before, Commander Han had been the authority figure in her eyes.
She listened to everything he said.
Wang Xiuzhi both admired and feared Lin Zhilan, but precisely because of that, she also regarded Lin Zhilan as an authority.
