By the time the two returned to the Eastern Palace, the hour for evening dinner had already passed.
But Eunuch Fu and Eunuch Man each had their own ways of getting things done. One had brought hot water and a late-night snack from the Imperial Kitchen, while the other had set up a new herbal stove in the adjacent tea room to brew medicine for Zhu Qingyu.
Although Zhu Qingyu had washed her hands several times, she still found herself lifting them to look at them from time to time.
She always felt her hands weren't clean, as if the blood of that eunuch was still on them.
After returning, although she had changed out of her outer robes and it seemed the blood had only stained her clothes and not her skin, she still felt a sticky sensation all over her body, as if she were still covered in blood.
That feeling was uncontrollable. She knew it wasn't true, yet it crept up on her for no reason, making her increasingly uncomfortable.
Gu Zhao placed the food box on the octagonal table and glanced at her, saying:
"Come eat first."
Zhu Qingyu hadn't known earlier that he had sent for Eunuch Fu to bring a late-night snack. If she had, she would have said in advance that at this moment, she didn't want to eat dishes from Sichuan—the red ones would remind her of unpleasant things. Besides, her throat hurt terribly and it was hard for her to eat anything.
But since Gu Zhao had already arranged for it to be brought back and had ordered the meal to take care of her out of his own concern, Zhu Qingyu thought she should at least eat a little.
When Gu Zhao took the dishes out, they were a very simple meal of plain congee and small side dishes: white rice porridge, finely chopped emerald-green leafy vegetables stir-fried with mushrooms, and similarly crumbled scrambled eggs. There was nothing else.
It was completely different from the usual dishes, and it was clear that Gu Zhao had given special instructions.
A pampered noble son like him—how had he learned so many considerate skills?
Zhu Qingyu sat down. Her throat hurt so much that speaking was always difficult.
Before she could say anything, Gu Zhao spoke first:
"I've placed paper on the desk. If you need anything or want to say something, just write it down. Don't speak. You need to rest your throat; talking will slow the healing. Eat slowly too, and don't scald your throat."
Zhu Qingyu nodded, following his advice and not speaking. She picked up a spoon to scoop some congee, but her hands were so weak she couldn't even lift it, and it clattered back into the bowl.
When she tried again, Gu Zhao had already reached over. He took her bowl, scooped up some congee with the spoon, and brought it to her lips:
"Try it. Is it hot?"
Zhu Qingyu looked at him. Gu Zhao was very patient. He smiled and said:
"You fed me last time too. It's the same thing. Besides, you're not feeling well right now. Let me take care of you. Don't worry about anything else, alright?"
Zhu Qingyu opened her mouth and tasted it, then nodded to him.
She didn't know how Eunuch Fu managed his relationship with the Imperial Kitchen, but every time he brought a meal back, the food was always at a just-right temperature, so there really was no issue of it being too hot.
Gu Zhao had ordered the late-night snack mainly to warm her stomach.
When you're feeling terrible, eating something at least makes you feel a little better psychologically.
At least that's how it was for him.
So Gu Zhao didn't let Zhu Qingyu eat too much, to avoid her being unable to sleep at night from being too full.
After she had eaten about half a bowl of congee with the side dishes, Gu Zhao stopped her and said:
"Sit and rest for a while. The medicine will be ready soon. After I finish eating, I'll help you bathe."
Zhu Qingyu looked at him in surprise, not understanding how Gu Zhao could be so in tune with her thoughts today.
She did want to bathe. She still felt like there was blood on her body and in her hair, carrying the smell of fresh blood. That smell clung to her like a ghostly shadow, constantly reminding her of the dead assassin.
She needed the act of bathing to wash away—physically and psychologically—the shock that this incident had brought, to strip it from her.
But bathing on her own wasn't really convenient.
Her hands had no strength. When she had changed her outer robes earlier, Gu Zhao had done all of it.
Him helping her bathe was even more out of the question.
You can't bathe while clothed. Would he have to take everything off for her?
Although they had seen each other bare before, that was in the past.
She had already decided not to let the temptation of physical beauty lead her down such a difficult road, nor did she have any intention of building a long-term relationship with him.
To be bare before him again would only confuse the clear boundaries they had already established and blur the decisions she had made.
Today, Gu Zhao was as if he had awakened a mind-reading skill. Seeing Zhu Qingyu shake her head, he immediately said:
"I only want to take care of you. It doesn't mean anything changes between us, and it doesn't mean I'm asking for any promises from you. It's just care, alright? If you go to bed like this, you won't sleep well. I used to be the same—I had nightmares for a long time."
This was the second time Gu Zhao had said "I used to be the same." Zhu Qingyu understood what he meant by "used to."
She had only been in the palace for such a short time and, as a peripheral figure caught up in events, she had already experienced so much bloodshed in the power struggles.
He had been in the palace for years, right in the core of the power struggles. The schemes and killings he had experienced could only be far more numerous, and having blood on his hands was probably a daily occurrence for him.
When he said "used to," it meant he had grown accustomed to it. But before he grew accustomed, was there anyone who took care of him the way he took care of her today?
A child who didn't even get to eat after the proper mealtime—it would have been hard for such a child to receive care like this.
Zhu Qingyu couldn't bear to refuse the care he wanted to give to her now. She wondered if, besides caring for her, he was also caring for the younger version of himself from back then.
Just as he said, it was only the care one gives to a sick person, nothing else.
About two quarters of an hour after the late-night snack, Eunuch Fu arranged for the hot bathwater to be brought in.
The side room was small, so the bathtub could only be placed between the screen and the bed.
Gu Zhao opened her wardrobe for her:
"Come, pick your clothes. Which one do you want to wear? I'll take them out one by one. When I hit the right one, just nod."
Taking out a full set meant everything: outer robe, inner robe, undergarment, pants, skirt, and stockings. Every piece was there.
The first time Gu Zhao held up a piece, Zhu Qingyu started nodding, but as he continued taking out each item one by one, even his ears turned red. By the time he had taken out everything, even his neck was flushed.
Zhu Qingyu pretended not to notice. She stood by the bathtub, waiting for him to help her undress.
Gu Zhao hung the change of clothes on the rack. When he turned around and saw her standing obediently waiting, he himself seemed hesitant, looking too nervous to approach.
Zhu Qingyu didn't rush him. She tried to unbutton her clothes on her own, but her hands were still shaking badly, and she didn't succeed.
Gu Zhao walked over and reached out to undo them, saying:
"Let me help you."
But his hands were shaking even worse than hers. It took him two tries to get the buttons undone.
In winter, one wears many layers. When he helped her out of her outer robes, Gu Zhao was merely trembling in his hands and red in the ears.
When he helped her out of her inner robes and reached behind her back to untie the straps of her undergarment, Gu Zhao's whole face turned red, and there was even a trace of despair in his eyes.
Zhu Qingyu, now only in her undergarment, glanced downward and then looked away, pretending she hadn't noticed anything.
Gu Zhao was even more flustered. Hastily and obviously trying to cover it up, he explained:
"Qingyu, I really am not trying to trick you, and I don't have any other intentions. I just... I can't control it."
