Even Nanny Zhang felt her face burn with embarrassment, covering half her cheek as she followed Cui Yunchu through the Crown Prince's residence.
The household servants led the two of them directly to Tang Qingwan's main courtyard, where they happened to run into the young servant who had come running to deliver the news earlier. Cui Yunchu shot the man a glare.
The young servant shrank his head and scurried off quickly.
Entering the courtyard, Cui Yunchu came face to face with a royal physician who was leaving with his medicine box in hand, Tang Qingwan's maidservant walking beside him, asking about the precautions to take while brewing the medicine.
"Young Miss, the Crown Princess is waiting for you. Please go right in."
Cui Yunchu nodded, glanced once more at the physician, and then entered the room.
Tang Qingwan was lying on a soft couch, dressed in casual robes, looking thoroughly at ease. "Yunchu, come sit."
Cui Yunchu sat down beside her, frowning as she stared intently at her. "Cousin, how have you lost so much weight again? Does the Crown Prince's residence not have enough money to feed you?"
Tang Qingwan laughed. "What nonsense are you talking? Perhaps it's because I've been ill and had no appetite, so I've thinned a little."
But compared to the days after her miscarriage, she was clearly even more frail now.
Cui Yunchu knew what that child had meant to her, so she never dared to bring it up, never dared to ask whether she even knew the child had existed.
Because whether she knew or not, her cousin would still have used that child to trade for Grand Tutor Tang's safety.
And perhaps it was also because grief was lodged in her heart that she couldn't eat.
Cui Yunchu said, "I was just saying that no matter how poor the Crown Prince's residence is, it can't possibly be so poor that you can't afford food."
"If that were the case, you might as well pack your things and go home."
The words "pack your things and go home" were not the first time Cui Yunchu had said them to Tang Qingwan.
Whenever they ran into any difficulty, she would inevitably say something like, "Forget it, let's just go home, survival comes first."
Tang Qingwan couldn't help but laugh at that.
Cui Yunchu frowned. "And you can still laugh."
Her brows were knit tightly, her hands clasped together, not looking at Tang Qingwan. "Look at the state of your own body, still seeing physicians, still having children—do you even care if you live or die?"
Tang Qingwan tried to reassure her. "Don't worry. I'm only drinking medicines that help stabilize the pregnancy. They won't harm me."
Now that the Crown Prince had fallen further out of favor with the Emperor, heirs had become extremely important to the Crown Prince's residence. A successor without offspring would lose the support of many ministers.
And as Crown Princess, if she failed in this, the Empress would certainly rush to find the Crown Prince someone else.
"Are you saying that to comfort me, or to comfort yourself? Let's not even talk about my aunt—what about Yunfeng's mother, and your own mother? Every one of them had bodies as strong as can be, and every single one of them ended up leaving this world because of childbirth complications."
Cui Yunchu's voice was quiet, her tone calm, but it left Tang Qingwan speechless.
Tang Qingwan was silent for a long while.
Her mother's passing had once been the collapse of the Tang household's sky. If not for the need to raise her and her brother, her father might well have followed her mother in death.
Was she afraid? Deep down, of course Tang Qingwan was afraid—after all, if one can live, who would choose to die?
The room fell silent for quite some time. As luck would have it, the servants finished brewing the medicine and brought it in, handing it to Tang Qingwan.
Cui Yunchu frowned as she watched her.
Even without being a physician, she could tell that Tang Qingwan's physical condition was not suited for bearing a child.
Tang Qingwan was silent for a few breaths, then took the bowl, smiled at Cui Yunchu, and drank it down in one go.
"..."
Cui Yunchu turned her head away in frustration, the toe of her shoe pressing hard into the floor as she ground it in circles.
She didn't understand Tang Qingwan's vision of the bigger picture.
If you lose your own life, what use are family and heirs?
Tang Qingwan handed the bowl back to the servant, dismissed everyone, and dabbed the corner of her mouth with a handkerchief.
"My mother and Yunfeng's mother may be gone, but in the end, each left behind a son and a daughter—didn't they?"
Cui Yunchu looked at Tang Qingwan in shock.
Tang Qingwan smiled faintly. "With a royal heir, that will be the bargaining chip I leave to my family."
"You've lost your mind," Cui Yunchu jumped to her feet.
Trading one life for another?
So she had never truly considered her own body. In order to have this child, she was already prepared to sacrifice everything.
Just as brave as she had been when she gave up the first child.
If Grand Tutor Tang ever found out, how would he ever bear it?
Tang Qingwan pulled her back down to sit, smiling. "That's just the worst-case scenario. It's only something we've imagined because we're scared. Don't worry. I'll take good care of my health. I won't throw my life away."
As she spoke, a faint bitter medicinal smell lingered around her.
"Yunchu." Tang Qingwan gripped her hand, eyes lowered. "If that day ever comes, I hope you can lend your strength to my child."
"I can't." Cui Yunchu pulled her hand away, keeping her head down. "You know what I'm like. I'd be lucky not to cause trouble for him, let alone help him."
Tang Qingwan smiled. "I'm just saying—if it's possible."
Cui Yunchu wasn't stupid. Of course she understood what Tang Qingwan meant.
She said nothing, and Tang Qingwan continued, "And even if you can't, it's fine. You're different from me and Yunfeng. You don't have to have the mindset of staking everything on your family."
Cui Yunchu hugged both arms around the bedpost, resting her head against it. "That dead uncle of yours is trying to find me a husband now."
Tang Qingwan, "…"
"So what do you think about that?"
Cui Yunchu shot her a look. "If I refuse, he'll make me kneel in the ancestral hall. What else can I think? I'm extremely willing, of course."
Her voice carried a thoroughly plaintive tone.
She remembered the conversation between Prime Minister Cui and Shen Xiabai that day—the Crown Prince had been present, so of course Tang Qingwan knew about it too.
"Has Lord Shen said anything to you?"
"Said anything?" Cui Yunchu frowned, then turned away. "There's no possibility between him and me. Even if the old man agrees, it's impossible."
Tang Qingwan raised an eyebrow. "Last time you said it was all a misunderstanding. Why aren't you saying that this time?"
Cui Yunchu, "…"
"And since you think it's impossible, then the person you marry doesn't matter. So what are you so upset about?"
Cui Yunchu glanced at Tang Qingwan, then turned back and hugged the bedpost tighter. After a long moment, she said in a very small voice, "He took me to his family's storehouse."
Then she grinned stupidly. "It was so big. So much gold and jewelry."
Tang Qingwan burst out laughing into her soft pillow.
"Lord Shen really is a man of surprising charm."
Cui Yunchu kept her head down. "He and I aren't possible. But I really like his family's storehouse, his gold and jewels, and his fireworks are pretty too."
That storehouse key had been heavy and satisfying in her hand too.
Tang Qingwan looked at Cui Yunchu, her smile gradually fading.
She didn't tell Cui Yunchu about the deal that Lord Shen and Prime Minister Cui had failed to strike.
The topic felt strangely heavy for Cui Yunchu, stirring up a restless gloom.
She took a deep breath, straightened her mood, and put on a carefree air. "If the engagement is set, don't forget to prepare me a wedding gift."
Tang Qingwan said, "Alright."
"As long as you don't cry when that day comes."
"Why would I cry?" Cui Yunchu laughed under her breath.
She turned and shoved the small silver coins she'd been clutching in her palm for a long time into Tang Qingwan's hand. "Here, use this to buy some nourishing supplements and take better care of yourself."
Tang Qingwan looked at the scattered bits of silver, momentarily stunned.
Cui Yunchu said, “I heard the Crown Prince’s estate has been a bit short on funds lately.”
The silver pieces were pitifully few, but Tang Qingwan only felt warmth in her palms.
Given Cui Yunchu’s temperament, if you could pry even one tael of silver out of her mouth, you two would already be considered friends who’d risked life and limb together.
