The distance between them was no more than the width of a table; he could touch her just by raising his hand.
And she was a weak, defenseless woman whom he could subdue with a single hand.
Gu Zhao looked out the window. The pleasure boat had reached the center of the lake. There were few visitors today, and theirs was the only boat around.
Moreover, everyone on this boat was his subordinate.
If he wanted a fleeting moment of pleasure, he could have it right now.
At this time, in this moment, in this very place, if he wished it, it would only take a single thought to get what he wanted and turn all his dreams into reality.
She was completely unguarded around him right now.
The restless, burning desire to pull her into his arms and love her with reckless abandon almost swallowed Gu Zhao whole.
Taking her would be so simple. No one could stop him; the only thing that could hold him back was his own self-restraint.
Gu Zhao closed his eyes and leaned heavily against the back of his chair, shutting her face out of his sight as he let out a long breath.
In the end, he could not bear to force her, nor could he bear to see her suffer.
He wanted her trust, not her fear.
This was the shackle he had placed upon himself, though he did not know how much longer it could hold him.
"Shouming, what is wrong? Are you ill?"
It was her voice.
Gu Zhao kept his eyes closed, leaning against the chair. He knew he should open his eyes, pretend nothing had happened, and say breezily:
"I am fine."
But he could not bring himself to say it, nor did he want to. He was not fine; he was terribly ill.
Why should she remain completely oblivious while he drowned in agony all by himself?
There was the sound of a chair being pushed back. She was coming over. Her familiar scent enveloped him, and then she took his hand.
Gu Zhao turned his hand to grasp hers and opened his eyes.
Zhu Qingyu let him hold her hand while she pressed her fingers against his pulse point, her face full of concern:
"Why is your pulse racing so fast? Where does it hurt? Does your chest ache?"
She leaned over to check his pulse, her cheek so close to his that if he just leaned forward slightly, he could touch her face and steal a kiss.
Gu Zhao's heart beat even faster, pounding again and again. Echoing his ever-quickening heartbeat was the precarious wail of his breaking shackles.
He had restrained himself so much for her, and she had come to him on her own accord. He deserved a reward.
Unable to help himself, he rested his head on her shoulder and wrapped his arms around her in a firm, undeniable embrace.
The moment her soft, fragrant body was in his arms, all the maddening clamor in his mind was soothed, and even the straining shackles quieted down.
When Gu Zhao suddenly slumped forward, Zhu Qingyu hurriedly caught him, her worry deepening:
"Are you dizzy? Or can you not catch your breath? Shouming, can you hear me?"
Gu Zhao's lips brushed past her hair, leaving an almost imperceptible kiss on her locks before he finally let her go. Leaning back against the chair again to put a tiny bit of distance between them, he looked at her with a smile and said gently and with restraint:
"I am fine. Did I frighten you?"
Zhu Qingyu certainly did not think he was fine. Pointing to the chaise lounge by the window meant for guests to rest and enjoy the view, she said:
"Lie down over there and rest. Get some fresh air by the window and let me examine you. Palpitations and dizziness are no small matter."
Indulgence could get him what he wanted, but so could restraint.
And what restraint could earn him far exceeded what indulgence ever could.
Gu Zhao stood up and obligingly half-reclined on the small lounge, watching her bustle about, tending to him with the utmost care.
Zhu Qingyu first closed the half of the window that was blowing a draft directly at him, then poured him a cup of water to drink. After that, she pulled up a stool, sat down in front of the chaise longue, and checked his pulse.
Seeing that his expression had softened considerably and he appeared clear-headed, Zhu Qingyu went through the routine medical inquiries and asked:
"What are your symptoms? When did they start? Have you had them before, or did they just start today? Tell me."
Gu Zhao was incredibly cooperative, calmly describing his illness of lovesickness to her:
"I always have vivid dreams at night and can't sleep well. It started last year, on the ninth day of the tenth month."
Because of this specific date, the ninth day of the tenth month, Zhu Qingyu cast a surprised glance at Gu Zhao.
From the ninth day of the tenth month last year until now, it had been more than half a year. Insomnia and vivid dreams were not acute illnesses; this was the first time she had heard a patient recall the exact date of their first bout of insomnia so clearly.
Zhu Qingyu said:
"Insomnia and frequent dreaming are no trivial matters. If you don't rest well at night for a long period and overwork yourself during the day, your body will naturally suffer. Chest pains, palpitations, and dizziness are all symptoms of extreme fatigue and heart strain. Later, I will prescribe some soothing medicine for you and have Uncle Qi deliver it to the government office. Try taking it for a while. More importantly, you must make sure to get plenty of rest yourself. Don't push yourself too hard. You absolutely cannot do things like riding a horse from Jinling back to Yangzhou for two days and one night without resting ever again."
Relying on her complete ignorance of his lovesickness, Gu Zhao let her press her fingers against his pulse, allowing her to feel his heart pounding wildly for her through his veins.
Listening to her gentle and detailed medical advice, which sounded just like a wife instructing her husband, he felt that this brief moment on the pleasure boat truly resembled the daily life of an ordinary married couple.
Gu Zhao smiled and said:
"Alright, thank you."
Zhu Qingyu moved the stool away and discussed with him:
"How much longer are we going to tour the lake? If we are just putting on a show, isn't it about enough? We might as well head back early; after all, you can't rest well on the boat."
Gu Zhao thoroughly enjoyed the feeling of her caring for him, and replied:
"Alright."
So he immediately called his attendant over and ordered the boatman to turn the boat around and head back to the ferry crossing.
Gu Zhao naturally still remembered their lack of coordination when they boarded the boat. When they were disembarking, he deliberately stopped at the bow to wait for her, extending his hand and looking at her with a teasing smile on his face.
Looking at the hand he held out for her, Zhu Qingyu recalled the scene when they boarded and also smiled. Just as she was about to place her hand in his to let him help her down, someone called out from not far away:
"My wife?"
Zhu Qingyu looked over; it was actually Zhang Shen!
Zhang Shen had initially hesitated because he only thought the figure looked like her, but seeing that it was indeed Zhu Qingyu, he instantly became overjoyed and ran toward the pleasure boat:
"My wife! Why are you here?"
Zhu Qingyu had been very worried these past few days, fearing that Prefect Liu might play dirty tricks on the way. Now, seeing Zhang Shen return safely, she was thrilled. Lifting her skirt, she jumped off the boat and hurried toward him:
"Jingyan! You're back! I thought you wouldn't return until tomorrow. I was planning to come meet you tomorrow!"
Left standing in his original spot, Gu Zhao looked at the reunited couple not far away, and then looked down at his own empty palm.
The lingering touch and warmth from when she had just taken his pulse were now blown away by the wind at the crossing, leaving him just as she had.
