Chapter Eighty-Four
When the Emperor came that evening, he sensed that something was off in the room the moment he stepped inside.
Rather than squeezing in beside her as he had before, he sat on the other side of the low table, at the far end of the luohan couch.
The Emperor was the sort of man who could deduce the truth from the faintest trace. At once, he knew what this was about. “I have already had Deputy Director Cao of the Imperial Medical Academy send over an ointment for broken skin and external injuries. It will not happen again.”
What was more, he had thought of this as well: “I told you before that we would not be able to keep it from Qian He for long.”
Before she had even said a word, the Emperor had already understood everything. Cui Lanyin felt as though she had nowhere to direct her strength.
Still, when a woman wanted to pick a quarrel, she could always invent a reason on the spot.
The way the Emperor seemed to have everything under control irritated her now. “Your ministers have more schemes than a sieve has holes. If Uncle Qian could see it, they will surely notice too before long.” She held out her hand. “Give me all the sachets. Do not wear them anymore.”
“If I take mine off now, that will only arouse more suspicion. And if they then see Qian He wearing one as well and connect the two...” The Emperor did not finish the thought.
That was true. Once anyone observant noticed that Qian He wore a similar sachet, they merely needed to let it be known that she had made them. There was nothing unusual about a niece making a sachet for her uncle, and everyone knew how highly the Emperor regarded her. The matter would soon blow over.
If the Emperor suddenly stopped wearing his, however, people would only read more into it.
Since she could not find fault with that, the small irritation in her heart swelled. He had said everything already. Could she not at least remove herself from the sight of what annoyed her?
Cui Lanyin put on her shoes and rose from the couch. “My head suddenly feels a little unwell. I need to lie down, so I will not be talking to Uncle tonight.” Supporting her forehead with one hand, she went into the inner chamber.
The Emperor was taken aback. Then he got down from the couch and followed her inside, only to find her lying fully clothed on the outer side of the bed, facing inward with her eyes shut tight, leaving him no room at all.
The Emperor knew when to bend and when to yield. Kicking off his shoes, he braced a hand against the bedframe and vaulted onto the inner side.
Lying on his side facing her, he raised a hand to stroke her forehead. “Should I have medicine prepared for you, or summon Deputy Director Cao to treat you with acupuncture?”
Cui Lanyin pushed his hand away. “Neither. I will be fine after lying quietly for the night.”
The Emperor knew then that she was angry. “I will be more careful from now on. Let us put this one on the tab for now. If there is a next time, you may settle a bigger score with me then.”
“My head simply feels unwell, and I want to lie down. What are you talking about, Uncle?” Cui Lanyin buried her face in the pillow. “I think my head cannot bear being jostled. I may need to rest for two days.”
Once he understood what she meant, the Emperor could no longer maintain the calm expression on his face. He reached out to pull her from the pillow and have a proper word with her, but the instant his finger touched her, he heard her say, “I do not think two days of rest will be enough. We will need to leave a full rest day in between.”
The Emperor withdrew his hand. There were few things in the world that could stump him, yet at this moment he found himself at a loss.
He sat up, intending to undress and lie down first, then continue the discussion.
“My head cannot bear any jostling right now. Even someone turning over beside me will not do. Uncle, please be considerate and sleep in the outer room. Call Aiye in to bring you a quilt.”
The Emperor knew very well that if he went out now, then from this day forward, whenever the slightest issue arose, he would be banished to the outer room.
Hearing him get out of bed and leave, Cui Lanyin assumed he was going to sleep in the outer room. But then she heard the door open: The Emperor asked Xuanlin, who was stationed on the roof outside, for something, and moments later he returned to the bedchamber.
Amid soft rustling, The Emperor appeared to be tying something to the bedposts on either side. Curiosity getting the better of her, Cui Lanyin poked her head out from behind her pillow and watched as he secured ropes to the bedframe, then nimbly flipped himself up to lie atop them. The ropes did not sway, nor did the bed shake. So The Emperor could sleep on nothing but a rope!
She stared so openly that she forgot to duck back behind her pillow, and The Emperor caught her eye.
With generous good humor, he smiled at her. “If I sleep like this, I won’t turn over.”
The Emperor would rather sleep on a rope than go outside. Faced with such stubbornness, Cui Lanyin had no answer.
In vexation, she pulled the quilt over herself, turned her back on him, and pretended he did not exist.
But The Emperor would not let her off. “Take off your clothes before you sleep.”
She lay still, as if she had not heard him.
The Emperor said, “You won’t sleep properly in your clothes. Shall I come down and undress you?”
She feared that, if he came down, he would use undressing her as an excuse to do this and that. Last night, that was exactly what had happened: though they had both been fully dressed, his nuzzling and rubbing against her had left her drowsy, and before she knew it, his hands had wandered over her again.
Cui Lanyin had no choice but to sit up and quickly undo her garments. Seeing that he made no effort to avert his eyes as his gaze roamed over her, she could endure no more. She flung the clothes in her hands over his head. “You don’t look remotely like an elder cousin.”
The Emperor pulled the clothing off his head, but rather than throw it back, he balled it up and tucked it beneath his head as a pillow.
After several exchanges, she had not gained the upper hand even once.
The one-year agreement still had a long way to run. If she did not take him down a peg today, would he not have her completely under his thumb from now on?
Cui the Second’s fierce spirit surged up at once. Acting before her mind could catch up, she scrambled up furiously, seized the rope The Emperor was lying on, and shook it back and forth. “Get down. Tonight, you must sleep in the outer room.”
But The Emperor seemed to have grown onto the rope. No matter how she shook it, he lay perfectly steady, speaking in the tone of an adult refusing to squabble with a child. “Stop making trouble. I said I won’t turn over.”
“Even if you don’t turn over, it still won’t do. Your breathing makes a draft, and I mustn’t be exposed to drafts right now.” As she spoke, Cui Lanyin reached to untie the ropes.
With no other recourse, The Emperor reached down and scooped her up, cupping her face as he studied her. “You seem to be feeling better, from what I can see.”
His burning gaze was fixed on her lips; his intentions could not have been clearer. Remembering how impossible he was to shake off once he got his hands on her, she decided not to pick a fight she could not win. “Then sleep there,” she said, pushing at him as she tried to lie back down.
A sharp crack rang out without warning, followed by the bedframe beginning to shake. Before Cui Lanyin could understand what was happening, The Emperor had swept her up in his arms and leapt away.
The cracking continued behind them. Clinging to The Emperor, Cui Lanyin looked back to see the bedposts on all four sides come crashing down.
Startled by the noise, Xuanlin and several others, including Buyu, rushed to the door in turn, each asking, “Your Majesty? Second Miss?”
Fortunately, The Emperor had reacted swiftly. “It is nothing. Do not come in.”
Cui Lanyin’s vision swam. Their bed had collapsed while they were sleeping—who would believe they had done nothing? This was utterly mortifying!
Cui Lanyin felt as if she were going mad. She pounded The Emperor. “Look what you’ve done!”
Yet The Emperor felt fortunate. “It’s a good thing it collapsed now.”
This type of bed had become fashionable in recent years. Delicate and elegant, it was a style that prominent families favored for their unmarried daughters.
It was meant for a young lady to sleep in alone, yet it had held a man and a woman. Simply sleeping together would have been one thing, but the two of them had done no small amount of this and that. If it had not collapsed now, it would have sooner or later.
And if it had given way at one of those moments between them, who knew how much more embarrassing it would have been?
“I don’t want anyone to see that the bed collapsed.” Cui Lanyin grabbed The Emperor by the collar. “Hurry and think of something!”
Even if it was only the people attending them, she could not bear the thought.
“Go sit in the outer room first.” The Emperor moved to carry her out.
“Put me down. I’m staying here to watch.”
Worried that something else might fall and strike her, The Emperor set her down in the middle of the inner chamber. “Don’t come any closer.”
Once she nodded, he rolled up his sleeves and went to inspect the bed. After examining it, he turned back with a smile. “It’s nothing serious. The mortise-and-tenon joints came loose and slipped apart. They only need to be fitted back together.”
He aligned one section. Without even using a hammer, he clenched his hands into fists and struck down with a solid thump, thump. The joint snapped back into place. Then he moved on to the next one and did the same.
Cui Lanyin stood there watching. Surely there had never been another emperor like him.
By day, he attended to affairs of state; by night, their bed collapsed, and he had to become a carpenter and repair it himself.
She remembered how detached from the mortal world he had seemed when they first met. Now he was methodically doing something so down-to-earth. The contrast was truly comical.
When The Emperor raised his fist again, using it as a hammer with another thump, thump, Cui Lanyin could no longer hold back. She burst into bright, trembling laughter.
The Emperor glanced at her. “For the sake of that laugh, this work was worth it.”
What little discomfort remained in Cui Lanyin’s heart vanished.
After the time it took for an incense stick to burn, The Emperor had fitted every part back together. Dusting off his hands, he came over. “It’s sturdier than before, but this bed still needs to be replaced.”
“The Grand Empress Dowager chose this bed for me with such care. I’ve only slept in it for two days, and already I’m changing it. I’m afraid she’ll start imagining things.”
Other matters could be compromised on, but not this one. The Emperor said, “You needn’t say a word. I’ll think of a way.”
“Don’t you dare—”
“Don’t worry. Tomorrow, just go to the front hall. By then, the bed will collapse all on its own.”
Anyone could tell what he intended: one of the Four Qilins would probably tear off the roof and make the bed collapse.
Why else would anyone replace a perfectly good bed? Given their present circumstances, it was obvious what people would assume.
That would be scarcely less humiliating than being caught when the bed had actually collapsed. Cui Lanyin covered her face. “Is there really no other way? Why not wait a while and replace it once we have a suitable excuse?”
The Emperor neither agreed nor disagreed. He went over, rolled up the bedding, and led her to the couch in the outer room. After moving aside the low table, he drew her into his arms and lay down with her. Then he said abruptly, “If you’re willing to stay here, that would work too.”
Once she understood what he meant, Cui Lanyin hastily shook her head and yielded. “Then let the bed collapse.”
If the two of them had done that on the arhat couch, she would never have been able to receive guests here.
The Emperor pulled her fiercely into his arms and, after ravaging her lips and letting his hands roam over her, gave a dejected sigh. “Only now do I understand: whenever you’re in a foul mood, I ought simply to agree with everything you say.”
Cui Lanyin refused to admit it. “I’m not that petty.”
“Sure enough, one learns from one’s mistakes,” the Emperor went on ruefully.
Having seen what the Emperor looked like when he lost his temper yesterday, the ministers in the West Pavilion were remarkably harmonious today.
The several grand secretaries had nothing but state affairs on their minds and tongues; not a single irrelevant word was spoken.
Today, however, the Emperor’s patience was limited. Whenever he could communicate with a snap of his fingers, he refused to open his mouth. Afraid of responding incorrectly, before long even Chief Minister Li had broken out in a sweat.
Of the five grand secretaries, only Yao Zheng—who had assumed office merely the day before—remained at ease. When the Yao family had previously gone to Prince Wei’s residence, the Emperor had likewise said not a word, so Yao Zheng had grown accustomed to it.
Whenever it was Yao Zheng’s turn and he did not understand what the Emperor’s finger snap meant, he would turn to ask Buyan. Buyan would give him a cue, and Yao Zheng accepted the memorials more smoothly than anyone else.
As he stepped down, he caught the astonishment in Chief Minister Li’s eyes. Yao Zheng straightened his back, unable to keep himself from feeling pleased.
Once all the memorials had been annotated, the Emperor snapped his fingers and said, “Dismissed.”
The eunuch at the door had already pushed it open. Just as Chief Minister Li was calling to the others and preparing to leave, a gray blur shot in from outside. “Grayfeather is here! Your Majesty, don’t chase me away!”
Looking closely, they saw that it was a gray parrot, perched on the armrest of the Emperor’s chair.
When the Emperor made as if to flick it away, the parrot cried out first, “The bed collapsed! The bed collapsed!”
The Emperor withdrew his hand. “Make another racket and I’ll steam you.”
Grayfeather seemed actually to understand. It ducked its head and said, “Second Miss said not to disturb Your Majesty.”
After that, everyone could plainly sense that the Emperor’s mood had improved considerably.
Yao Zheng had originally intended to bring it up tomorrow, but fearing he might not get another opportunity, he turned back and said, “I have a family matter on which I would like to ask Your Majesty’s opinion.”
Chief Minister Li and the others withdrew first.
Yao Zheng stepped forward. “Your Majesty, since Second Miss Cui has yet to settle on a suitable match, why not renew the marriage alliance between our families? The young couple could then live in their own separate residence...”
“There will be no third time.” The Emperor fixed his gaze on him. “Leave.”
The Emperor’s face was still as cold and unreadable as ever, yet Yao Zheng could feel a blade-sharp killing intent sweeping over him, as though it might erupt at any moment and carve him to pieces.
That particular phrase—“There will be no third time”—told him with unmistakable clarity that he had already raised the matter of a marriage between a Yao son and Second Miss Cui twice. There would not be a third occasion.
Yao Zheng’s legs went weak at once, and his limbs no longer seemed to obey him. Not wishing for him to remain in the Emperor’s sight, Buyan said to the eunuch waiting by the door, “Help Grand Secretary Yao out.”
Once outside the West Pavilion, the wind cleared Yao Zheng’s head. Thinking that he might have aroused the Emperor’s suspicions, he broke out in a cold sweat. He had been a grand secretary for only one day, yet he had hurried to raise again the matter of marrying into Second Miss Cui’s family. Now that Second Miss Cui was living in the palace, the Emperor could hardly be blamed for suspecting that the Yao family wished to use her to learn of his movements.
Yao Zheng was drenched in cold sweat and filled with regret. He should not have acted so hastily.
At last, he had been summoned by The Emperor. As he waited in the west side hall, Meng Huaizong made up his mind to seize today’s opportunity and ask The Emperor for permission to marry Second Miss Cui.
By now, the court officials had had ample time to learn that The Emperor’s moods were exceptionally unpredictable. If one had a matter to raise, it was best to do so when he was in a patient frame of mind; only then would there be a better chance of success.
Thus, while waiting in the west side hall, Meng Huaizong kept watching through the glazed window to see in what condition the ministers emerged from the western pavilion.
When Chief Minister Li and several other Grand Secretaries came out first, Meng Huaizong felt a measure of relief. It seemed he might be able to bring up his request shortly.
But when he saw Grand Secretary Yao being helped out by an attendant, his face pale and marked by dejection, Meng Huaizong hesitated again.
Just as he was wavering, the parrot that had flown in moments earlier fluttered back out. Rather than flying away, it circled over Grand Secretary Yao’s head, crying, “Wants to ask for Second Miss? Hmph!”
Then, screeching, “The bed has collapsed! The bed has collapsed!” it flew out of Benyuan Hall.
Seeing Grand Secretary Yao’s embarrassed expression, and considering the meaning behind the parrot’s words, Meng Huaizong gathered that Grand Secretary Yao had failed in asking The Emperor to arrange a marriage for a young member of the Yao family.
Meng Huaizong decided it would be better not to raise the matter today.
