You Love Me the Most
Yesterday, Su Zhenzhen had originally prepared a romantic confession on a boat.
After leaving Baoxiang Restaurant, she went into the boat and arranged rose petals into the shape of a heart, leaving behind many lanterns and delicate lotus lamps.
Su Zhenzhen had rehearsed the scene of confessing to Lu Hexu countless times in her mind.
Her plan was to bring Lu Hexu here for a post-meal stroll after they finished eating at Baoxiang Restaurant, casually suggesting a boat ride on the lake.
The plan was perfect, but unexpectedly, things went wrong.
But it didn't matter. While bathing today, she checked the almanac, and today was also an auspicious day for a confession.
Fearing that the boatman from yesterday had already left after not seeing her, she asked Wei Heng to come early to check. If the boatman was gone, he could find a new one and help set up the confession scene again.
To her surprise, the boatman, having taken the deposit, was highly responsible. Even though he hadn't seen her, he had waited all the way until now.
The rose petal heart she arranged yesterday was still sitting securely on the table, though it had gone from a whole heart to half a heart.
Lu Hexu sat behind the table, holding a teacup with one hand, drinking honey water with rose petals floating inside.
Su Zhenzhen was speechless.
Taking a deep breath, Su Zhenzhen sat down, picked up a few rose petals, tore them to pieces, and tossed them into her own honey water.
She picked it up and took a sip.
The taste was very fresh, not at all like it was from yesterday. It seemed more like Wei Heng had freshly brewed it today.
Su Zhenzhen looked down and, sure enough, saw a narrow round basin on the tray holding the honey water, filled with ice cubes.
The ice cubes were slightly melting.
Fine condensation had formed on the porcelain cup holding the honey water. Su Zhenzhen rested her chin on one hand.
Seeing the two board, the boatman began punting the boat toward the middle of the river.
This was a relatively secluded stretch of the river. It was September, and continuous rows of green bamboo lined both banks. Their shadows draped over the water, rippling into pale green circles.
As the small boat glided down the river, the water was clear and shallow. It was so quiet that one could seemingly hear the soft rustle of bamboo leaves falling onto the boat.
It was too quiet.
Su Zhenzhen drank a few more cups of honey water, but the words that had been swirling in her stomach for so long couldn't find the right moment to come out.
She was nervous and shy.
Opposite her, Lu Hexu had already reclined, his eyes half-closed, looking as if he had fallen asleep.
The small boat wasn't large, but it wasn't too small either.
The man rested his jaw on one hand and reclined. His long legs, with nowhere else to go, were propped up near the stern.
The river breeze blew past, carrying the fragrance of green bamboo.
Watching Lu Hexu sleep, Su Zhenzhen couldn't help but feel drowsy herself.
Just sleep for a little while.
I'll confess as soon as I wake up.
Su Zhenzhen closed her eyes.
She had been awake all night, sustained entirely by adrenaline.
Now, with the rocking boat, the gentle breeze, the green bamboo, and the sunlight filtering down through the reed blinds of the canopy, Su Zhenzhen's emotions hadn't faded, but her physical exhaustion began to show.
The boat swayed slightly. Lu Hexu opened his eyes and saw the woman resting her chin on her hand, her body slipping to the side.
He reached out, supporting her falling cheek with one hand and steadying her leaning body with the other.
Su Zhenzhen's body was slowly laid flat.
Lu Hexu pushed the table to the side with one hand, making room for her to rest.
Su Zhenzhen found a comfortable sleeping position, rested her neck against something, nuzzled it, and then tilted her head, falling into a deeper sleep.
"Miss, where are we heading..."
The boatman lifted the reed blind and peeked in at an inopportune moment, only to see the slender, beautiful woman curled up and sleeping on the man's lap.
The man sat in the boat, caressing the woman's cheek with one hand, his movements incredibly gentle.
He raised his eyes, met the boatman's gaze, and said in an indifferent tone, "Stop here."
"Aye." Intimidated by the man's aura, the boatman instinctively lowered his voice.
The reed blind dropped back down, and the light inside the canopy grew dim.
Although the lanterns on the boat were unlit, their novel designs made them quite a sight to behold.
Lu Hexu unfastened his robe and draped it over Su Zhenzhen.
Su Zhenzhen slept very deeply, her mouth even slightly open.
Lu Hexu's fingertips traced the line of her lips, touching her small, seashell-white teeth, before gliding further down to caress her neck.
-
When Su Zhenzhen woke up from her nap, she felt completely refreshed.
Opening her eyes, the first thing she saw was Lu Hexu's face.
The man was leaning against the canopy, half of his face illuminated by the setting sun outside—half in light, half in shadow.
The warm golden light fell upon his brow bone and the bridge of his nose, outlining his deep, sharp features, while the other half of his face remained hidden in the canopy's shadow.
Su Zhenzhen maintained her position without moving, tilting her head as she stared at him.
She reached out, her fingertips touching his soft lips.
So soft.
Just as soft as five years ago.
The man opened his eyes. There was no sleepiness in his gaze; his deep eyes were dark, his emotions unreadable.
He looked quietly at Su Zhenzhen, his face devoid of expression. Only the ever-changing light and shadow from the trees overlapped and shifted across his face.
Su Zhenzhen felt the atmosphere was perfect right now. She opened her mouth, but before she could speak, Lu Hexu suddenly lifted the reed blind and called out, "Go back."
"Aye."
The boatman had waited all day and was finally heading back.
"I still have something to say..." Su Zhenzhen abruptly sat up from Lu Hexu's lap.
Lu Hexu looked down at her.
The sunset clouds were reflected in the man's pupils. Although they were vibrant with colors, his eyes only conveyed a strange, unfathomable calmness.
Su Zhenzhen's hand, gripping Lu Hexu's sleeve, slowly tightened. She sensed something was wrong, calmed herself down, and raised her hand to point at the lanterns inside the canopy.
"Let's wait until the sun sets and light the lanterns before we go."
Lu Hexu fell silent for a moment, then nodded.
The small boat stopped again. Sitting in the boat, Su Zhenzhen could look up and see the slowly setting sun not far ahead.
The sky was filled with clouds piling up on the horizon, dyed in warm reds and pale golds, scattering fragmented light all over the river.
"Come out and watch the sunset," Su Zhenzhen tilted her head and called into the canopy.
Lu Hexu shifted his legs.
His legs had lost all feeling; they had gone numb from Su Zhenzhen using them as a pillow.
The culprit was completely oblivious, turning her head back to watch the sunset.
As the sun set, the sky gradually darkened.
Su Zhenzhen ducked back inside, holding a stalk of green bamboo she had just casually plucked from the riverbank.
She pinned the green bamboo into Lu Hexu's hair like a hairpin, then took out a fire starter and lit the lanterns inside the canopy one by one.
There were about a dozen lanterns hanging inside the canopy. They were not large, but each was exquisitely crafted.
Su Zhenzhen had spent a lot of thought picking them out.
As the lanterns were lit one by one, the small canopy grew much brighter.
The reed blinds had not yet been lowered. As the lights illuminated the canopy, several delicate lotus lamps slowly drifted over on the river's surface.
These lotus lamps were about the size of a palm, each holding a lit wick, floating along with the river's current.
This was the task Su Zhenzhen had entrusted to Wei Heng. Once he saw the lanterns light up on the boat, he was to release the small lotus lamps for her.
It had rained yesterday, so the air temperature had dropped slightly.
In this romantic atmosphere, Su Zhenzhen slowly spoke, "Lu Hexu, I like you."
The man sat quietly opposite her. Meeting the woman's sparkling eyes, he did not answer; he only remained silent.
The light in Su Zhenzhen's eyes gradually faded.
-
"Godfather, I think he might... not like me."
Su Zhenzhen sat under the eaves, resting her chin in her hands with a sad expression.
Wei Heng instinctively turned his head to glance at the main house not far away, then turned back, his eyes widening in shock. "Impossible."
Those involved are blind, but bystanders see clearly.
Wei Heng was absolutely certain of Lu Hexu's feelings for Su Zhenzhen; it was not something that could be summed up with the simple word "like".
Su Zhenzhen sat there with her head down. "I feel like he's been very cold to me these past two days."
Wei Heng thought for a moment and said, "Perhaps His Majesty is still minding the fact that you ran away with Shen Yanci five years ago, Miss Su."
"What? I didn't." Su Zhenzhen's eyes widened. "Back then, after I found out his true identity, I was a little scared... so I ran away."
"So that's how it is." Wei Heng nodded. "Then Miss Su should explain this matter clearly to His Majesty."
Right, misunderstandings must be resolved.
Su Zhenzhen stood up, preparing to go look for Lu Hexu. She glanced at the sunrise on the horizon, thought for a moment, and first went into the mansion's kitchen.
She wandered around the kitchen and finally found some dried water chestnuts.
I'll make some water chestnut cake.
Su Zhenzhen shelled the dried water chestnuts and ground them into powder, added white sugar, osmanthus flowers, and a small amount of glutinous rice flour to mix, then added water to make a paste, poured it into molds, and finally put them in the steamer.
While steaming the water chestnut cakes, Su Zhenzhen conveniently made a cup of osmanthus milk tea, using fresh milk, osmanthus flowers, a little green tea base, and ice cubes.
She sat on a small stool in the kitchen, holding the osmanthus milk tea and drinking it slowly.
By the time Su Zhenzhen finished drinking the cup of osmanthus milk tea, the water chestnut cakes were also done steaming.
She stood up, took out the water chestnut cakes, and let them cool.
The freshly baked water chestnut cakes looked soft and sticky. Su Zhenzhen picked one up with her chopsticks.
The taste of the water chestnut flour was sweet and refreshing without being cloying, with a slightly powdery texture. Because Lu Hexu preferred sweet flavors, Su Zhenzhen had added extra white sugar.
She poured a bowl of honey and placed it on a lacquer tray, then carried it towards Lu Hexu's room.
"Godfather, is he up?"
"His Majesty hasn't slept all night. He is currently reviewing memorials."
Ah, staying up late again.
Su Zhenzhen pushed the door open and went in.
Lu Hexu was sitting behind the imperial desk, with two high piles of memorials placed in front of him.
Holding the lacquer tray in her hands, Su Zhenzhen had no free hands.
She walked over to a small table not far away and placed the lacquer tray on it.
Hearing the noise, Lu Hexu raised his eyes to look at her.
Su Zhenzhen rested her chin in her hands, quietly waiting for Lu Hexu to finish reviewing the memorials.
Lu Hexu lowered his eyes, the hand holding the writing brush pausing for a moment.
He stood up, walked to Su Zhenzhen's side, lifted his robe, and sat down.
"Are you finished?"
"Yes," Lu Hexu nodded. The first thing he saw was indeed the osmanthus milk tea with honey.
He picked up the tea and took a light sip, while his other hand picked up a piece of water chestnut cake and put it in his mouth.
The morning light was just beginning to show, and the window was half open.
Su Zhenzhen seized the opportunity to speak. "Five years ago, I didn't leave with Shen Yanci. I left alone."
"At that time, I found out your identity, and because I was a little scared, I ran away. Although my identity was Shen Yanci's hidden spy, I never actually did anything for him."
Lu Hexu paused his movement of biting the water chestnut cake. He slowly nodded, then lowered his eyes and continued eating.
Su Zhenzhen felt that since the misunderstanding was cleared up, she should be able to breathe a sigh of relief, but the atmosphere in the room still carried an unconcealable sense of oppression.
She held her cup of osmanthus milk tea, instinctively biting her lip.
"You don't believe me."
Lu Hexu shook his head. "No."
"Then why?" Su Zhenzhen didn't understand. "You like me too, right?"
Otherwise, why would he keep her gold hairpin.
Lu Hexu didn't speak. After finishing the water chestnut cake in his hand, he stood up. "Zhenzhen, I'm taking you somewhere."
-
The autumn temperature was still quite high. Su Zhenzhen and Lu Hexu got into a carriage cooled with ice blocks, and the two of them traveled all the way out of Yangzhou City.
Su Zhenzhen lifted the carriage curtain to take a look outside and saw several carriages following behind them. It seemed that this journey would be a bit long.
"Where are we going?"
"To the imperial mausoleum."
Su Zhenzhen sat back down. "Why are we going to the imperial mausoleum?"
Lu Hexu did not answer her question.
Resting his chin on one hand, he poured a cup of cold tea for Su Zhenzhen and pushed it in front of her.
Su Zhenzhen reached out to take it, also mimicking Lu Hexu's posture by resting her chin on one hand.
The two leaned on the table and looked at each other for a while before Lu Hexu slowly spoke, "Zhenzhen, what is the name of the current Emperor?"
"Lu Hexu."
Lu Hexu shook his head.
"No."
No?
Su Zhenzhen tried hard to recall the plot.
In the original novel, there were very few descriptions of the tyrant. As a background villain, he was merely a stepping stone for the male lead, Shen Yanci, to conquer.
The text always referred to him as the tyrant, and his name only appeared right before his death.
Because of the extreme contrast between the name and his character persona, Su Zhenzhen had remembered this name.
"The current Emperor is named Lu Chengyu."
Lu Hexu slightly closed his eyes, his expression calm. "He was my twin brother, and also the first person I killed."
After the man finished speaking, the carriage fell into silence.
Lu Hexu subconsciously gripped the teacup in his hand tightly, raised his eyes, and met Su Zhenzhen's gaze.
Su Zhenzhen was still in a daze.
[His lips are so red today.]
[So sexy.]
[I want to kiss him hard.]
Lu Hexu: ...
Lu Hexu sat there and pursed his lips. "When we were born, the State Preceptor advised the late Emperor that the Empress giving birth to twins was a disaster and only one could be kept. The Empress sent me to the servant quarters."
Su Zhenzhen frowned.
Wei Heng had told her about this.
As the carriage rolled forward, Lu Hexu's gaze fell on the woman's tightly furrowed brows. She was looking at him, her eyes full of worry.
Su Zhenzhen reached out and tightly grasped Lu Hexu's hand.
[My heart aches for him.]
[I want to hug him.]
She stood up, moved over from the small table, and leaned against Lu Hexu's side.
Lu Hexu's body stiffened slightly, then slowly relaxed.
With their fingers intertwined, the man continued, "After surviving in the servant quarters until I was ten, I met the Crown Prince..."
Lu Hexu had originally thought that he would never speak these words to anyone in his entire life.
But he never expected that one day, in a carriage like this, he would say them to Su Zhenzhen.
Time passed slowly. Lu Hexu's voice was slightly hoarse; he rarely spoke so much in one breath.
The man picked up the tea in front of him to moisten his throat.
"So, these incantation tattoos on your body were done by that State Preceptor? The Empress Dowager wants Lu Chengyu to possess your body and resurrect?" Su Zhenzhen's voice was very low and muffled. Listening closely, one could even hear a slight hint of crying in her tone.
"Yes," Lu Hexu nodded. He looked down and saw Su Zhenzhen's red-rimmed eyes.
She looked up at him, and in the blink of an eye, a tear fell from her eye, sliding all the way down her cheek to her jaw.
Lu Hexu subconsciously raised his hand to catch it, the scalding teardrop rolling onto his fingertip.
The man leaned down, his lips touching her eyelid.
Then he moved lower, kissing away the tears welling up in her eyes.
Su Zhenzhen's eyelashes trembled. She reached out her arms and hugged Lu Hexu. "Does it still hurt now?"
"It doesn't hurt anymore."
Lu Hexu reached out his hand and gently patted the woman's back.
Su Zhenzhen was not comforted; instead, she cried even harder.
Lu Hexu first wiped her tears with a handkerchief, and then with his sleeve.
But Su Zhenzhen's tears kept falling, her eyes red and swollen from crying.
Helpless, Lu Hexu let out a sigh, leaned close to her ear, and whispered, "Stop crying, sister."
Sure enough, Su Zhenzhen immediately choked back her sobs.
With red eyes, she looked up at Lu Hexu.
The man leaned in and lowered his head as if to kiss her, but then he paused, slowly sat back up, and pulled away.
Su Zhenzhen tightly gripped Lu Hexu's lapels. "I'm not afraid of you."
Lu Hexu looked at her, still just shaking his head. "Zhenzhen, let go."
Su Zhenzhen didn't understand. She clearly didn't mind this matter, so why was Lu Hexu still unwilling to be with her?
She straightened her body, tilted her head, and kissed him.
Lu Hexu tilted his head back to dodge.
Su Zhenzhen reached out with both hands, held his head in place, and stubbornly kissed him.
Lu Hexu was very strong, but he didn't dare use his strength.
He was afraid of hurting her.
Su Zhenzhen kissed him forcefully.
They hadn't kissed in a long time.
Su Zhenzhen wasn't very good at this sort of thing. Imitating how Lu Hexu used to do it, she pried his lips apart and slipped her tongue inside.
The man let out a low groan. He gripped Su Zhenzhen's waist with one hand, seemingly intending to push her away, but ultimately couldn't bear to do it. He just held her tightly, neither fully embracing her nor willing to push her away.
Su Zhenzhen shifted her knee forward, pressing against the man.
Lu Hexu let out a muffled grunt. With his other hand, he pressed down on her knee and pushed it outward. "Don't touch there."
Su Zhenzhen obediently pulled her knee back and continued to kiss him.
The man leaned his head back against the carriage wall, allowing Su Zhenzhen to do as she pleased.
After kissing for who knew how long, Su Zhenzhen realized that her little problem of easily feeling suffocated when initiating a kiss had somehow been cured.
The man looked up at her, a beautiful flush spreading beneath his eyes.
Su Zhenzhen's fingertips brushed beneath his eyes. "Why won't you accept me?"
Lu Hexu's lips, due to the prolonged kissing, had taken on a moist, dewy hue, like water-soaked cherries.
He lowered his eyelashes, his voice very soft. "I will tell you once we reach the imperial mausoleum."
After traveling for half a month, the carriage finally arrived at the imperial mausoleum's temporary palace.
A rainstorm yesterday had completely washed away the summer heat.
Su Zhenzhen changed into slightly thicker autumn clothes. She stepped down from the carriage and saw the imperial mausoleum palace built into the mountain not far ahead.
With its vermilion doors and yellow tiles, and towering walls, it exuded a natural solemnity that belonged only to the royal family.
Lu Hexu stood behind her, looking at the palace with her, his eyes revealing a deep, gloomy darkness that Su Zhenzhen couldn't quite understand.
He lifted his foot and stepped onto the stone stairs, walking upward.
Su Zhenzhen followed behind him.
The mountain was much more humid than the foot of the hill. The stone steps were covered in untended moss, and when Su Zhenzhen stepped onto them, her body tilted.
Lu Hexu instinctively reached out to catch her.
Taking advantage of the moment, Su Zhenzhen hugged his arm.
Lu Hexu frowned but didn't push her away.
During their days on the road, Su Zhenzhen frequently found opportunities to stick closely to the man.
"I like him so much."
"I love the scent on him."
"I really want to take a bite."
Could this be the legendary double overlap of physical and psychological attraction?
"I really want to eat him up."
But Lu Hexu no longer showed any intimacy toward her.
This troubled Su Zhenzhen for a long time, even making her wonder if he had become impotent.
Clinging to Lu Hexu, Su Zhenzhen stepped up the stone stairs.
There were guards stationed at the entrance of the imperial mausoleum palace.
Lu Hexu raised his hand and took out the token at his waist. After the two mausoleum guards inspected it, they stepped aside and opened the doors to let them in.
The vermilion gates of the imperial mausoleum creaked open, emitting a low, drawn-out hum.
Green pines and ancient bamboo greeted their eyes. As Su Zhenzhen looked up, she saw many yellow talismans intertwined among the ancient trees.
These yellow talismans were probably newly replaced; their colors were bright, showing no signs of having been soaked by yesterday's rain.
A look of curiosity appeared on Su Zhenzhen's face as she followed behind Lu Hexu, heading all the way toward the main hall.
Along the long palace pathway, the yellow talismans on both sides never ceased. It wasn't until they reached the main hall that Su Zhenzhen realized these talismans were merely child's play.
Outside the enormous main hall stood a giant bronze incense burner, inside of which burned massive incense sticks as thick as half a person.
The smoke from the incense billowed toward the sky.
Looking further up, the corners of the beams and pillars, as well as the inner sides of the window lattices, were all plastered with bright yellow talismans. The walls were directly painted with runic symbols in cinnabar. Every stroke and line looked like intertwined bloodstains, climbing hideously from the base of the walls up to the roof beams, overlapping in dense, impenetrable layers.
There was not a trace of vitality in the air, only the overpowering smell of incense and the cold, stale, bloody scent of cinnabar, making the entire main hall appear extremely eerie and bizarre.
"Are we going in?"
Su Zhenzhen couldn't help but hang herself onto Lu Hexu's body.
"It looks like a haunted house."
Although she really wanted to deepen her relationship with Lu Hexu, there was no need to joke around with her life, right?
She was timid. What if ghosts actually existed in this world?
It wasn't as if people had never been scared to death in this world.
What if she actually died of fright?
"There are no ghosts inside." Lu Hexu used one hand to set Su Zhenzhen, who was hanging onto him, back onto the ground.
Su Zhenzhen refused to stand on the ground, insisting on clinging to him. "If there are no ghosts, then what is in there?"
"My mother, the Empress Dowager."
Su Zhenzhen: ...Was she suddenly meeting the parents?
Su Zhenzhen stood on the ground and instinctively smoothed out her clothes. Then, remembering the things this Empress Dowager had done to Lu Hexu, her expression turned somewhat strange.
"Zhenzhen, wait for me here."
"I want to go in with you."
For some reason, Su Zhenzhen subconsciously felt a bit panicked, and she grabbed Lu Hexu's arm.
The man looked down at her, his fingertips brushing across her brow and eyes. "Her mental state is not very good."
Su Zhenzhen remembered that after this Empress Dowager was involved in an arson incident caused by a palace maid, she had taken that Daoist priest and hidden in the imperial mausoleum palace for refuge. This hiding had lasted for five years.
Rumor had it that she had now gone completely mad.
"Alright, then be careful."
Su Zhenzhen let go of Lu Hexu's hand.
Lu Hexu nodded, turned around, and pushed open the main doors of the hall.
Su Zhenzhen saw many yellow banners hanging inside, covered in twisted incantations written in cinnabar. It was Tibetan script, and it looked very familiar—exactly the same as the ones on Lu Hexu's body.
Lu Hexu walked in. Standing behind the door and facing Su Zhenzhen, he closed it.
Su Zhenzhen's field of vision suddenly narrowed.
She stood in place, listening to the sound of the wind sweeping past her surroundings.
Inside the hall, the incense was burning vigorously.
A bronze incense burner was placed in the center, already half-filled with burnt incense ash.
Lu Hexu turned his head to look at the woman meditating on a futon.
She had shed her luxurious clothes and wore only a Daoist robe. Her hair, which had turned completely white, was neatly combed up without any hair accessories, save for a simple wooden hairpin.
She sat there meditating with her eyes closed. In front of her lay a bright yellow baby blanket.
The area around the baby blanket was also covered in talismans.
The room was very hot, and the incantations on Lu Hexu's back began to manifest.
He looked up at the yellow banners, raised his hand, tore them down, and threw them into the bronze incense burner.
The banners met the fire and immediately burst into flames.
The Empress Dowager, who had been sitting quietly just a moment ago, let out a piercing, ear-splitting shriek. She abruptly jumped up to rescue the banners.
The banners, ablaze with fire, were yanked out of the bronze cauldron by her and dragged onto the ground.
She tried to put out the flames with her bare hands, completely ignoring the searing pain of the fire burning her flesh, single-mindedly beating at the flames.
Lu Hexu stood there, watching her expressionlessly.
He crouched down and called out to her softly, "Mother."
He had never called this woman "Mother" before.
This was his first, and also his last time calling her that.
The Empress Dowager's eyelashes fluttered slowly as she raised her eyes to look at Lu Hexu.
At first, she smiled. "My son has returned..." Then, catching sight of the ghost-like cursed marks appearing on Lu Hexu's neck, her expression changed drastically. "No, you are not, you are not him!"
"My son, where is my son? My son! Oh, my son!"
The Empress Dowager frantically scrambled to embrace the swaddling blanket.
Lu Hexu stood up unhurriedly and followed behind her.
"Mother, I was the one who killed the Crown Prince."
The Empress Dowager paused her movements of cradling the blanket. She slowly turned her head to look at Lu Hexu.
A strange, gleaming light seeped into her murky pupils.
Then, those clouded eyes gradually gained clarity.
"You killed him? Lu Hexu, you are Lu Hexu..."
"Yes, I killed him."
"Lunatic, lunatic, you lunatic! I'll kill you! I'll kill you!"
The Empress Dowager suddenly lunged at him, her hands clamping tightly around Lu Hexu's neck. Her sharp nails dug into his flesh, and blood trickled down Lu Hexu's neck.
Lying on the ground, his vision was still filled with those yellow banners.
-
The temperature was low today, and the imperial mausoleum was naturally heavy with gloomy, chilling air.
Even though Su Zhenzhen had put on an extra padded jacket, she still felt a damp chill seeping in through her neck and the soles of her feet.
Looking at the tightly shut doors of the hall, the inexplicable panic in her heart became even more pronounced.
The doors were thick, completely isolating any sounds from the inside.
Su Zhenzhen's heart was pounding wildly. Instinctively, she lifted her foot and stepped onto the white jade stairs.
She pressed her hands against the hall doors, feeling an odd warmth. With a sudden burst of strength, Su Zhenzhen pushed them open.
The doors gave way.
The first thing Su Zhenzhen saw were the wildly dancing yellow banners, and then Lu Hexu, pinned beneath the Empress Dowager with her hands tightly strangling his neck.
The man's arms were spread wide, his eyes closed, offering no resistance at all.
"Lu Hexu!"
Su Zhenzhen screamed his name and rushed over, trying to pull the Empress Dowager off him.
Though the Empress Dowager looked frail, she possessed a terrifying strength. With a sweep of her arm, she threw Su Zhenzhen aside.
Su Zhenzhen crashed into the incense altar behind her.
Atop it sat a burning incense burner.
The moment the incense burner tumbled down, a yellow banner fell, covering her head.
Lu Hexu grabbed the banner with one hand and shielded the top of her head with the other.
Incense ash rained down on the banner as the burner crashed to the floor.
Su Zhenzhen looked up and saw the dark purple bruises on the man's neck, along with those nail marks seeping with blood.
The Empress Dowager lunged at them again with a frenzied look, screaming hoarsely, "Die! Go to hell! You murderer! Murderer!"
Shielding Su Zhenzhen, Lu Hexu raised his leg and kicked the woman away.
The Empress Dowager fell heavily to the ground and fainted.
Su Zhenzhen gasped for air, completely unable to calm down.
She clutched desperately at Lu Hexu's sleeve, as if she were the one who had just been on the brink of death instead of him.
"Zhenzhen, breathe."
Lu Hexu reached out, pried Su Zhenzhen's mouth open, and slipped his fingertips inside.
Su Zhenzhen instinctively bit down. It was only when she tasted blood that her soul seemed to return to her body.
Swallowing the saliva mixed with blood, Su Zhenzhen looked at Lu Hexu. "Why didn't you fight back? Because she is your mother?"
Lu Hexu's bloodstained fingertips gently stroked the corner of Su Zhenzhen's lips. He shook his head. "No."
"Then why?"
The mountain wind poured in from the doorway, blowing in countless specks of incense ash.
The banners flapped wildly in the wind, and Lu Hexu's vision blurred with tears.
He lowered his head. "What if one day... I kill you?"
"Just like how I killed my brother."
"Zhenzhen, I am a madman."
So this was the reason. This was why he had pushed her away time and time again.
"You won't."
"I believe in you."
Su Zhenzhen gripped Lu Hexu's hand tightly. "Lu Hexu, don't push me away. I will cry."
"You care for me the most."
Lu Hexu lowered his eyes, tears slipping from his lashes. Looking at the woman before him, whose face was also covered in tears, he leaned in and pulled her into a desperately tight embrace.
Lu Hexu opened his mouth, a choked sob lodged in his throat.
Holding Su Zhenzhen's soft, warm body, the cold facade he had maintained for over half a month completely collapsed in this instant.
He simply couldn't bear to part with her.
Lu Hexu remembered the time he was left dripping with blood from the silver needles, sleeping in the heated pavilion while clutching that box.
It had been the twenty-fifth of July that year.
He had suffered an episode, but he hadn't gone looking for a well, nor had he killed anyone.
He had merely lain in the heated pavilion holding the box, staring fixedly at her portrait.
As hazy memories rushed back, Lu Hexu vaguely recalled Wei Heng coming in to bring him food.
Clutching the silver needles in his hand, he had said, "I hate her."
Wei Heng stood there and did not leave.
After a long silence, he spoke, "Your Majesty, love and hate share the same root. Is it truly hate, or is it love? Do you really not understand?"
He understood now.
"I love you, Zhenzhen."
He loved her, more than his own life.
Not finished writing yet, there is still a little bit left.
