Xu Wan felt physically nauseated at the sight of him. What should have been a blissful wedding night ended in chaos.
Chen Yunyu slept in the study.
Because whether he lay beside her without touching her or slept on the small couch in the room, Xu Wan couldn’t suppress her disgust.
This frustrated Chen Yunyu deeply, but since his newlywed wife was the woman he loved, he tried to be patient, giving her time to adjust.
At first, he thought she was simply ill, but the physician found no cause.
A wife he couldn’t touch, while outside he had to pretend they were a loving couple—Chen Yunyu’s patience ran out after a year. Drunk, he stormed into Xu Wan’s room, demanding, "Why are you treating me like this? What’s wrong with me? Tell me, and I’ll change! Just say it!"
Xu Wan knew how much Chen Yunyu had endured this past year.
For a man of ancient times, when polygamy was common, he had shown her rare respect—no concubines overstepping their bounds, no courtesans or mistresses allowed into the household. Even when the Duchess of Jin repeatedly tried to make things difficult for her, he had shielded her.
He had even covered for her "illness" for a full year.
Suppressing another wave of nausea, Xu Wan once again proposed a divorce: "I can’t accept your involvement with courtesans. Let’s part fairly and amicably."
"I—" Chen Yunyu, who had just vowed to change, stiffened at the mention of this. "Many noblemen in the capital keep mistresses! If I hadn’t slipped up that night, you’d never have known! Wanwan, stop torturing yourself. I never planned to bring them into the household or let them cross your path. I’ve treated you well! Let’s live peacefully. When I inherit the title, you’ll be a duchess!"
Xu Wan shook her head, closing her eyes. "Let’s divorce. Release me, and I won’t interfere in your affairs. We’re not meant for each other."
Chen Yunyu’s eyes reddened with fury. "Fine! You’re pure, and I’m filthy. You want a divorce? Never! Xu Wan, remember this—I am your husband, forever. No one will take you from me!"
He yanked the bed curtains shut and began tearing at her clothes. If words wouldn’t work, force would.
"What are you doing? Let go! Get off! This is rape!" Xu Wan struggled desperately.
"Rape?" Chen Yunyu choked out bitterly. "You’re my lawfully wedded wife! Everything I do is my right. Who do you think will interfere in our marital affairs?"
He bent to kiss her lips—soft, pale pink, always tempting him. Yet this perfect wife refused to let him touch her.
Why?
Why couldn’t he have her?
Who else did she want?!
As he forced himself on her, the heavy scent of women’s perfume clinging to him—clearly from those places—triggered another wave of nausea. Xu Wan vomited again.
Chen Yunyu snapped.
Covered in filth, he scrambled up, roaring, "Xu Wan! You wretched woman!"
A year of pretense shattered.
The capital’s refined gentleman revealed his ugliest self: "You’re the sick one! What kind of disgusting illness is this?!"
He couldn’t fathom someone vomiting at any moment—untreatable, incurable.
She was the one who was ill!
Hopelessly ill!!!
Chen Yunyu fled. He couldn’t stand another second in that suffocating room.
The maids entered to clean, their expressions varied. Though none spoke outright, their eyes brimmed with scorn.
Xu Wan washed calmly and went to bed, carrying on each day with quiet resolve.
Even without divorce, without a husband or children, without family to rely on, she lacked nothing materially. In solitude, she found joy in reading, calligraphy, and the small pleasures of daily life.
Two years into the marriage, Chen Yunyu’s courtesan mistress became pregnant. He intended to bring her into the household as a concubine.
This time, the Duchess of Jin paid her a visit.
"Mother." Xu Wan faced the formidable woman, bracing for more hostility.
To her surprise, the Duchess only scoffed, "Yunyu loved you so much, yet you couldn’t keep his heart. Useless."
Xu Wan stayed silent.
For the first time, she sensed no malice from the Duchess.
The older woman placed a packet of medicine on the table. "This is an abortifacient. That little whore’s pregnancy is early—it won’t harm her."
Xu Wan stiffened, staring at her.
The Duchess sneered, "Why do you think Yunyu is bringing this one home, out of all his mistresses? Without the bastard, the courtesan you despise won’t enter this house."
"Mother… Don’t you want a grandson?" Xu Wan had assumed she would support Chen Yunyu.
After all, the second branch of the family had similar cases—the Duchess never cared about the mothers of her grandchildren.
The Duchess replied bluntly, "Because I see my younger self in you… foolish."
Back then, she hadn’t been a cruel woman.
Years of suffering in this devouring household had stripped her of naivety. Pride meant nothing in the face of power.
After the Duchess left, Xu Wan gazed at the packet, lost in thought. The medicine was newly developed, its effects delayed by days. A sprinkle in the concubine’s tea, and the fetus would slip away naturally—no suspicion would fall on her.
Without a child, even as a concubine, the mistress could be expelled on any pretext.
If she did this, her household would remain pristine.
Her position, unshakable.
But…
"Three months… There must already be a heartbeat." Xu Wan whispered, imagining the tiny, pulsing life.
Manor feuds were brutal—children lost, women left barren. The tactics of ancient noblewomen were vile, merciless.
Clutching the packet, her hands trembled slightly.
This was a battle of conscience.
No one knew her origins, her modern education, that no moral teachings bound her from wickedness. Like countless desperate women before her, she stood at the crossroads—fighting for her future…
