The paper bag in her hand swayed slightly. She curved her lips with a helpless smile. “Me? You must have mistaken me for someone else, little one.”
Shen Yi shook her head. “Have you decided on names for your children yet? The girl will be called Muyun, and the boy Sijun, right?”
The easy smile in Ni Yue’s eyes slowly faded.
Her eyes widened slightly, and her lips parted. “What?”
“I only wanted to see you. Really. I mean no harm.” Shen Yi lowered her voice. “Besides, in a few minutes—or maybe ten or twenty—you won’t remember me anymore.”
Ni Yue had no idea what she was talking about.
But she really was pregnant, and she had already chosen the names.
“Watching the sky at dawn and the clouds at dusk; thinking of you whether walking or sitting.”
She had never even told Song Guanyan those two names.
And Shen Yi truly did look a lot like her.
Even the curve of her slightly pursed lips seemed to be telling Ni Yue, “See? I’m the part of you that fell away.”
Ni Yue lightly touched her still-flat belly. Her fingertips rested against her lower abdomen through the fabric, and she found the sensation strangely wondrous.
The look in her eyes softened. “How did you know?”
“I came here from the future,” Shen Yi said.
It sounded like an absurd, fantastical explanation. Ni Yue wasn’t sure whether she believed it, but she didn’t argue. She only smiled. “Is that so?”
Noticing Shen Yi’s awkwardness, Ni Yue set the bag of bread on the bench beside her and sat down. She pressed her knees together, placed both hands on them, then patted the space beside her.
Shen Yi sat down next to her.
“Are you my daughter?” Ni Yue asked softly. Her gaze slowly traveled over Shen Yi’s face, examining every detail. “I’ll have a daughter in the future?”
She actually believed her, for the most part.
Ni Yue had always been a gentle person. If Shen Yi really was her daughter, she would certainly talk to the girl properly. And if she wasn’t, that was all right too. She was willing to pretend to be her mother and comfort this girl who seemed to miss her mother so deeply.
“They’re twins,” Shen Yi said. “A girl and a boy.”
Ni Yue blinked in surprise. “Then did only you come to your mother from the future?”
Shen Yi fell silent and lowered her head.
Looking at her profile, at the quiet curve of her bowed head, Ni Yue suddenly asked, “Are you unhappy in the future?”
Shen Yi didn’t know what expression she was wearing.
She froze for a moment and tried hard to keep the corners of her lips steady, but Ni Yue’s gaze was like a gentle mirror, reflecting every one of her disguises with perfect clarity.
“Not really,” Shen Yi said vaguely.
In truth, her future was fairly happy.
She was just a little lonely right now.
“Then you can tell Mom about your future,” Ni Yue said.
Shen Yi had only wanted to see Ni Yue. She had never intended to talk to her about so many things.
Just one look, and then she would leave.
But now that she had actually met her, now that she was standing in front of her and being watched with such a gaze, Shen Yi hesitated for a moment.
Then, almost despite herself, she began to speak, her voice low. “My name is Shen Yi. I’m not called Song Muyun, Mom.”
She paused before cautiously asking the question she had been holding back. “And I have a new family now. Would you be angry?”
Ni Yue did not answer right away. Instead, she reached out and tucked the strand of hair the wind had blown against Shen Yi’s cheek behind her ear.
“Is it because I didn’t do enough for you in the future?”
“No,” Shen Yi said, her voice slightly hoarse. “I never met you.”
Ni Yue had always been quick to understand.
The moment she heard those words, her hand paused beside Shen Yi’s ear, and she understood at once—
It had nothing to do with her. If Shen Yi had never met her, then it must have been an accident, or she had died.
Ni Yue did not press her for details, nor did she show any grief. She had always been someone who took life as it came.
Almost instinctively, she touched Shen Yi’s face, her fingertips sliding gently down from her cheekbone.
Her movements were tender as she touched this girl who had finally, after so much difficulty, appeared before her.
“Are you happy?” Ni Yue asked softly.
Shen Yi nodded. “Yes.”
She hesitated, then added, “But I may not have become a good person.”
“What kind of good person?” Ni Yue curved her lips. “The kind society defines as good?”
Shen Yi thought for a moment, then nodded.
Ni Yue merely gave a soft, unconcerned hum, with a hint of playful disapproval.
She gently pried apart Shen Yi’s hands, which had been clenched until her knuckles turned white, and covered them with her own.
“Being happy is enough, Xiao Yi,” she said softly. “Becoming a good person is society’s expectation for a child. But as your mother—”
Ni Yue blinked. “It doesn’t matter if you don’t become a very good adult in the future.”
Looking into Shen Yi’s eyes, she said each word clearly: “There is nothing wrong with becoming whoever you become. As long as you grow up, as long as you’re happy, that’s enough.”
Then she slowly opened her arms and asked in a quiet voice, “May I give you a hug?”
Shen Yi turned around and buried herself completely in Ni Yue’s arms.
Like a small animal, she pressed her forehead against Ni Yue’s shoulder and rubbed the tip of her nose against the soft fabric of her cardigan, breathing in its faint fragrance.
Ni Yue’s arms gently encircled her.
Shen Yi forced back the slight sting in her eyes.
She didn’t cry.
From the day she first stepped into this timeline until now, Shen Yi had not shed a single tear.
“You love me, Mom, don’t you?”
No matter how old a person became, if they had never been loved by their mother, they would spend their entire life wondering about that question.
Love or the lack of it was a tedious question, yet people were often trapped by it.
Shen Yi had thought she had passed beyond that wall long ago. But when Ni Yue drew her into her arms, she realized that she was still standing beneath it.
She still wanted to tilt her head back and ask, Do you love me?
Ni Yue pulled her back a little so that she could see her face clearly.
“The future me may never have the chance to answer that question, but I can give you an answer now.” Ni Yue’s voice was firm as she told Shen Yi, “I have loved you since before you were even born.”
“I’ve imagined your future countless times.”
Ever since she learned that she was pregnant and realized she was going to become a mother, Ni Yue had imagined her children constantly.
Would they be boys or girls? Whom would they resemble?
When they smiled, would their eyes curve first, or would the corners of their lips lift first?
Whenever she sat on a park bench and watched the children coming and going, she would imagine what the baby in her womb would grow up to be—what clothes they would wear, what food they would like, what kinds of people they would meet, and what kind of life they would lead.
At last, Shen Yi heard Ni Yue’s answer.
In that instant, all the doubts and struggles of the past vanished completely.
Ni Yue held her tightly, her chin resting lightly on the crown of Shen Yi’s head. Her lips moved as she told Shen Yi over and over, “If I am destined to leave you, then please remember this: Mom will always love you.”
Shen Yi closed her eyes and gathered those words into the deepest part of her heart.
After they parted.
She no longer interfered in the other person’s life. Without disturbing her, Shen Yi would spend most of her time watching her from afar.
It wasn’t until the day Ni Yue passed away that Shen Yi went to see her again.
And in Ni Yue’s final memories,
was the child she had raised, now all grown up.
…
