The drive back from the hotel took half an hour, and the motion worsened the dizziness. By the time they got home, Yu Shulin, still somewhat drunk, was pale and weak-limbed. He collapsed onto the living room sofa, tugged off his bow tie, unbuttoned the top few buttons of his shirt, and clutched a wastebasket, feeling nauseous but unable to vomit.
It was torture. He hadn't expected his alcohol tolerance to be so poor. He'd only taken a few sips during the newlyweds' toast, not even a full glass, yet he felt this awful.
Seeing his discomfort, Liang Zhou frowned, a hint of agitation in his expression.
"Hurry, hurry, drink some hangover soup. How much did Young Master Shulin drink? Young Master, you should have kept an eye on him." Aunt Liu placed the soup on the coffee table, extremely worried.
Yu Shulin waved his hand, picked up the bowl of soup, downed it in one go, then slumped back onto the sofa, explaining, "It's not Brother's fault. My tolerance is just really low. I only had one sip of that wine."
"It was my oversight. I should have switched it for juice for you." Liang Zhou was quick to take the blame. After sending Aunt Liu back to the kitchen, he decisively scooped Yu Shulin up into a horizontal carry and headed upstairs.
The sudden weightlessness jolted Yu Shulin slightly more awake. His eyes widened, highly unaccustomed to the bizarre position of being carried like a princess. He clutched at Liang Zhou's clothes, stammering, "Bro-Brother, wh-what are you doing? I can walk myself. Put me down."
"Don't move." Liang Zhou held him tighter, his face stern, carrying him back to his room. Ignoring his protests, he firmly helped him change into pajamas, tucked him into bed, and said, "Sleep."
But it was only five in the afternoon... Yu Shulin felt helpless and tried to find an excuse. "I haven't showered yet. I smell like alcohol..."
"Sleep first. You can shower once the dizziness passes." Liang Zhou sat down on the edge of the bed, stroking his hair. "I'll watch over you until you sleep. Or would you like to eat something first?"
In his current state, he'd probably throw up anything he ate... It seemed resistance was futile. Resigned, he adjusted his position, closed his eyes, and mumbled, "Brother, you don't need to stay. I can sleep by myself."
Liang Zhou stroked his hair and didn't reply.
At eight in the evening, Liang Zhou, who had been sitting by the bed reading documents, heard some murmuring. He frowned, set the papers aside, leaned over the sleeping figure on the bed, and touched his hair. "Shulin, what's wrong?"
Yu Shulin's eyes were tightly shut, his forehead covered in a cold sweat. His lips moved as if he were saying something, and he kicked his legs restlessly, sleeping very fitfully.
"Shulin?" Liang Zhou hurriedly restrained his movements and felt his forehead. It was burning hot.
He had developed a fever.
Liang Zhou wiped the sweat from Yu Shulin's forehead, gently soothing the deeply unsettled sleeper. Once the other man had calmed down a bit, he went downstairs and asked Aunt Liu to find the fever reducer and thermometer, then quickly returned to Yu Shulin's room with a basin of warm water. He wiped away the cold sweat and changed Yu Shulin's pajamas, the sheets, and the bedding.
His movements while helping him change were much gentler than Yu Shulin's own had been. By the time everything was done, Yu Shulin was still sound asleep.
Aunt Liu was immediately flustered. She hurriedly found the medicine and thermometer and brought them upstairs, then gathered the soiled sheets and bedding to take to the laundry room. Just after putting them in the washer, she remembered this was no time for laundry and rushed back upstairs.
"How did he get a fever? Young Master Shulin is usually so healthy; he never even catches colds," she fretted, even more anxious than when Liang Zhou had been sick before. "Could it be from the alcohol? It's not an allergy, is it? Maybe we should go to the hospital."
Liang Zhou took out the thermometer and checked it, speaking softly, "One hundred and one point seven degrees. It's just a regular fever, Aunt Liu, don't worry too much. I'll give Shulin the fever reducer. Once he sweats it out, he'll be fine."
"Are you sure it's not an alcohol allergy? Young Master Shulin is so healthy, how could he suddenly get a fever?" Aunt Liu was still concerned.
"He fell asleep in the lounge this afternoon, wearing too little and with no cover. He caught a chill." Liang Zhou lowered his head to open the medicine packet, feeling a pang of self-reproach. It had been his oversight.
After sending the fretful Aunt Liu away and spending a good while managing to get the medicine into Yu Shulin, once everything was settled, he thought for a moment, then lay down on the bed. He pulled Yu Shulin, blanket and all, into his arms, patting his back soothingly.
The person in his arms had flushed cheeks, and his tightly furrowed brow gradually relaxed under the rhythmic patting. Liang Zhou watched him intently, his heart filled with both anxiety and a deep sense of contentment.
In the middle of the night, Yu Shulin finally broke into a sweat. Liang Zhou changed his pajamas again and, too lazy to change the sheets and bedding once more, simply carried him to his own room. After sweating, Yu Shulin slept a bit more peacefully. Liang Zhou let out a sigh of relief, quickly washed up, changed into his own pajamas, and held the young man as they slept.
In the early morning hours, Yu Shulin sweated again. When Liang Zhou took his temperature this time, it had returned to normal. Finally completely reassured, and undeterred by the hassle, he once again wiped Yu Shulin down, changed the sheets and bedding for clean ones, and held him, gazing at him for a long time.
He had never before felt such worry and concern for someone. But it was also... nice. This person was always by his side.
At dawn, Liang Zhou woke early. Seeing Yu Shulin breathing steadily with normal color, his heart eased slightly. He couldn't help but lower his head and place a kiss on his lips. With his beloved in his arms and in the easily stirred quiet of the morning, once the kiss began, it was hard to stop. His arms gradually tightened, his tongue gently licking, then probing deeper, entangling with the other's, his hand stroking the other's soft hair, his heart overflowing with tenderness and satisfaction.
His body was restrained, his lips sealed, and his nose was a bit stuffy from the fever. Yu Shulin was quite literally smothered awake. Upon first waking, he was still confused about what was happening, his head muddled. He instinctively struggled, turning his head from side to side.
Liang Zhou noticed his distress and quickly pulled back. After a stunned two seconds, countless thoughts raced through his mind, but his hands moved gently to help him catch his breath. He spoke softly, his voice low and slightly hoarse, "Awake? Are you still feeling unwell anywhere?"
Oxygen finally reached his lungs, and Yu Shulin came back to life. He also finally processed what had just happened. His voice raspy, he said, "Brother, why did you kiss me..." Then, because his throat was too sore, he couldn't help but cough.
Liang Zhou patted his back, retrieved the thermos from the nightstand, and brought it to his lips. "Take a sip. It's for soothing your throat. It's been kept warm."
Yu Shulin drank from his hand, now fully awake. He looked at Liang Zhou, the confusion and slight shock in his eyes almost overflowing. "Brother, did you mistake me for someone again? Kissing people randomly isn't a good habit."
So he was thinking that again... Liang Zhou averted his gaze, looking at his tousled hair, and reached out to smooth it. Remembering the countless failed attempts at subtle confession over this period, he suddenly didn't want to hide anymore. He set down the thermos, lowered his head, pulled the sleep-rumpled young man into his arms, and kissed him again, leaving no room for refusal.
This kiss was no longer subtle. The probing of his tongue was urgent, the entanglement forceful and passionate, impossible to refuse.
Yu Shulin only saw black, felt a tight embrace, a heat on his lips... and then his brain turned to mush. Half a minute later, he couldn't breathe again. His lips were finally released, and his back was patted in a soothing rhythm.
"I didn't kiss the wrong person." Liang Zhou looked directly at him, no longer hiding his feelings: "The one I kissed has always been you, Shulin. I like you." He couldn't hold back anymore. From discovering his own feelings until now, over a year had passed... He had endured for so long, yet a single impulsive moment one morning tore away all concealment... He just wanted to have this person.
"I know, I like you too, Brother..." Yu Shulin, still dazed from the kiss, spoke halfway before belatedly realizing that this 'like' was not the same kind of 'like'. His mind grew even more chaotic. Wide-eyed, he covered his mouth and said, "Brother, the 'like' you're talking about... you, why did you kiss me just now..."
Liang Zhou's lips curved into a smile, suddenly finding Yu Shulin incredibly adorable at this moment. He pulled Yu Shulin's hand down, leaned in to kiss his lips again, and looking into his eyes said seriously, "That's right, it's this kind of liking. Shulin, I like you. And, no brothers give each other a good morning kiss on the lips, so that wasn't a good morning kiss."
Yu Shulin's mouth formed an 'o'. He pointed at Liang Zhou, then at himself, stammering, "H-how could that be... but we, we're brothers... I, I haven't brushed my teeth yet... no no, that's not related to whether I brushed my teeth or not... that's not it either. In-in short, Brother, how could you possibly like me... I..." His mind grew more tangled, until a flash of insight struck him and he suddenly exclaimed, "Brother, I'm not an adult yet! So when Brother Zhang said you were molesting a minor, was it because of this?!"
"......"
Liang Zhou's face darkened. He cupped Yu Shulin's face with both hands, drew close until their breaths mingled, and said earnestly, "I can wait for you to grow up. We are indeed brothers, but we are not related by blood. Shulin, I'm serious. I like you."
N-not related by blood? What was going on!
Liang Zhou had always been handsome, but seeing him this close up, he seemed even more handsome. Being looked at like that by him, Yu Shulin suddenly felt like there wasn't enough oxygen... He had just slept one night, how had the world changed like this!
Yu Shulin took a sick day, and Liang Zhou skipped work. The two stayed home all day. Yu Shulin wanted to escape, but Liang Zhou followed him around, not giving him any chance to twist the morning's confession into an excuse about brothers being "close."
At breakfast, Yu Shulin wore a conflicted expression, trying to treat everything that happened in the morning as an illusion and forget it.
"Shulin, I did confess to you." Liang Zhou pushed the milk toward him, perfectly calm.
"But, Brother..."
"I am indeed your brother." He interrupted him, placing a steamed bun on his plate, and looking into his eyes, said seriously, "But we are not related by blood. I'll explain that to you in detail once you've calmed down."
Yu Shulin choked up and buried his head in eating the bun.
At ten in the morning, Yu Shulin was tapping away at the computer when Liang Zhou came in with soup, put a hand on his shoulder, wrapped his arms around him from behind, and looked at the screen with him: "No need to search. Me liking you isn't an illness or a delusion. It's just normally liking someone. Shulin, you're wonderful, and I'm not sick. Besides, I've liked you for a long time, hmm, probably since the National Day holiday the year before last."
Yu Shulin's body stiffened. With a trembling hand, he closed the webpage, frowning as he recalled that National Day from the year before last, then was horrified: "From that hot spring trip... it was then...?"
"That's right." Liang Zhou turned his head to kiss his cheek gently and said warmly, "After that, I was confused for a while. It wasn't until you and Little He ended up at the police station because of that fight that I settled down again. I'm sorry for avoiding you during that time."
Yu Shulin also remembered those two months of feeling wronged and lost. His feelings became complicated, and he finally began to vaguely grasp the concept of Liang Zhou liking him. Dumbfounded, he said, "That long ago... but why did you..."
"Because I didn't dare. Because I was afraid." He spoke softly. "You were too young, and you were my brother. I didn't dare tell you any of this, afraid you'd hate me, be disgusted by me. It wasn't until last autumn that I made up my mind to confess my feelings to you. But you never caught on. No matter what I did, you just thought it was brotherly affection."
"W-wasn't it?"
"Of course not." A trace of helplessness appeared in Liang Zhou's eyes as he ruffled Yu Shulin's hair. "No brothers this old still hold hands while walking. A goodnight kiss doesn't land on the lips either. They don't spend all their free time glued together. Ordinary brothers might hug to share joy, but not as intimately or frequently as we do. Shulin, don't you understand yet? These are things couples do."
Yu Shulin's worldview was swept by a sudden, fierce gust of wind, teetering precariously, on the verge of collapse.
At lunchtime, Yu Shulin didn't come downstairs. Liang Zhou stopped Aunt Liu, who was about to go upstairs to call him, took the meal upstairs himself, delivered it to the room, and then left.
At dinnertime, Yu Shulin still hadn't come down. Liang Zhou frowned, called Ling Chun, talked for a while, then sighed, adjusted his expression, and brought the dinner over.
Before bed, he pushed open the door to Yu Shulin's room and said to the young man who was lying with his back to him, pretending to sleep, "Shulin, I can understand that you can't accept my feelings right away. But I hope you won't hide from me. I won't force you. If you can't accept it, I..."
He paused, his voice dropping. "If you can't accept it, I can continue being your brother and accompany you as you grow up."
Yu Shulin didn't move, as if already fast asleep.
Liang Zhou took a step back, holding the doorknob. After a long silence, he spoke, "Shulin, I've taken on a new film. I need to go on location to shoot for a while. You... take care."
The door closed, and the room returned to silence. Yu Shulin stirred, turned over, opened his eyes, and stared blankly at the ceiling. After a long while, he raised a hand to cover his face and buried his head in the blanket.
What should I do...
Liang Zhou went off to film his movie. He didn't say where he was going or how long it would take. He quietly left with his luggage and never came home.
Yu Shulin didn't ask either. Every day he went to school and came home as usual, only studying even harder. He bought a pile of exercise books and buried himself in them whenever he had free time. After finishing them, he'd hunch over the computer searching for things. Searching wasn't enough; on free weekends, he'd go to the bookstore and stay there all day.
Aunt Liu just thought he was under a lot of academic pressure and cooked all sorts of delicious things for him. But the longer Liang Zhou was away, the worse Yu Shulin's appetite became.
"What's going on? What's going on? The young master too, going on a business trip is one thing, but why turn off his phone? He doesn't even call to say he's safe, just worrying people for no reason." Aunt Liu said with a worried frown, looking at the dark circles under Yu Shulin's eyes. She advised, "Young Master Shulin, don't worry. The young master is a grown man, he'll be fine on a business trip. Maybe he's in another closed set like last time? You don't need to study so hard either, your grades are already very good."
"I'm fine." Yu Shulin smiled, put down his bowl and chopsticks, picked up his schoolbag from the sofa, and drifted back to his room.
Aunt Liu looked at the barely touched food on the table and sighed. "This is far from 'nothing.' One after the other, I don't know what's wrong with them..."
Li Tao had noticed Yu Shulin's odd behavior for a while. Glancing at the watch on his own wrist, he thought for a moment before directly extending his hand in front of him. "Does it look good?"
"Huh?" Yu Shulin, who had been buried in practice problems, snapped out of his focus. He stared at Li Tao's wrist for a long moment before nodding. "It looks good..."
Something was definitely wrong.
Li Tao frowned, pulling Yu Shulin's left hand, which was pressed against the textbook, over and placing it next to his own wrist. "Don't you notice anything?"
Their wrists lay side by side—one slightly thicker, the other a bit slender; one a healthy wheatish tan, the other an unusually pale white. Both wore watches: one black and silver with a touch of light yellow, the other black and silver with a hint of dark red. The style was identical, the material the same—a perfect matching pair.
"Oh, your family gave you a watch too? The red suits you," Yu Shulin said with a smile, offering the compliment.
Li Tao withdrew his wrist, his tone flat. "I've been wearing this watch for a month. At the start of the semester, you even joked that we were wearing couple's watches."
The word "couple" struck a nerve in Yu Shulin's sensitive mind. He pulled his hand back, buried his head in his textbook, and mumbled, "R-really? I don't remember... I haven't been sleeping well lately, my memory's a bit off..."
"It's not off." Li Tao shook his head, looking straight at him. "During morning self-study, you recited two classical essays, faster than usual. You're working so hard; you're definitely going to be first in this monthly exam."
"Everyone's working hard, it might not be first place..." Before Yu Shulin could finish, the class monitor entered the classroom with the ranking list, distributed it to the group leaders, and walked over with a smile. "Yu Shulin, you're first again. Congratulations."
"...Thank you."
Their seats were near the front, so the ranking sheets reached them quickly. Li Tao picked his up, glanced at it, and looked at Yu Shulin. "First place. Twenty points ahead of second."
Second place was Li Tao himself. Yu Shulin clutched his own ranking sheet and gave a strained laugh.
"What are you afraid of?" Li Tao frowned slightly, his eyes full of confusion. "You've been acting strange for a long time, probably since you took that sick leave at the beginning of the semester. You're always zoning out or lost in thought. Why?"
Why is this guy so perceptive...? The smile vanished from Yu Shulin's face. He slumped, letting out a sigh. "I'm just... troubled. Because of some family matters."
"...Then I can't help you." Li Tao slumped back onto the desk, lowering his gaze. He could try to help with other things, but family matters... he had absolutely no experience dealing with those.
"Your concern alone is more than enough. Thank you," Yu Shulin said with a faint smile, turning his attention back to the open workbook. He sighed. "Things will get resolved eventually... sooner or later."
Li Tao flipped a page of his book. After a long pause, he replied, "...Mhm."
Another half-month of frantically searching for information passed in this manner. On Saturday, Yu Shulin returned home under the setting sun, hurriedly ate dinner, and went to his room to slump over his desk. The computer screen was dark; he didn't want to turn it on. After all, no matter how much he searched, it was just the same content he'd read over and over again.
How long has Brother been gone? Over a month now... I really miss him... But...
The memory of that day's kiss resurfaced in his mind, the sensation of that gentle, lingering touch seeming to linger on his lips... Ahhh, can't think about it... He tugged at his hair in frustration, burying his face in the crook of his arm.
But... Brother looked so hurt when he left that day...
The clock ticked away, its sound grating on his nerves. He got up, gathered his pajamas, and rushed into the bathroom.
The next day, he skipped class and found a very upscale-looking psychological counseling office. He paid a hefty fee, chose the best counselor, and poured out a jumbled mess of thoughts. As he talked, the conversation drifted to their usual interactions. Half an hour later, his voice grew softer, his eyes clouded with confusion.
Why is it like this? Wouldn't it be better to stay like family? Brother is so good, he... he even considered accepting it. But if he did accept, he couldn't guarantee he would develop feelings for Liang Zhou beyond familial love. Wouldn't that be pitiful for Brother? He might even end up holding Brother back... But if he didn't accept, Brother would be hurt, sad, and would probably suppress his feelings while continuing to take care of him... He didn't want that outcome. Brother was his family; he didn't want his family to suffer. But what Brother wanted was precisely him... He couldn't promise anything about the future. What should he do...?
"Then, do you dislike his touch?" the counselor asked softly, maintaining a smile that put people at ease. "You get along very well. Why not give it a try?"
"Give it a try... But what if I never come to like him later..." This was Yu Shulin's greatest fear. He had never liked anyone before, but he believed he should like girls. Being with a man was something he had never considered. He was anxious and unsettled, worried he couldn't reciprocate Liang Zhou's feelings, worried he might end up liking someone else in the future. He was worried about so many things, he...
"But aren't you already considering accepting?" The counselor's gaze grew gentle. "If you two don't end up together, then your current worries are meaningless." In all her years as a counselor, this was the first time she had encountered someone so gentle. All the unease in this young man's heart stemmed from "being unable to reciprocate." He was afraid the person he cared about would face a difficult path, would be heartbroken and sad. Yet, from the very beginning, he had forgotten to consider himself. He only worried about hurting the other person, never thinking about how much his own life would change—sacrificing everything, shifting his perspectives, even his sexual orientation—all for one person.
She almost felt jealous of that person.
"What should I do?" Yu Shulin asked, lost.
"Do what you most want to do. Make a decision you won't regret. Hold onto what you don't want to leave with regrets. You're still young; life is long. From what you've told me, I can hear that person cares for you deeply. I think he will accompany you as you find your answer."
Yu Shulin bowed his head, falling silent.
No regrets, no lingering regrets, what he most wanted to do... What did he most want to do? Get into university.
No, not that... What he most wanted to do... Suddenly, various details from his time with Liang Zhou surfaced in his mind. He pressed his lips together and closed his eyes. After a long while, he looked up, let out a long breath, and offered a smile to the counselor who had been quietly waiting. He spoke, a bit embarrassed. "Thank you for today. Um... can my registration information be destroyed? He's a public figure, so..."
The counselor gave a gentle smile, closed the file in her hands, and fed it into the shredder. She winked at him. "Now we're not in a client-counselor relationship. So, the age you filled in on the form... is it real?"
Seeing the documents thoroughly shredded, Yu Shulin relaxed. Noticing the always gentle and composed counselor suddenly become lively, he was momentarily stunned, then laughed. "You guess."
The counselor shook her head helplessly. "Alright, I'll assume you're really an adult. But you know what's appropriate and what's not, right?"
"Ahem, I understand." Yu Shulin's face flushed red. In truth, his mental age was already in his late twenties... Why did thinking about it that way suddenly make him feel so embarrassed.
He really was regressing as he got older...
