It was just as the boat was about to dock, and the vessel was already unsteady. When Zhang Shen rushed over and grabbed her so recklessly, his solitary stumbling turned into the two of them teetering together.
Zhu Qingyu, caught off guard by his sudden embrace, lurched sideways, and one pulling the other, the pair nearly tumbled into the water together.
Zhang Shen was terrified. He quickly braced one hand against the cabin and gripped Zhu Qingyu's arm with the other to steady her:
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry—I got too excited. Did I bump into you?"
Zhu Qingyu steadied herself against the cabin as well, slipped her arm free from his grasp, and stepped out of his embrace with a smile:
"No bump, I'm fine. I was actually planning to settle everyone at the post station first and then go find you. Since you're here, let's go—disembark first. I have something to talk to you about."
Zhang Shen looked at his own empty palm, then at Zhu Qingyu already walking ahead without a backward glance. A faint sense of unease stirred in his heart, but his subconscious refused to face it. He lowered his hand and hurried after her off the boat.
Originally, Zhu Qingyu had intended to take the people she'd brought back to the post station to get them settled before seeking out Zhang Shen. But since Zhang Shen had already arranged for someone to receive them, the plan naturally had to change. The group altered its route and headed first to the Jiangning Imperial Textile Manor.
Leaving the Zhang family's chief steward and Uncle Qi to handle the follow-up matters, Zhu Qingyu and Zhang Shen climbed into the carriage one after the other.
Zhu Qingyu went first, seated herself inside.
Zhang Shen followed her in, wanting to sit close to her as he always had, yet mindful of the distance she'd shown on the boat, he instinctively sat half a fist's width apart, not daring to get too near.
Zhu Qingyu looked at that half-fist gap and smiled:
"Jingyan, how did you know I was coming to Jiangning?"
At that, Zhang Shen couldn't help voicing his complaints:
"The name of Divine Doctor Zhu has spread across the whole land—how could I not know? And you, you didn't even think to write me a letter. I had to piece together news of your whereabouts from others day after day, counting up the days to guess when you'd return, coming to the ferry every single day to see if you'd arrived. I was worried you wouldn't make it back in time, that you'd miss the Dragon Boat Festival at home. And you talk about going to the post station—this is home. Why would you go to a post station?"
Since Zhang Shen had brought up "home," Zhu Qingyu thought to herself that it had to be said sooner or later, and sooner was better than later. So she said:
"Jingyan, there's something I want to discuss with you. When we got married before, we agreed it wouldn't be real—just between you and me. And now, I'd like—"
It had already been half a year since Zhu Qingyu had left.
Zhang Shen was bound by his official duties; imperial orders could not be defied. He could not enter the palace, nor go to the northern frontier, and he had to endure the pain of separation from her, coming alone to Jiangning to take up his post.
After enduring those six months, finally managing to wait for Zhu Qingyu's return, the first thing she did upon opening her mouth was bring up the matter from that time long ago.
The very unease he'd refused to face had become reality. Because of her return, the excitement that had filled his heart froze in an instant.
A strong sense of dread spread within him. Zhang Shen felt as if a piece of his heart had been gouged out from his chest. He couldn't even bear to hear what Zhu Qingyu said next. He looked at her, pitiful and wretched, the rims of his eyes reddening, and replied:
"Qingyu, Ruohua is at home waiting for us. Let's go home and eat first. Let's talk after we get home, alright?"
Although Zhu Qingyu had wanted to make things clear as soon as possible, Zhang Shen's reluctance to discuss it was within her expectations.
After all, over these years, every word and action of his made it clear that what he wanted was not merely a cover—he wanted far more.
Now, she hadn't even fully said it, and his expression already looked so devastated.
Because of Zhang Shen's pain, Zhu Qingyu couldn't bear to press the matter right then. She changed the subject instead:
"Alright, then after dinner, we'll talk about it. Jingyan, you've been in Jiangning for half a year now—have your duties been going smoothly?"
Changing the subject was like changing the atmosphere. The unspeakable matter that hung between them was set aside for the moment, and the two fell into talking about their respective duties over the past six months—one exchange after another, back to the easy, lighthearted mood of before. They talked all the way until they reached home and still hadn't finished.
Zhang Ruohua had gotten word and run to the gate to greet them. When she saw Zhu Qingyu, she threw herself at her:
"Sister-in-law! You're back! Sister-in-law, I missed you so much! Sister-in-law, why didn't you tell me before you left, and you never wrote me either—I waited so long I was heartbroken! I wrote you so many letters, but I didn't know where to send them. I'll show them to you later!"
Zhang Ruohua chattered on without pause, clinging to Zhu Qingyu's arm. The two of them walked arm in arm, warm and close, through the main gate of the Jiangning Imperial Textile Manor.
Zhang Shen watched from behind, looking again at his own empty palm.
She had left his embrace, but she hadn't pushed Ruohua away.
She was still willing to be their family, but she wanted to change her relationship with him.
Zhang Shen could guess what Zhu Qingyu wanted to say to him. And because he could guess, a pang of pain spread through his chest.
In the six months she'd been gone, things between them had already changed.
Even earlier—a year ago, when the imperial guards had stepped into the Yangzhou prefectural banquet and looked his way—things between them had already become different from before.
But he had fooled himself, insisting on pretending everything was the same. Now, she was going to tell him herself that it wasn't.
Zhang Ruohua, still holding Zhu Qingyu's arm, walked ahead but turned back to see her brother hadn't caught up. Sensing something, she grinned and said:
"Second Brother, why are you just standing there? Time to eat! Are you upset because I'm holding sister-in-law's arm and you can't?"
Zhang Shen smiled and caught up with their steps:
"That's right—I don't get to hold her."
Zhang Ruohua kept her grip on Zhu Qingyu's arm tight and laughed merrily:
"Well, I don't care. I'm walking with sister-in-law."
Zhang Ruohua's cheerful mood lasted until the family had finished dinner and Zhu Qingyu said to her:
"Ruohua, is there a guest room available?"
Zhang Ruohua had always managed the household affairs. Thinking Zhu Qingyu was asking about the people she'd brought back from the northern frontier, she replied:
"Sister-in-law, everyone you brought back—I've arranged lodging for them all. Don't worry."
Zhu Qingyu smiled:
"No, I mean for me. It's too late tonight to go to the post station. I'll stay in a guest room for now. Tomorrow I'll have someone clean out the Hui Medical Clinic, and then I'll move there."
Zhang Ruohua was alarmed. She looked from Zhang Shen to Zhu Qingyu, worried that her sister-in-law and second brother had quarreled, and dared not speak.
Zhu Qingyu stood up:
"That's settled. I haven't had a chance to look around the manor anyway—I'll go see for myself and pick one."
As Zhu Qingyu rose to leave, Zhang Shen, who was sitting beside her, caught her sleeve and wouldn't let her go. His voice was low and muffled:
"Don't go stay in a guest room."
Seeing the situation spiral, Zhang Ruohua jumped up, ran to the door, slipped out herself, and shut it behind her.
Alone in the room together, Zhang Shen's voice trembled with the threat of tears:
"Is it because of him?"
Zhu Qingyu let him hold her sleeve, and replied:
"Yes. Jingyan, if you want to blame me, I understand. And I accept it."
Zhang Shen's grief deepened. He held it back as best he could, but he couldn't—tears fell from his eyes:
"I do blame you, Qingyu. You're too partial to him, and it makes me so sad! How could you favor him so much? He's clearly so wicked, I want to curse him! Why doesn't he dare come and say it himself? He's so awful, I'll scold him to death!"
