Chen Miaohe forced a smile. “We’re friends, more or less.”
Shen Zilan opened his mouth as though he wanted to say something, but in the end, no words came out.
Chen Miaohe continued, “But I am a girl, after all, and sooner or later I must marry. Still, thank you for your concern.”
“You really intend to marry someone you’ve never even heard of or met?” Shen Zilan asked incredulously.
“…He is willing to marry me.”
“There are plenty of people willing to marry you. Just because he’s willing, you’ll marry him?”
Chen Miaohe fell silent, staring fixedly at Shen Zilan for quite some time.
A look of discomfort appeared on Shen Zilan’s face, and he awkwardly turned his gaze away.
“You’re not willing to marry me either.” Chen Miaohe pretended to speak lightly. “At least I’ve met you and spoken with you, but you weren’t willing to marry me, were you?”
Shen Zilan was left speechless.
“My temperament is poor. I’m not like the refined young ladies from other families. If people got to know the real me, they might end up disliking me just as you do. So perhaps this blind marriage isn’t such a bad thing after all.”
“Did Minister Chen and Madam Chen force you?” In his haste, Shen Zilan seized Chen Miaohe by the wrist.
Chen Miaohe lowered her head and looked at the strong, knuckled hand wrapped around her wrist. Her lashes fluttered, and her eyes seemed to hold a mist of tears.
“They didn’t force me. I’m doing this of my own free will.”
“I used to think only about being free and having fun. I never considered my family’s circumstances, nor how the Chen family would survive amid the upheavals of the current situation.”
“Shen Zilan, I’m different from you.” She raised her head slightly and looked at him. A tear slipped from the corner of her eye, but she wiped it away and suddenly smiled.
“You don’t have to worry about any of this. You can remain as carefree as you were before, eating, drinking, and enjoying yourself whenever you have free time. I just can’t accompany you anymore.”
Because of her marriage, she had already caused the Chen family enough embarrassment. She could not continue behaving so thoughtlessly.
Chen Miaohe pulled her hand free. “Go back. Don’t come looking for me again. I truly am willing to marry him. No one is forcing me.”
Shen Zilan stared blankly as Chen Miaohe turned away and slowly disappeared into the hazy night.
Her words sounded exactly like what his uncle had told him.
Shen Zilan had heard plenty of people say to him, “You’re so lucky to have such an impressive uncle.”
He could enter the Ministry of Personnel, a place others would rack their brains to get into. The effort others put in tenfold could not compare to the prestige of being Young Master Shen.
Even amid the current turmoil, he seemed never to have sensed any urgency.
Now, even Chen Miaohe was saying that they were different.
Shen Zilan left the Chen residence in a daze. Chen Jiuhe slammed the gate shut and said coldly, “My younger sister is getting married in a month. I hope Young Master Shen won’t come here again.”
The heavy, somber gate closed. Shen Zilan turned around and stared blankly at it, standing motionless for a long while.
“Master, if you like Miss Chen, just tell Second Lord. He can marry her into the family for you.”
As long as Young Master Shen spoke, Second Lord would certainly step in to help. The Chen family would have no choice but to agree.
Shen Zilan glanced at the servant beside him but remained dazed and silent.
Did he like her?
If he meant the kind of feeling where one’s heart leaped at first sight, a feeling that was impossible to suppress, then he could not say he felt that way about Chen Miaohe. Yet whenever he thought of her marrying someone else, a dull pain throbbed in his chest. Even he did not understand what he felt for her.
In the past, he had often waited outside the Chen residence for Chen Miaohe to sneak out, and the two of them would go off together to have fun.
From now on, he would probably never again wait for that girl who always shook her head and acted so carefree.
In the end, no one could escape the current situation, nor the constraints and responsibilities imposed by their families. As for him, it was only because someone else had been shouldering those burdens for him.
He returned to the Shen residence in a daze. Remembering that he had not visited his grandmother in some time, he changed direction and went to Dowager Shen’s courtyard.
The maid standing outside was about to announce his arrival, but Shen Zilan stopped her. He walked over slowly and was just about to lift the beaded curtain when the voices inside reached him first.
“I hear that the Chen girl is getting married. I wonder what the Young Master intends to do,” said the older maidservant beside Dowager Shen.
Dowager Shen’s indifferent voice followed. “It will most likely come to nothing.”
“But this old servant can see that the Young Master isn’t entirely without feelings for Miss Chen.”
“If he truly had feelings for her, he would do as Xiabai did and marry her regardless of the consequences. But look at him—he’s kept the girl in an ambiguous relationship for so long, wasting her time without ever taking responsibility. Honestly, he is…”
Dowager Shen did not finish. She only let out a sigh.
“Second Lord is your son, after all. How could he be the same?”
It was a long while before Dowager Shen spoke again.
“That child was still young then. I had always held him in the palm of my hand and raised him with great care. After all, an innocent child should not bear the blame. I also hoped to atone for my sins.”
She sighed again. “But when it comes to handling matters of the heart, he is increasingly showing the same rotten nature as those people.”
Though Shen Zilan could not see Dowager Shen’s face, he could imagine the displeasure and disgust that must have appeared on it from the tone of her voice.
His fingers tightened around the beaded curtain. He stood there for a long time. The maid beside him was so frightened that she did not even dare breathe too loudly.
After quite a while, Shen Zilan let go of the curtain and turned away.
“Don’t tell Grandmother I came.”
His steps were hurried—so hurried that even the servant behind him had trouble keeping up.
Shen Zilan did not return to his own courtyard. Instead, he went back to the government offices.
After being summoned home for his uncle’s wedding, no one had specifically mentioned the fact that he had been thrown out. He could continue living at the Shen residence, but tonight he did not want to stay there. His mind was in turmoil.
Jug after jug of wine disappeared down his throat. Shen Zilan leaned against the window frame and tilted his head back to gaze at the night sky. The moon had been completely swallowed by the clouds, leaving not the slightest trace of light.
“Have you ever felt that Grandmother’s attitude toward me is somewhat strange?”
He turned his head and asked the servant beside him.
The servant fell silent, not daring to answer.
“You’re not saying anything because she really is strange toward me, aren’t you?”
He remembered the first time he had told her that the girl he admired was Cui Yunchu. She had been shocked and stunned at first, then suddenly furious.
When he had said that his feelings were genuine and that he intended to compete fairly with his uncle, Dowager Shen had slapped him without hesitation.
She had opposed him vehemently. He had rarely—very rarely—seen his gentle grandmother lose her temper so violently.
Later, when Cui Yunchu came to the residence, Dowager Shen always made him stay away. There was an uncontrollable wariness in her eyes, as though she feared he might steal her away.
Grandmother always said that he was her first grandson, the Shen family’s treasure. Yet he felt that the love she had for him was worlds apart from the love she had for his uncle.
“Second Lord is your son, while you are her grandson. Of course, the two relationships are different,” the servant said, lowering his head as he tried to comfort him.
“Is that so?” Shen Zilan turned his head to look at him.
In matters of the heart, he and his uncle had both started out as blank sheets of paper.
Dowager Shen urged his uncle to marry, treated Miss Cui with exceptional kindness, and guided his uncle while encouraging the two of them to draw closer.
But she had never said any of those things to him. She had shown him nothing but displeasure and disgust after the incident.
Could the difference between a son and a grandson truly be so great?
Did he like Chen Miaohe?
Time passed by in dribs and drabs. Ever since the Crown Prince and Prince An had reached their agreement, both had behaved with remarkable restraint. Affairs at court proceeded in an orderly fashion, and no further mishaps occurred.
Cui Yunchu’s days were peaceful enough, at least during daylight. It was only at night that she was tossed and turned amid the waves, without a single interruption.
So much so that she eventually developed the habit of unconsciously supporting her lower back.
The Emperor’s funeral rites were held with great solemnity. Prince An and the Crown Prince saw him off in accordance with ritual, putting on an impressive display of brotherly affection and fraternal respect. They simply never issued an order requiring anyone to observe the full mourning period for him.
Given the current circumstances, none of the other officials dared say anything. Naturally, whatever the two of them said went, and so long as neither objected, the officials had no objections either.
Cui Yunchu paid little attention to matters of court. She spent her days in the residence, playing the part of its domineering mistress, summoning this person and ordering that one every few days. She was enjoying herself immensely.
Her mother-in-law left her alone, her maiden family could not control her, and her husband could not keep her in check. She had truly come to live a lawless, carefree life.
From the day she entered the household until now, she had gone to pay her respects to Dowager Shen no more than three times. Dowager Shen neither required her to come nor ever interfered in her conduct or the affairs of the residence.
Cui Yunchu was as free as the chieftain of a mountain stronghold.
