"What? He's actually not holding court?"
Emperor Yuanyou's voice rose an octave. Wu Qi, frightened, hurriedly brought water to the emperor. Why didn't the Grand Emperor realize he was old now, an elderly man?
Before Imperial Physician Mei left, he had given repeated instructions: they must not let his travel plans be ruined, and they must keep a close watch on the Grand Emperor's health.
"Grand Emperor, His Majesty is feeling unwell. It's only right for him to recuperate in the Zichen Hall for a couple of days."
"His constitution is tougher than a dog's! How many times has he ever been 'unwell' since he was a child?" Emperor Yuanyou downed the tea in one gulp and then began pacing in circles. "That scoundrel is definitely skipping court on purpose. Good heavens, how am I supposed to explain to our ancestors that I chose an emperor who doesn't hold court?"
"Well, well, Father's health is truly remarkable."
A voice sounded. When Emperor Yuanyou saw Song Yu, his eyes widened like bronze bells. He knew it! The scoundrel was perfectly fine!
He simply didn't want to hold court.
"Why aren't you holding court?" Emperor Yuanyou asked sternly. "As the emperor, holding court is mandatory."
"Isn't holding court just for handling state affairs?"
Song Yu sat down on his own, looking utterly at ease. "Right now, state affairs are handed over to Shen San and Zheng Fang to handle on my behalf. If there's anything they truly can't manage, I'll step in personally. Not holding court doesn't delay anything."
"You!"
"What about me?" Song Yu looked at Emperor Yuanyou with an innocent expression. "Those old fogies were bullying me. If I let them push me around once, there would be countless times after."
"Father, those court officials gave you plenty of trouble back in the day too. Don't you want to see me put them in their place?"
Emperor Yuanyou was taken aback. Of course he did.
But he also didn't want to see this scoundrel having an easier time than he did when he was emperor!
Seeing the conflicted look on Emperor Yuanyou's face, Song Yu chuckled softly. "Don't worry, I'll help you vent your anger."
By the time Song Yu left, Emperor Yuanyou still hadn't fully processed what happened.
An hour later, a roar of fury shook the Imperial Garden, startling birds into flight.
"That damned scoundrel!"
"He actually used venting my anger as an excuse and managed to rope me into his scheme!"
Bullying me in my old age and weakness!
......
The next day, Song Yu did not hold court.
On the third day, Song Yu still did not hold court.
By the sixth day, the officials were thoroughly panicked.
"When will His Majesty's health recover?" Unable to see the emperor, the officials could only muster their courage to pull Shen Qingping aside and ask.
By now, Shen Qingping's resentment was potent enough to nurture an evil sword immortal. These past few days, he had been worked so hard his back was about to break. The emperor and the court officials were locked in a battle of wits, so why was his desk piled high with memorials? Why was he the one suffering?
"You guess."
Shen Qingping's smile sent chills down the officials' spines.
"Think carefully about how His Majesty actually fell ill."
If they didn't figure it out soon, the one falling ill would be Shen Qingping himself.
Zichen Hall.
Song Yu looked at the expressionless Shen Qingping before him, a rare flicker of guilt rising in his starry eyes.
"Liuxi, quickly serve the Prime Minister some tea. Brew the new premium tea I just acquired. I haven't even been willing to send any to the Grand Emperor."
"When does Your Majesty plan to resume court sessions?"
Shen Qingping got straight to the point. If he had even an ounce of rebellious intent, he could probably drag the emperor off the throne right then and there.
"I'm waiting for them to beg me to hold court!"
Song Yu slumped in the dragon throne, thinking it was nowhere near as comfortable as a reclining chair—too hard and rigid.
"They were practically riding roughshod over me before. If I don't show them who's boss, I might as well let you be the emperor."
Shen Qingping: ......
"I can't hold out much longer," Shen Qingping finally managed to say after a long pause.
Song Yu immediately gave Shen Qingping a look that said 'I understand.'
"Don't worry, I'm planning to add some spice for the officials. They'll soon be begging me to properly hold court." Song Yu took a sip of tea. "Actually, I don't think being emperor requires working oneself to the bone."
"Basking in the sun and listening to music every day, that's the life of an immortal."
Shen Qingping immediately grew wary. This was bad. He had a feeling the emperor was reverting to his former playboy ways.
A pressing question: What to do when the emperor wants to slack off?
......
The next day.
Song Yu ordered several fighting cocks to be brought into the palace, along with quite a few crickets, looking very much like he intended to take up his old pastimes.
That very night, news spread that the emperor was hosting cockfights in the Zichen Hall with several young eunuchs!
This time, Shen Mingwen and Ye Shijie were directly approached by the officials.
"Lord Shen, Lord Ye, you two are the Emperor's tutors. You must advise His Majesty."
Now the officials were genuinely terrified. Had they actually driven a perfectly good emperor back to his former dissolute ways?
The most terrifying part was that, currently, Song Yu was truly the only person fit to sit on the throne.
The Prince of Chu had inexplicably shaved his head and entered the Buddhist path.
The Prince of Qi had been saddled with the reputation of a 'lark' and was happily hunting and roaming the northern borders.
There was no one left to rival the emperor!
Shen Mingwen's eyelid twitched. "My fellow ministers, we all know His Majesty's former temperament. Now that His Majesty has been pushed to this state, the only one who can get a word in with him is the Grand Emperor."
Shen Mingwen dared not mention Song Shihuan's name.
Hadn't they noticed that both the Grand Emperor and the Emperor had, without consultation, kept the Princess out of this affair?
Thus, the officials went to beg before Emperor Yuanyou.
Seeing the very courtiers who had once stubbornly opposed him now coming to plead, Emperor Yuanyou felt a perverse sense of satisfaction.
But his refusal was equally blunt.
"I won't go."
"I'm old. I can't lift a shoe sole anymore. He is the emperor now, the most powerful person under heaven. You caused this mess, you deal with it. Don't bother me."
He was already annoyed that the scoundrel had successfully manipulated the officials.
After much further agonizing, and upon seeing several jars of fine wine being transported into the palace, the officials finally capitulated. One by one, they knelt again outside the Zichen Hall.
Their previous kneeling was to force Song Yu to select consorts; now, their kneeling was to beg him to hold court.
"Now you know to come beg me?"
Song Yu wore a look of haughty pride. "It was you lot insisting I select consorts that made me ill!"
What a massive black pot to lay at their feet.
The courtiers felt they could no longer stand straight.
"We beg Your Majesty to hold court and to refrain from touching those mind-numbing distractions like fighting cocks and crickets."
"Who are you calling mind-numbing?" Song Yu raised an eyebrow.
"This minister misspoke."
Song Yu nodded. This was more like how courtiers should behave.
"Fine. Then I will reluctantly drag my ailing body to court tomorrow."
Watching the officials express their profuse gratitude, Song Yu's mind began to stir again.
This time, he had successfully not held court for a full nine days.
Didn't that mean he could potentially hold court only once every three days in the future?
That would give him two days to sleep in every three days.
The more Song Yu thought about it, the more feasible it seemed.
He just needed to find another opportunity to test the limits of the court officials.
He was determined not to let the old man's habit of enduring hardship and toil be passed down smoothly!
