She said she was afraid of him. The word "afraid" made Gu Zhao's heart ache.
In recent days, he had constantly thought back to that night they spent together at Yongfu Manor. Whether day or night, what he recalled was only joy and sweetness.
But she said she was afraid.
Was your infatuation back then also a disguise born of fear?
Gu Zhao refused to believe anyone could fake it to that extent and wanted to defend himself:
"You don't need to be afraid of me. After we marry, I will treat you well. I won't hurt you."
If I said this, would you be willing to trust me?
But his past actions didn't deserve such a defense.
In the end, Gu Zhao couldn't exonerate the man he once was. He could only state a solution:
"Qingyu, tell your father and brothers to come to the capital. I'll elevate them to high positions. You'll be the daughter of a third-rank official. With your family backing you, you won't have to fear me abandoning you."
Zhu Qingyu understood. This was the most extreme solution a scholar-official from this feudal society could conceive.
In this plan, he—an imperial relative and a second-rank minister—was willing to use all his resources and ability, offering the greatest sincerity he could give.
Zhu Qingyu smiled.
"So, if I find two more men with the power to stop me whenever they want, I won't be afraid anymore. Is that it?"
Gu Zhao truly didn't understand her:
"Qingyu, I don't understand why you think that way. They are your father and brothers, not just any men."
Something occurred to him, and his expression shifted. His tone turned cold:
"Qingyu, you've been stopping me from finding them. Is it because they have hurt you?"
He should have thought of it sooner. To a woman confined to the inner chambers, parents and brothers were like sovereigns—they could raise her up or cage her in at will.
If they had ever hurt her, using her beauty to curry favor with others, then lifting them to high positions would only harm her more!
Seeing Gu Zhao trapped in the limits of his own era, Zhu Qingyu felt a little sorry for him. With this newfound sincerity of his, she didn't want him to keep spiraling in useless thoughts.
Between them, there should be a clean end. She owed him a clear rejection.
Not ambiguous, not leaving any way back, not softened with pretty words—a true rejection.
Zhu Qingyu poured him a cup of tea and handed it over:
"Master Gu, have some tea and listen to me carefully. Don't think about those awful things. My father and brothers are good people; they haven't harmed me in the slightest. It's not what you imagine. Master Gu, you hold power and position—everything a man in this world could desire. To any noble lady, you'd be a rare and excellent match. But me? I'm just that ungrateful sort. If I can only rely on others' strength and hope others decide my fate rather than standing on my own, I can't help but be afraid of you. I know myself. I only want things I can hold in my own hands—and you're not one of them. So whether or not I divorce Zhang Shenhe, you and I can never be."
Watching her pronounce his death sentence like this, feeling the world crumble before him while he could do nothing—
Gu Zhao seemed to understand a little, yet he didn't. He knew every word she said, but put together, he just couldn't grasp it.
He had once thought keeping Zhang Jingyan would keep her.
He had also once thought lifting her father and brothers would win her.
But her refusal had nothing to do with those who had the theoretical power to decide her marriage.
She said: You are not one of them.
Gu Zhao listened to her sentence him piece by piece, drank the tea she handed him, and commented:
"So bitter."
It was from the same pot she had just been drinking. He didn't know where the bitterness came from, but bit it wasn't to his taste. Thinking it must be because he was used to finer tea, she agreed:
"I just brewed the simplest tea. If you want something else, I'll order a fresh pot?"
Gu Zhao set down the cup. Even without fully comprehending her words, he seized the core question:
"I'm not one of them, because you can't hold me in your hands. Then, what would it take for you to dare hold me?"
Zhu Qingyu had thought about this before.
If this were the modern world, and a younger man like this was stubbornly chasing her, insisting on marriage, would she be willing?
The answer: yes.
By modern standards of picking a partner, by her own aesthetic judgment, and based on her experience—this was a high-quality younger man.
So why not date him?
If it didn't work, they could always break up.
But she couldn't tell him, "Come back to the modern world with me, and I'll consider it." That would just be humoring him.
To reject him sincerely, she needed something he could understand but could never achieve.
So Zhu Qingyu replied:
"Suppose I weren't the daughter of a third-rank official, but a third-rank official myself. Maybe then I wouldn't be afraid."
Gu Zhao's face darkened. His chest rose and fell. His eyes fixed on her without blinking. He said nothing.
Zhu Qingyu knew her words sounded like an intentional provocation, but she had spoken her true heart—nothing could be truer. So she let him stare and poured herself another cup of tea.
The private room fell silent. The two of them stayed frozen like that for who knew how long, until Uncle Lyu returned. A waiter carried in a tray with food and wine.
The waiter cheerfully announced the dishes as he set them down, but seeing the guests' lack of enthusiasm, he quickly shut his mouth, took the tray, and scurried away.
Gu Zhao grabbed the wine jug and poured himself a cup. He downed it in one gulp, then poured another.
For a moment, one of them drank tea, the other drank wine. The atmosphere between them was both strange and strangely comfortable.
When he had finished the whole jug, Gu Zhao shook the bottle, threw it aside with a gloomy expression, and stood up to leave without a word.
Zhu Qingyu didn't understand what he meant. She called him back:
"Master Gu, next spring I'm going to Shu. If nothing goes wrong, I'll never return to the capital. Can I ask you to allow me to leave?"
Gu Zhao didn't turn around. His voice, when he spoke, was eerily calm:
"Third-rank. Today, we have made a deal. I hope you will keep your word. If you dare go back on it, you know what I am capable of. Zhu Qingyu, save that question of yours for when you no longer need my permission to ask it."
