Chapter 66
After coming back to herself, Cui Lanyin realized something was wrong with the emperor. The irritation in his eyes was almost overflowing; he had never before let his emotions show so plainly.
She continued smoothing the space between his brows. “Is it the burdensome affairs of state, or are you not used to living there?”
The emperor lowered his eyes halfway and muttered, “Both.”
Cui Lanyin’s posture softened unconsciously. “Then why don’t you rest a little?”
“Why didn’t you ask what happened to me?” The emperor sounded displeased. “You used to ask.”
“It’s not that… Aren’t I forbidden to meddle in government?” Cui Lanyin stopped herself just in time from saying “the harem.”
Unexpectedly, the emperor seemed pleased by that. The corners of his lips lifted as he echoed her words, “So you admit you’re one of… those people?”
“I do not.” Cui Lanyin flushed deeply and denied it flatly, trying to pull free and move farther away.
“Since you say you aren’t, then you aren’t.” The emperor actually released her, allowing her to sit at a distance.
His expression changed. It was the detached indifference of someone who had seen through everything. “A rotting mass. What difference does it make if we put it in order? It will only begin the cycle all over again.”
Was he talking about affairs of state? About the state of Daying as it was now?
Following his words, Cui Lanyin tried to understand. It did seem to be true. How many dynasties had risen and fallen, beginning with the upright ambition of their founding, descending into struggles over interests midway through, and finally rotting to the core before being replaced by a new dynasty that claimed to act for the people? One dynasty after another—none could escape the pattern.
So the emperor had seen through the underlying truth, and was wavering between taking action and doing nothing?
After the shock passed, Cui Lanyin’s feelings became complicated. If those court officials knew that their new emperor held such a view, she wondered whether they would cry or laugh.
With a mind like his, everything before him must be a burden.
Yet if someone else occupied that throne in his place, they would probably be worse than Emperor Xuanning.
Cui Lanyin tried to comfort him. “But if things are allowed to continue like this, the realm will fall into chaos. When everyone fights for power, human lives become no more than ants beneath their feet. And the Tálá have been watching us like tigers waiting to pounce. Three years ago, their armies reached Yan City. I still feel frightened whenever I think of everything we went through on the journey south. Our family suffered that much—I don’t even dare imagine what happened to ordinary people…”
The emperor was silent for a while, then pointed to his shoulder. “Why aren’t you leaning on me anymore?”
Cui Lanyin failed to follow the sudden turn. “What?”
“If you expect someone to work, shouldn’t you give him some reward?” the emperor said slowly. “Dangle a reward in front of me, and I’ll try to sort out a tolerable world for you.”
Cui Lanyin stared at him, unable to believe how he could say something that sounded like a flirtation with such complete seriousness. “You… you…”
Meeting the earnestness in his eyes, Cui Lanyin thought of how little interest he had ever shown in anything. He seemed to find so much of the world utterly devoid of meaning. To him, this throne must be something he could take or leave.
If he had not made an agreement with Empress Dowager Chen when he was young, he might have found some place to hole up long ago, watching the rise and fall of the world with cold detachment.
If one day he became thoroughly fed up, would he smash everything to pieces, let this already-rotten dynasty collapse, and simply walk away?
Cui Lanyin knew him well enough to know that he was capable of it. It all depended on whether he developed any attachments here in the future.
“Uncle, don’t tease me.” Though she said this, she had already moved back beside him and awkwardly rested her head on his shoulder.
“I’m not teasing you.” The emperor raised a hand and rubbed the top of her head. “When I’m troubled, sitting with you settles my mind.” He paused, then admitted honestly, “I’ve been selfish.”
Hearing him say that, Cui Lanyin felt less embarrassed instead.
“I told you long ago that I was willing to stay by your side.”
“And I told you long ago that this kind of staying by my side is not that kind.”
Was he so afraid she might forget? Cui Lanyin gave a little snort and admitted reluctantly, “I remember.”
A trace of guilt appeared in the emperor’s eyes. His large hand enclosed hers. “I’m so much older than you. I did take advantage of your youth and inexperience.”
Cui Lanyin’s tone softened. “Uncle, don’t put it that way. In other people’s eyes, I’m already an old maid.”
“I’m the old wreck here.”
“Uncle…” Cui Lanyin drew out the word, pouting. “Are you really never going to let that go?”
“It’s a fact.”
Cui Lanyin certainly was not going to agree with him. Whenever the emperor spoke that way, if she went along with him, he would only take offense at that too.
She changed the subject. “Is it so uncomfortable living in the Benyuan Palace? Why can’t you sleep?”
The emperor did not conceal the reason. “He lived there. It makes me uncomfortable.”
Cui Lanyin had not expected his hatred of Emperor Xuanning to run so deep. Emperor Xuanning’s coffin was still resting in the central chamber of Benyuan Palace. Living there must have been an even greater torment.
Cui Lanyin did not think him unfilial. Even his birth had been arranged by Emperor Xuanning and the Li family to secure Emperor Gaozong’s position. Once he had outlived his usefulness, they had simply left him to fend for himself. For a father like that, the fact that he did not hate him would already be an act of restraint.
There were still more than ten days to go, and the emperor needed to get more sleep. Cui Lanyin felt a pang of sympathy. “Then what are you going to do?”
“That’s why I came here.” The emperor lowered his eyes halfway again.
Without thinking too much about it, Cui Lanyin hurriedly said, “Then rest for a while, Uncle. I won’t disturb you.”
“I can’t fall asleep now anyway. Talk to me. I’ll listen.”
“Oh.” Cui Lanyin answered, then suddenly remembered something. “Uncle, I can’t stay in the palace like this forever. Ever since my sister came home, I haven’t spent a night there. Before, at least I could go home and see her. If I live in the palace now, I won’t even be able to see her. And the other day, I barely had time to sit down before I had to leave. I want to be able to go home and stay for a few days from time to time.”
The emperor replied without hesitation, “Then do as you did before. Whenever you want to go home, leave the palace for a visit.” But he brushed aside her request to stay there.
This time, Cui Lanyin refused to give in. Seeing him close his eyes as though he intended to sleep—despite having just said he could not fall asleep—she thought, Who would believe that?
She reached out and pried open his eyelids. “Don’t pretend to be asleep, Uncle. I have to spend a few days at home every month. You must agree.”
The emperor had no choice but to open his eyes. “Then three to five days a month?”
“And you call yourself the emperor? You’re so stingy.” Cui Lanyin refused. “Half a month.”
The emperor could only raise the offer. “Seven days. No more.”
Cui Lanyin smiled brightly and slipped her arm through his, haggling for more. “Ten days. If you don’t agree, then I’ll move back to the front residence.”
“Cui the Second has improved,” the emperor praised.
“I’ve been corrupted by proximity.” Cui Lanyin looked at him with a smile. “It’s all thanks to your excellent teaching, Uncle.”
The emperor pretended not to hear. After thinking it over, he said, “You can stay at your family home during the day, but you’ll still come back to our residence at night.” Before Cui Lanyin could object, he added, “Let your sister and her husband have your courtyard.”
Cui Lanyin had actually considered this. She had only hesitated because there was always the possibility that things might change. If she returned home after a year only to find that she no longer had a place to stay, it would be awkward to ask her sister and brother-in-law to move out, especially since he had already lived there. It would put them in a difficult position as well.
Since they had come this far, Cui Lanyin decided to lay everything out plainly. “Uncle, if we’re not suited to be together a year from now, I’ll still need to return home.”
Now that they had made an agreement to give it a year, their earlier understanding—that he would not marry her and she would not marry anyone else—no longer applied. Cui Lanyin had no plans to marry anyone, but neither did she want to remain in the palace with him.
She could not believe that a man and woman who had once been lovers could still behave normally around each other after parting ways.
The experiences of Empress Dowager Chen and Empress Xu had left Cui Lanyin deeply wary of the palace. She felt it was a place that could devour a person’s nature, twisting them until they became unrecognizable. She did not want to end up becoming the very sort of person she despised most.
If she tried her hardest and it still did not work, then by the time the Emperor saw through everything, there would be nothing she could do. The thought pained her, but how many things in this world ever went exactly as one wished?
Perhaps after being Emperor for a year, his thoughts would change. It was not impossible.
Emperor Gaozong had once loved and cherished Empress Dowager Chen so deeply, and after holding on for so many years, had he not still been drawn away by Empress Dowager Li?
She hoped that by then, the Emperor would meet someone who could truly hold his heart. That way, she could leave with peace of mind.
The Emperor gazed deeply at her. Cui Lanyin knew what kind of man he was; he had already seen through all the tangled thoughts in her mind. Just as she expected him to grow angry, he merely curved his lips into a smile.
“Your residence is your home. Just stay there at ease.”
“That would be improper…”
“I say it is proper.”
Well, he was the Emperor. Naturally, what he said went.
If she suddenly moved out of the palace a year later and returned to the main branch of the Cui family, Empress Dowager Chen would be the first to grow suspicious. But if she moved into Prince Wei’s residence, no one would think anything of it.
Besides, Prince Wei’s residence had already become the former imperial residence. It would stand empty whether she lived there or not. Cui Lanyin no longer refused.
“I was wondering when I’d have a chance to go back and move all my things home. This saves me the trouble.”
“You should keep a set here in the palace as well. Once your mourning period is over, go to the treasury and choose what you like.”
“Her Majesty also told me to choose things from her treasury. Now you’re offering me the same privilege, Uncle. If word gets out, people will think I came to the palace to rob it. I’ll be known as the greatest freeloader in all of Dayong—and surely the last of my kind.”
The Emperor was displeased. “You’re taking things from your own family’s treasury. Who would dare say anything?”
After talking for a while, the Emperor grew sleepy. “I want to sleep for a bit.”
Cui Lanyin glanced at the small table on the couch. “I’ll call Buyu in to take it away.”
“No need.”
The Emperor lifted it with one hand and casually set it on the floor beside the couch. After brushing off his hand, he lay back down.
Knowing that he disliked being disturbed, Cui Lanyin did not call anyone. She went into the inner room herself and brought out a quilt. By the time she returned, the Emperor had already fallen asleep.
Clearly, he had understated things. It was not merely that he had slept poorly these past two days. He had probably not slept well for quite some time.
Her heart ached for him all the more. Carefully, Cui Lanyin covered him with the quilt, then sat down beside him and picked up the headband and sachet from the sewing basket, continuing to stitch.
She had not expected the Emperor to sleep without waking. It was nearly midnight, yet he remained deeply asleep, showing no sign of getting up.
Cui Lanyin began to panic. In another hour, the palace eunuchs responsible for cleaning would begin sweeping the grounds. The Emperor might be able to make his way back by leaping over the eaves and rooftops, but with so many eyes around, there was no guarantee that no one would see him. If that happened…
Cui Lanyin steeled herself, leaned close to the Emperor’s ear, and called, “Uncle, it’s almost midnight. You should go back.”
The Emperor shifted restlessly against the pillow and opened his sleepy eyes halfway. “Let me sleep a little longer.” Then he closed his eyes again.
Cui Lanyin grew frantic. “You can’t sleep any longer. The cleaners will see you.”
“They won’t.” Even in his muddled state, the Emperor’s mind remained sharp. “I can use my qinggong. No one will be able to see me.”
He did not even open his eyes. “Why aren’t you sleeping? Go inside and sleep. I’ll leave on my own later.”
With him lying there, how could she possibly sleep? She would only be more anxious inside than staying where she was.
“Don’t keep yourself awake, or your headaches will flare up.” When he saw that she still had not gone inside, the Emperor shifted farther in. “Then you can curl up here and sleep too.”
Even in his drowsy state, he still remembered her headaches. Cui Lanyin’s heart warmed again.
As they spoke, he fell asleep once more. Even though she felt sorry for him, she still had to make him leave. With no other choice, Cui Lanyin went to the door and tentatively called, “Qinglin?”
A figure flipped down from the roof of the study to the west. “Second Miss, what is it?”
Seeing that Qinglin had not been guarding the roof above this room, Cui Lanyin felt much more at ease. Otherwise, the two of them would have been overheard word for word, and she could not bear that thought.
Setting aside her embarrassment, Cui Lanyin pointed into the room. “Is there any way to get Uncle up and make him leave?”
Qinglin said, “Second Miss, don’t worry. I’ll come wake him at the fourth watch. Nothing will be delayed.”
How could she possibly care whether anything was delayed? Cui Lanyin was on the verge of tears.
Fortunately, Qinglin soon understood what she was worried about. “We’ll leave by way of the rooftops. No one will see us—not even during the day.”
Since Qinglin said the same thing, Cui Lanyin could only trust him for the time being.
After returning to the room, she paced back and forth a few times, but still could not bring herself to sleep in the inner room. When she thought about it, apart from being somewhat improper when he had first arrived, the Emperor had behaved with perfect propriety afterward. In the past, when they had been simply uncle and niece, they had not never leaned against each other. She had even slept in the study with him twice. One more night could hardly make a difference.
Besides, she truly could not stay awake any longer. Because of her headaches, she never slept later than the beginning of the second watch.
She took a bolster and leaned against it, intending only to rest for a while. Yet the moment she closed her eyes, she fell asleep. Perhaps because of the chill, she unconsciously edged closer, clutching the corner of the quilt and tugging it over herself.
The movement woke the Emperor. Watching her burrow farther and farther beneath the quilt, he could not help but laugh. He drew her into his arms and pulled the quilt over the two of them, wrapping them together.
But not long after closing his eyes, he opened them again. He rubbed his forehead and sighed, muttering something under his breath, then slowly shifted out from the other side.
Seeing that she had removed her hairpins and ornaments but had not undone her hair, he lowered his head and began untying it for her. He had never done such a thing before, and he had to be careful not to pull on her hair. It took him quite a while to finally let it fall loose.
He glanced up at the water clock. It was already the fourth watch. He ought to return.
He leaned over and tucked the quilt securely around her. After making certain there were no gaps, he turned to leave. But after thinking it over, he still could not bear to go just yet.
He turned back, pulled her face out from beneath the quilt, and finally pressed a kiss to her forehead. After hesitating, he lowered his head and brushed his lips against hers, sucking gently for a moment.
When he heard her soft whimper, the Emperor’s gaze darkened. He let out a quiet breath, then turned and went outside to call Qinglin. Together, they climbed up onto the rooftops and disappeared into the night.
