From a young age, she felt her own mother seemed particularly different from the mothers of other families.
Her surname was Sun, given name Fu, born into an ordinary scholar-official family. Her father was the youngest son at home, and her grandfather had risen to the rank of a prefect. As for her mother, although born of a concubine, her maternal family background was even better; her mother's family had served as officials for generations, and even her uncle had passed the imperial examination as a jinshi at a young age, marrying into an extraordinary family.
Several of her aunts had also married very well, and the one they interacted with most frequently was Third Aunt.
Third Aunt's appearance and attire were even more striking than her own mother's, and she had married into a better situation, especially regarding Third Uncle-in-law. Whenever her own father mentioned him, a peculiar, indescribable expression would appear on his face.
Perhaps it was jealousy, or perhaps envy.
But Mother did not have that kind of expression. Mother's name was very pleasant, simply Susu. When she was little, Mother would write her own name together with hers, teaching her to recognize characters.
"Fu'er, look, this is your name. You must remember it," Zhou Susu said with a smile.
Sun Fu was still young then, thinking her mother truly knew a great deal. She taught them to write, and even treated her and her sister equally with their brother, completely unlike other families where sons were treasured and daughters treated like grass.
She had been perceptive since childhood, noticing many issues. Even in official families like theirs, most women were not only denied education but might even be drowned at birth. Her own wet nurse had become a nanny precisely because her child had been drowned.
Yet Mother said that in the future, she would hire a tutor for her and her younger sister, so that later they could read, write, and be educated just like boys.
She had once been very excited about this. But as she grew more sensible, she realized that Mother's words and actions did not match.
When Father served as an official in Guantao County, Mother did hire a tutor to teach them. In truth, she felt having this old scholar as a teacher was quite good. But then Mother insisted on sending them to the Wei Family Girls' School. This was the first time she and her sister attended school with so many other girls. The schoolroom was arranged not like a classroom, but more like a flower hall.
Upon entering, one first saw a long desk placed at the front, covered with a water-green tablecloth trimmed with tassels. On the left side stood a bamboo basket holding flowers: white double peach blossoms, weeping crabapple, yellow cimei roses, and forsythia, all exceptionally beautiful. On the right side were books, an inkstone half-filled with ink, and a small, elegant brush rest.
Below the long desk were several smaller desks, all with pink tablecloths, paired with embroidered stools, very delicate.
The walls were hung with calligraphy and paintings by famous artists. Against the west wall stood a bookshelf; some compartments held books, others held treasures. Beside the bookshelf were tea-making utensils. Though she didn't know what type of porcelain it was, it was surely of superior quality.
The room was filled with the faint, lingering fragrance of tea. She liked it here the moment she arrived.
Only, she soon regretted it. Not because the environment was poor, but because it was too refined. The inherent sense of superiority among the students made her and her sister feel utterly out of place.
The first day of studying was somewhat manageable; they could follow along slowly. But flower arranging, incense making, horseback riding, mounting paintings, and drawing—all required their own money. She had originally thought the tuition Mother paid covered everything, but that was not the case at all. Many things required extra silver. Beyond that, a culture of intense competition and comparison flourished in this girls' school.
One day, Miss Wei, the eldest daughter of the Wei family, treated everyone to milk custard. She announced, "This milk custard comes with four toppings: crushed walnuts, crushed almonds, raisins, and Xichuan milk sugar. Everyone, add whatever you like."
Sun Fu's family circumstances were not poor, but they were far from the immense wealth of families like the Wei's. Therefore, such milk custard was not something she drank often. She added the milk sugar first, then slowly mixed in the other toppings. After finishing one cup, she still craved more.
Just after drinking, she heard Jiang Yun say, "Tomorrow, I'll treat everyone to pastries from Cuiyun Tower."
Cuiyun Tower was the best restaurant in Daming Prefecture. Sun Fu hadn't realized it was a rotating treat.
She knew of this Jiang Yun, said to be a niece of the Wei family. Her father served as a prefectural judge in Daming Prefecture. It was said her family was very prosperous; when her father came to take up his post here, they directly bought a residence.
Because of this, she was very popular here. And why wouldn't she be? An only daughter, dearly loved by her parents, with an open and cheerful disposition—who wouldn't like her?
Not like her and her sister, who rented a residence in Daming Prefecture, with neither parent present, and money always tight.
Her nanny was just then complaining to her: "Young Miss, you don't realize. The mistress put me in charge of our household expenses. Not to mention the huge sum for your and the Second Young Miss's daily spending. In a few days, we also need to hire a seamstress to make clothes."
Sun Fu fell silent. If you treated once, you'd be expected to treat every time thereafter. Just as Jiang Yun's maid said, the silver spent on monthly treat snacks alone amounted to one tael, not to mention the expenses for poetry club gatherings.
At that Wei Family Girls' School, she lived with deep insecurity. People like Jiang Yun and Miss Wei wore a new set of clothes every day, rarely repeating an outfit. Though young, they already wore expensive jewelry, gave generous tips, and even hosted banquets at home, creating a very lively atmosphere.
Sun Fu thought she could follow the crowd for one thing, but there were too many things. She couldn't follow the crowd for everything; she simply couldn't afford to follow that crowd.
As for hosting such flower banquets, firstly, they had no suitable place to hold them—their rented residence was truly too humble. Secondly, the family's funds were limited. Mother's ideals sounded wonderful, but if you weren't from the same world and tried to force your way into theirs, you simply couldn't squeeze in.
In the end, she and her sister withdrew from the Wei Family Girls' School and continued studying with the old scholar at home, which was much more comfortable.
Actually, for Sun Fu personally, studying was truly excellent; it was like opening another door for them. But one shouldn't treat education merely as a tool to surpass others.
Later, when they followed their father to his next post, they continued studying with tutors Mother hired. After three more years of study, they had grown up, and Mother would also speak to them about many things.
For instance, she would say: "Women are no worse than men. In the future, when you have power, ensure women have more participation in authority."
"Women shouldn't just be marriage candidates. If you don't wish to marry later, Mother will let you stay at home."
...
These words opened their minds, and Sun Fu listened with surging emotion.
But one sentence from her younger sister jolted her awake. Her sister said, "Elder Sister, doesn't Mother also know how to read? Why does she have no power?"
The eldest Miss Sun had also been pondering this. Yes, why did Mother want her and her sister to be different from convention, while she herself still followed the mainstream? After returning to Bianjing, she became increasingly aware of her own disadvantages.
In other families, daughters started accumulating their dowries from the moment they were born. The dowry was more important than anything else; one could say it was the very foundation upon which a young woman built her life and secured her future.
But she and her sister had nothing. That meant even if they didn't marry, they had absolutely no fallback option.
It was her third aunt who had their best interests at heart, knowing they were no longer young, and helped arrange a match for her. She herself happened to take a liking to the Meng family. The Mengs were related to the imperial family, so generally nothing major troubled them. Moreover, she had read Third Young Master Meng's essays; they were quite good. The man was talented and learned, his family circumstances were prosperous, and being a child of a concubine meant his legal mother wouldn't be overly possessive.
This was far better than those mothers who prized their sons more than their own lives.
Besides, the Meng family was a scholarly household, not the unruly sort.
With not much dowry to her name, this was the best she could do, yet her mother always found it lacking.
In total, her dowry was a thousand strings of cash, five hundred of which actually came from the betrothal gifts sent by the Meng family. She shook her head, knowing her family had done their best, and she shouldn't say more.
Sure enough, after marrying into the Meng family, she felt she couldn't hold her head up for a long time because of her meager dowry. It only improved somewhat after she became pregnant. Perhaps because they lived opposite Madame Jiang, and her mother-in-law was on good terms with Madame Jiang, she came to see Madame Jiang as the true model to emulate.
In the worldly sense, Madame Jiang was immensely successful: she had both sons and daughters and was cherished by her husband. On a personal level, she was also a success. Not only did she possess peerless embroidery skills among the noble ladies' circle, but she was also eloquent, well-versed in poetry and prose, capable of managing the inner household expertly, and skilled in external economic matters, making her the object of envy.
Yet there was one slight flaw: she was too exclusive. Her husband had no concubines or maidservants, so despite all her virtues, it counted as a major demerit. In contrast, Lady Wu was virtuous and proper, and precisely because of her virtuous household management, she received much praise.
Therefore, Sun Fu decided to combine the strengths of both. Internally, she used her own personal maid as a chamber attendant, establishing a persona of virtuous tolerance. Honoring her parents-in-law went without saying, and she also maintained good affection with her husband. Externally, she socialized extensively and even used the money she had painstakingly saved to purchase some farmland.
Thus, when Meng Sanlang later passed the imperial examination and became a jinshi, and she followed her husband to his provincial post, her previous social connections served as a foundation. After her father was dismissed from office, she could still mention her connection to the Jiang family, using their name to bolster her own standing, allowing her and her husband to transition smoothly in Lin'an Prefecture.
Meng Sanlang's eldest brother was also a jinshi. Sun Fu befriended her eldest sister-in-law within the Meng family, so the two brothers helped each other in their official careers.
As for Meng Sanlang, although he had two or three concubines and chamber attendants, he remained deeply respectful towards her, his wife whose father had been dismissed and nearly exiled.
Her younger sister also wrote letters expressing gratitude. Back then, Sun Fu had arranged for her sister to marry the son of a minor official, precisely because she valued the family's good character. Even during severe factional strife at court, that family treated her sister kindly.
Now her sister's life was going well. She wrote that even after their father's downfall, her in-laws treated her as before; in fact, they pitied her plight and cherished her all the more.
Her sister's father-in-law now served as the Salt and Iron Judge of Kaifeng Prefecture, his official rank steadily rising.
Although the family wasn't particularly wealthy, they had few troubles.
Thus, Sun Fu felt at ease. As for her own parents, she heard their days were rather difficult. Her father, well, due to the setbacks in his career, had drowned himself in sensual pleasures. Her mother, however, repeatedly wrote to her, demanding she find an official's daughter for her brother to marry.
But her brother held no scholarly rank, and the Sun family was not wealthy. What official's daughter would be willing to marry into such a situation?
With great difficulty, she found the daughter of one of her husband's subordinates. Though from a humble background, the girl was gentle and virtuous. Sun Fu wrote to her mother, but her mother instead thought the family was too lowly.
Sun Fu reflected that her mother used to often say how daughters could achieve just as much, that girls were no worse than boys, and how much she admired capable women. Yet when it came to her own son, she felt he deserved the finest young lady under heaven.
How ironic, truly ironic!
Fortunately, Sun Fu had awakened early and wasn't brainwashed by such slogans day in and day out.
