Serious Slouch, Zen Harem Battle

Chapter 5

By feigning illness, Qi Daiyu had been lazing around in Yanqing Residence for several more days.

She disliked having attendants constantly by her side—it made it impossible for her to freely binge-watch dramas. After all, if she stared in one direction for too long with her expressions shifting dramatically, Shiliu and the others might think she’d lost her mind.

But Qi Daiyu didn’t even need to explain her odd behavior—Shiliu and the others had already come up with their own reasons. To ease their mistress’s worries, they refrained from entering her chambers unless summoned.

This provided Qi Daiyu with the perfect environment for her binge-watching. Over the course of a few days, she finished one palace intrigue drama and, still craving more, started an even older one, engrossed in every episode.

Between episodes, she occasionally felt peckish and ordered takeout several times. Not daring to choose anything with strong aromas, she settled for milk tea, desserts, and fruit bowls.

Perhaps because these snacks were too high in calories, Qi Daiyu noticed when she looked in the mirror that her face had grown slightly rounder…

Horrified, she immediately did a few crunches on her bed and followed along with a livestream workout session.

The skincare products she had ordered a few days ago also arrived. She had originally planned to secretly replace her old ones, but when she opened her vanity case, she was stunned.

Modern skincare products were vastly different from ancient beauty creams. The nourishing creams and facial oils provided by the Imperial Household Department differed significantly in texture and quality from the ones she had bought—the contrast was obvious at a glance.

While she might have been able to pass off the essential oils, the toner and moisturizer were impossible to explain.

If Shiliu and the others saw her, the scene would be nothing short of absurd: the Imperial Concubine pouring some unknown liquid into her palms and slapping her own face like a madwoman…

Would she have to use them in secret?

That seemed too troublesome and could lead to other issues.

After some thought, Qi Daiyu called for an attendant.

This time, it was Putao, another senior palace maid, who entered.

If Shiliu was in charge of personnel matters in Yanqing Residence, then Putao managed finances—she held the keys to the residence’s treasury.

Compared to Shiliu’s composed demeanor, Putao was more quick-witted and bold. She could even joke with her mistress and, on occasion, dared to point out her mistakes. But this wasn’t to say she didn’t understand the boundaries between master and servant—on the contrary, she knew exactly what kind of attendants her mistress preferred.

Among all the servants in Yanqing Residence, Putao was the one Qi Daiyu felt most comfortable speaking with, as she didn’t impose the stifling sense of hierarchy that others did.

With her, Qi Daiyu could relax a little.

“This servant just retrieved Yanqing Residence’s monthly allowance from the Imperial Household Department and was about to report to you, Mistress,” Putao said with a smile, curtsying. She carried a small basket draped with a red cloth over her left arm.

She placed the basket on a side table and lifted the cloth, revealing neatly arranged silver ingots and strings of copper coins—the monthly stipend for everyone in Yanqing Residence.

After the Empress took charge of the inner palace, she showed consideration for the court ladies by decreeing that monthly allowances could be collected in the latter half of the month. This way, if there were any needs for the following month, there would still be time to prepare. Today was the 27th, so Yanqing Residence had gone relatively late.

Putao said, “I’ve counted—not a single coin is missing.” Her expression was calm. Under the Empress’s care, the Imperial Household Department had never shortchanged Yanqing Residence.

Qi Daiyu nodded. “Distribute it, then.”

Putao acknowledged the order and separately set aside Qi Daiyu’s thirty taels of silver. The mistress’s monthly allowance was always kept by herself.

Qi Daiyu instinctively started to follow the original owner’s habit of setting aside five taels for daily expenses but then remembered that things were different now.

Before, Yanqing Residence had kept to itself, and the original owner had no expenses beyond medicine—and even that was paid for by the palace. That was how she had managed to save so much.

But now that Qi Daiyu was active again, five taels wouldn’t be enough. After all, there were plenty of places in the palace where money was needed. Once, she had enjoyed a cup of Qingzhuan tea and wanted more, so Hongtao, the maid in charge of tea, went to the Imperial Household Department to fetch two taels’ worth.

Only later did Qi Daiyu learn that, as an Imperial Concubine, her monthly ration was only four taels of Liu’an Guapian tea and four taels of Keemun black tea.

If she wanted tea outside her ration, she had to pay for it.

Unaware at the time, Qi Daiyu hadn’t given Hongtao any silver—the maid had paid out of her own pocket. When Qi Daiyu found out, she was mortified and immediately reimbursed her.

With this in mind, Qi Daiyu set aside ten taels. “Keep this for daily expenses. If it’s not enough, let me know.”

After a pause, she added another five taels. “As for these five, I’d like you to handle something for me.”

Huh? It was rare for the Imperial Concubine to make an unusual request. Putao perked up. “What does Mistress need?”

“Nothing major. I’d like to make my own beauty creams and face powder. Would the materials be available from the Imperial Household Department?”

Putao smiled. “Oh, that’s all? Many of the palace ladies make their own. The ingredients aren’t hard to find—we don’t even need to go to the Imperial Household Department. This servant can just visit the Department of Imperial Manufacture.”

Qi Daiyu was curious. “All the ladies make their own rouge and powder?”

“Mistress never paid attention to such things before, so of course you wouldn’t know. The rouge and powder from the Imperial Household Department are either tributes from various regions or purchased from imperial merchants. While there are many fine products, every palace lady receives the same ones, so they lack distinction. Moreover, each lady’s skin is different—unless specially tailored, the standard offerings never feel quite right.”

Lower-ranking concubines had no choice but to use what the Imperial Household Department provided, but according to Putao, high-ranking consorts like Concubine Shu and Consort Ning had their own recipes.

“However, if Mistress has ideas, perhaps we should first consult a physician about the ingredients?” Putao assumed Qi Daiyu was acting on a whim and didn’t dare let her experiment recklessly. The high-ranking consorts’ recipes had all been tested by specialists.

What Putao didn’t say was that Concubine Miao, who loved to stand out, had once tried making her own cosmetics. After months of trial and error, she succeeded—but wisely tested it on a palace maid first. The result? Half the maid’s face was ruined. Concubine Miao, fearing ridicule, hushed it up. Putao only knew because the maid was her fellow villager. The disfigured maid had come to bid her farewell before being sent away.

Because of this incident, Putao was a little worried.

Unaware of Putao’s concerns, Qi Daiyu simply wanted a plausible excuse to use her modern skincare products.

“Don’t worry, I’m not insisting on success. I just thought it’d be a nice way to pass the time.”

That was a relief!

Putao took the silver. “This servant will go at once.”

Qi Daiyu claimed she wanted to make her own, but the original owner had never dabbled in such things—she couldn’t suddenly become an expert. So she decided to borrow some books for appearances.

This dynasty did not forbid palace ladies from reading. To borrow books, they had to visit Zhaoren Hall, an annex of the Qianqing Palace. But for Qi Daiyu to go, she first needed to seek permission from the Empress at Kunning Palace.

Which meant she had to “recover.”

The next day, Qi Daiyu rose at 6:30 a.m. After breakfast and dressing, she strolled leisurely toward Kunning Palace.

When she arrived, Zhuyi was still guarding the entrance.

“Greetings, Imperial Concubine Qi.” She led Qi Daiyu inside. “Did you enjoy the ‘Jade Pot Spring’ tea sent to Yanqing Residence the other day?”

The day after the Eldest Prince's third-day celebration banquet, the gardeners from the flower nursery arrived at Yanqing Residence carrying two pots of blooming "Jade Pot Spring" peonies, along with a message from the Empress: Hearing that Qi Daiyu was unwell, she was excused from morning greetings for the next few days.

"Naturally, I adore them. I’ve asked Shiliu to place them on the veranda so I can see them as soon as I open the window."

Zhuyi smiled warmly. "It pleases us that Concubine Qi enjoys them. The toys you sent for the Eldest Princess have also brought her great delight." The little princess had been so taken with them that she’d requested cotton dolls shaped like ponies and puppies, even asking for tiny outfits to dress them in. The seamstresses of the Empress’s palace had been kept busy these past days fulfilling her whims.

Seeing the Eldest Princess so happily occupied had lifted the Empress’s spirits considerably.

No wonder Zhuyi was especially gracious toward Qi Daiyu today.

Arriving at the entrance, Qi Daiyu glanced inside.

Only a few had gathered so far—Consort Yang Ning, Concubine Miao, and Consort Ma, who resided nearby, were already seated.

The moment Concubine Miao spotted Qi Daiyu, her expression stiffened, and she rose reluctantly to offer a curtsey.

Qi Daiyu found her subdued demeanor odd at first, then realized—their recent exchange must have reached the Empress’s ears, and Concubine Miao had likely been reprimanded. Internal strife within the same faction was hardly becoming.

Or perhaps Concubine Miao feared provoking her into another episode.

Qi Daiyu stifled a laugh, imagining what sort of fragile figure she’d become in Concubine Miao’s mind, before turning to greet Consort Ning.

Consort Ning acknowledged her with a measured tone. "It’s been so long since I last saw Concubine Qi, you’ve grown almost unfamiliar."

Qi Daiyu replied politely, "This concubine has recovered fully. With more frequent meetings, familiarity will return."

Consort Ning remained impassive. "This consort seldom ventures out."

Qi Daiyu: "..."

She was momentarily speechless.

It was like encountering a former teacher after years apart, only for the teacher to remark, "I barely recognized you!" When you politely offer to visit more often, they retort, "Don’t bother—I’m occupied." What seemed like small talk was merely perfunctory courtesy, devoid of expectation for engagement.

Unlike Consort An, whose stiffness stemmed from illness, Consort Ning seemed inherently composed—her demeanor perpetually placid, her voice devoid of inflection. Speaking to her felt less like conversation and more like reciting lengthy, dry palace regulations: precise, unemotional, and rigid.

Facing her, Qi Daiyu was reminded of her past life’s rule-obsessed academic dean, a woman so steeped in protocol it might as well have flowed in her veins.

Unsure how to navigate such interactions, Qi Daiyu quietly took her seat, catching Concubine Miao’s poorly concealed smirk from the corner of her eye.

"..."

The hall lapsed into silence, soon broken by Consort An’s arrival.

Seated just above Qi Daiyu, Consort An paused in mild surprise upon seeing her, offering only a nod in greeting.

Across the room, Concubine Miao’s eyes gleamed with mischief. "Sister Consort An," she cooed, "how fares Concubine Shu these days?"

Since the Emperor’s decree, Qianqing Palace had fallen as silent as a strangled goose. Yesterday, Physician Liu—no pediatric specialist—had been summoned. If the Eldest Prince wasn’t ill, the patient’s identity was obvious.

Concubine Shu held rank and favor; Concubine Miao had favor but low rank. The two were often compared. While Concubine Shu’s thoughts remained opaque, Concubine Miao’s resentment was no secret. She nursed a bold, private conviction: had Concubine Shu not monopolized the Emperor’s attention, she herself might have climbed higher.

Thus, Concubine Miao relished any chance to witness Concubine Shu’s humiliation.

Her question to Consort An—Concubine Shu’s ally—was a transparent ploy to extract gossip.

Yet Consort An only arched a brow, her attempt at a sneer twisting into a grotesque spasm due to her condition. Covering her mouth with a handkerchief, her irritation flared.

"If you’re so concerned, why not visit Qianqing Palace yourself? Since when did you and Concubine Shu grow so close? Would the Empress approve?"

"Or are you merely eager to revel in her misfortune? Do you expect me to relay your mockery?"

Her words were rapid-fire, each laced with venom.

Concubine Miao’s face paled. Consort An lacked imperial favor, having risen to her position only by bearing the Second Princess. Back in the Eastern Palace, as a mere concubine, she’d once curried favor with Concubine Miao, then a junior attendant. Now she dared condescend!

Behind Consort An, Puying discreetly nudged her mistress’s back.

This is the Empress’s palace, my lady! Temper your tongue!

As tensions crackled between Consort An and Concubine Miao, Qi Daiyu longed for a handful of melon seeds.

The scene mirrored a palace drama she’d recently watched—who’d have thought she’d witness a live performance?

Just then, a bright voice sliced through the tension.

"My, such liveliness this early! Have I missed the excitement?"

Qi Daiyu turned toward the speaker.

A woman in snow-blue robes, her figure curvaceous, face oval like a goose egg, strode in with dancing eyes.

Noble Lady Qin of Qixiang Palace.

Her gaze swept the room, alighting on Qi Daiyu with delight. "Concubine Qi! I heard you recovered last month, but alas, I was indisposed and couldn’t visit. Let me see—with all those tonics and medicines, you’d better be well, or the imperial physicians ought to be dismissed! You’re positively glowing now. Before, you were so dreary I avoided you, but I’ll gladly visit Yanqing Residence henceforth!"

She seized Qi Daiyu’s hands, inspecting her without ceremony.

Qi Daiyu marveled at her candor—blunt yet spirited, leaving one uncertain whether her words carried barbs or genuine warmth.

Memory suggested the latter. Noble Lady Qin was simply... like this.

She spoke her mind, heedless of offense, utterly incapable of subtlety. To search for hidden meanings in her speech was futile—she’d never mastered the art of veiled insults.

If the original owner had labeled the harem’s inhabitants, Noble Lady Qin’s tags would read:

Blunt. Chatty. Gluttonous.

After her effusive greeting, Noble Lady Qin pivoted to Consort An and Concubine Miao. "What were you two quarreling about?"

Her interruption had doused Concubine Miao’s fury, restoring her restraint. She stayed silent.

Consort An retorted, "Your mouth’s healed? Ready to chatter again?"

This time, Puying didn’t intervene. Consort An outranked Noble Lady Qin, who was hardly one to take offense.

True to form, Noble Lady Qin waved it off. "Since I’m here for greetings, of course I’m better."

Qi Daiyu recalled Noble Lady Qin’s absence from the Eldest Prince’s banquet—she’d excused herself from even Qianqing Palace.

The reason? Canker sores. From overindulging in lamb.

In my memories, similar situations were not uncommon. Since Noble Lady Qin’s Qixiang Palace was located right in front of Changchun Palace, the two residences were so close that any minor disturbance could quickly spread between them. Thus, even in her illness, the original owner of this body knew that Noble Lady Qin would take leave seven or eight times a year due to "food-related" issues—whether it was overindulgence leading to fever or chills, or overeating causing diarrhea and vomiting...

Well, it certainly fit the "glutton" label.

As I was lost in thought, I saw Noble Lady Qin casually pick up a piece of pastry from the small table nearby and pop it into her mouth...

It looked delicious. Having not eaten enough during breakfast, Qi Daiyu unconsciously followed suit and picked up a piece of hibiscus cake.

By the time the Empress made her appearance, Qi Daiyu had already polished off three hibiscus cakes alongside Noble Lady Qin...